peak Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious peak puns

George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

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Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains?

Mountains peak.

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In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

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Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours. The descent, again depending on your skill level, takes anywhere between 4 hours and 30 seconds."

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TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.

I guess you can say the earth is flat.

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A white tourist stands beside a Jamaican local at a urinal...

Being a curious man, the white tourist decides to lean over to take a peak at the Jamaican's junk to see if the stereotype lives up to its expectations. Looking over, the tourist notices that the local has the letters "W Y" tattooed on his penis. The tourist says to the local "Hey, is your wife named wendy"

"Nah mon," says the local. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, because my wife is named Wendy. I have it tattooed on my dick. And when I'm erect, you can see her fullname. But when I'm not, all you can see are the letters W and Y" says the tourist.

"That's cool mon" the local says as he finishes up.

The tourist, even more curious then previously is baffled by what the W and Y could mean.

"So if it's not Wendy...then why do you have a W and Y tattooed on your dick".

The Jamaican local smiled and looked at the tourist "Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica, we hope you enjoy your stay"

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George R. R. Martin found dead after reaching peak popularity.

Just like his characters.

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Man goes to the Dr because his D!ck has turned Orange.

Man: Doctor, I have this orange dick, its freaking me out, have you ever heard of such a thing?


Doctor: Hmm interesting, mind if I take a peak?


So the man breaks out his bright orange man meat for the doctor to inspect.


Doctor: By god! You're not kidding, you just woke up and it was like this? Have you had any traumatic experiences lately?


Man: Well it started slowly turning slight orange a few weeks ago and it wasn't until this morning I realized it was like this- bright orange. Life has been very crazy lately though, my girlfriend recently left me after I lost my job and Ive been very stressed out and drinking a lot.


Doctor: Im sorry to hear that, what have you been doing since then?


Man: Honestly... Ive just been sitting around watching porn and eating Cheetos.

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How do mountains see?

They peak.

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I am fascinated by mountains.

They peak my interest.

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How do you call the peak of indifference?

What Everest.

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Like cousin Tony

Frank and Paul were standing next to each other at the urinal, when Frank says "Man, I wish I was like my cousin Tony, when he goes to take a leak he needs to hold his thing with four fingers."

Paul takes a quick peak and says "Well it looks like your holding yours with four fingers."

Frank says "Yea, I am. But I'm also pissing on three of them."

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Three men are on a mountain top with a spiritual guru.

The guru says to the men, "This peak is magical. If you jump off of this cliff and speak, you will take the form of what it is you speak.
The guru shows them. He leaps off the cliff and says, "eagle" and flies away in the form of an eagle.
The first man jumps off the edge and yells, "a beautiful butterfly" and takes shape as a butterfly and flies away.
The second man dives off the cliff and shouts, "Phoenix!" And turns into a Phoenix and flies away.
The third man cannot decide what to transform into. He is pacing back and forth trying to think when he trips and falls over the edge.
"Shit!"

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Sherlock Holmes has been caught up in a pedophile scandal.

Dr Watson asked him: "In your experience, at what age are women at their peak in the bedroom?"

Holmes replied: "Elementary, my dear Watson."

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How I learned to mind my own business???

One day I was walking near a mental institution. Everyone in the courtyard was yelling: 13 13 13 !!!
The fence was to high to see anything, but I found a hole so I got close to peak through it.. A crazy guy poked me in the eye and everyone started yelling: 14 14 14!!!

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A communist joke often told by Ronald Reagan

Two Russian friends were taking a walk downtown during the height of the Soviet Union. The one looks around at his country and says "is this it? Have we achieved peak Communism?"

The other responds "oh, no my friend, it gets much worse."

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Driving through a blizzard with my dad

At the peak of the snow and ice he got out of the car and put two frozen snakes on the windshield. I asked him what he supposed that would do to help and he said "what's wrong son, Never heard of wind chilled vipers?"

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I peaked too soon in high school.

I'm still sending her child support.

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Three men wanted to look like women.

So they asked an old man for advise. The old man said: "Hike to the peak of that mountain. Up there is a tree. Say something to the tree, and that's what you'll look like."

When they reached the peak, the first man said, "Gal Gadot", and he looked like Gal Gadot. The second guy said "Emma Watson", so he looked like Emma Watson. The third guy tripped, and said "Oh shit!".

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Halfway through his birth, I realize that my son was at his peak trading value...

At that point, he was new, in box

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Chairman Mao was a keen rock climber who managed to scale all the top ten peaks of China. He commemorated his achievement by getting his ears pierced and adding 10 pieces of jewellery to represent each peak.

he was....(ahem)....MaoTenEarring.

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Took a peak at one of my Christmas presents.

A bag of rice? Thanks a lot Uncle Ben.

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Why did the nurse cuddle with her locked-in syndrome patients right after their sponge bath?

Because she likes her vegetables at the peak of freshness

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Annoying Orange has 5 million subscribers, but has long since reached its peak.

Now he's president of the United States.

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Topical Jokes (5/22)

Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!

First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more sex during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".

Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.

More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.

Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."

And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.

Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!

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Oh, you want to climb to the top of Mount Everest?

Did it PEAK your interest?

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Hey. I can't help but peak at chu.

It's making my bulbs all sore.

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There was this former soccer star...

who quit at the peak of his career. When a reporter asked him why, he replied It was Messi business.

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British scientists have created a new high-tech material that reaches peak performance around 5pm

They called it Tea-timeium.

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A mountain climber's dog falls off a cliff just before reaching the peak. He says...

"Dog gone."

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A Pokemon GO player climbed to the summit of mount Everest...

...convinced that he would could catch a rare Pokemon. All he caught was a cold. It stared with a peak achoo.

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Comedy At Its Peak

Man With Itchy Bum Have Stinky Finger

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Ash sat up with a jolt, nose hairs on end. He sneezed explosively.

Witnesses reported a peak ah-choo.

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Why did the rock climber start licking the grass on the peak?

He wanted some Mountain Dew.

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Why do so many die on Mount Everest?

Many never reached peak performance.

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What are the most funny Peak jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Peak? Well, here are the best Peak dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Peak pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes