Pees Jokes
55 pees jokes and hilarious pees puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pees that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pees Short Jokes
Short pees jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pees humour may include short pong jokes also.
- Wife: Do men wipe after they pee? Aging husband: Yes. Wipe the floor, wipe the rim, wipe the wall…..
- Happiness is like peeing in your pants Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth
- Wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it Husband : [peeing on jellyfish] This is for stinging my wife
- Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.
- "Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"
"Yes, but not from the diving board." - How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom? A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.
- I was trying to be a gentleman And hold the door open for ladies.
But they kept screaming " get out, I'm peeing in here!" - From my 8 year old son Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Answer: Cause the Pee is silent
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the pee is silent.
With thanks to my seven year old son. - I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
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Pees One Liners
Which pees one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pees? I can suggest the ones about apes and spent.
- Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're dead
- How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
- The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in.
- Got caught peeing in the pool The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
- I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool Scared me so much I almost fell in.
- Friends are like snowflakes... If you pee on them, they'll dissapear.
- Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.
- I got caught peeing in a pool today. The lifeguard yelled so loud, I almost fell in!
- Friends are like snow when you pee on them, they disappear.
- What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom? Nothing, the pee is silent
- What do you call crystal clear pee? 1080p
- I see, says the blind man peeing into the wind, it's all coming back to me now.
- Happiness is like peeing in your pants.... I haven't experienced it since I was eight.
- Where is a tech support's bathroom located? At their I Pee address!
- When in comes to peeing, on a scale of one to ten... You're an eight!
Uproarious Pees Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about pees you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pond jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pees pranks.
My Cousin's Wedding Night
On my cousin's wedding night he approached our grandfather and asked, "Pap, you and gram have been married for 56 years. Can you give me any advice on my wedding night?"
My grandfather responded, "take the hardest thing you got and put it where she pees."
My cousin thought for a moment and then asked, "why would I put my bowling ball in the toilet?"
Little Jimmy at the Pool
Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...
What do you call a pirate that pees on other people?
Rrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly
Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?
Because its natural log is 1.
I'll show myself out now.
Last chance to use the washroom before I shower!
Speak now or forever hold your pees.
What is R. Kelly's favorite group to feature?
Black Guy Pees.
My girlfriend said she's like a man because she pees in the shower.
I said, you're not a man until you pee in the toilet,
From the shower.
What do you call shy bladder incidents?
Frozen pees
Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?
They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar, orders a beer, walks over to the piano, and sets his beer down on it. The piano man's monkey climbs over and pees directly into the glass of beer. The man says
"Hey, do you know your monkey peed in my glass?!?"
The piano man says
"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll play it for you."
What's the worst part of being a babysitter when a kid pees on the floor?
u**... Charge.
It took me a couple attempts to clear out this kidney obstruction
Two pees for one stone
Swimming pool
I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!
I replied Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the high dive!
A woman on holiday was stung by a jellyfish...
She yells to her husband and says "I was stung by a jellyfish, you need to pee on it."
The husband runs over to the jellyfish and pees on it saying "that's for stinging my wife."
Two men are talking in a bar
The first says: I bet you $100 that I can pee all over the bar and the bartend will smile.
The second man agrees.
So then the first man pees all over the bar and the bartender smiled.
After the second man pays the first man, he asks: How did you make the bartender smile?
I bet him $50 that I could pee in a shot glass and not miss a drop .
One day John decided to go swimming.
He's at the pool, enjoying himself, when the lifeguard approaches and says "John, it's time for you to leave the swimming pool".
John: "Why, I just got here a little while ago, I'm enjoying myself, why do I have to leave?".
Lifeguard: "Because you're peeing in the swimming pool".
John: "So what! Everybody pees in the swimming pool!"
Lifeguard: "BUT FROM THE HIGH DIVING BOARD!?"
Put the P in pool
A police officer is on his beat walking past a public pool. A woman runs out of the pool area and shrieks Officer!! Officer! There's a man peeing in the pool!
The cop responds so what lady, everyone pees in the pool
She responds, well not off the high dive!
A young couple got together and started making out.
One thing led to another, and soon they were about to have s**.... Just then they realise that neither of them really know what to do. The girl said she'd ask her mom about the steps. Her mom said that both have to undress and then she should grab the hardest part of his body and put it inside where she pees. So, she put his head in the toilet.
The difference between me and my dog
My dog gets a treat everytime he pees. I pee everytime I get a treat.
I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".
They don't care who pees in what bottle.
A jellyfish stung my wife...
"Quick, pee on it!" Said my wife
*Pees on jellyfish* "That's for stinging my wife!"
There is a game show where the person who pees the farthest wins. Guess the name of the game show.
" u**... It To Win It "
You may wonder who watches the watchers, but I wonder...
...who pees on the paeons?
What do you call a pirate that pees on someone?
Arrrrrrrghhh Kelly
After many faithful years as a Christian, John's dedication finally paid off as he found himself the girl of his dreams.
At the wedding he walks over to his best friend for advice.
"Hey man! What is it that I'm supposed to do when I get her all alone after the wedding?"
"Ah, that's simple. You just take your most prized-possession and stick it in where she pees."
"Ah! Thanks dude!"
"No problem!"
Later that night, John took his bowling ball and put it in the toilet.
Lines for urinals have become an an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.
So mind your pees in queues.
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
Why am I being banned from the pool?!
Because you're peeing in it.
But everyone pees in the pool!
Yes, but not from the diving board.
Two virgins get married.
On their honeymoon the groom calls her mother and asks what they should do now.
The mother tells her son that the husband is supposed to stick the biggest thing he has where the wife pees.
To say the least, the wife was confused when she found her husband with his leg in the toilet.
"Madam, Please ask your son to stop peeing in the pool!"
"Oh, But everyone pees in the pool! Are you saying you haven't?"
***'Not from the Diving board!!!"***
An elderly man has urinary incontinence. Why does he drink holy water before going to bed on Christmas Eve?
He wanted to sleep in heavenly pees.
Mr. Green is reading a newspaper by the pool.
A lifeguard walks up and quietly says "Mr. Green there have been some complaints by the other guests."
Mr. Green puts down his paper. "Well I'm sure there isn't much of an issue."
The lifeguard continues, "it appears someone has been peeing in the pool."
"Everyone pees in the pool." Mr. Green stated plainly.
The lifeguard shouts "from the high dive Mr. Green?!?"
Mr Munger
Mr. Munger is lying poolside at the country club when the club manager approached him. "Mr. Munger, some of the other members have been complaining about you peeing in the pool," said the manager. "Oh c'mon," said Munger. "Why are you you singling me out? I'll bet everyone here pees in the pool!" The manager replied angrily, "NOT FROM THE HIGH DIVE, MR. MUNGER!"
What do you get when a Smurf pees on your lawn?
Bluegrass
Picture this: you go to a urologist's office, and along with all their other patients, you contribute a u**... sample. The doctor puts everyone's sample bottles in a little machine that spins them around really fast. Congratulations! You've just...
visualized whirled pees.
What kind of pirate pees on you?
Rrrrrrrr Kelly
A man goes to the doctor because it burns when he pees.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
I got banned from the local swimming pool today
They banned me for "peeing in the pool".
I tried defending myself by saying *everybody* pees in the pool, but according to them no one does it from the diving board
