Peas And Carrots Jokes
8 peas and carrots jokes and hilarious peas and carrots puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about peas and carrots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Peas And Carrots Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good peas and carrots joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
A guy starts his first day at a bakery...
The boss says, "We're a healthy, whole-food bakery, so we put vegetables in every type of bread that we make." He shows the new guy to the back room, where there are rows of file cabinets with pictures of vegetables on them.
"Here's where we keep the carrot dough," the boss says, opening a file drawer with a picture of a carrot on it. "And here's the zucchini dough."
"But what's this one with the picture of Kevin Spacey on it?" The new guy asks.
"Oh," the boss responds, "That's the pea dough file."
What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage?
Peas be with you.
A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....
The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."
A man is out and buys a h**....
While going down on her, he notices a piece of carrot. He removes it then goes about his business. He then finds a pea.
He holds it up and asks, "Miss? Are you sick or something?"
To which her response was, "No. But the last guy was."
From a conversation at the the Thanksgiving table about the turkeys Trump pardoned
Why did John Lennon hate carrots?
Because he wanted to give peas a chance.
A v**... goes to a brothel...
He finds a nice young lady and the two go into a back room. He's never done this type of thing before so the h**... instructs him on what to do, telling him to begin by eating her out.
The man does as he's told, but while o**... pleasuring her he comes across a piece of a carrot. He thinks this must be normal so he continues.
Then he comes across a baby pea, again he is somewhat taken aback but he chalks this up to a lack of experience.
Finally he comes across a piece of corn, so he speaks up.
"Miss, are you sick?"
"No, but the last guy was."
An old lady was arrested for shoplifting carrots.
At her court hearing the judge looked at her and said "I'm going to sentence you to one month for every carrot you stole to teach you a lesson..you stole four carrots so that's four months jail time for you."
Before he could swing his gavel down the old lady's husband raises his hand and says "Your honor, can I make a statement on behalf of my wife before you pass sentencing?"
The judge says "Yes, make it quick I have other cases to try today."
The husband looks at his wife, then the judge and says "She also stole a can of peas."
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