Peanut Day Jokes
20 peanut day jokes and hilarious peanut day puns to laugh out loud. Read holiday jokes about peanut day that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Peanut Day Short Jokes
Short peanut day jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The peanut day humour may include short peanut jokes also.
- I'm proud to say that I sponsor a kid in Africa. I feed clothe and educate him all for less than 30 cents a day! That's peanuts when compared to what it cost to send him there
- One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements. I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly.
Share These Peanut Day Jokes With Friends
Peanut Day One Liners
Which peanut day one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with peanut day? I can suggest the ones about pancake day and peanut butter.
- I wish my girlfriend was like my dog Could lick peanut butter off me any time of the day
Peanut Day Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about peanut day you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean peanut butter dog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make peanut day pranks.
Little Johnny's peanut
Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut."
The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?"
Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
A minute later he hears, You look great. Have you lost weight? He looks around, but there's no one near.
Again, a minute later, he hears, You know, you don't look a day over 30. Looks around again, no one but him and the bartender, so he asks, Did you hear that?
The bartender says, It's the peanuts. They're complimentary.
Mommy...
A little girl comes home from school and her mother asks how her day was. The little girl told her mom That she had found out something new. Her mother asked what it was and the girl replied
"Johnny showed me his pee-pee today and it reminded me of a peanut."
Of course her mother was disturbed and she decided to go along with the little girl's act to see if it wasn't true.
"What about it reminded you of a peanut? Was it small like a peanut?"
"No, it tasted salty."
So i was in the bar the other day.....
When i started hearing voices saying "nice shoes" and "lovely smile", I started wondering who was saying it so i went to the bartender and said "Mate, do you know who keeps saying nice things to me" He replied "Its the peanuts mate" I replied "Peanuts, What do you mean" The bartender replied "Yea they're complementary"
An old grandma brings a bus driver
An old grandma brings a bus driver a bag of peanuts every day.
First the bus driver enjoyed the peanuts but after a week of eating them he asked: "Please granny, don't bring me peanuts anymore. Have them yourself.".
The granny answers: "You know, I don't have teeth anymore. I just prefer to s**... the chocolate around them."
I was looking for something to eat the other day & I found this Kentucky brand jelly my wife bought.
I tell you it don't matter, even if you put peanut butter on the bread too, you just can't make a decent sandwich with it. Got no taste.
I told her, "Woman, don't buy that k**... jelly anymore!"
An Irish peanut farmer recently got married...
His new bride wants to be a part of the family business, and the farmer thinks that's a great idea, so he has her start trucking deliveries into town. A couple days go by, and the farmer's neighbor stops in to see how things are going with the new misses, and the farmer says Well, she just started drivin' me nuts.
The next time you have company, serve them a bowl of shelled peanuts.
After they've eaten a few handfuls, casually mention that you've never liked peanuts, but you love to s**... the chocolate off of them.
Blonde Joke
Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman are all eating lunch together.
The Englishman says, "I hate bologna! If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to kill myself!"
The Scot says, "I hate ham! If I get ham one more time, I'll kill myself, too!"
The Irishman says, "I hate peanut butter! If I get peanut butter one more time, I'll do the same thing!"
The next day, each of them gets the same lunch as they did the day before, and killed themselves. At the f**..., their widows started talking.
The Englishman's wife said, "If I knew he didn't want bologna, I wouldn't have made it for him!" and began crying uncontrollably.
The Scot's wife said, "If I knew he didn't like ham, I would have made something else!" and also began crying.
The Irishman's wife said, "I don't know what his problem was. He made his own lunch!"
Three construction workers were having lunch on a high rise..
The first worker opens up his lunchbox and says, are you kidding me? Another bologna sandwich! Every day its bologna! If I get another bologna sandwich i'm going to jump off this high rise! The second worker opens his lunch box and says, yeah i'm with you man I cant take anymore of this! The third worker says i'm with you guys. So the next day the three workers are all getting ready to eat lunch and they are all thinking about what they had said the day before. The first worker slowly opens his lunch box. Phew! Ham and cheese he says. The second worker cautiously opens his and says, thank god peanut butter and jelly! The third worker opens his and says oh man bologna, see you guys later and jumps off the high rise. The first worker then starts laughing and the second worker says, why are you laughing? Our friend of ten years just committed s**...! Then first worker says, cause the idiot packs his own lunch.
Three men, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead are eating lunch...
... During their break at work. They all pull out their sandwiches and open them up to find out what they got to eat. First the redhead sees that he got ham and exclaims, "Ham again! If I get ham again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Next the brunette opens his sandwich and exclaims, "Turkey again! If I get turkey again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Lastly the blonde opens his sandwich and exclaims, "If I get peanut Butter and jelly one more time I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" The next day all three men got the same type of sandwich again and proceeded to the nearest cliff and jumped off.
Now the wifes are being interviewed:
The redheads wife says "If I would have known, I would have never done it!" And burst out crying The brunettes wife says "If I would have known I would have never done it!" And burst out crying. Lastly the blondes wife says "Hey don't look at me, he made his own sandwiches"
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived.
Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts."
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, 'peanuts'".
An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
Three men are all working on building a house.
They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
Three men are all working on building a house.
They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
