Pence Jokes
97 pence jokes and hilarious pence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article looks at the various jokes around 50 Pence currency and their implications on politics, including hilarious takes on assassination and impeachment. Find out some of the funniest 50 pence jokes out there, from mentions of former UK Prime Minister Theresa May and Secretary of State Kerry!
Funniest Pence Short Jokes
Short pence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pence humour may include short penny jokes also.
- Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet - Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better." Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet." - Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate? >!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<
- a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.
- Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
- Trump: We should have less immigrants in America! Pence: "Fewer".
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet! - I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence.
- Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins? Society
- Trump, Pence, Bannon, Sessions, Pompeo, Flynn, Priebus, Tillerson. Not sure Trump knows this but traditionally, you only need 4 horsemen.
- Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem? He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
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Pence One Liners
Which pence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pence? I can suggest the ones about vice president and pens.
- Why didn't Trump buy anything when he went to the UK? He only had one Pence
- The fly remained undecided during the debate. He was..
On the Pence - Boy: "Mr. Pence, would you be shocked if I was gay?" Pence: "No, but you would."
- If i had a penny for every Donald Trump joke made right now I would have a pence
- In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much It's only a pence.
- How much is Trump's life insurance payout? One pence
- Where is the best place to hide from Mike Pence, The closet.
- Why didn't Pence attend the biathlon? He opposed all the biathletes
- Why is Mike Pence magic? He can turn fruits to vegetables
- What's Mike Pence's favourite Olympic sport? Trap shooting.
- 50 Cent moves to the UK He'd be called "50 Pence".
- What's Mike Pence's Favorite Band? AC/DC
- What's the worst thing you can ask for in a British gay bar? Pence
- Who had the easiest path to the presidency of the United States? Mike Pence
- Who is Mike Pence's favorite comic book character? Electro
Mike Pence Jokes
Here is a list of funny mike pence jokes and even better mike pence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawer? Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.
- So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email. Alternative Fax
- A buzzfeed journalist whispers something to Mike Pence at a press conference ...what happens next will shock you.
- Mike Pence is Emperor Palpatine Both are old men, heads of the Senate, and like to shock people.
- Today I learned Mike Pence is going to push to administer electro-zap "therapy" to the gay community. As a gay republican who voted for Trump, this came as a huge shock.
- Whats Mike Pence's favourite movie Electric boogaloo
- Donald Trump just announced Mike Pence to be his Running Mate. If Hillary wants to one up Trump in that regard, her running mate should be Mike Tuppence.
- Why is Mike Pence so good at poker? He only gets straights.
- MRW Mike Pence is acting suspicious and then shoots me The sus-pence is killing me
- Jacinda Ardern wasn't the first person to bring their baby to the U.N Mike Pence brought his first.
50 Pence Jokes
Here is a list of funny 50 pence jokes and even better 50 pence puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A Jewish boy asks his Father... A Jewish boy asks his Father, "Dad, can i have 50 pence please?
His Father replies, "40 pence! What do you want 30 pence for?" - A £1 and a £2 A £1 and a £2 are making drugs in a shack.
There's a 50 pence on watch. One day while £1 amd £2 are making drugs the 50p bursts through the doors and says "We've got coppers."
Hilarious Pence Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about pence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean vice presidency jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pence pranks.
A man walked into a pub.....
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....
He says to the bartender gimme a shot of whiskey. He get's it and downs it. He then says get me a glass of whiskey, he get's that and downs it. Then he asks for a pint of whiskey, the bartender says "Well he won't down this one" the guy downs it. by now he's swaying and staggering, he then asks for two pints of whiskey. The bartender says "Why are you downing all these whiskeys so fast?" the guy replies "Because I've only got 50 pence"
Three Universities ...
Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is.
Oxford Uni spent £100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman.
Cambridge Uni spent £250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man.
Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.
We could have five more trumps running and still no one would gain.
All we'd have is six pence, and none the richer
Pence said that Trump show humility and contrition in the debate last night.
Well, that's like looking for bones in an egg
People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
I have this strange feeling that the current VP of the USA is going to do something ridiculous to Pence
But he is just Biden his time
Not only are Hamilton tickets hard to get, I hear they are expensive.
I wouldn't pay more than one Pence to see it.
Trump and Pence are standing on the roof of Trump Tower...
...Trump looks out over the city and says, "A lot of people are unhappy with me. I wanna do something to cheer them up."
"Well," Pence said, "you *could* jump..."
Trump and Pence are so homophobic ...
... they couldn't get a mandate.
HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on a plane...
Suddenly Mike Pence says "I can throw 100 dollars out of the plane and make 100 people happy".
Donald says "I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy".
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."
He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.
It is only 1 Pence.
Trump and the Pope
Trump: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. But we had a row and, uh... I said something about the Pope.
Pence: That's a bit s**..., you know she's Catholic.
Trump: Yeah, I know she's Catholic: I didn't know the Pope was.
(Ripped off from The Young Ones)
What species is Mike Pence?
No-h**... sapiens.
Trump receives a message
Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the FBI.
The Director of the FBI suggested Trump should turn the message upside down.
Long Range s**... Rifle: $5,000. Hiring an assassin: $10,000.
Having Mike Pence assassinated? Viceless.
Trump and Pence go on a hunt.
As they are walking through the woods, they see an elk foraging.
"Hey look, an elk!" says Pence.
"Fake moose" says Trump.
Trump: Remember, the less immigrants we let in, the better.
Pence: The fewer
Trump: Shh don't call me that in public yet
Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...
His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."
Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"
Trump joked today that Pence wanted to hang all gay people.
I think Trump misheard him though and Pence actually said he only likes gay men when they are hung.
A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.
A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.
"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.
"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.
Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar
He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"
The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"
To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."
Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…
... And sits down next to Trump.
He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."
Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.
He says to Pence, "Pardon me."
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.
"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.
"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.
"What have you got?" Asked the barman.
"Eleven Pence"....,
I haven't received my stimulus check yet and I'm starting to worry that
Trump and Pence are going to personally hand me a giant novelty check without wearing a mask
Pence is right that there won't be a second wave of Coronavirus.
We'd have to stop the first wave for that to happen
Trump's China Problem
Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"
Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.
A Washington h**... gets a tattoo of Mike Pence on one inner thigh and one of Bill Barr on the other ...
Then when she gets a customer, she says, "If you can name both of them, I'll give you one for free."
Customer replies, "Hmm, I don't know about those two, but the one in the middle is Mitch McConnell."
Bartender joke
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door
This election is crazy.
One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
Mike Pence walks into the doctor's office with a fly on his head
The doc asks: What the h**... happened to you?
The fly says: I think, I stepped into something.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump: We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we'd have less cases.
Pence: Fewer.
Trump: Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.
It cost 2 pence to use the public toilet in England during the Elizabethan Era.
2p or not to pee, that is the question.
MacBeth meets the three witches on the marsh.
''Hail MacBeth. For a fee we will predict your future.''
-''Really? How much?''
''10 Pence per predicted year.''
''I want a prediction for my *whole* life.''
''That'll be 5 pence.''
- Herman Finkers
