Pay Taxes Jokes
85 pay taxes jokes and hilarious pay taxes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pay taxes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pay Taxes Short Jokes
Short pay taxes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pay taxes humour may include short income tax jokes also.
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- If you go to jail for tax evasion.... ....aren't you basically living off taxes, for not paying your taxes.
- What's the difference between Donald Trump, and someone working at McDonald's ? The guy working at McDonald's has to pay income taxes.
- It would take approximately 42,000 no. 10 parties for rishi sunak to pay the amount his wife dodged in taxes last year
- School Logic Me: What are taxes and how do I pay them?
School: Worry not
School: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell - Don't forget to pay your taxes this year.... .....other countries and politicians are depending on you.
- My 6-Year-old came up to me While I was paying thetaxes on my laptop 6yr: What game are you playing?
Me: Paying the taxes.
6yr: Are you winning?
Me: No, In fact I lost 6 Years ago. - Did you hear about Trump's tax plan? Declare that the US has a $900 million loss so we all don't have to pay taxes!
- Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes? There was a sin tax error.
[8.5] - I don't know why people bad mouth lotteries. I pay taxes and odds of winning the lottery are way better than the odds of getting good government.
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Pay Taxes One Liners
Which pay taxes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pay taxes? I can suggest the ones about tax return and tax man.
- What's in common between Elon Musk and Homeless man They both do not pay taxes
- Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
- Everyone should pay their income tax with a smile I tried - but they wanted cash.
- Wanna know how to fund the Taliban? Pay your taxes.
- Why shouldn't atheists pay taxes? They are not for prophets
- What do you call a sith lord that doesn't pay his taxes? Darth Evader
- HR: "Why should we hire you?" Because I want to pay taxes instead of living off of it.
- How much tax does Bruce Willis pay on a dollar? Six cents.
- I don't pay my taxes... Because I'm smart.
- I need to find a better job I can't even pay my income tax
- What service did Michael Jackson use to do his taxes? Pay-To-File
- Which state would like to pay the most bill for building Trump wall? Tax us
- Which state of people would like to pay the tax bill the most? Tax us
- The housing market crashed because Chuck thought he was paying too much property tax.
- If you dont want to pay tax dont ride a taxi
Pay Taxes Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about pay taxes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tax accountant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pay taxes pranks.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.
PTA Meeting
Three fathers are waiting around at a PTA meeting. They are mulling over life, family and education over by the coffee and the doughnuts until the first dad says, 'I recently taught my son Ben about Taxes. Gee, I wish I hadn't though. Every time I ask him to get me a beer now, he cracks open a tinny and downs half. He then proceeds to say, "There's your beer tax Daddy!"'
The second father laughs. 'Yeah, that sounds like when I taught my Daughters Rose and Violet about Unions. They've been on strike ever since, refusing to do dishes and laundry until they get better pay and more candy!' He chuckles again, retreating into his mug of Coffee.
He looks up again and asks the third man what he's done around the home to help his Daughter. He replied, 'Well, I'm starting to regret teaching Mercedes about Prostitution.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert
There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock
A Guy/Gal walks into a bar with an Ostrich/Race-horse
A good-looking young man (or woman) and an ostrich (or racehorse) walk into a bar. The two sit down, order some nachos and wind up drinking a few beers by the end of the night. When it comes time to pay the tab, the (wo)man reaches into his/her pocket and dumps a slightly-crumpled mess of bills and change onto the bar.
"That should cover it." (s)he says. As the (wo)man walks away, the bartender counts it out and to her surprise, it's the exact total of the bill. Looking back up, she sees that the (wo)man has returned. (S)He once again reaches into his/her pocket and pulls out exactly 20% of the bill before tax.
"There ya go, sorry about that." (s)he says.
The bartender asks, "Mind if I ask you about the exact change and the ostrich(horse)?
"You see," (s)he says, "A long time ago, I was an archaeologist. While in arabia, I discovered a magical lamp with a genie inside who granted me 3 wishes. The first, obviously, was for eternal youth and fitness. Second, unlimited wealth- any time I buy something, I just reach into my pocket and pull out the exact amount of money. The third, well, the third wish was for a tall, youthful, long-legged(well-endowed) chick(stud) who would always stick by my side and share my interests."
I figured out why Churches don't pay taxes
Because they don't make cents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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The Tax Office
The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch."
Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch.
Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 16 hours a day and does about 80% of the work. I can't pay him very much cause the boat expenses are high, and some times we don't catch anything. Every now and then I'll buy him a bottle of r**... and he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.
AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?
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A libertarian p**... looks at her pay stub..
"I'm sick of all these f**...-taxes"
I am in prison for something I didn't do
I didn't pay my taxes
Santa used to work alone and was overwhelmed, but one day his life changed.
He read an elf-help book.
The only problem is, now he has to pay elf-employment tax.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What's the difference between a male s**... worker and Subway?
You have to pay tax on Subway' five dollar foot longs.
Jesus walks in to an employment office
The man behind the desk, stunned says "hello Jesus, how can I help you?"
"I'm looking for work, my son" Jesus replies
"Can I ask what skills you have?"
"Well I'm a qualified carpenter"
The employment officer bashes his details in to the computer
"Well I have two carpentry jobs, Jesus, one is in Edinburgh, big job, and it pays about £2000 per month! The other one I have is in Jerusalem, and get this Jesus, it pays £10,000 per month"
Jesus mulls it over and says "I think I'll apply for the job in Edinburgh"
"But Jesus, the job in Jerusalem pays five times as much"
"But yes the last time I worked there I got nailed by tax"
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
What happens to people who don't pay their income taxes?
They run for president.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Paying taxes is kinda getting a p**...
It really s**... if you make a lot of money
When the carbon tax comes into effect, fragrance manufacturers will be upset..
..they will be paying per fume.
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Gold diggers are like taxes
They really s**... every time you get a pay check
Person: Completes 40 years of tax and home payments to finally pay off mortgage
EA: we just wanted users to feel a sense of accomplishment...
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Message from Europe
European: If your house is burning, should firefighters help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get robbed, should the police help you?
American: Yes of course. That is logical. And im willing to pay tax for it.
European: If you get hurt, should doctors help you?
American: Absolutely not! We dont want socialist p**....
A fact-checking website that tells you it's actually legal to not pay taxes
Wesley Snopes
Amazon pays less taxes than the average person making minimum wage.
I guess the jokes on us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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What type of tax is a woman supposed to pay ?
c**... Tax
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Why are tax evaders underfed in prison?
Five words: you get what you pay for
What is the definition of Death?
When you suddenly stop paying taxes.
Two auditors came to my house today.
I said I wouldn't pay them taxes because my money was my own.
Then they told me it was all the irs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Given the recent reports of s**... workers not paying taxes, we finally know what the word THOT stands for
That h**... Owes Taxes
I just asked my father when the last time he donated money to a charity was...
He replied every month on my pay check with how much is taken in taxes
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If i had a dollar for every time Donald Trump said something dumb,
I probably wouldn't pay my taxes either.
EA
Pay $4.99* to unlock this punchline.
*tax not included
Why didn't Monica Lewinsky get a tax return in 1995?
Clinton was paying her under the table.
How do you get people who hate government bloat and all taxes to pay for pointless projects that have no timeline?
Just ask them to donate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We can't just let a foreign country send people here to change our ways, not pay taxes and r**... our children!
The Vatican has to be stopped.
5 Rajinikanth Jokes
God can walk on water. Rajni can swim through land!
Once Rajnikant was traveling in a helicopter via Switzerland and his wallet fell down. That place is now called Swiss Bank.
People update status via BlackBerry, iPhone, iPad, etc. Rajinikanth updates status via Calculator!
Government of India pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India!
Rajinikanth can withdraw money from ATM by using his visiting card.
I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.
I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.
[Long]A man who owned a clock shop wanted to set a world record.
He found one: Most battery powered devices he'd at once. He decided to use his clocks. As he was holding more and more, a crowd started to gather. However the man hadn't been paying his taxes on time. An IRS guy saw him on his way to collect the mans taxes. He asked the man to pay his taxes. The man, in the middle of doing the record said, wait, I'm busy .
The IRS guy responded, Well, for someone who's busy, you sure have a lot of time on your hands.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it?
That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.
I was woken up by a phone call telling me I've committed tax fraud
They must have had the wrong number cause I don't pay taxes
Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes?
He's afraid of the Sea's Fee.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't atheists pay taxes?
Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on my phone reading the news waiting in the supermarket checkout line. A dude came up and asked me, what's in the news tonight?
Me: Man who pays no taxes returns to government provided housing after receiving free medical treatment from taxpayer funded healthcare.
Dude: sounds like some libtard b**....
Me: Yeah, here is another - Husband of immigrant woman ignores government health guidelines and possibly infect hundreds of Americans with deadly disease.
Dude: I tell ya. It's always some freaking immigrants... m' rite?
Me: I hear you dude. Who knew Donald Trump returning to the White House from Walter Reed Medical Center can cause so much controversy?
If everyone stopped paying taxes...
The government couldn't afford to do anything about it.....
School days...
Teacher: If income tax is 20% and your dad earns $50,000, how much tax does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Let's try again. If income tax is 30% and your dad earns $100000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: Alright, last try. If income tax is %50 and your dad earns $1000000, how much does he pay?
Kid: $100
Teacher: you don't know your percentages.
Kid: you don't know my dad.
I've got a great idea for tax evasion
Apparently if you don't pay your taxes the government will give you free housing free food and a roommate
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the old days when everyone got paid in cash for their work, Frank was walking to the pub to meet up with his friends when he found an envelope with someone's payslip and entire wages for the week.
His face was angry when he got inside the pub. His friends asked him what was wrong.
What's wrong? He exclaimed. What's wrong is that I just found an entire pay packet.
s**... for them, but good for you. What wrong with that, though?
Look at how much tax they had to pay.
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Real conversation with my 6-year-old:
Him (looking at a bank building): Is this where they keep the money that you donate to them?
Me: Yes, but we don't _donate_ to the bank, we _deposit_ into the bank. 'Deposit' means that you're going to take it back later. 'Donate' means that you just give it away and don't expect to ever get it back.
Him: Oh, I know an example of donate. Like, when you earn money and pay your taxes, you are _donating_ to the government because you're never gonna get it back. Right?
Me: ???