Peanut Butter Jokes
130 peanut butter jokes and hilarious peanut butter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about peanut butter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Peanut Butter Short Jokes
Short peanut butter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The peanut butter humour may include short peanut jokes also.
- My 9 year old just told me this joke and I thought I would share What do you call rich peanut butter?
Jif Bezos - Why did Peanut butter not open the door for the Jelly?... Because it was already ajar.
(Sorry, I'm a dad.) - An old joke I learnt [Clean] A peanut was stuck on the tracks
His heart was all a flutter
A train came down the track
*Choo Choo!*
Peanut butter. - What's the difference between girls of our generation and peanut butter? One spreads easily and the other is peanut butter
- I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes. I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
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I'll see myself out. - How do you put spaghetti to sleep? You cover it in peanut butter until it dies.
My 4 year old made that up, along with a few others. Not sure how I feel about this. - As an American, I'm surprised by how unpopular cream cheese and peanut butter are in the rest of the world... I just thought they would have spread more.
- What do you get when a dyslexic tries to make a gif? Peanut Butter.
- What type of fish goes well with peanut butter? A jellyfish!
- Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly... ..there was a jam
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Peanut Butter One Liners
Which peanut butter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with peanut butter? I can suggest the ones about peanut and jelly and peanuts nuts.
- Why did the man smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
- I bet jellyfish are sad... that there are no peanut butter fish.
- What does a stripper and peanut butter have in common. They both spread for bread.
- What do peanut butter and prostitutes have in common? They both spread for bread.
- What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter? They are both usually in bread.
- I don't like peanut butter... it just isn't my jam.
- I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif
- Have you heard of the peanut butter song? It's my jam.
- What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI? Pb and j
- My wife's legs are like the peanut butter I left in the fridge. Won't spread.
- I'm gonna go buy a car shaped like a peanut butter jar I'll be back in a Jif
- I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's jam packed.
- Your Mother and I are like peanut butter and jelly She spreads and I jam
- I like my women like I like my peanut butter... Brown, chunky, and easy to spread.
- You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.
Peanut Butter Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny peanut butter dog jokes and even better peanut butter dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wish my girlfriend was like my dog Could lick peanut butter off me any time of the day
- My dog really likes peanut butter Especially the kind with nuts inside
- How do you get a dog to lick itself clean like a cat? Cover it in peanut butter.
Peanut Butter Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny peanut butter day jokes and even better peanut butter day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One of these days, I'm going to go fishing for complements. I hope I catch some peanut butter and jelly.
Peanut Butter Cup Jokes
Here is a list of funny peanut butter cup jokes and even better peanut butter cup puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's a monkey's favorite snack? Rhesus Peanut butter cups!
- My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup and save the other one for later, so I'm clearly married to a supernatural being.
- What's an Autist's favorite type of candy bar? REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEse's Peanut Butter Cups
- I don't mind being hairy Although wiping peanut butter from a carpet isn't really my cup of tea
Peanut Butter Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about peanut butter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean butter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make peanut butter pranks.
Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!
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Yo momma's so strong, she can drink peanut butter!
Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Q. What's a shark's favorite sandwich?
A. Peanut butter and jellyfish!
Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"
Chuck Norris can eat peanut butter with a straw.
Three men, a blonde, brunette, and a redhead are eating lunch...
... During their break at work. They all pull out their sandwiches and open them up to find out what they got to eat. First the redhead sees that he got ham and exclaims, "Ham again! If I get ham again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Next the brunette opens his sandwich and exclaims, "Turkey again! If I get turkey again I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" Lastly the blonde opens his sandwich and exclaims, "If I get peanut Butter and jelly one more time I'm going to jump off a cliff and kill myself!" The next day all three men got the same type of sandwich again and proceeded to the nearest cliff and jumped off.
Now the wifes are being interviewed:
The redheads wife says "If I would have known, I would have never done it!" And burst out crying The brunettes wife says "If I would have known I would have never done it!" And burst out crying. Lastly the blondes wife says "Hey don't look at me, he made his own sandwiches"
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Three construction workers were having lunch on a high rise..
The first worker opens up his lunchbox and says, are you kidding me? Another bologna sandwich! Every day its bologna! If I get another bologna sandwich i'm going to jump off this high rise! The second worker opens his lunch box and says, yeah i'm with you man I cant take anymore of this! The third worker says i'm with you guys. So the next day the three workers are all getting ready to eat lunch and they are all thinking about what they had said the day before. The first worker slowly opens his lunch box. Phew! Ham and cheese he says. The second worker cautiously opens his and says, thank god peanut butter and jelly! The third worker opens his and says oh man bologna, see you guys later and jumps off the high rise. The first worker then starts laughing and the second worker says, why are you laughing? Our friend of ten years just committed s**...! Then first worker says, cause the idiot packs his own lunch.
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As far as my dog knows...
...d**... taste like peanut butter.
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A guy says to his wife, "I'm in the mood for some 69."
She says, "It's that time of the month, but if you don't care, I don't care."
They go into the bedroom, and are 69ing like mad dogs when the doorbell rings.
She says, "Answer the door."
He says, "But my face is a mess."
She says, "It's just the postman. Answer the door, and if he says anything, just tell him you were eating a jam sandwich."
He opens the door and says, "I'm sorry about my mouth, I was eating a jam sandwich."
The mailman says, "I wasn't looking at the jam on your mouth...I was looking at the peanut butter on your forehead."
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An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman are all eating lunch together.
The Englishman says, "I hate bologna! If I get bologna one more time, I'm going to kill myself!"
The Scot says, "I hate ham! If I get ham one more time, I'll kill myself, too!"
The Irishman says, "I hate peanut butter! If I get peanut butter one more time, I'll do the same thing!"
The next day, each of them gets the same lunch as they did the day before, and killed themselves. At the f**..., their widows started talking.
The Englishman's wife said, "If I knew he didn't want bologna, I wouldn't have made it for him!" and began crying uncontrollably.
The Scot's wife said, "If I knew he didn't like ham, I would have made something else!" and also began crying.
The Irishman's wife said, "I don't know what his problem was. He made his own lunch!"
Last Halloween
Last Halloween, I went to a costume party. I spot a guy dressed in a monkey costume with a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. I asked him what he was dressed as, and he replied, "Me? I am a Reese's Monkey."
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My uncle invented this one today.
What is the best part of a dog eating peanut butter?
He has no hands to pick the p**... out.
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Many Israelis have died from..
..Peanut butter allergies than from h**... rockets.
What do you call a lying peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Untrustable
I like my girl like I like my peanut butter.
Chunky and spread liberally.
What's one thing that a beautiful woman and a jar of peanut butter have in common?
They can both make me swell up to 3 times my normal size.
Peanut butter and jelly don't love each other...
but I always find them in bread together.
Terrible jokes my Dad told me as a kid
Joke 1: How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? The peanut butter has footprints
Joke 2: How do you know if an elephant is in your cherry tree? Elephants have blue eyes
I don't know if this has anything to do with how awful the jokes are, but my Dad immigrated from Germany in the 1960's
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I tried the whole Peanut Butter-and-d**... thing with my dog
...but the Peanut Butter just kept sticking to the roof of my mouth.
I like my women like I like my peanut butter
100% nuts
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What's the difference between peanut butter and a homosexual man?
One is a nut-butter and the other is a b**...-nutter.
What do you call it when you make sandwiches at a sleepover?
Peanut butter and jammies!
People call me peanut-butter...
Because everywhere I go, folks be gettin' jelly.
How is a women and peanut butter the same?
It takes a lot of coaxing to get them to spread when they're cold
What's the difference between your girlfriend's yeast infection and the brand of peanut butter your Mom used?
The peanut butter was easier to get off the roof of your mouth ...
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A woman's legs are a lot like peanut butter
It's much easier to get them to spread if you have a knife
Why couldnt the crunchy peanut butter meet any women?
Because he wasn't smooth.
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How do you stop a dog from h**... your leg?
Put peanut butter on it.
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What peanut butter do total d**... eat?
Schmuckers.
How do you get Sarah Jessica Parker to say her lines on set?
Rub some peanut butter on her gums.
What is a fishes favorite kind of sandwich?
peanut butter and jellyfish
I ate peanut butter and got an allergic reaction.
I got sued.
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An elderly man was on his deathbed.
A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"
Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter & jelly
Never mind I'm afraid you'll spread it
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Dad, is that dog over there a wiener dog?
Son, with enough peanut butter every dog is a wiener dog.
I'm the last one on Earth...
My diet is now peanut butter, honey please come back.
What's the matter, peanut butter?
Jelly?
Why is peanut butter lighter than peanut?
Because butter fly.
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What gets very small when exposed to cold?
**YOUR PE**..anut butter ice cream crave
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What's the most difficult thing about training a dog?
Getting the peanut butter out of your p**... hair
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What do you call a mini-golf club made of wasp t**... that's covered in Reese's Pieces?
A peanut butter bee-nut putter.
what do homosexuals and peanut butter have in common?
They both dont come in boxes
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A comedian walks to the stage
Comedian: let's do a white racist joke
Us w**... like the same things
We like the same sandwich: peanut butter and-
Audience: JELLY!
Comedian: we like the same chips.
Salt and vi-
Audience: NEGAR
The attribute I most look for in a woman is peanut butter legs...
smooth and easy to spread.
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My gf and I had s**... for the first time. We filmed it, and she wants to post the whole thing online. Now we're having an argument.
Is it pronounced Gif (like give) or Jif (like peanut butter)?
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Why are peanut butter and jelly r**...?
They're in-bread
Why is Jif the preferred peanut butter at the mosque?
Because choosy imams choose Jif.
When I grow up I'm going to be peanut butter
You jelly bro?
I wanted to learn to speak Elvish but I got the wrong book.
I can't speak like the Elves from Lord of the Rings but I can curl my lip and order a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich like a champ!
Ever had to force your dog into taking their medication?
It's the worst, right? You try to cover it with peanut butter, even then they know you're up to something. So it gets kinda physical, have to get in there with both hands and hold them open and push it in with your finger, hoping they don't bite you. Turns into a wrestling match, sometimes. But as it turns out, the trick was we were just using the wrong peanut butter. Ever since we switched to creamy, those suppositories just pop right in.
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What did the k**... give kids on Halloween?
Racist Peanut Butter Cups
I like my peanut butter how I like my Graphics Interchange Format
JIF
Why do Gunguns love peanut butter?
Because it's a Jar-jar with crushed nuts!
Peanut butter was chatting with jelly
I envy you, said the jelly.
Why? said the peanut butter.
I don't know, I guess I'm just the jellous type
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My dog ate a package of peanut butter cups.
Now he's p**... out Reeses f**....
Did you know peanut butter has 124 calories per spoonful?
That's nuts