Peg Leg Jokes
48 peg leg jokes and hilarious peg leg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about peg leg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Peg Leg Short Jokes
Short peg leg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The peg leg humour may include short legged jokes also.
- I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over
- I dated a woman with one leg years ago, but I can't remember if her name was Peg or Ilene.
- My girlfriend was really upset someone stole her peg leg. She was crying on my shoulder, I guess she needed someone to lean on.
- Why aren't pirates generally good drivers? Well between the eye patch, hook hand, and peg leg, it's a miracle they can even get behind the wheel!
- I thought it would be cool to meet a famous peg-legged pirate... ... but he was pretty lame.
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Peg Leg One Liners
Which peg leg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with peg leg? I can suggest the ones about missing leg and leg amputee.
- What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk? A centipede with a peg leg
- What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink? Decalfinated.
- What's a gay pirates favourite body part? The peg leg
- Why was the 'P' irate? Because his peg leg made him go 'R'
- When asked why she took Stumpp's peg leg The pirate replied, "Yarr, it tickles me pink!"
- How much will a pirate's hook and a whale tooth peg cost you? An arm and a leg.
- I once dated a girl with a peg leg She was always too jealous so I had to cut it off.
- What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates? A peg leg.
Hilarious Fun Peg Leg Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about peg leg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hind legs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make peg leg pranks.
A young boy was walking along the docks one day admiring the ships, when a man walked up behind him and said, “Thinking of becoming a sailor?” “Yes, I am!” replied the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I have sailed many years and have had many adventures.” The boy looked the man up and down, and saw that he had an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook. “I would love to hear of your adventures,” said the boy. “Well,” the man said, “I was sailing around the Cape of Good Hope when I encountered pirates. They boarded my boat and I fought them 'til there was only one left. But before he got away he cut off my leg!” “That sounds terrible!” exclaimed the boy. “Aye lad, it was, but I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “How did you get the hook?” inquired the boy. “I was once again sailing around the Cape of Good Hope on my way home when I encountered the same pirate with a whole new crew. They boarded me again and I fought down to the last man, only this time as he got away, he cut of my hand!” “That is awful!” the boy once again exclaimed. “Aye lad, but again I got over it and continued sailing the seas.” “Tell me how you got the eye patch! Was it the pirates again?” “No lad, this time I was just out finishing one day, I heard the cry of a gull, and when I looked up it sh*t in me eye!” “Pardon me sir, but I didn’t know you could lose an eye from gull sh*t.” “Well lad, 'twas the first day with the hook!!!”
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his.
They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew.
After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck."
"Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee."
His friend agreed that was bad luck.
The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."
"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"
"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."
"My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?"
"No, that was the first day I had my hook."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Desperately Seeking Humor
The jokes here have gotten so bad and reposted that it makes me think back to my childhood for something we found funny, as kids. What better place to share our fave brand of cruelty humor than here. Apologies if this has ever been brought up here before. I'm desperate, please add your favorite cruelty jokes. Short list, I'll try to remember more.
What do you call a girl hanging on a fence? Barb
What do you call a quadraplegic in a swimming pool? Bob
What do you call a girl with one leg? Peg
What do you call a girl midget? Minnie
What do you call a quadriplegic at the ballpark? Home Plate
What do you call a girl who puts out on the first date? Lucy
Help me out here...
A pirate walks into a bar one day...
...And he sees his old captain sitting down having a drink. So he goes up to say hello and catch up, but he notices that his old captain looks a little different. So he goes over to talk to him. "Captain," he says, "I haven't seen you in years. It's good to see you, but man, you look a little different. I notice that you have a wooden leg! What happened?"
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Ya see during a fearsome storm, a huge wave hit me boat, and my leg got trapped under a chain, and ripped it off, so I had to get this here peg leg."
"Wow" says the pirate. "That's terrible. But what happened to your hand? You have a hook now!"
"Gyarr," says the captian, "You be correct. Ya see I was captured by the enemy one day, and they were forcin me to walk the plank, but I turned back and tried to escape, and they cut me hand off, and I had to get this here hook."
Wincing, the pirate says "Christ! Now what happened to your eye? You have a glass eye now."
"Gyarr," says the captain, "You be correct. Well, as I was sailing the sea one day, I happened to look up, and a seagull pooped right in my eye."
Confused, the pirate responds "Well, captain, that sounds bad, but that wouldn't make you lose your eye."
"True," pines the captain, "But it was the first day with me hook."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate at the local bar discusses his past.
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The s**... asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"
A private school dance...
There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.
All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg and one boy with a wooden eye.
After about a half an hour of standing on opposite sides of the gym, the boy finally musters up the courage to speak to the girl.
The boy says to her "Hi I think you're very pretty, would you like to dance with me?"
Excited, the girl sweetly says "Would I!"
After a moment, the boy growls back at her "peg leg!"
Kara and Jim are two high school misfits...
...Kara has a wooden eye, while Jim has a peg leg. The big dance was coming up, so Kara goes up to Jim and asks him if he would like to accompany her to the dance.
Very excited, Jim exclaims, "OH WOULD I!!!"
Kara then runs away screaming, "PEG LEG!!!!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate walks into a bar and sits. He is dressed as a stereotypical pirate, with a hook hand, peg leg, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder. As the bartender prepares his drink, he asks, "What happened to your hand?" The pirate replies, "I was sparring with me crew and one cut off me hand." Bartender: "What about your leg?" Pirate: "We were boarding an enemy ship and o**... went and cut off me leg." Bartender: "And the eyepatch?" Pirate: "Well, Polly pooped in me eye." The bartender exclaims, "That doesn't make you lose an eye!" The pirate sighs and says, "It was me first day with the hook."
Pirate walks into a bar
As a bartender was cleaning up for the evening as a pirate walked into his bar. This was the most stereo typical pirate the bartender had ever seen. He had an eye-patch over one eye, a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, a hook for a hand, and spoke with the usual pirate accent. The only thing that set this pirate apart from all the other pirates the bartender had seen was the GIANT wood steering wheel shoved down the front of his pants.
The Pirate approached the bar and shouted "ARR...Barkeep! Give me a whiskey!"
The bartender said: "Sure pirate, but first, you have to tell me, what's with the giant steering wheel shoved down the front of your pants?"
The Pirate replied: "ARR, I don't know! But it's driving me NUTS!"
a pirate walks in to a bar...
and he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a missing eye. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg, so the pirate says he lost it fending off a shark. Then the bartender asks how he lost his hand, the pirate said he lost it in a great battle. Then the bartender asks how he lost his eye, the pirate says a seagul pooped in his eye and he wasnt used to the hand yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**...
A s**... meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The s**... notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the s**... asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".
"Wow!" said the s**.... "What about the hook"?
"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."
"Incredible!" remarked the s**.... "How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.
"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."
A pirate come back from sea...
He stops at the barber for a trim on his beard. The barber is aghast at the sight of the pirate.
Barber : What happened to you??? When you left you were fine but now look at you!!
Pirate: Whaddaya mean to say?
Barber: You got a wooden leg now, when you left you had both legs...
Pirate: Oh this? We were in a ship to ship battle and a cannonball got my leg, but the doc gave me this peg and I'm just fine.
Barber: But you have a hook hand now, when you left you had both hands!
Pirate:Oh that? We were fighting natives on an island and one cut off my hand, but the doc fixed me up with this hook and I'm fine.
Barber: But your eye! You had both when you left.
Pirate: That...Well it was a beautiful day with not a cloud in the sky. I saw a gull overhead and as I looked at, it crapped in my eye.
Barber: You can't lose your eye from that!
Pirate : See I hadn't gotten used to the hook yet...
A Pirate walked into a bar
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink.
The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?"
"I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate.
"Well your leg is half missing, you have a wooden peg leg!"
"Arrr that happened a few years back, cannonball came right through the ship and took out me leg."
The bartender looked down at the pirate's hand, "But your hand, it's a hook! How did that happen?"
"Arrr well I was in a sword fight and he got me left hand, but I feel okay now."
"Okay, but how about your eye? You have an eye patch on it!"
"Arrr well just a few days ago I was looking up and a seagull pooped right in me eye."
The bartender, slightly confused asked, "How did that put out your eye?"
The pirate raised his arm, "It was the first day with the hook..."
The pirate and the sailor
A sailor walks into a bar and sees a pirate with a peg leg, a hook hand and an eye patch. His curiosity leads him to approach the pirate and ask, "Why do you have a peg leg?"
"I was washed overboard and a shark bit me leg off." the pirate responds.
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your hook hand?"
"Me first mate tried to kill me with his sword but only got me hand instead."
"Okay," says the sailor, "but what about your eye patch?"
"I was walking along the beach and a seagull pooped on me eye." the pirate explains.
"A seagull pooped your eye out?" the sailor asks incredulously.
"No," the pirate explains, "it was the first day with me hook."
A pirate captain was telling his first mate how he got his injuries
First he points to his peg leg. "You see," he says, "I got thrown overboard in a terrible storm an' a great white shark bit off me leg before I could climb back up."
"That's amazing," the first mate replies, "and what happened to your hand?"
"We was boarding a ship to take its plunder an' I dueled the ship's captain. I bested him but not before he took me hand clean off. So I got a hook to replace it."
The first mate was only more impressed, "So what's the story behind the eyepatch?"
"A seagull pooped in me eye."
"That's all? You lost your eye because a seagull pooped in it?"
"Well, it was me first day with the hook."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A pirate walks into a bar
And sits down next to another pirate. He asks him if he'd like a drink and adjusts his eye patch. The second pirate brightens up and says, "Would I?!"
The first pirate gets up, angry and says "Screw you, peg leg!"
A pirate walks into a bar...
A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, eyepatch, and a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar. The bartender asks how he got the peg leg.
"Well", says the pirate, "I fell into the sea and had to fight off a shark, but he ate me leg."
"What about the hook hand?" Pirate: "Me vessel got boarded by some scallywags and I lost me hand in the fight."
"Well, how about the eyepatch?"
"Ol' Polly here pooped in me eye!"
The bartender was confused and asked how that could possibly make him lose his eye. The pirate responds: "First day with the hook."
A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...
And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies
"Would I! Would I!"
The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.
"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a hook hand, and an eye patch...
He sits down, and after a few drinks someone asks him what happened to your leg?
Aye, a shark, he says. He bit it clean off!
Then someone asks him what happened to your hand?
Aye, a crocodile, he says. Bit it clean off!
Finally, someone asks him what happened to your eye?
Aye, a seagull, he replies.
A seagull? Someone says.
Yes, says the pirate. Pooped in my eye, he did. First day with my hook hand,
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch walks into a bar
The bartender says:
Whoa, that's quite a get up you got there! Tell me how you got that peg leg.
The pirate explains:
Yarr! Ah lost me leg in a mighty battle with the toyal navy!
The bartender asks:
Wow, how about the hand?
Pirate:
'twas me old nemesis Racham the Red cut it off afore I scewerd 'im like a sow at a buffet!
Bartender:
Wow, that's quite a story! How'd you end up with the eye patch?
Pirate:
Seagull s**... in me eye...
Bartender:
A seagull s**... in your eye? Really? How bad could that be?
Pirate:
Arr... 'twas the first day with me new hook...
So this guy absolutely hated pirates...
He wouldn't have anything to do with them. Eventually, we realized it wasn't all pirates. Just peg-leg pirates. Actually, it was anybody who had lost a lower limb. We later discovered he was lack-toes intolerant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pirate pick-up lines
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest.
Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.
See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.
Nice p**... deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?
Avast, me pretty! Strike your p**... and prepare to be boarded.
I've hidden b**... all over the Caribbean — but never have I seen one like yours!
That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!
That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there.
My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure.
Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest.
Upon my fathers death bed he handed me...
A wooden pirates peg filled with water. He told me that it was owned by his father and his fathers father and his fathers fathers father and now it was mine.
I asked him what it was and he told me....
It was our families leg o' sea.
It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.
He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.
The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.
The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.
Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.
