Pencil Jokes

161 pencil jokes and hilarious pencil puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pencil that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out this collection of funny jokes about pencils, pencil sharpeners, pencil cases, and more! Learn the words for pencil in Hindi, gain insight into the paradoxical relationship between a pencil and paper, and discover why that bright yellow highlighter is so great! Stationary items have never been funnier!

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Funniest Pencil Short Jokes

Short pencil jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pencil humour may include short crayon jokes also.

  1. My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
  2. William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much... ...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
  3. I own a pencil used by William Shakespeare He used to chew on it a lot though, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
  4. My wife has been penciling in her eyebrows lately… I think that she draws them a little high, so I told her. She just looked at me surprised
  5. I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam. 2B or not 2B - that is the question.
  6. I own the chewed pencil that shakespeare used to write his famous works. He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.
  7. One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
  8. I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends. But I didn't see the point.
  9. A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B
  10. I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

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Pencil One Liners

Which pencil one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pencil? I can suggest the ones about sketch and ink pen.

  1. Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
  2. Why do pencils shave? To look sharp.
  3. I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
  4. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He used a pencil to budget
  5. Why did Shakespeare write in ink? Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?
  6. I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil. It wasn't 2B.
  7. Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil? It's pointless
  8. What do you call two pencils fighting? A grafight.
  9. I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless
  10. How does a mathematician solve their constipation? They work it out with a pencil
  11. How do you make your wife scream after s**...? Wipe your d**... on the curtain.
  12. Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun But there's no point.
  13. How did the mathmatician become unconstipated? He worked it out with a pencil
  14. Why don't blind people sharpen pencils? They don't see the point.
  15. I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends. People say it's pointless though.

Pencil And Paper Jokes

Here is a list of funny pencil and paper jokes and even better pencil and paper puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper. He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
  • What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper? I dot my i's on you!
    -Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!
  • A pencil stands face to face against his nemesis, Paper. Will our hero find the strength he needs to overcome his greatest foe?! 2B continued...
  • Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil and paper.
  • How do you write a paper with just your pencil? With a good point
  • Have you heard about the constipated math teacher? He worked the problem out with a pencil.
    On a sheet of paper.
  • In art class, I saw my friend making a gradient from dark to light on his paper with his pencil today. "Hey, what are you doing?"
    "Illustrating Fifty Shades of Grey..."
  • Why don't pencils and graph paper get along? Because they're made out of graphite
  • A participant in a duel showed up arned witha pencil and paper, He then proceeded to draw his weapon
  • My Pikachu started eating paper clips, paint chips, pencils... When I asked her what's wrong, she said "Pica. Pica."

Pencil And Sharpener Jokes

Here is a list of funny pencil and sharpener jokes and even better pencil and sharpener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like... a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.
  • Did you hear about the man who got depressed after he lost his favourite pencil sharpener? Everything seemed pointless!
  • My friends are getting tire of me always talking about sharpening my pencil... ...but really, I'm just trying to make a point.
  • If I put a cheddar cheese stick in a pencil sharpener Will it come out sharp or shredded?
  • Where does a pencil sharpener keep its money? In a shavings account.
  • What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Stop going in circles and get to the point.
  • I was going to sharpen my pencil to take my test on nihilism.. But there was no point
  • The pencil sharpeners at my school are racist. They have signs next to them that say No Colored Pencils .
  • Why did the pencil throw himself into the sharpener? To make a point.
  • Thank you, pencil sharpeners! For always making a good point.
Pencil joke, Thank you, pencil sharpeners!

Pencil Sharpener Jokes

Here is a list of funny pencil sharpener jokes and even better pencil sharpener puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is the sharpener always invited to the pencil case debates? He always makes a good point and the pencils tend to very blunt when he's not around.
  • What did Gepetto use for Pinocchio's circumcision? A pencil sharpener
  • Pencils that aren't sharpened are ... Pointless.
  • Why did the nihilist have to constantly sharpen his pencil? Because it had no point!
  • what did the pencil sharpener say to the broken pencil.. that he should stop acting so littlepointed..
  • I asked my friend for a sharpened pencil, but he didn't have one. I always knew he was a little dull...
  • What Do You Call a Pencil Sharpener That Can't Sharpen Pencils? Broken.
  • Did you hear about the argument between a pencil and a sharpener? The sharpener made a better point.
  • Sharpening my pencil as waist height. My friend goes "Is it stuck?"
  • What did the pessemistic blind person say while sharpening their pencil I don't see the point

Pen Pencil Jokes

Here is a list of funny pen pencil jokes and even better pen pencil puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where do pens and pencils go on vacation? Pennsylvania
  • Why did Shakespeare always use a pen when writing? Because the pencil was confusing - 2B or not 2B
  • Where did the pen go for holiday? He went to pencil-vania
  • What happened when the pig pen broke? The pigs had to use a pencil.
  • I believe pencils are superior to pens, especially for filling out crossword puzzles. Does that make me erasist?
  • NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.
  • A pen and a pencil race. Who won? The Pencil. He lead from start to finish.
  • What do these things have in common; chapstick, pencils, pens, hair ties, nail clippers, and socks? They all almost never lose a game of hide and seek.
  • I have a pen. I have a apple. Uh! Apple-pen But Apple calls it Pencil.
  • How come pens and pencils don't walk around?? Because they are stationary

Pencil Case Jokes

Here is a list of funny pencil case jokes and even better pencil case puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who is the king of the pencil case? The Ruler
  • Who's in charge of the pencil case? The ruler
  • Never bring a knife to a gun fight... Unless you're John Wick, in that case bring a pencil.
  • Someone stole my pencil case off my desk and ran with it I guess it's no longer stationery
  • what do a toddler and a case of new pencils have in common? They are both pointless.
  • john wick walks into a bar Two red necks immediately get on his case,he turns to the barkeep and say's, can I borrow your pencil?
  • Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case? because pipe clock would have just been s**....
Pencil joke, Why did Ahmed Mohamed put his clock in a pencil case?

Uproarious Pencil Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about pencil you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sharpener jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pencil pranks.

So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil...

But nevermind, it's pointless.

What did the constipated math teacher do?

Worked it out with a pencil.

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?

When she can't find her pencil and there is a t**... behind her ear.

What do mathmeticians do when they are constipated?

Work it out with a pencil

When can't a pencil write out a check?

When it's broke.

The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil:

It's pointless.

Shakespeare jokes

Said hamlet of ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
-Some of Spike Milligan's finest work

My friend recently bought an invisible pencil.

Personally, I can't see the point.

What did the Math book say to the pencil?

I see your point; I've got a lot of problems.

I used to have an invisible pencil

I really didn't see the point of it.


A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a r**... thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...

"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a r**... thermometer behind your ear."
The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some a**...'s got my pencil!"

A nurse is making her rounds through the halls of a hospital with a r**... thermometer tucked behind her ear...

As she goes to each room she gets plenty of strange looks from each of the patients, but none of them say anything. She finally walks past a doctor in the hall who stops her and asks "what's that you've got behind your ear?" she pulls it out and looks at in surprise, then exclaims "d**...! Some a**...'s got my pencil!"

Why was the pencil in the toilet?

It was a No. 2.

A man sees his dog chew up and s**... a pencil

Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.
"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"
"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."
"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"
"Use a pen."

A pencil isn't as p**... as a

pen is.

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.

A pencil walks into a bar

The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
The pencil yells back "Erasist!"

My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.

He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.

I dropped a pencil in the bathroom.

I guess you can say I dropped a number 2.

What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?

They're both dull and pointless.

I just spent a whole hour writing with a broken pencil...

...before I realized that it was pointless...

Did you hear the one about the unsharpened pencil?

Nevermind, there's no point.

I've tried writing with a blunt pencil.

But it was pointless

So I used a blunt pencil yesterday...

It was pointless.

My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...

She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"


Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead.

I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

What do you call a pencil super-glued to the floor?

Stationary stationery

I'm getting married to my pencil,

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!

What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?


A cowboy kept trying to draw his gun

Unfortunately, he couldn't find a pencil.

Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail?

It broke mid-sentence.

A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'.

Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.

Constipated math teacher

Did you hear about the constipated math teacher?
She got so frustrated, she sat down and worked it out with a pencil!

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

I found an old pencil

I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

Why was the pencil brought in for questioning

Because they thought he was sketchy

What do a woman and a pencil have in common?

Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...

I just lost an argument with a pencil.

To be fair, it had a point.

The other day I got lost in the jungle but luckily I had a compass

So i was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil

Why can't you win an argument with a pencil?

Because the pencil has a point.

A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?

Her eye sight

What does a constipated mathematician do?

He works it out with a pencil.

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

Because it's pointless
(I'll show myself out)

People make mistakes

That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil!

Because it's pointless!

A pencil isn't my favorite writing tool...

...but it's a solid number 2

I made a pencil with two erasers.

It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!

The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...

So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.

Why do pencils shave?

To look sharp.

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil

Knock knock. Who's there ? A broken pencil. A broken pencil who ?

who cares it's pointless

A census taker

An old man was sitting on his porch, when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What are you selling, young man?" he asked.

"I'm not selling anything, sir," the young man replied. "I'm the census taker."

"A what?" the man asked.

"A census taker. We are trying to find out how many people are in the United States."

"Well," the man answered, "you're wasting your time with me; I have no idea."

How did the constipated Mathematician work out his problem?

With a pencil.

What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?

2B or not 2B

Why don't mathematicians get constipated?

Because they can work anything out with a pencil.

What do John Wick and mathematicians have in common?

They can work out any problem with a pencil

I own Shakespeare's old chewed pencil.

He chewed on it so much i cant tell if its 2b or not 2b

Shakespeare's pencil is so chewed…

You can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B

Pencil joke, Shakespeare's pencil is so chewed…

jokes about pencil