The Best 59 Pence Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Pence jokes. There are some pence comey jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pence bannon puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Pence Jokes and Puns
A man walked into a pub.....
A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be ten pence."
"Ten pence?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A pound," the barman replied.
"A pound?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
A Man Walks Into A Bar.....
He says to the bartender gimme a shot of whiskey. He get's it and downs it. He then says get me a glass of whiskey, he get's that and downs it. Then he asks for a pint of whiskey, the bartender says "Well he won't down this one" the guy downs it. by now he's swaying and staggering, he then asks for two pints of whiskey. The bartender says "Why are you downing all these whiskeys so fast?" the guy replies "Because I've only got 50 pence"
Three Universities ...
Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is.
Oxford Uni spent £100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman.
Cambridge Uni spent £250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man.
Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.
A Jewish boy asks his Father...
A Jewish boy asks his Father, "Dad, can i have 50 pence please?
His Father replies, "40 pence! What do you want 30 pence for?"
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science
But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
Why is Mike Pence magic?
He can turn fruits to vegetables
People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.
I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.
I have this strange feeling that the current VP of the USA is going to do something ridiculous to Pence
But he is just Biden his time
Not only are Hamilton tickets hard to get, I hear they are expensive.
I wouldn't pay more than one Pence to see it.
Trump, Pence, Bannon, Sessions, Pompeo, Flynn, Priebus, Tillerson.
Not sure Trump knows this but traditionally, you only need 4 horsemen.
Trump and Pence are standing on the roof of Trump Tower...
...Trump looks out over the city and says, "A lot of people are unhappy with me. I wanna do something to cheer them up."
"Well," Pence said, "you *could* jump..."
You can explore pence kerry reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pence cheney dad jokes. There are also pence puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Trump and Pence are so homophobic ...
... they couldn't get a mandate.
HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years.
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are on a plane...
Suddenly Mike Pence says "I can throw 100 dollars out of the plane and make 100 people happy".
Donald says "I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy".
The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."
Trump walks into the Oval office, turns to his administrative team and says, I want to organise the deportation of 10,000 Muslims and one kitten.
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Mike Pence says. Mr. President, why do you want to deport a kitten? Trump smiles and turns to the rest of the table. You see, no one cares about the Muslims.
Boy: "Mr. Pence, would you be shocked if I was gay?"
Pence: "No, but you would."
So it turns out Mike Pence used a private email server. When questioned he denied, saying he doesn't even use email.
Alternative Fax
Donald Trump and Mike Pence are running around the White House…
After they finish their lap they check their stopwatch which says 10:38,Mike Pence asks if thats a white house record, Trump says no Bush did 9:11
Mike Pence is Emperor Palpatine
Both are old men, heads of the Senate, and like to shock people.
Where is the best place to hide from Mike Pence,
The closet.
Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."
He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."
i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke
Overheard at the White House:
Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."
Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."
Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".
I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.
It is only 1 Pence.
Trump and the Pope
Trump: I reckon I could have slept with her, if it wasn't for something I said. But we had a row and, uh... I said something about the Pope.
Pence: That's a bit stupid, you know she's Catholic.
Trump: Yeah, I know she's Catholic: I didn't know the Pope was.
(Ripped off from The Young Ones)
What species is Mike Pence?
No-homo sapiens.
Trump: The less immigrants that come in, the better
Pence: The fewer
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet
Trump receives a message
Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the FBI.
The Director of the FBI suggested Trump should turn the message upside down.
Trump and Pence go on a hunt.
As they are walking through the woods, they see an elk foraging.
"Hey look, an elk!" says Pence.
"Fake moose" says Trump.
Trump: Remember, the less immigrants we let in, the better.
Pence: The fewer
Trump: Shh don't call me that in public yet
Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...
His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."
Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"
Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem?
He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out
Trump joked today that Pence wanted to hang all gay people.
I think Trump misheard him though and Pence actually said he only likes gay men when they are hung.
A Scotsman at the chemist's shop.
A Scotsman went into a chemist's shop, and asked to buy some arsenic.
"That'll be a pound - er, what do you want it for?" the chemist asked suspiciously.
"Fifty pence," replied the Scotsman.
50 Cent moves to the UK
He'd be called "50 Pence".
In the UK, United States Vice President's opinion isn't worth much
It's only a pence.
Donald Trump says to Mike Pence, "The less immigrants we allow in, the better."
Pence says, "The fewer".
Trump says, "I told you not to call me that yet."
Mike Pence Walks Into a Bar
He walks up to a group of women and says, "Hey ladies, wanna get out of here?"
The girls look befuddled. One of them says "Excuse me Mr. Pence, as vice president and as a married man, isn't it inappropriate to hit on a group of women like this?"
To which Pence replied "I wasn't hitting on you. Either you go or I'm not allowed to stay."
Why didn't Pence attend the biathlon?
He opposed all the biathletes
Donald Trump's lawyer walks into a bar…
... And sits down next to Trump.
He says, "I'm sorry but I can't really help you. You're looking at life in prison for treason."
Frustrated, Trump pays the bartender and storms out. On his way out he accidentally bumps into Mike Pence.
He says to Pence, "Pardon me."
Why does Mike Pence keep all of his clothes in drawers?
Because he can't stand anything coming out of the closet.
Trump: We should have less immigrants in America!
Pence: "Fewer".
Trump: I told you not to call me that yet!
Trump wakes up, goes to the garden and starts picking up random rocks...
He picks a rock, carefuly examines it from from all sides, carefully puts it back and then goes to find another one. After this has been going on for a couple of days, his cabinet starts to get nervous, so Pence calls Putin to see if he can help them.
"Hey Vlad! It's Mike. Listen, we have a little problem..."
He describes the situation and Putin promises to look into it. After a few minutes Putin calls back.
"He should be fine now. It was our fault, sorry. We accidetnally sent him instructions meant for our lunar lander."
Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.
"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
Abortion bill
Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President
Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.
"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.
"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.
"What have you got?" Asked the barman.
"Eleven Pence"....,
If i had a penny for every Donald Trump joke made right now
I would have a pence
I haven't received my stimulus check yet and I'm starting to worry that
Trump and Pence are going to personally hand me a giant novelty check without wearing a mask
Pence is right that there won't be a second wave of Coronavirus.
We'd have to stop the first wave for that to happen
Trump's China Problem
Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"
Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.
A Washington hooker gets a tattoo of Mike Pence on one inner thigh and one of Bill Barr on the other ...
Then when she gets a customer, she says, "If you can name both of them, I'll give you one for free."
Customer replies, "Hmm, I don't know about those two, but the one in the middle is Mitch McConnell."
Bartender joke
A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
12 shots of your finest tequila please
So the bartender starts pouring the shots and on the last one he notices that half of them have been drunk already so the bartender says
Whats going on pal, you drunk those really fast
The guy replies
Youd drink this much if you had what i have
The bartender then asks
What do you have?
He replied i have 50 pence and then made a bee line for the door
How much is Trump's life insurance payout?
One pence
This election is crazy.
One candidate has a Trump card. The other is just Biden his time. There's a lot of Harrisment between the the two of them and I don't think it looks good on either of them, that's just my 2 Pence though.
Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?
>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<
Clinton and Pence
You know both sides of the aisle are more alike then you think. Both Clinton and Pence had issues with their flies...
Mike Pence walks into the doctor's office with a fly on his head
The doc asks: What the hell happened to you?
The fly says: I think, I stepped into something.
The fly remained undecided during the debate.
He was..
On the Pence
Donald Trump and Michael Pence are having a race from the roof of a very tall building. They both decide to jump down, as it's the fastest way down. Who wins?
Society
Why didn't Trump buy anything when he went to the UK?
He only had one Pence
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump: We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we'd have less cases.
Pence: Fewer.
Trump: Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pence coins jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working pence mike pence piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.