Pea Jokes

What are some Pea jokes?

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.

He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.

Thought of this whilst snacking.

If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?

How to catch an elephant

Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face.

What is the difference between a lentil and chick pea?

No one pays $300 to have a lentil on their chest.

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

How to catch a bear

First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.

Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.

Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

How do you catch a polar bear?

Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.

How to catch a polar bear

First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole

When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

What do you call a pea that falls off your plate?

An Esca-pea!

Whats the difference between a pickle and a chick pea

~~I've never had a pickle on my chest before~~
The texture

How do you make a blueberry?

You strangle a pea.

How do you capture a polar bear?

1. Dig a hole in the ice.

2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole

3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

A boy walks into an ice cream shop and asks the attendant

"Do you have pea ice cream?"

"No" he replies.

After a week the same kid goes back to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"

"No" he replies. "That's ridiculous."

After a few days, the same boy walks into the shop and asks the same question, getting the same answer.

"I'll fulfill this boy's wish" the attendant says after the he leaves "I'll make a pea ice cream"

A week later the same kid returns to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"

"Yes" the attendant replies

"Wow" says the kid "That's nasty"

To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):

First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.

How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.

When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!

What do you call an angry pea?

A Grump-pea.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anybody can mash potatoes...

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood

2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes

3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole

Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.

How to catch an elephant

Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.

What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup

Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup…

How to trap a Bear.

1.) Dig a Hole.
2.) Put Peas around the Hole.
3.) Put ashes inside the Hole.
4.) When the Bear comes to take a Pea Kick him in the ash hole.

How do you catch an elephant?

First you dig a big hole and fill it with ashes. Next you put peas around the hole. When it comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?

Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

How do you catch a polar bear?

First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

How to catch a bear

Note: Best when told aloud

First you have to go some place cold, where bears live. Find an ice lake and make a big hole in it, deep enough to where a bear could not escape. Then you go to the store and buy some frozen peas. Scatter the peas all around the hole and then hide near the hole. Now you just wait until a bear comes to take a pea and you kick him in the ice hole.

How do you catch a bear?

You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

Clean: How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole.

A little girl is eating her vegetables

Suddenly one of the pea pods came to life and began pleading for its life, "No giant! Please spare me and I will take you to my kingdom where my queen will reward you with much more than my life!"

With nothing better to do, the girl accepts the offer and follows the talking pea to his kingdom. After a short 20 minute journey they arrive to their destination and the girl is left stunned. The size of the kingdom was humongous and complex, much more than she had previously thought it would be. The town was bulging with the life of the pea pod towns folk. The girl was left blown away with her jaw dropping, as she had finally seen her first pea nest.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a green pea?

Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a green pea on him.

A man is out and buys a hooker.

While going down on her, he notices a piece of carrot. He removes it then goes about his business. He then finds a pea.

He holds it up and asks, "Miss? Are you sick or something?"

To which her response was, "No. But the last guy was."

What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?

Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put a can of peas down and whenever a polar bear goes for a pea, kick him in the icehole.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes,
but you can't pee soup.


(sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?

Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.

When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

What should I buy for dinner?

I see frozen peas are cool this time of year.


..you might say that's a corny joke, but it's really not. It's a pea joke.

While cooking dinner this happened.

I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." ...got a laugh

Another dad joke

Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"

Kid: "Please... please don't."

Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."

How do you catch a polar bear using a can of peas?

First you cut a hole in the ice.

Then you place the peas all around the hole and hide.

And when the polar bear walks up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.

A little girl was eating her veggies

Suddenly one of the pea pods came to life and began pleading for its life, "No giant! Please spare me and I will take you to my kingdom where my queen(mother) will reward you with much more than my life!"

With nothing better to do, the girl accepts the offer and follows the talking pea to his kingdom. After a short 20 minute journey they arrive to their destination and the girl is left stunned. The size of the kingdom was humongous and complex, much more than she had previously thought it would be. The town was bulging with the life of the pea pod towns folk. The girl was left blown away with her jaw dropping, as she had finally seen her first pea nest.

How to catch a polar bear

Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.

Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come along to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

How do you catch a polar bear?

How do you catch a polar bear?

First you have to cut a big hole in the ice.
Then you open a can of green peas and put the peas around the hole.

Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea - you kick it in the pea hole!

Det. Chick Pea at your service.

What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another chickpea to death.

Hummuscide

Thank you, I'll let myself out...

How do you catch an Elephant?

Dig a hole, fill it with ashes, and line the outside with peas.

So when the Elephant comes to take a pea, you can kick him in the ash hole.

What did Moses do after he got a bladder infection?

Parted the Red Pea

How to catch a polar bear:

Step 1: cut a hole in the ice.
Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it.
Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole.

What is Thanos's favorite vegetable?

The snap pea.

How do you trap a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?

I wont pay 200$ for a lentil on my face 😀

How to catch a polar bear...

First you have to get an ordinary can of peas and a saw. Now go out onto the ice and cut a hole into the ice. Open the can of peas and place single peas around the hole about an inch apart and wait.

When the polar bear goes to take a pea, you run up and kick him in the icehole!

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chic pea?

Trump never saw a garbonzo bean on a hotel bed.

People like me when I use my double barreled pea shooter.

That's because I aim two peas.

What's the difference between a chick pea and an eggplant?

Trump didn't have an eggplant on a bed in a Moscow hotel room.

How do you catch a bear?

1. Dig a big hole
2. Fill the hole with ash
3. Place peas all around the hole
4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole

My Grandpa used to tell me "Eat Every Bean

and Pea on your Plate"!

If a tomato's a tomato and a potato's a potato, what's a pea?

A relief.

How to make Pea jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Pea to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Pea? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Pea pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes