Pedestrian Jokes

43 pedestrian jokes and hilarious pedestrian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pedestrian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Pedestrian Short Jokes

Short pedestrian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pedestrian humour may include short sidewalk jokes also.

  1. In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
  2. I can't tell whether my new car's suspension is amazing, or if I'm a sociopath Either way when I ran over that pedestrian I didn't feel a thing.
  3. if I were Sarah Connor I would simply defeat the robots by asking them to identify which of the following pictures has a pedestrian crossing in it
  4. Today, my friend warned a pedestrian about a pothole I guess that makes him a trip advisor.
  5. After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
    "I think I'm going to call it a day."
  6. What's the difference between a blind pedestrian and a speed bump? I've never run over a speed bump at 70 mph.
  7. Why did the chicken cross the road? Because America's aging infrastructure doesn't adequately provide footbridges or pedestrian underpasses.
  8. I was stopped at a traffic light, and among the pedestrians crossing was my ex. And I thought, "I'd hit that."
  9. I heard over the radio there was a maniac on the loose! I got so scared I almost missed the pedestrians!
  10. My father thinks himself an expert at cutting through busy sidewalks. I consider his ability rather pedestrian.

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Pedestrian One Liners

Which pedestrian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pedestrian? I can suggest the ones about walking doorway and passerby.

  1. Why did the Muslim run over the pedestrians during Ramadan? He couldn't brake fast
  2. You know what I miss? Pedestrians, about 90% of the time.
  3. Elon Musk has only owned Twitter for one day... and it's already ran over 2 pedestrians.
  4. What's it called when a tractor waits for a pedestrian to cross Crop yield
  5. I made snow angels this Christmas... My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.
  6. What do you call a video of pedestrians? Footage
  7. New data: in Manhattan, a pedestrian is hit by a car every ten minutes ... poor guy!
  8. Stay on pedestrian footpaths if you wanna stay alive. Out there are cyclepaths
  9. What do you call a black man walking down the street? A pedestrian.
  10. Last winter, I made snow angels I lost control and took out three pedestrians
  11. Why did the pedestrian die after getting hit by a p**... s**...? Too much blunt force.
  12. Why did the bin lorry c**... into a bunch of pedestrians? It was Bin-Laden

Pedestrian Crossing Jokes

Here is a list of funny pedestrian crossing jokes and even better pedestrian crossing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Angela Merkel cross the road? Because the pedestrian light indicated it was the appropriate time to do so
  • Who is the most politically neutral person in the world? A pedestrian crossing the road.
    He looks left, right and walks straight.
  • I'm one of those people who can bring traffic to a standstill. By pressing the stop button at pedestrian crossings
Pedestrian joke, I'm one of those people who can bring traffic to a standstill.

Cheerful Pedestrian Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about pedestrian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pedal jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pedestrian pranks.

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic

A Paladin takes his car to a mechanic. "Whenever I'm driving, I get these strange urges to run over pedestrians."
The mechanic has a look under the car. "Your alignment is off."

Mom takes her sick daughter to the doctor.

The doctor asks the girl, "How old are you?"
Girl: "I will be 7 in two days."
Doctor: "Aww, look how optimistic we are."
Totally unrelated joke
Son: "Dad, can I cross the street when the red light for pedestrians is on?"
Dad: "Yes, but make sure your arms are up in the air over your head."
Son: "Why is that?"
Dad: "Because it will be easier to t**... shirt in the morgue".

An old lady gets into a taxi

An old lady gets into a taxi (they're usually mostly Mercs here in Germany) and asks, what that star is for. The taxi driver jokingly replies
"That's a crosshair. I need it to aim for pedestrians."
A few minutes into the drive, a pedestrian ran onto the street and the taxi driver barely managed to evade him when he suddenly hears a clunk from the back. When he turns his head he sees the old lady grinning
"If I hadn't opened my door, we wouldn't have got him!"

Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!

A pedestrian is walking past an insane asylum, and in the distance hears a bunch of the asylum inmates inside screaming at the top of their lungs, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Intrigued, the pedestrian peeks through a hole in the fence to see what all the commotion is about, and, suddenly, a finger pops out jabbing him right in the eye.
He screams in pain, and the inmates all start gleefully shouting, Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

p**... in New York

p**... was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.
The officer had done this several times, and p**... still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, p**... went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'

Two armed guards were standing at a street corner...

They see a man walking casually on the other side of the street. The first guard raises his rifle and shoots the pedestrian, killing him instantly.
The second guard says to the first, "What was that for?"
"He was out past curfew." Replied the first guard.
"What do you mean?" Said the second guard, "It's not curfew for another hour."
"Yeah, but I knew the guy," Said the first guard, "He could never have made it home in time."

"I got her!''

A drunk old man gets into a taxi Mercedes E Class. After a short time, he asks, "Why do Mercedes cars have that on their bonnet?"
The driver jokingly replies, "It is there so I could aim pedestrians."
He accelerates sharply, narrowly missing out an old lady which was passing the street. After that, he heard a massive thump.
"What the b**... h**... was that??" the driver asked
The drunk man replies, "You missed her, I got her with my door".

I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing, when a woman asked me, "What's that beep, beep sound?"

I said, "It's so blind people know when to go."
"Oh right." she replied. "Where I'm from, we don't let them drive."

A rookie cop is at an intersection.

While he's at the red light, he sees a street sign that reads: WATCH FOR PEDESTRIANS
A few seconds later he notices a lady walking across the street along the zebra crossing. He honks his horn to stop her, rolls down his window and asks: Ma'am, are you a pedestrian?
The woman, confused at the purpose of the cop's question, replies yes, officer.
The cop proceeds to take out his pen and notepad and promptly asks So, which part of Pedestria are you from?

I made three snow angels the other day.

I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.

Last night I was driving down an old country road when I hit a pedestrian going 50 mph. It seemed to take forever for help to arrive.

That's the last time I use that towing company.

Pedestrian joke, Why did Angela Merkel cross the road?