pea Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious pea puns

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?

I've never paid 100$ to have a lentil on my face.

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How to catch a polar bear

This is the first joke I ever told my grandpa(I was so little I don't even remember it) but he told everyone he could about it up to the day he passed.

Do you know how to catch a polar bear grandpa?

No I don't short-stuff, how do you catch one?

You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas, and when the polar bear goes to take a pea.
you kick him in the ice-hole.

He passed away 15 years ago this month and I still smile whenever I remember this joke.

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Thought of this whilst snacking.

If one chick pea kills another chick pea... Is that considered Humuscide?

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A woman picks up a guy at a bar... Nsfw

And takes him back to her place. They start to get busy and he goes down on her. After a couple minutes he feels a piece of rice in his mouth but in his horny state just decides to spit it out and continue. A few minutes later he feels a pea in his mouth but once again decides to spit it out and go back to work. Not two minutes later he feels a chunk of beef in his mouth and this time he gets up a little concerned and asks the lady what's the matter with you are you sick or something? The lady looks at him and says no, but the last guy was.

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Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

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How to catch an elephant

Dig a big hole
Fill it with ashes
Sprinkle peas on top
When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

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What's the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Nobody's ever paid money to have a lentil on their face.

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What's the difference between a chick pea and potato?

I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face.

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What is the difference between a lentil and chick pea?

No one pays $300 to have a lentil on their chest.

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What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

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What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea?

Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face.

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How to catch a bear

First, you dig a big hole in the ground out in the woods and you fill it to the top with ash.

Second, place fresh peas all around the hole.

Then when the bear comes up to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

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How do you catch a polar bear?

Go to the arctic, take a can of peas.
When you get there, cut a hole in the ice and place peas all around the edge of it.
When the polar bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

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How do you catch an elephant?

First, you dig a hole and let a fire burn out in it. Then, you put peas all around it. When the elephant comes to take a pea you kick him in the ash hole.

Compliments of my deceased grandfather for telling me this joke when I was a kid.

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How to catch a polar bear

First, you dig a hole in the ice,
then you sprinkle peas around the hole

When a polar bear bends down to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole!

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Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea ?

I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, and surround it with peas. When he goes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I have never paid $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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What do you call a pea that falls off your plate?

An Esca-pea!

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How do you make a blueberry?

You strangle a pea.

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How do you capture a polar bear?

1. Dig a hole in the ice.

2. Place a bunch of peas around the hole

3. When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.

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A boy walks into an ice cream shop and asks the attendant

"Do you have pea ice cream?"

"No" he replies.

After a week the same kid goes back to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"

"No" he replies. "That's ridiculous."

After a few days, the same boy walks into the shop and asks the same question, getting the same answer.

"I'll fulfill this boy's wish" the attendant says after the he leaves "I'll make a pea ice cream"

A week later the same kid returns to the ice cream shop and asks: "Do you have pea ice cream?"

"Yes" the attendant replies

"Wow" says the kid "That's nasty"

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To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):

First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.

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How to catch an elephant


1. Dig a large pit that an elephant can fit into without being able to escape.
2. Make a fire in the pit and let it burn for a day then go out.
3. Place peas around the edge of the pit.
4. When the elephant comes to a take a pea, kick it in the ash hole.

I know this isn't a "joke" exactly, but it's kind of cute. I'm having a bad day, so just fucking laugh, dammit.

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How do you catch a polar bear?

You cut a big hole in the ice and line the edge with green peas.

When the bear comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole!

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What do you call an angry pea?

A Grump-pea.

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How to catch a bear...

1st - Dig a huge hole and fill it with wood

2nd - Light the wood on fire and burn it until there is nothing but ashes

3rd - Place peas all around the outside of the hole

Now, when the bear bends over to take a pea, you kick him right in the ash hole.

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How to catch an elephant

Dig a hole big enough for an elephant. Fill it with loose ash and cover it with frozen peas as bait. Then when he comes up to take a pea, you kick him in the ash-hole.

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What did the chick pea say when it got a stomach ache?

I falafel.

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Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

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How do you catch an elephant?

First you dig a big hole and fill it with ashes. Next you put peas around the hole. When it comes to take a pea you kick it in the ash hole.

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How do you catch an elephant?

You dig a pit, fill it with ash, and surround it with peas. When the elephant comes to take a pea, you sneak up behind him and kick him in the ash hole.

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What did you have for breakfast? Pea Soup

Q: What did you have for lunch?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you have for dinner?
A: Pea Soup
Q: What did you do all night?
A: Pee soup…

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What are the most funny Pea jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Pea? Well, here are the best Pea dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Pea pick up lines to share with friends.

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