Pearl Jokes

Are you looking for some hilarious pearl jokes? You'll find great gags here about Minnie Pearl, Pearl Harbor, Pearl Jam, pearl necklaces, pearl anniversaries, clams, tuxedos, and shellfish. Laugh out loud with our collection of pearl-themed jokes!

Comical & Quirky Pearl Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

I held the door open for an old Japanese man, and he said "Sank you!"

Being able to understand his heavy accent, I replied "You're welcome."
He laughs and says "No, you misunderstand, I am taunting you about Pearl Harbor."

The Pearly Gates and the Brothers



Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when 3 black guys arrive.

St. Pete looked out through the Gates and said "Wait here. I will be right back."

St. Pete goes over to God's office and chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.

God says to Pete: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in!"

St. Pete goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says "Well, they're gone."

"Who. The black guys?" asked God.

"No. The Gates."

You might be a redneck

If you think "Pearl Jam" is an oriental sex act

An elderly Japanese man...

An elderly Japanese man was walking behind me as I was entering a store. Since he was older and walked with a cane, I held the door for him. As he walked pasted he said, "Sank you" with his accent. So I punched him in the face and said, "How dare you bring up Pearl Harbor like that!"

jokes about pearl

It's a good thing the Japs flew planes at Pearl Harbor

If they were driving there would have been a lot more casualties

I drop kicked a Japanese woman today

After holding the door open for her, she said to me "Sank you"

How dare she bring up Pearl Harbor like that after my nice gesture!

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

Pearl joke, A Korean and a Jew

Asian Drivers Are So Bad...

that I wouldn't be surprised if Pearl Harbor was an accident

I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.

I was holding a door open for an Asian Guy.

Once he went though, He said, 'Sank you'.

I Swore at him and kicked him in the Shin.

I Then said, 'Never bring up Pearl Harbor like that'

I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...

But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.

I just held the door open for an Asian guy. He said, "Sank you," so I punched him in the face.

I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

You can explore pearl shellfish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pearl anemone dad jokes. There are also pearl puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Did you hear about the guy that was half Black and half Japanese ...

... every December 7th he would attack Pearl Bailey.

Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career.

Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?

When pearl jam comes on and you're like...

It doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this

A Jewish guy walks into a bar. The Chinese bartender asks him his name...

"I'm Max Goldberg", he says, "what's yours?"
"I'm Wei Zhang, it's nice to meet you."

Mr. Goldberg says, "I'll never forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor."
"I'm Chinese. That was the Japanese."
"Chinese, Japanese, all the same to me."

Mr. Zhang says, "I'll never forgive you people for sinking the Titanic."
"I'm Jewish, that was an iceberg."
"Goldberg, iceberg, all the same to me."

What is Batman's least favorite Sex Act?

The Pearl Necklace.

Pearl joke, What is Batman's least favorite Sex Act?

What do you call Jack Sparrow after he falls off The Black Pearl and sinks down to the sea bed?

Johnny Deep.

So I'm holding the door for this Japanese guy...

He looks over to me and says "Sank you!" Can't believe he just brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't make that here."

Quentin Tarantino walks into a bar.

He gets up and leaves.

He takes a seat and orders a Polynesian Pearl Diver.

Asian drivers are so bad

that some speculate that Pearl Harbor might have been an accident

My Thai girlfriend is so generous

She gave me a pearl necklace.

Can you believe Pearl Fey broke out of prison?

Now she's a small medium at large.

With the way I see Asian people driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbor might have been an accident.

I held a door for an elderly Japanese man.

He said "Sank you."

Why did he have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that?

Today I saw a Japanese man rushing to the elevator

The door was closing, so I held it open for him.
He replied with, "Sank you".

Why did he have to mention Pearl Harbor like that?

My grandfather never forgave the Japanese for Pearl Harbor...

...until I explained to him that it was the Americans who made that movie.

Pearl joke, My grandfather never forgave the Japanese for Pearl Harbor...

I once helped an elderly Japanese man cross the street.

Afterwards he said, "Sank you." So I punched him in the face.
He didn't have to bring up Pearl Harbor like that.

What's an oyster's favorite band?

Pearl Jam.

Valentine's Day Gift

A young lady was caught napping one afternoon on Valentine's Day. She woke up when she heard the doorbell.

"I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day," she said to her boyfriend. "What do you think it means?"

"You'll know for sure tonight," he replied.

That evening, the young man arrived with a small package and gave it to his girlfriend. Delighted, she opened it and found a book entitled "The meaning of dreams."

A jew and a Chinese man are in an argument...

The jew says, "I hate your people for what you did at pearl harbour". The Chinese man says, what do you mean? That was the Japanese!". The jew replies, "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same. So the Chinese man says, "Well I hate your people for sinking the titanic". The jew says, "That's ridiculous; an iceberg sunk the titanic!". The Chinese man responds, "Iceberg, Goldberg, Silverberg, you're all the same".

Asians are sooo bad at driving....

I'm starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

Pearl Jam's "Alive" song just came on the radio...

You don't gotta rub it in Eddie Vedder.

Titantic is the 2nd highest grossing movie in Japan.

Guess since they couldn't sink Pearl Harbor, they went for the next best thing.

I held a door open for an Asian guy

and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

I was holding a door open for this asian guy and he said "sank you".

I punched him square in the jaw, how dare he bring up pearl harbour like that.

How do you protect yourself from gamma rays and x-rays?

You don't bomb pearl harbor.

A Jewish man and a Chinese man strike up a conversation

Before long they're arguing.

Jewish man: "You know what? I hate you."

Chinese man: "Why?"

Jewish man: "Pearl Harbor!"

Chinese man: "That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!"

Jewish man: "Japanese, Chinese what's the difference?"

Chinese man: "Well, you know what? I hate you."

Jewish man: "Why?"

Chinese man: "The Titanic!"

Jewish man: "An iceberg sunk the Titanic!"

Chinese man: "Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

To cheer me up my fiancee got me tickets to Pearl Jam.

But three songs in I still wasn't feeling Eddie Vedder

I have a question about tampons

Do they call it Tampax Pearl because it goes in their clam?

I'm just like Pearl Harbor...

no seaman left...

I was holding the door open for a Japanese guy...

The Japanese guy was like "Sank you."
I punched him dead in the jaw. Smh bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.

After putting up with Asian driving, it got me thinking...

Pearl Harbour was probably an accident.

What did Roosevelt say after the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor?

I won't stand for this.

A Jewish and a Chinese Guy.

Once two dudes, a Jewish and a Chinese were talking.

J: You evil Japanese started World War 2 by bombing Pearl Harbour.

C: I'm Chinese, not Japanese.

J: But you all look the same.

C: Well you sunk the Titanic.

J: That was an iceberg.

C: Iceberg, Goldberg, Bloomberg, its all the same to me.

​

I held the door open for an old Japanese man today

As he walked into the store he said "Sank You". I was shocked that after all these years he still brings up Pearl Harbor…

German Coast Guard

An English ship was approaching the coast when suddenly they started taking on a lot of water. The captain decided to contact the coast guard for help.

​

**Captain**: Mayday Mayday, This is the English Pearl, we are sinking.

​

**German Coast Guard**: Sorry, may you please repeat?

​

**Captain**: This is the English Pearl and we are sinking.

​

After a few moments of silence...

​

**German Coast Guard**: What are you sinking about?

My grandmother and grandfather's names were Pearl and Dean...

But I always called them Grandma and Grand PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAPA, PAPA PAPA PAPA PAPAAAAAA, PA!

What does Eddie Vedder like to wear to bed?

his pearl jammies of course!

Chinese guy and a Jewish guy sitting at a bar.

Suddenly Jewish guy whacks Chinese guy on the head. What was that for? says the Chinese guy. Pearl Harbor says the Jewish guy. Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese. Jewish guy says Japanese Chinese what's the difference?

Time goes by. Suddenly the Chinese guy whacks the Jewish guy on the head. What's that for? Sinking of the Titanic. Titanic was sunk by an iceberg. Iceberg Goldberg what's the difference?

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they're discouraged?

Ugh, we're not getting Eddy Vetter!

A Jewish man and a Chinese man are in a bar. Suddenly, the Jewish man punches the Chinese man in the face.

"Ow! Why did you do that?" asks he Chinese man.

"That's for Pearl Harbor," says the Jewish man.

"But the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. I'm Chinese!" says the Chinese man.

"Chinese, Japanese, what's the difference?" asks the Jewish man.

So the Chinese man punches the Jewish man.

"Ow! What's that for?" asks the Jewish man.

"It's for the Titanic," says the Chinese man.

"What? That was an iceberg that brought down the Titanic!" says the Jewish man.

"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?"

I held the door for a Japanese man the other day...

And he said, sank you.

So I punched him right in the face.

I can't believe he'd bring up Pearl Harbor like that.



Happy Pearl Harbor Day!

Pearl Jam just came out with a product that regulates women's periods

They're calling it Even Flow

Why was the CEO of Subway distraught when his teenage daughter walked around with a brand new pearl necklace?

She went to Jared's

A Chinese man and a Jewish man are sitting next to each other on a plane.

Suddenly, the Jewish man slaps the Chinese man across the face.

"What was that for?" asks the Chinese man..

"For Pearl Harbor" says the Jewish man.

"That was Japanese. I'm Chinese," the Chinese man says.

"Chinese, Japanese" what's the difference?

Few minutes later, the Chinese man slaps the Jewish man.

"What was that for?" asks the Jew.

"It's for the Titanic."

"The Titanic? That was an iceberg..."

"Iceberg, Goldberg, what's the difference?" says the Chinese man.

High school laffs

In high school once our history teacher asked who bombed pearl harbor, a Japanese kid raised his hand and the teacher said; correct!

Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea?

Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.

Pearl Jam have had to cancel some gigs in Europe after Eddie Vedder experienced some issues with his throat.

The band tried to source a temporary replacement vocalist, but they can't find a better man.

At the Pearly Gates

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth. St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.

"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."

"Look lady, I said one wish. Make up your mind!"

A Chinese doctor has a Jewish patient.

"Listen," says the patient, "I didn't think we were going to get along so good together."

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean! Pearl Harbor, that's what I mean!"

"What are you talking about, Pearl Harbor? I'm Chinese!"

"Yeah, well...Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same thing."

"What do you mean, all the same thing? The Jews sunk the Titanic!"

"The Jews sunk the Titanic?"

"Sure. Greenberg, Goldberg, Iceburg, all the same to me!"

Pearl Jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen.

Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pearl pearl necklace puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

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