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Paying Rent Jokes

49 paying rent jokes and hilarious paying rent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paying rent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Paying Rent Short Jokes

Short paying rent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paying rent humour may include short not paying rent jokes also.

  1. There should be a millennial edition of monopoly where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
  2. The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff. There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.
  3. My roommate is a yoga teacher and she's stopped paying me rent. I told her that in that case she needs to leave and she just said: Nah I'mma stay
  4. I gave my Landlord an ear job to pay for rent this month. I've got to say it wasn't as bad as it sounds.
  5. My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year. Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.
  6. I am satisfied with my life choices. I no longer pay for rent, food, electricity and blow jobs... not until my jail term ends...
  7. Why are New Yorkers always so distracted? They can barely afford to pay rent, let alone attention.
  8. John was going through a rough time, he lost his job and couldn't pay rent. Everything was hopeless when suddenly, he remembered... mitochondria is the power house of the cell.
  9. Jesus Christ turned water into wine and got worshiped by millions. I turned w**... into cookies and now I have to wash dishes at an olive Garden to pay rent.
  10. My housemates are full of s**.... Refusing to pay rent, making up excuses about hauntings.
    I've lived here for hundreds of years. Not seen a single ghost.

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Paying Rent One Liners

Which paying rent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paying rent? I can suggest the ones about paying bills and paying.

  1. What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent? Repossessed
  2. Why couldn't Bach pay for his rent? Because he was a Baroque composer.
  3. Happy Easter April Fools
    Now go pay your rent.
  4. When you pay rent... it's like hitting the snooze-bar on being homeless
  5. When you find pennies under your couch, It might just be spiders trying to pay rent.
  6. Did you know Beethoven wrote a song in order to pay his rent? It was for a lease
  7. Paying the rent ain't easy.... that's why I don't do it.
  8. Why couldn't Christopher Reeve pay his landlord? Back rent.
  9. How many art college students does it take to pay rent? Like 7!
  10. What do you call a fetus that pays rent? A w**...-mate

Not Paying Rent Jokes

Here is a list of funny not paying rent jokes and even better not paying rent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If I had $1.00 for each person I had s**... with, I would pay my rent But just because I'm currently homeless
  • I agreed to pay my rent in s**... favours... I try to stay on top of it but I often end up behind.
  • I feel bad for people who payed $100 to watch the fight. if they wanted to see a c**... black dude and a well-mannered asian cuddle they should've just rented Rush Hour

Entertaining Paying Rent Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone

What funny jokes about paying rent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rents jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paying rent pranks.

Rabbit: "I got kicked out of my cage for not paying the rent. My wife walked out and took our twenty-nine bunnies with her. I m all out of carrots. What should I do?"
Friend: "Don't worry; be hoppy!"

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

A Russian family moves to America...

...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cents?" The wife says, "They ALL did."

A man's father has just passed...

The son is arranging the f**... and talks to the mortician about his father's remains. He says "I know we don't have much money, but I want the best for my father. Please do what you can".
A week after the f**..., the mortician presents the son with a bill for $50. Thinking it to be very reasonable, the son pays the bill. The next week, the son gets another $50 bill from the mortician. He pays that as well.
A week later low and behold a third bills comes to the son for $50. The son calls the mortician and says "The f**... was 3 weeks ago, why am I still getting this $50 bill?" "You wanted the best for your father", the mortician says, "so I rented him a tux".

A man goes into a confession booth in Germany...

He says "Please forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest responded, "What is your sin my child?"
The man replies "During WWII I took in a Jewish man and hid him in my attic."
The priest then exclaims, "Good sir, that is not a sin at all. That was a righteous burden you took upon yourself. You should be proud of your actions."
The man hesitated for a moment and said "Well... I had him pay rent."
The priest simply stated "That isn't the most Christian thing to do, however it is not a sin."
The man then smiled feeling cleared of all wrongdoing. He got up to leave, but then paused once more and said
"Father?"
"Yes my child?"
"Do I have to tell him that the war is over?"

A rich and proud man dies while his son is out of the country.

The son calls the f**... director and says he wants the best for his father's f**... and will settle the bill when he gets back. A few weeks later the son returns and pays the $22,000 charge. A bill comes the following week for $79. The son pays that as well. The next week another $79 bill arrives. The son calls the f**... director. "Why do you keep sending me bills for $79?" he asks.
"You said you wanted the best for your father" replies the f**... director "so I rented him a tux."
-APHC

Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'

A man passes away...

A man passes away and his f**... is set to be held in his hometown where one of his sons lives. The other, a wealthy businessman, unfortunately can't make it to the ceremony so instead he offers to pay for the entire thing. A few months later, the businessman is looking over his finances and notices a recurring bill of $120 a month. Confused, he called up his brother and asks him if he knows anything about it.
"Oh yeah" the brother replies. "Dad always wanted to go out in style so we rented him a tuxedo"

A husband leaves his money in the attic...

His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.
The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."
A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"
The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

The well

An Arab sold a well to a Jew. The next day, the Arab went back to the Jew and said," I sold you the well, not the water inside it. If you want to buy the water, you'll have to give me more money." The Jew smiled and said," I was just about to call you because of that. Since you didn't sell me the water, you're either going to have to move your water or pay me an hourly rent for storing your water."
Thanks BrokeBorkLensar for the correction

To my high school teacher who said I'd never amount to anything...

Please use your psychic gift to tell me next week's winning lottery numbers. My mum will kick me out of her basement if I don't pay the rent I owe!

A man went to confession (again)

"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"
"Of course you can."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"