Pea Jokes

• Short Pea Jokes
• Pea One Liners
• Black Eyed Pea Jokes
• Green Pea Jokes
• Pea Soup Jokes
• Split Pea Jokes
• Sweet Pea Jokes
• More Pea Jokes

Funniest Pea Short Jokes

Short pea jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pea humour may include short bean jokes also.

1. Before chris brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas". And now they are The ......... Peas
2. What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
3. We just got home from karaoke. My wife tried to sing with a mouth full of chick peas I told her to hummus a tune
4. Thought of this whilst snacking. If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?
5. My all time favorite: How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice and line it with frozen peas. Then when the bear goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
6. What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas? Black eyed peas can sing us a song, Chickpeas can only hummus one!
7. Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean? Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.
8. How to catch an elephant Dig a big hole
   Fill it with ashes
   Sprinkle peas on top
   When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.
9. What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face.
10. What is the difference between a lentil and chick pea? No one pays $300 to have a lentil on their chest.

Share These Pea Jokes With Friends

Pea One Liners

Which pea one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pea? I can suggest the ones about sprinkle and green pea.

1. Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!
2. What is the difference between mash potatoes and pea soup? Anyone can mash potatoes.
3. The dumplings went on a date and said it was pea-perfect.
4. What did the religous carrot say to the cabbage? Peas be with you.
5. What award did the deceased chick pea receive? A posthummus award
6. Whats a pacifist favorite food? Peas
7. Why did John Lennon become a vegetarian? He wanted to give peas a chance.
8. What are peas attracted to? Chickpeas
9. What do you call a pea that falls off your plate? An Esca-pea!
10. Person who created 'Autocorrect' died..... May his sole restaurant in peas..
11. What's the difference between a baked potato and pea soup? Anyone can bake a potato.
12. How do you make a blueberry? You strangle a pea.
13. The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song But the Chick Peas can only hummus one
14. What do you call an angry pea? A Grump-pea.
15. What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? Anybody can mash potatoes...

Black Eyed Pea Jokes

Here is a list of funny black eyed pea jokes and even better black eyed pea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• Why are black eyed peas better than chick peas? Because Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, but chick peas can only hummus
• I just came from a domestic violence awareness concert... ...headlined by the Black Eyed Peas
• Did you hear about the book of poetry that the Black Eyed Peas are publishing? It's written in Will.I.Ambic Pentameter
• What is R. Kelly's favorite vegetable? Black-eyed Peas
• What's Rihanna's favorite kind of peas? Black eyed peas.
• Last week the Black Eyed Peas had to give a sworn testimony in court. It was a fergalicious deposition
• The Black Eyed Peas go by a new name now... It's The Black Eyed Beans now.
  They wanted to go back to their roots.
• What did the black eyed peas say when they left the dentist? "I got a filling, woo-hoo!"
• Before they met Chuck Norris, the Black Eyed Peas were simply known as "The Peas."
• Q: What did the Black Eyed Peas do at Wiz Khalifa's costume party?
  A: They dressed up in black and yellow, black and yellow, and said, "I'm a bee, I'm a bee, I'm a I'm a I'm a bee!"

Green Pea Jokes

Here is a list of funny green pea jokes and even better green pea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• How do you catch a polar bear? You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.
  When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!
• A Spaniard is counting small green vegetables... "Uno pea, dos pea, tres pea, cuatro pea", and then he fainted.
• What's the difference between blue whales and green peas? A leprechaun doesn't get offended if you ask him if his whale's blue.
• What do you have if you have two little green peas in your hand? Kermits undivided attention
• What's the difference between a chickpea and a green pea? Trump wouldn't pay $1000 to have a green pea on him.
• Why did the green bean go to jail? He was disturbing the peas.
• Which is the most environmentally friendly vegetable? Green peas.
• What STD does the Jolly Green Giant get? Le Sueur Peas
• Why was the pea small and green? Because if it were big and red, it would be a fire truck.
• How do you make a blonde's brain resemble a pea? You inflate it and paint it green.

Pea Soup Jokes

Here is a list of funny pea soup jokes and even better pea soup puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup Q: What did you have for lunch?
  A: Pea Soup
  Q: What did you have for dinner?
  A: Pea Soup
  Q: What did you do all night?
  A: Pee soup…
• Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
  A: You can roast beef but you cant pee soup.
• What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup. Anyone can roast beef, but it's not easy to pea soup.
• What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!
• Another dad joke Dad: "What's the difference between seafood and pea soup?"
  Kid: "Please... please don't."
  Dad: "I can see food but I can't pee soup."
• What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? You can mash potatoes,
  but you can't pee soup.
  (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
• What's the best part of split-pea soup? The cut up peaness.
• What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup? Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.
• Did you hear what the ridiculous fraction ordered for lunch? I don't know either but I heard she tried to halve split-pea soup and pay with a quarter.
• Q: What's the difference between pea soup and roast beef?
  A: Anyone can roast beef.

Split Pea Jokes

Here is a list of funny split pea jokes and even better split pea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What happened to the Black Eyed Peas when they were broken up? They became the Black Eyed Split Peas

Sweet Pea Jokes

Here is a list of funny sweet pea jokes and even better sweet pea puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What did the hippie farmer plant in his backyard Some sweet peas
• Food for thought I usually go with sweet peas or c**... jacks.

Heartwarming Pea Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about pea you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean black eyed pea jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pea pranks.

How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood
2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes
3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole
Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a m**... bean?

I've never paid to have a m**... bean on my face

How to catch a polar bear

First, go to the Arctic and dig a large hole in the ice.
Next, open a can of peas and place the peas around the edge of the hole.
When the bear steps up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.
Sorry. I'll see myself out

How to trap a polar bear

First you cut a hole in the ice. Then place peas all around the hole. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
Hey, the kids like it lol

What's the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

Well I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest before

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

How to trap a Bear.

1.) Dig a Hole.
2.) Put Peas around the Hole.
3.) Put ashes inside the Hole.
4.) When the Bear comes to take a Pea Kick him in the ash hole.

What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.

How do you catch an elephant?

First you dig a big hole and fill it with ashes. Next you put peas around the hole. When it comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.

How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?

Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

How do you catch a bear?

You first dig a hole. Then fill it up with ash from your fireplace. Since bears love peas grab a frozen bag from the store and surround the hole with frozen peas then wait. When the bear comes around and bends down to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

How to catch a bear

Note: Best when told aloud
First you have to go some place cold, where bears live. Find an ice lake and make a big hole in it, deep enough to where a bear could not escape. Then you go to the store and buy some frozen peas. Scatter the peas all around the hole and then hide near the hole. Now you just wait until a bear comes to take a pea and you kick him in the ice hole.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

How do you catch a polar bear?

First you dig a hole in the ice, about 8 feet deep and about 6 feet wide.
Second you open a can of peas and place the peas around the perimeter of the ice hole.
Then you hide and wait. When the polar bear stops to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Clean: How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, place a bunch of peas in that hole, and when a polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him right in the ice hole.

A man is out and buys a h**....

While going down on her, he notices a piece of carrot. He removes it then goes about his business. He then finds a pea.
He holds it up and asks, "Miss? Are you sick or something?"
To which her response was, "No. But the last guy was."

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, put a can of peas down and whenever a polar bear goes for a pea, kick him in the icehole.

How do you catch a polar bear?

How do you catch a polar bear?
First you have to cut a big hole in the ice.
Then you open a can of green peas and put the peas around the hole.
Finally, when the bear comes to take a pea - you kick it in the pea hole!

How do you catch a polar bear using a can of peas?

First you cut a hole in the ice.
Then you place the peas all around the hole and hide.
And when the polar bear walks up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.

How do you catch a polar bear with a shovel and a can of peas?

Dig a hole in the ice. Put peas all around the hole and wait.
When the polar bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the icehole.

How to catch a polar bear

Needed tools: one can of Jolly Green Giant Green Peas and an ice saw.
Step one: cut a polar bear sized hole in the ice
Step two: drain the juice from the peas and place them one at a time all the way around the hole you just cut in the ice.
Step three: when the polar bear come along to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

What's the difference between a garbanzo and a chick pea?

I'm not spending $100 to have a garbanzo on my face.

Det. Chick Pea at your service.

What do you call it when a chickpea smashes another chickpea to death.
Hummuscide
Thank you, I'll let myself out...

While cooking dinner this happened.

I was making stir fry and opened a bag of peas. One pea gets lose and rolls off the counter. It was like slow motion as I watched it hit floor and roll under the stove. I turned to my wife who also witnessed the incident and said: "We have an escape pea." ...got a laugh

What should I buy for dinner?

I see frozen peas are cool this time of year.
..you might say that's a corny joke, but it's really not. It's a pea joke.

What's the difference between a chic pea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay 20 dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

What is Thanos's favorite vegetable?

The snap pea.

What did Moses do after he got a bladder infection?

Parted the Red Pea

How do you catch an Elephant?

Dig a hole, fill it with ashes, and line the outside with peas.
So when the Elephant comes to take a pea, you can kick him in the ash hole.

How to catch a polar bear:

Step 1: cut a hole in the ice.
Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it.
Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole.

How to catch a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and sprinkle peas around the outside of the hole
When the polar bear comes to take a pea,
You kick him in the ice-hole

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice and put some peas around it. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?

I wont pay 200$ for a lentil on my face 😀

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chic pea?

Trump never saw a garbonzo bean on a hotel bed.

How do you trap a polar bear?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

How do you catch a bear?

1. Dig a big hole
2. Fill the hole with ash
3. Place peas all around the hole
4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole

How to catch a polar bear...

First you have to get an ordinary can of peas and a saw. Now go out onto the ice and cut a hole into the ice. Open the can of peas and place single peas around the hole about an inch apart and wait.
When the polar bear goes to take a pea, you run up and kick him in the icehole!