The Best 69 Pencil Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Pencil jokes. There are some pencil eraser jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pencil crayon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Pencil Jokes and Puns

How did the mathmatician become unconstipated?

He worked it out with a pencil

So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

But nevermind, it's pointless.

What did the constipated math teacher do?

Worked it out with a pencil.

Pencil joke, What did the constipated math teacher do?

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

When can't a pencil write out a check?

When it's broke.

I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil

unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless

The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil:

It's pointless.

Pencil joke, The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil:

My friend recently bought an invisible pencil.

Personally, I can't see the point.

How do you make a room darker with a pencil?

Draw the curtains.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He used a pencil to budget

I used to have an invisible pencil

I really didn't see the point of it.

You can explore pencil highlighter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pencil ruler dad jokes. There are also pencil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a rectal thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a rectal thermometer behind your ear."

The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some asshole's got my pencil!"

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.



A nurse is making her rounds through the halls of a hospital with a rectal thermometer tucked behind her ear...

As she goes to each room she gets plenty of strange looks from each of the patients, but none of them say anything. She finally walks past a doctor in the hall who stops her and asks "what's that you've got behind your ear?" she pulls it out and looks at in surprise, then exclaims "damnit! Some asshole's got my pencil!"

A man sees his dog chew up and swallow a pencil

Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.

"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"

"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."

"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"

"Use a pen."

Pencil joke, A man sees his dog chew up and swallow a pencil

I've decided to marry a pencil

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B

A pencil isn't as phallic as a

pen is.

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.

When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."

"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.

"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.

"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.

A pencil walks into a bar

The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
The pencil yells back "Erasist!"

A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.

He then proceeded to draw his weapon.

I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.

He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil?

It's pointless

A pencil stands face to face against his nemesis, Paper. Will our hero find the strength he needs to overcome his greatest foe?!

2B continued...

I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.

2B or not 2B - that is the question.

Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun

But there's no point.

How does a mathematician solve their constipation?

They work it out with a pencil

What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?

They're both dull and pointless.

Did you hear the one about the unsharpened pencil?

Nevermind, there's no point.

I've tried writing with a blunt pencil.

But it was pointless

So I used a blunt pencil yesterday...

It was pointless.

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"

[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...

a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.


Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

I'm getting married to my pencil,

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper?

I dot my i's on you!

-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!

I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.

But I didn't see the point.

What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?


A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun

Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail?

It broke mid-sentence.

A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'.

Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.

Constipated math teacher

Did you hear about the constipated math teacher?

She got so frustrated, she sat down and worked it out with a pencil!

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

I found an old pencil

I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

The other day I got lost in the jungle but luckily I had a compass

So i was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil

Why can't you win an argument with a pencil?

Because the pencil has a point.

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless

(I'll show myself out)

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.

It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

People make mistakes

That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...

...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...

PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!

Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...

Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...

So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil

I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.

It wasn't 2B.

Knock knock. Who's there ? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who ?

who cares it's pointless

How does an accountant fix constipation?

Works it out with a pencil

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."

My first breakup was in grade two...

She left me for the guy with a new pencil.

How did the constipated Mathematician work out his problem?

With a pencil.

Knock knock

- Who's there?

- A blunt pencil

- A blunt pencil who?

- Leave it. There's no point.

What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?

2B or not 2B

What's the difference between a pencil and my life?

The pencil had a point.

Why don't mathematicians get constipated?

Because they can work anything out with a pencil.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pencil socal jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pencil bic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes