Peach Jokes
79 peach jokes and hilarious peach puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about peach that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Dive into a world of fruit-themed puns and wordplay with this collection of Peach Jokes! From Timothee Chalamet's Peach-related musings to the classic Nintendo characters Mario and Peach, these zany jokes will have you laughing out loud. Get ready to pluck a few plums, pick a few blueberries, and most importantly – get ready to laugh until your cheeks are peachy!
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Funniest Peach Short Jokes
Short peach jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The peach humour may include short mango jokes also.
- In North Korea, you cannot throw fruit in the snow... Because they do not have the right to freeze peach.
- I get so mad when people sneak up behind me and yell, "LET'S CAN SOME PEACHES !!!" It's really jarring
- Last night I bought my friend a lifetime supply of Peach Ice Cream He has cancer, in Hospice, and the Doctors have given him two weeks tops.
- I am so upset. Everything I look at turns into peach cobbler My world is crumbling around me
- James and giant peach should have been serialized into a number of films. Dave and the giant strawberry.
John and the giant cantelope.
Your mom and the giant cucumber. - I've been challenged to make a play on words with the word for a whole bunch of peaches in a basket. Try as I might though, I just can't punnet.
- How are Marie Antoinette, Princess Peach, and GLaDOS alike? They all lie about there being cake.
- ... I had the best date last night ... .
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... I'll sure to try a peach tonight ..., - During times of War The waring nations would remove certain fruit from their restaurants.
Because Peach is no longer an option. - How do vegans say, if they wanna go on vacation? Lettuce go to the peach
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Peach One Liners
Which peach one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with peach? I can suggest the ones about strawberry and peanut.
- What did Mario say to Peach when they broke up? It's not you, it's a me a mario!
- My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears. So he handed me another one.
- What do you do with 100 peaches? You eat what you can, and you can, what you can't.
- Impeach. Hi Peach, I'm Dad.
- Why doesn't Angelina Jolie like peaches? Because of the "Pit"
- Why did Princess Peach choose Toad? Because he seemed like such a fungi
- Why was Mario furious? He caught Princess Peach going through his Bowser history
- What's the difference between Trump and Mario? Trump was impeached, Mario was in Peach
- Mario has died from a heart attack while making love to his girlfriend Rest in Peach
- What do you call it when a fruit studders? A peach impediment.
- Why did princess peach choke? Mario came down the wrong pipe
- Why did Princess Peach dump Mario for Toad? Because he just wasn't as much of a fun guy.
- Why did the American prepare peach gelato? To demonstrate her right to freeze peach!
- What's the first amendment in Super Mario's constitution? Freedom of Peach
- Mario, Luigi, Peach met up for the first time in 5 years It was a Wii Union!
Mario And Peach Jokes
Here is a list of funny mario and peach jokes and even better mario and peach puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Mario's favorite dessert? Peach pie.
- Mario, why don't you want to hang out with Toad? Peach asked. He's a fungi.
- How do you make peach crumble? Tell her that Mario is dead
- Maybe all the people saying "impeach Trump" just don't want him to steal their favorite Mario Kart character. I'm Peach, Trump
- Why couldn't Mario ever watch Netflix with Peach? Because the princess was always on another Castle.
- Whats the one pipe Mario will not fit down? Princess peach.
Princess Peach Jokes
Here is a list of funny princess peach jokes and even better princess peach puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Articles of Impeachment The selection of clothing a cosplayer uses to dress up like Princess Peach.
- Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower? Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion
Rib-Tickling Peach Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about peach you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apple and pear jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make peach pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a peach crumble?
..kick it in the nuts!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Watering Hole
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Fruit Joke Request
I'm writing a speech and I need help with a joke, was hoping someone here might have some good ideas.
Part of my speech is where I compare myself to a piece of fruit (currently a peach), using metaphor. I wanted to start out saying something along the lines of "Then I had the epiphany... I was just like this peach... no... I'm not (insert joke)"
The first thought that popped into my head is to say I'm not fruity, but I don't want to be offensive.
Any ideas? I prefer peach related, but any fruit would work.
Thanks!
What's the difference between James Henry Trotter and Donald Trump?
One lives in a peach, and the other is impeached!
No James, that isn't a giant peach...
...that is Nicki Minaj walking away from us.
What do you get when you cross a peach with a bunny?
Something punny.
A recent college grad visits a farm one day
A recent college grad visits a farm one day. He approaches the farmer and points to one of the trees.
"You know, with the methods you old farmers use, I'd be surprised if you could get one bushel of apples from that tree" says the college grad.
"I'd be too" the farmer answers. "That's a peach tree."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not Here To Swim...
My uncle Mike owns hundreds of acres of land. In a back corner of that land there is a small lake surrounded by peach trees. One day he decides he'll pick some peaches and relax by the water. So he grabs a peach bucket and starts toward the lake. As he gets closer he hears women screaming and thinking something is wrong he sprints to the lake but to his surprise he finds three girls skinny-dipping. As soon as he gets to the shore the three girls see him and swim to the middle of the lake. They yell, "You're not coming in and we're not coming out until you leave." So thinking fast he holds up the bucket and says, "I'm not here to swim. I'm here to feed the alligators!"
Why was the peach late to work?
He had to make a pit stop on the way there.
I named my new art Peach
It looks pretty, but is completely useless.
What's im season at the White House
Peach
Have you ever gone to the club looking for a Georgia Peach?
And actually ended up with an Adams Apple?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ben and j**...'s is coming out with a new flavor with peach and mint.
It's called "Impeachmint"
Mario sits Princess Peach down to have a serious talk.
Peach, we've been together a long time, I've saved you countless times, but I just can't go on any longer.
But I want you to know, it's not you, itsa me, Mario.
Why didn't the peach have any fuzz?
Because it was suffering from alo-peach-ia.
Rest in peach boiled water!
You will be mist
A women is in court for shoplifting a tin of peaches
The Judge says, you are a persistent offender, I've decided I'm going to make an example of you, I'm going to open a tin of peaches and for every peach I count, you will get a month in jail.
He counts 7 peaches, sentences her to 7 months inside and asks for her to be taken down.
As she walks past the gallery her husband, who is not happy with the sentence, shouts at the Judge "SHE HAD TWO TINS OF PEAS AS WELL"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Orange juice, peach schnapps, v**..., and fresh mint.
The best type of party drink. I call it "Orange Impeachmint"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone, mother would say, going upstairs.
But I couldn't help myself, I sneaked in and watched him making those s**... little peach shoes.
My friend told me that my fruit puns were getting out of hand.
He is just jealous that son of a peach.
Elvis Presley, Tupac Shakur, and Kim Kong Un go into a bar. Elvis order a Peach Brandy, Tupac ordered a Hennessy.
They just placed Kim Jong Un sitting up against a wall because he's really dead.
I made a freudian slip the other day.
I said I only need two emojis asparagus and peach. I mean Aubergene!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend's a**... is like a peach.
It's hairy and makes a horrible yogurt.
\- Gary Delaney
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.
The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One Day, Mario took peach to a fancy pizzaria
They made their order, then sat down and waited. After a few minutes a b**... waitress brought them their pizza. Then they started eating. once their meal was done the waitress came back to see how their meal went. To her and Peach's horror, Mario was so big he broke through the roof. When the waitress asked what happened all Mario could say was "I told you, no mushrooms"
peaches vs peas
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke......and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.
At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."
The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"
"6," the old lady responded.
"Then," the judge said, "you will spend one day in jail for each peach, for a total of 6 days."
"Your Honor," spoke her husband, "she also stole a can of peas!"
