pencils Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pencils puns

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.




What do you call two pencils fighting?

A grafight.


A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.

When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."

"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.

"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.

"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.


A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B


I have 2 interesting facts about me

fact 1), my cock is as long as two ikea pencils.
fact 2), I'm banned from Ikea.


Stock Market Report

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.


Where does Dracula buy his pencils?



Dean, to the physics department:

"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."


I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key..

Stayed stationary.


Two facts about me not many people know.

1. My dick is as big as 2 Ikea pencils.
2. I'm banned from Ikea.


How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]


You should know something interesting about me...

My penis is the same length as 2 Ikea pencils.

I'm also banned from Ikea.


Johnny steals a pencil

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher saying that he stole a pencil from his classmate. His father is furious.

"Johnny, you never never never never steal a pencil from a classmate. This is unacceptable. I can't believe you did this. You're grounded for two weeks. And besides, you know that if you ever need a pencil, you can just say something. You can just mention it and I'll bring you dozens of pencils from the office."

-From a lecture by economist Dan Ariely


Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?



A dad is having sex with mom doggy style...

Mom: "I want a girl, I want a girl, I want a girl".
Dad: "I will give you a girl, I will give you a girl".
Son is watching through the door.
Then runs in the bedroom, jumps on the bed, gets in the doggy position.
And says: "I want a bike and colored pencils".


I've never understood why new pencils come unsharpened...

Seems pretty pointless to me.


The chancellor of the university is complaining to the dean of physics...

"We need to cut costs!" He says. "All this complex technology you guys use! Why can't you be more like the Maths department? All they need is pencils, paper and wastebaskets!"

"Better still," says the dean of physics, "we could be like the philosophy department. All they need is the pencils and paper."


Why did Shakespeare write only using quills?

Pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B.


I just find that blunt pencils are so...

... pointless

I'll find my own way out


In my free time I help blind children

I usually find throwing pencils is the most efficient method


Why can't Nietzsche use pencils?

Because they're all pointless


Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department?

The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.

The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.


I only like using sharp pencils...

Otherwise they're pointless.


Why did Shakespeare write only in ink?

Because the pencils were confused 2B or not 2B.


What do you call someone who runs into pencils?

Someone who gets to the *point*.


Why can't pencils have babies?

Because they have rubbers on their end.


Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn't decide which ones to buy.

2B or not 2B; that was the question.


I hate colored pencils.

I'd rather dye than use them.


Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates?

He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.


I told my teacher I don't like using colored pencils

She accused me of being erase-ist


What do you call a war between two pencils?

A grafight.


I bought a pack of pencils and one was unsharpened.

I thought it was pretty pointless


In the Middle East during the Crusades, what was the best way to describe someone?

By taking all of their books, parchment and pencils and burning them in a bonfire


Where do pencils go for vacation?



What do these things have in common; chapstick, pencils, pens, hair ties, nail clippers, and socks?

They all almost never lose a game of hide and seek.


What are the most funny Pencils jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pencils? Well, here are the best Pencils dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pencils pick up lines to share with friends.

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