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Paying Jokes

150 paying jokes and hilarious paying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Jokes about paying rent, bills, taxes, attention and more. Discover how these jokes tie in with topics like owing and paying, allowance, and being a paying guest. Get a laugh and discover something new in this humorous article.

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Funniest Paying Short Jokes

Short paying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paying humour may include short payed jokes also.

  1. Breaking News: bill gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
  2. Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man... Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
  3. Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
  4. I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
  5. a guy got an interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
    Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
    Boss: welcome on board
  6. Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million... Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!
  7. Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
  8. My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.
  9. My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?
    Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.
  10. EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that... [This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]

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Paying One Liners

Which paying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paying? I can suggest the ones about getting paid and paid.

  1. How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!
  2. Mexico called. They are willing to pay for the wall now.
  3. An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.
  4. A Portuguese, a Greek, and a Spaniard go into a brothel. Who pays? Germany.
  5. Why does Djokovic pay with American Express Because he has no visa
  6. How can you donate money to Taliban? Just pay your taxes in United States
  7. "I'd like this book on revenge please" Cashier: "You'll pay for that."
  8. My last job was circumcising elephants The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.
  9. What happens when you neglect to pay your exorcist? You get repossessed.
  10. You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now. Or you'll pay for it later.
  11. Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit? He used praypal.
  12. Pornhub premium users are like jesus They pay for our sins.
  13. America is a free country. Free to Play, but Pay to Win.
  14. I can't afford to pay for electricity anymore... these are some dark times.
  15. Did you hear about the guy who couldn't pay for his exorcism? He got repossessed.

Paying Bills Jokes

Here is a list of funny paying bills jokes and even better paying bills puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • [First Date] Her: I'm usually attracted to men with power. Me: That's great, I always pay my electric bill on time.
  • I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill... These are the darkest days of my life...
  • My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill. I sent him a Get well soon card
  • My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore... ...so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
  • The Doctor made me walk again... Because I had to sell my car in order to pay the hospital bill
  • My doctor gave me three months to live When I told him I wouldn't be able to come up with the money to pay the bill by then, he gave me three more.
  • A skunk, a deer and a duck went out to dinner… When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
  • In college, my roommates and I were so broke, we couldn't afford to pay the electricity bill. Those were the darkest days of our lives.
  • Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill? Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.
  • A black guy and a white guy each drink 3 beers at a bar, who pays the bill? They each pay for their own because men aren't complicated

Paying Attention Jokes

Here is a list of funny paying attention jokes and even better paying attention puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.
  • I was gutted today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine... She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school...
  • I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
  • What did the Kamikaze pilot say to his students? Pay attention, I am only going to do this once.
  • Everyone treats me like God They don't pay any attention to me or what I ask of them unless they want something.
  • I was trying to think of a way to make my wife pay attention to me. So I sat down, relaxed... That did it.
  • My baby daughter said her first word today! She said Neglect!
    Or something like that at least. I don't remember, I wasn't really paying attention.
  • What is your best Chuck Norris joke(I'll start) Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris
  • Zoology Tip You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
  • My parents are so poor They can't even pay attention to me
Paying joke, My parents are so poor

Paying Taxes Jokes

Here is a list of funny paying taxes jokes and even better paying taxes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
  • What's in common between Elon Musk and Homeless man They both do not pay taxes
  • Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
  • The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff. There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.
  • If you go to jail for tax evasion.... ....aren't you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.
  • What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ? The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
  • It would take approximately 42,000 no. 10 parties for Rishi Sunak to pay the amount his wife dodged in taxes last year
  • Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.
  • If you think nobody cares if you're alive, Try not paying your taxes.
  • Organised Religion and Mafias have a lot in common... Both have their respective clubhouses and neither pay taxes

Not Paying Rent Jokes

Here is a list of funny not paying rent jokes and even better not paying rent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.
  • What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent? Repossessed
  • Why couldn't Bach pay for his rent? Because he was a Baroque composer.
  • My roommate is a yoga teacher and she's stopped paying me rent. I told her that in that case she needs to leave and she just said: Nah I'mma stay
  • Happy Easter April Fools
    Now go pay your rent.
  • I gave my Landlord an ear job to pay for rent this month. I've got to say it wasn't as bad as it sounds.
  • My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year. Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.
  • I am satisfied with my life choices. I no longer pay for rent, food, electricity and blow jobs... not until my jail term ends...
  • When you pay rent... it's like hitting the snooze-bar on being homeless
  • When you find pennies under your couch, It might just be spiders trying to pay rent.

Paying Rent Jokes

Here is a list of funny paying rent jokes and even better paying rent puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you know Beethoven wrote a song in order to pay his rent? It was for a lease
  • Why are New Yorkers always so distracted? They can barely afford to pay rent, let alone attention.
  • John was going through a rough time, he lost his job and couldn't pay rent. Everything was hopeless when suddenly, he remembered... mitochondria is the power house of the cell.
  • Paying the rent ain't easy.... that's why I don't do it.
  • Why couldn't Christopher Reeve pay his landlord? Back rent.
  • How many art college students does it take to pay rent? Like 7!
  • Jesus Christ turned water into wine and got worshiped by millions. I turned w**... into cookies and now I have to wash dishes at an Olive Garden to pay rent.
  • My housemates are full of s**.... Refusing to pay rent, making up excuses about hauntings.
    I've lived here for hundreds of years. Not seen a single ghost.
  • What do you call a fetus that pays rent? A w**...-mate
  • If I had $1.00 for each person I had s**... with, I would pay my rent But just because I'm currently homeless
Paying joke, If I had $1.00 for each person I had s**... with, I would pay my rent

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about paying can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of paying puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Paying Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about paying you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean payment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make paying prank.

Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

What's a politician's favourite s**... position?

Depends on how much you're paying them.

The pharmacist

Peter walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store.
The next day he comes in again, buys condoms, and walks out laughing.
Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back.
Sure enough, Peter comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later.
So did you follow him? asks pharmacist
Yup.
Where did he go?
Your house.

The half-wit

A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.

I refused to waste money paying an exorcist...

so he repossessed my house.

Georgia joke

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Divorce

A a man in his 70's calls his son to tell him he and his mother are getting a divorce. "Dad, you can't do this! You're not thinking straight." The son calls his sister to talk about it, and she is in agreement; their parents cannot do this. "Dad, we're flying out there tomorrow. Do not sign any papers, contact any lawyers, or even thinking about going down to the courthouse." After the dad gets off the phone, he looks over at his wife and says, "It worked. They'll be here for Christmas and are paying their own airfare."

The Montana Department of Employment

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.

As I was paying for a 15 year old e**... I thought...

...I'm getting a really good deal on this car.

Chess Set

"I'd like to buy this chess set please"
"How will you be paying, sir?"
"Check mate"..

Got a call that my Grandma only has 1 day left to live...

But I'm still not paying the ransom.

The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand

The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions.

That is all.

Guy paying for condoms at Walgreens got asked if he needed a bag

He said back to cashier, "Nah, her face ain't that bad."

Met a Dwarf Today....

This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.
The driver got out and he was a dwarf.
He said, "I'm not happy."
I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"

A man owned a small farm

A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.

A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.

Bartender asks a returning guest...

You come in everyday for the past 10 years paying for the same drink with 4 quarters. Why? The guest responds with, "I don't like change!"

Crashed in to the back of a car today at a set of lights, while I wasn't really paying attention. The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said "I'm not happy" so I replied "well, which one are you then?"

What did the p**... say to her customer after he finished paying?

"It was a business doing pleasure with you."

A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street

A man isn't paying attention when crossing the street and gets hit by a red lorry, a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
A policeman is despatched to inform the unfortunate man's family:
"There's no easy way to say this..."

Paying a clown to blow up balloons at a party is pretty expensive.

Must be inflation.

I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..

We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"

A man goes to see a film alone...

...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.
 
The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.
 
As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".
 
The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."

I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him...

I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal.

Two Syrian refugees land in America...

They make a bet to see who can become the most American. A year later they meet up for coffee. The first man says " I am so American. I have a hot white wife, a daughter, a house and a well paying job. I drink Budweiser with my friends after work at happy hour. I have come to accept gay marriage as a human right. I joined a bowling league and my average is above 200. What have you done?" The other Syrian looks at him and says " Shut up t**...!"

If you factor in Trumps ancestry, his policies make perfect sense.

The German side says "Build a wall!"
The Scottish side says "Well im not paying for it!"

A QA engineer walks into a bar, and orders a beer.

Then he orders 0 beers.
Then he orders 999999999999 beers.
Then he orders an aardvark.
Then he orders nothing.
Then he orders -1 beers.
Then he orders NULL beers.
Then he orders asnwikfjsdf.
Then he orders a ">.
Finally, the QA engineer leaves without paying, comes back, and asks for the tab.

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners.

She tells the attendant that she needs to have her dress cleaned.
However, the attendant wasn't paying attention. Snapping out of his day dream, he asked, "Come again?"
Giggling, the blonde replied, "No, just mustard this time."

Broken Window

Wife: You need to fix the bathroom window, then neighbor can see me every time I shower.
Husband; I know, he saw you and called me to tell me he's paying for the window repair.

How to get free internet @ home

I live in an apartment complex so I have neighbors left to right and below me. One day I asked my neighbor if he was interested in splitting the cost of my wifi 50/50 so he could also use it. He agreed. I went on to my other neighbor downstairs and asked him the same thing. Now both my neighbors are paying for my wifi.

The reason for the wage gap is that men have high paying jobs like doctor, lawyer, etc. while women usually have lower paying jobs...

...like female doctor, female lawyer, etc.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

Subway is a lot like prostitution.

You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.

johnny in the math class

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is l**... her ice cream, one is s**... her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one s**... her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

What do Subway and prostitutes have in common?

You're paying them to do your wife's job

Why doesn't the United States have universal healthcare?

Because paying for health insurance should give a sense of pride and accomplishment

Insulted on the Bus

A woman gets on the bus, and as she is paying for her ticket, the bus driver tells her, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Maddened, she walks away. She tells the man that she sits down next to, "Wow, I was just insulted by the bus driver!" The man said, "You shouldn't have to deal with that! Go give him a piece of your mind. I'll hold your monkey."

"I'm a socialist drinker!" The bartender chuckled and asked me, "Don't you mean social drinker?"

"No, I only drink when someone else is paying."

I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies.

He made me start paying in advanced after that appointment...

The police arrested me for paying for s**... with a child.

Apparently they aren't legal currency.

Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby

As she's paying for her ticket the bus driver says that's got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
The woman goes to the back of the bus, furious, she says to the man sitting next to her the bus driver just insulted me! , the man says go give him a piece of your mind then! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you!

I used to be a cashier at a gas station on the Canadian border.

I would always ask what currency people would be paying with, but I stopped after a woman screamed at me for assuming her tender.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

If you think no one cares about you...

Stop paying your bills and see how many people want to talk to you.

We, the taxpayers, keep paying to send Trump on very expensive trips overseas.

It might be worth it too, except he keeps coming back.

I'm going through a divorce at the moment, and my soon to be ex-wife said she is going to make sure my bank balance is going to be $0.

That's nice of her, paying off all my debt.

A man walks into a bar and says "Gimme a beer before it begins!".

He gets the beer, drinks it and says: "Gimme another one before it begins!" After drinking that one, he says "Another before it begins!".
The guy drinks a few more beers that way before the bartender asks him: "Who's paying for this?"
The guy replies: "And it begins..."

A Guy walks in an Irish Pub

I guy on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says
"I hear you Irish can drink, I'll give a thousand bucks
to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes"
Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves.
In a few minutes the Irishmen walks back in and says
"Line me up 10 pints of Guinness" and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat.
As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishmen
"If ya dont mind me askin, when you left earlier, where'd ya go"
The Irishmen says "I had to go to the pub next door
cuz I wanted to make sure I could do it"

I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts

He said I have to start paying in advance

An old man is selling watermelons...

His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10
A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon.
"That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.
The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.
As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."
The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.

VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.
He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

Liverpool have won the league, the government is paying people not to work....

Somewhere there's a scouser with a genie in a lamp wondering what to do with his last wish

Took grandma to a spa where they have fish eat your dead skin

It was cheaper than paying for a f**....

Men get paid more than women because they choose high paying careers like doctor, engineer, and CEO

Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO

Heard this ADhD joke a while back. A man walks into a bar with a penguin and a foul-mouthed parrot and somehow wins a bet or something.

Sorry, I guess I wasn't really paying attention.

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant

A whale and a dolphin are eating at a restaurant. When the check comes to the table the dolphin insists on paying. The whale is quite grateful and wants to leave the tip at least but the dolphin respectfully declines.
The whale then says
thanks if there's anything you ever need let me know
The dolphin replies
you're welcome
Then the Whale says g**.......why would you want that?

Before I got married I was in a store paying for groceries.

I had a quart of milk, a half dozen eggs and a TV dinner. The cashier looks at me with a smile and says You MUST be single!
I said Why do you say that?
And she said Because your so fu$king ugly!

i told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts

he said i have to start paying him in advance from now on

It's true women do make less money than men.

But it's their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Where women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.

Laughter

A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant.
"Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house."

I quit my job after my boss started paying me in vegetables.

I couldn't live off of that celery.

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when paying?

You have got the carownervirus

Are you sweating while putting petrol in your car? Feeling sick when paying for it?

You've got the carownervirus.

Netflix's new subscription fees are so high I've had to stop paying the heating bill,

Brings a whole new meaning to Netflix and chill…

Guys, abortion may be i**... soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she's an anti-vaxxer.

Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you'll only have to pay for 3.

The owners of a 'Happy Days' themed restaurant are being investigated for fraud for paying existing investors with new investors money.

Experts are referring to it as the world first Fonzie Scheme.

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

A kid is selling lemonade…

The boy's sign reads 1 cup for 25¢, 3 cups for $1
A construction worker stops by and asks to buy one cup of lemonade.
"25 cents", says the kid.
The construction worker then buys another one, and another one, paying 25 cents each.
As the construction worker walks away, he turns around with a smile, and says: "Hey kid, you realize I just bought three cups for 75¢… Maybe lemonade stands aren't your thing."
"I guess you're right" says the kid good-naturedly as he sets up the next 3 cups.

Son asks dad how much does marriage cost?

Dad: i don't know son I'm still paying for it

Going to the gym must be really paying off.

Everytime I leave the room I hear people say 'what an a**...'.

A woman walks into a tattoo shop...

After her session, she lifts her shirt.
Woman: "I trust these will cover it?"
Artist: "Wh-what are you doing?"
Woman: "I'm paying you."
Artist: "I'm confused."
Woman: "You know? t**... for tat."

A balding, middle-aged man asked his barber, Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair — there's so little of it?

Well, said the barber, I actually only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for is my searching for it.

A mother is helping her son study physics

She asked him "Do you know Newton?"
He said no.
She said " if you had been paying attention to your lessons, you would have known him."
The son asked her " do you know Rachel?"
She said no.
He said " if you had been paying attention to your husband, you would have known her."

Which monster is best at paying attention to a speech?

Mummies. They sit there rapt.

Paying joke, Which monster is best at paying attention to a speech?

jokes about paying

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these paying jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.