Uproarious Pencil Jokes to Share with Friends
How did the mathmatician become unconstipated?
He worked it out with a pencil
So I was going to tell you a joke about a broken pencil...
But nevermind, it's pointless.
What did the constipated math teacher do?
Worked it out with a pencil.
How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
When she can't find her pencil and there is a t**... behind her ear.
When can't a pencil write out a check?
When it's broke.
I have a joke about pizza and a broken pencil
unfortunately it's cheesy and pointless
The reason no one likes my story about a broken pencil:
It's pointless.
How do you make a room darker with a pencil?
Draw the curtains.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He used a pencil to budget
I used to have an invisible pencil
I really didn't see the point of it.
EAR ACCIDENT
A construction worker accidentally cuts off one of his ears with an electric saw.
He calls out to a guy walking on the street below, "Hey, do you see my ear down there?"
The guy on the street picks up an ear and yells back, "Is this it?"
"No," replies the construction worker. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
You can explore pencil highlighter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pencil ruler dad jokes. There are also pencil puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A nurse notices that a doctor is walking around with a r**... thermometer behind his ear. Embarrassed, she pulls him aside to discreetly inform him...
"Doctor," says the nurse, "you've got a r**... thermometer behind your ear."
The doctor pulls the thermometer from behind his ear and looks at it incredulously. "Nurse, do you know what this means? Some a**...'s got my pencil!"
Why do pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Cr
A nurse is making her rounds through the halls of a hospital with a r**... thermometer tucked behind her ear...
As she goes to each room she gets plenty of strange looks from each of the patients, but none of them say anything. She finally walks past a doctor in the hall who stops her and asks "what's that you've got behind your ear?" she pulls it out and looks at in surprise, then exclaims "d**...! Some a**...'s got my pencil!"
A man sees his dog chew up and s**... a pencil
Concerned, he immediately phones the vet.
"Doctor, my dog just chewed up and swallowed my pencil! What should i do?"
"Hmm...that sounds serious. You better bring him to me. I'll see you within a half hour."
"Yes, doctor, but what should I do in the meantime?"
"Use a pen."
I've decided to marry a pencil
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
A pencil isn't as p**... as a
pen is.
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
A man showed up for a duel armed only with a pencil and paper.
He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
I've fallen in love with a pencil and we're getting married.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes.
He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes.
Why shouldn't you write with a dull pencil?
It's pointless
A pencil stands face to face against his nemesis, Paper. Will our hero find the strength he needs to overcome his greatest foe?!
2B continued...
I'm having a hard time trying to decide on which pencil to use for my English literature exam.
2B or not 2B - that is the question.
Today I wanted to make a broken pencil pun
But there's no point.
How does a mathematician solve their constipation?
They work it out with a pencil
What do my existence and an unsharpened pencil have in common?
They're both dull and pointless.
I've tried writing with a blunt pencil.
But it was pointless
My mom was watching TV when an Ad for an Alzheimer's medication cam on...
She says to me "Grab a pencil and paper and write down this medication in case i get Alzheimer's so you know what med to give me." I said "Mom don't be silly. You have already written it down five times"
[ORIGINAL JOKE] A secretary is like...
a pencil sharpener, you can't really say it's yours until you screw it on your desk.
DIVING WITHOUT EQUIPMENT
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you m**...!"
I'm getting married to my pencil,
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2B!
What did the pencil say to the suspicious piece of paper?
I dot my i's on you!
-Heard this from an 85 year old lady in a nursing facility. The mental image of this joke is quite funny!
I thought about inventing a pencil with an eraser at both ends.
But I didn't see the point.
What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?
I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW
Did you hear about the pencil that got an injury in jail?
It broke mid-sentence.
A guy came up to me the other day, and shoved a gun into my face. He demanded my 'money or my life'.
Guess who the burned-out pencil pusher with a mortgage and a loveless marriage is now.
How come pencils are unable to have children?
It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]
I found an old pencil
I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏
I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.
He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.
Why was the pencil brought in for questioning
Because they thought he was sketchy
What do a woman and a pencil have in common?
Pull of the rubber and you'll never be able to fix a mistake...
The other day I got lost in the jungle but luckily I had a compass
So i was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil
A blind girl lost her pencil, her ring, and her dog, what did she lose first?
Her eye sight
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless
(I'll show myself out)
My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.
It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
People make mistakes
That's why a pencil has an eraser and Katie has gonorrhea
William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...
...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
It was pointless...
PS: I actually didn't, but it's my favourite bad joke, and it's my cake day, so I can do whatever I want!
Edit #1: If you didn't see my comment somehow, I feel scammed, because at the time of posting this, I yet had like 2 hours of my cake day left. I guess Reddit doesn't use European time...
Edit #2: I feel honoured to receive my first award ever!
The other day I got lost in the Jungle, but luckily I had a compass with me...
So I was able to draw perfect circles with a pencil.
Why do pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a pencil
I was rejected from my dream art school because I used the wrong pencil.
It wasn't 2B.
How did the constipated Mathematician work out his problem?
With a pencil.
What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?
2B or not 2B
I own Shakespeare's old chewed pencil.
He chewed on it so much i cant tell if its 2b or not 2b
I made a pencil with two erasers
It was pointless
I wanted to post a joke about a broken pencil
But, then I realized there was no point.
I own a pencil used by William Shakespeare
He used to chew on it a lot though, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
Did you hear about the man who got depressed after he lost his favourite pencil sharpener?
Everything seemed pointless!
Why don't mathematicians ever get constipated?
If things get hard they can always work it out with a pencil
What did the gunfighter say to the pencil?
Draw!
Why can't you write with a broken pencil ?
It's pointless.
Shakespeare's chewed pencil
It's so chewed, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his s**....
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his s**... and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
why did the pencil stink?
…because it was a No. 2
p**... is a lot like math.
When it's hard, sometimes you have to work it out with a pencil and paper.
What do you call a broken pencil?
Pointless.
I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends.
People say it's pointless though.
