Peg Jokes
66 peg jokes and hilarious peg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about peg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is a compilation of funny jokes about pegs, one-legged pirates, and other things related to pegs. From twas jokes to jokes about peg legs, Tent Pegs, and even mateys, this article has it all and will provide you with a good laugh!
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Funniest Peg Short Jokes
Short peg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The peg humour may include short matey jokes also.
- 10% of european babies are conceived on an IKEA bed. So, be sure to follow the instructions.
Put Peg A into Slot B, and then screw until the nuts tighten. - I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over
- What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and Jesus? one is a jpeg and the other is j pegged
- What does the peg-legged lesbian pirate say to her girlfriend when she's in the mood? Scissor me timbers.
- What's the difference between a pirate and a succubus? Where you put the peg!
(Credit to a friend) - I dated a woman with one leg years ago, but I can't remember if her name was Peg or Ilene.
- Hear about the game of Life Millennial Edition? There are 27 different pegs for gender and only four squares: Debt, Rent, Destroy an Industry, and early Death from lack of healthcare.
- I recently learned my friend likes to be dominated by his girlfriend in bed. I wouldn't have pegged him for that.
- I knew my camping holiday was doomed when I saw the people at the next pitch struggling with a torn ground sheet and bent pegs. It was a portent.
- My wife has got to stop with the Married with Children role-playing Last night she was Al and I got Pegged
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Peg One Liners
Which peg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with peg? I can suggest the ones about barb and legged.
- What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What goes 99 clunk, 99 clunk? A centipede with a peg leg
- What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink? Decalfinated.
- What do you call a square peg that wonders if it could plug a round hole? Pi-curious.
- Mr Peg, my Digital Photography teacher, just passed away. Rest in peace Jay.
- What's a gay pirates favourite body part? The peg leg
- Why was the 'P' irate? Because his peg leg made him go 'R'
- Julie knew her new boyfriend was secretly gay... She had him pegged.
- What's perfectly round and fits into round holes perfectly well? A square peg in denial.
- I saw a pirate finally purchase Adobe Photoshop. He handed the cashier a hook and a peg.
- What do you call Wednesdays at the gym for pirates? Peg day
- What do you call a Japanese pirate? J-Peg.
- I Took a poll recently.. And 100% found out I'm not letting my wife peg me again.
- When asked why she took Stumpp's peg leg The pirate replied, "Yarr, it tickles me pink!"
- I managed to put a square peg in a round hole But I had to cut corners
Peg Leg Jokes
Here is a list of funny peg leg jokes and even better peg leg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My girlfriend was really upset someone stole her peg leg. She was crying on my shoulder, I guess she needed someone to lean on.
- How much will a pirate's hook and a whale tooth peg cost you? An arm and a leg.
- Why aren't pirates generally good drivers? Well between the eye patch, hook hand, and peg leg, it's a miracle they can even get behind the wheel!
- I once dated a girl with a peg leg She was always too jealous so I had to cut it off.
- Yo' Mama is so fat, she has a kickstand on her peg leg.
- I thought it would be cool to meet a famous peg-legged pirate... ... but he was pretty lame.
- What do you call a flight commandeered by pirates? A peg leg.
Tent Peg Jokes
Here is a list of funny tent peg jokes and even better tent peg puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the boy say to the girl when they were p**... in the tent? Can you adjust your strap-on?
Amusing & Witty Peg Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about peg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peg leg jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make peg pranks.
A pirate captain walks into a bar...
...with a peg leg, a steering wheel hanging from his pants, and a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender: "Excuse me Captain, but you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants!"
Pirate: "Arrrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
A sailor walks into a bar
The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird p**...?"
"It was me first day with the hook."
Kara and Jim are two high school misfits...
...Kara has a wooden eye, while Jim has a peg leg. The big dance was coming up, so Kara goes up to Jim and asks him if he would like to accompany her to the dance.
Very excited, Jim exclaims, "OH WOULD I!!!"
Kara then runs away screaming, "PEG LEG!!!!!!"
A pirate captain with a peg leg walks into a bar.
On his c**..., he's got a ship's helm fastened to him.
The old pirate settles into the bar.
The bartender serves him a drink and finally asks the obvious, "what is the purpose of the helm on your c**...?"
The pirate answers: "Arrrr, I dunno, but it's drivin' me nuts!"
A girl with a peg leg goes to her high school dance...
And she is slowly walking around, sad that nobody wanted to dance with her. Right before she was about to leave a boy with a wooden eye walks up and asks her to dance. To which she replies
"Would I! Would I!"
The boy is angered anD snaps back at her.
"Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.
He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.
The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.
The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.
The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.
Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.
A pirate walks into a bar
And sits down next to another pirate. He asks him if he'd like a drink and adjusts his eye patch. The second pirate brightens up and says, "Would I?!"
The first pirate gets up, angry and says "Screw you, peg leg!"
Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...
The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.
Would I? Would I? he yells excitedly.
In complete disgust, she yells back, Peg Leg! Peg Leg!
A boy walks up to a pirate
A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.
"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.
"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"
"Then what happened to your eye?"
"s**... seagull pooped in it."
"A bird p**... in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.
"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"
A pirate at sea has a peg leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch.
One of his companions ask how he lost his leg. He answers, "A cannonball." Then his companion asks how he lost his hand. He answers, "A sword." When the companion asks how he lost his eye, the man says, "A spray of the sea."
It was his first day with the hook.
Upon my fathers death bed he handed me...
A wooden pirates peg filled with water. He told me that it was owned by his father and his fathers father and his fathers fathers father and now it was mine.
I asked him what it was and he told me....
It was our families leg o' sea.
A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg
There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.
The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: Your dog's just ruined my hat
Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.
Man: I don't like your attitude!
Dog owner: It's not my attitude, it's your hat he chewed.
A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...
She says Would I!
He says, I didn't want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!
A pirate walks into a bar.....
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and also a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says to the pirate, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants!"
The pirate says, "Arrrrgggg, I know. It's driving me nuts."
So a pirate walks into a bar and sits down next to a man.
The man says, How did you get your peg leg?
The pirate says, A cannon blew me leg straight off.
The man asks, How did you get your hook?
The pirate says, I lost it in a sword fight.
The man asks, How did you get your eye patch?
The pirate says, I was looking at the clouds and a seagull pooped in my eye.
The man says, You lost your eye because of p**...?
The pirate says, Nay, it was my first day with the hook.
A Pirate Walks Into a Bar
The bartender immediately sees the man has an eyepatch and peg leg, but notices something strange.
The man has a steering wheel right on his c**....
Bewildered, the bartender asks, "I understand the eyepatch and peg leg, but what's with the steering wheel on your c**...?"
The pirate looks down at the steering wheel, looks back up, and angrily shouts:
Arrrrr, It's been driving me nuts!
Two disabled people at a school dance.
A man with a fake eye made of wood is at his high school dance. He is the only disabled person other than a woman with a prosthetic leg. They've had a thing for each other for a while now, so he asks her the question.
Boy: Would you like to dance?
Girl: Oh, Wouldn' I!?
Boy: PEG LEG! PEG LEG! PEG LEG!
Why wasn't Long John Silver good at s**...?
He kept trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.
a pirate walks in to a bar...
and he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a missing eye. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg, so the pirate says he lost it fending off a shark. Then the bartender asks how he lost his hand, the pirate said he lost it in a great battle. Then the bartender asks how he lost his eye, the pirate says a seagul pooped in his eye and he wasnt used to the hand yet.
An atheist asks a believer: Prove your religion's theory about creation, believer replies: I'll lay it simple for u u peg..
Bang
Unfortunate pirate
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. What happened to ya?
Sol says, Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.
And yer hand? asks Morty.
When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.
OK, but what's with the eye patch?
I was standin' on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.
But ya don't go blind from no seagull p**....
True, says Sol. But it was me first day with the hook.
Why did the pirate only fly first class?
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