Peepee Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Two Italian men are talking loudly on a bus

One is telling the other one, "First Emma come. Then I come. Then two asses, they come together. Then I come again. Then the two asses, they come again. Then I peepee. Then I come one last time."

An old lady sitting next to them turns and exclaims, "Excuse me, but nobody else on this bus wants to hear about your disgusting sexual depravity!"

The Italian man says to her, "Scusi lady, I am teaching my friend how to spell 'Mississippi'."

Little Johnny's peanut

Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut."

The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?"

Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."


A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."

Italian guy on a bus

Sitting on a bus in New York, a prim old lady was shocked to overhear an Italian say to another, "Emma come-a first. I come-a next. Two ass-a come-a together. I come-a again. Two ass-a come-a together again. I come-a once more. Peepee twice. Then I come-a for the last time."

When the Italian was finished, the red faced old maid turned to a policeman sitting nearby and said, "Are you not going to arrest that terrible old man?"

"What for?" asked the policeman. "For spelling Mississippi?"

A teacher is teaching vocabulary...

...and asks the children to use the word "urinate" in a sentence.

Little Suzy stands up first and proudly says, "When I was little, I used to say peepee, but now I say urinate."

"Very good," says the teacher. "You are very mature. Anyone else?"

Fat Carl stands up confidently and says, "Bear Grylls taught me to urinate in a dead snake's skin and put it around my neck to keep cool."

"Um, ok. That's a little strange, but you still used the word correctly. Good job. Anyone else?"

Dirty Johnny stands up, looks the teacher up and down, and says, "Ms. Jones, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a 10."

Eat Your Broccoli

Little Johnny is having dinner with his family. He's eating everything except broccoli. His dad notices it and says, "Johnny, if you eat your broccoli, your pee-pee will grow big." Suddenly, Mom turns around and gives Dad a big slap.

Dad: What was that for?

Mom: For not eating your broccoli.

A boy and a girl are playing naked in the sand, when the boy starts laughing at the girl that she does not have a peepee. The girl just grins and says...

When I grow up, I will have as many peepees as I like.

A pregnant woman got shot by a thief 3 times.

She went to the doctors, and they told her she could have a $45000 operation to get the bullets removed, or the triplets would pee it out when they were older. She was very poor, and decided against the operation.

7 years later, the first kid runs to her and says "Mommy, mommy, a bit of metal came out in my pee-pee last night. " So she says not to worry. Her second kid comes to her a few minutes later and says the same.
When the third kid comes, she says "Was there a bit of metal in your pee-pee last night?"
And the kid says: " No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog. "

Two Italians are sitting in the NYC subway

One says to the other, "first Emma comes, then I come, then two asses come together, then I come again, then two asses again, then I peepee, and finally I come for the last time."

An old lady looks aghast at the two men and admonished them, "you're in the subway! Behave appropriately!"

So the Italian man said, "relax lady, I'm just reaching my friend here to spell Mississippi!"

A little boy walks in on his dad jerking off...

Startled, the boy asked, "Daddy?! What are you doing with your pee-pee?!"
The dad answered, "Don't worry son, its normal, and you'll be doing it soon."
"Why is that dad?"
"Well son... my arms getting tired."

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench

Just then, a flasher ran up to them and exposed his peepee. The First Lady has a stroke, the second lady had a stroke but sadly, the third lady couldn't reach

What do you say to a dog to get him to go pee-pee?

"Urine for a treat!"

Little Mary told her dad that Johnny's peepee reminded her of a peanut.

Dad: Why? Is it tiny ?

Little Mary: No ! Salty !

Part of my peepee fell off.

Wanna peep?

My only joke.

What did one little boy say to another who wanted to join the pee-pee club?


Family goes to a zoo and they see an elephant with an erection

Their little daughter goes to her Mom: "Mommy, what's that thing between elephant's legs?"
- "Uhhhhh, you should go ask your Dad".

Girl goes to her Dad: "Daddy, what's that thing between elephant's legs?"
- "Uhhh, sweetie, that's his peepee"

She goes back to her Mom: "Mommy, Daddie said it's the elephant's peepee"

Mom looks at her: "Your Dad has a peepee, that's a cock."

What are the funniest peepee jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Peepee? Well, here are the best Peepee puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Peepee pick up lines to share with friends.


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