The Best 62 Pay Jokes

Following is our collection of Pay jokes which are very funny. There are some pay compensate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these pay it pays to be yourself puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Pay Jokes and Puns

Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall

On the condition he gets to install windows.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.

You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.

Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me.

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for sex, my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed. You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you. Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man...

Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...

My hot flight attendant asked how I like my coffee

Trying to sound cool, I told her I like my coffee like I like my women. And that's when she told me "That's cute honey, but the coffee's free. You don't have to pay for it here!"


How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"

The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.

"Nah, the steaks are too high"

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA

Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

A Guy walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

Hooker: $10 on grass, $30 on sofa, $50 in bed Man: I'll pay $50

Hooker: You're a man of class :)

Man: Class my ass, I want it five times on grass

Mexico called.

They are willing to pay for the wall now.

You can explore pay unpaid reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pay costs dad jokes. There are also pay puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."

My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill...

So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.

A woman was arrested for bringing her own popcorn, candy, and soda to the movie theater.

She was fined and had to pay court fees, but the good news is she still came out a few bucks ahead from if she would have bought the popcorn at the theater.

My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...

A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'

My seatmate on a flight was a woman.

Ever the charmer, I asked, Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?

Yes, she said, but I wasn't willing to pay.

EA's microtransaction policy is so bad that...

[This punchline is locked. Please pay 20,000 credits to unlock]

In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle.

That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

If I had a dollar for every woman who's seen me naked...

...I could pay that fine I got for indecent exposure.


Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:

"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"

The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:

"Nah, the stakes are too high."

Trump, Merkel and Kim Jong-un are in the Middle East being chased by ISIS:

Trump turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll pay you a million dollars!" The terrorists continued.

Then Merkel turns to them and shouts: "Stop chasing us and I'll give you German citizenship!" The terrorists still kept chasing.

Then Kim Jong-un turns and shouts: "You are about to cross the border into the People's Democratic Republic of Korea. Welcome!"

The terrorists screamed and turned to run away.

"I'd like this book on revenge please"

Cashier: "You'll pay for that."

A duck walks into a bar...

And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.

The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"

The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."

A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"

The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."

A female nudist calls for a taxi

The taxi stops and the driver scans her from head to toe, with big bold eyes.

At this the nudist erupts: Haven't you seen a naked girl before?

Driver : It's not about that, I'm just wondering where have you kept the money to pay me..

My last job was circumcising elephants

The pay wasn't great but the tips were huge.

What happens when you neglect to pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

You really ought to hear this joke about Net Neutrality now.

Or you'll pay for it later.

Did Jesus pay for our sins with cash or credit?

He used praypal.

Pornhub premium users are like jesus

They pay for our sins.

America is a free country.

Free to Play, but Pay to Win.

Did you hear about the guy who couldn't pay for his exorcism?

He got repossessed.

I got a new job circumcizing elephants

The pay isn't great but the tips are enormous

I loaned a blind guy some money...

It's ok though. He said he'd pay me back next time he saw me.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.

I used to work in a bakery, didn't really enjoy it and the pay wasn't great...

I just kneaded the dough

I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

Did you hear about the guy who had to be exorcised?

He couldn't pay the priest afterwards and got repossessed.

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"

The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

A man from out of town walks into a bar...

he sees large pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender why the meat is hanging down from the ceiling. The bartender says "Around these parts we have a challenge. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get it for free. If you can't you have to pay the price of the meat but you don't get it. How about taking the bet?" The man looks up at the meat. "Nah" He says. "The steaks are too high.

I went for a job interview at EA Games today.

The interviewer said to me, The second part of your resume is missing.

I said, For the second part, you have to pay $20.

How much did the pirate pay to have his ears pierced?

A buccaneer :D

When I was in the army, I broke my rifle and had to pay 600$.

I guess that's why the captain always goes down with the ship.

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

A guy barges into a psychiatrist's office, and screams...

"Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!"

The doctor calmly answers "Pay me in advance"

A husband leaves his money in the attic...

His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.

The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."

A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."

I told my psychiatrist I'm thinking about suicide

He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I used to work at the circus

I was the guy that circumcised the elephants.

The pay wasn't great, but the tips were huge.

Went and got my first gun yesterday

Went and got a 9mm pistol I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says strip down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card

I'm so much in debt, I can't afford to pay my electric bill...

These are the darkest days of my life...

Women see sex like buying a car

Can I see myself in this long term?

Is it safe?

Is it reliable?

Can it kill me?

Guys look at sex like parking a car.

There's a spot.

There's another spot.

Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.

Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!

When I was in the army, I lost my rifle and had to pay $865 for a new one

Now I'm starting to understand why navy captains always go down with their ship

I was disappointed to have to pay for my new roof

they promised me it would be on the house

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to his class?

Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

A man on the floor in a factory stands, not doing any work.

CEO comes up and asks his salary.

The man replies - $1000

The CEO pulls out his wallet, gives the man $1,000 and says - here's your month salary. I pay people to work here. Get out and never come back !

The man leaves.

The CEO asks workers - who was this guy ?

They reply - a pizza delivery man.

Mario goes to court

The judge says: you must pay the court $12,000.

Mario, surpised, asks: Why?

The judge replies: It's a fine.

Mario, heartbroken, sadly says: No itsa not.

I was gutted today when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine...

She says that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school...

Milk joke

Walmart on a sunday night. Place is dead, my dad and I are stopping to grab some milk. Just a gallon. Go up to the cashier, she rings us up and we pay for it.
"Would you like a bag for that sir?" She asks us
My dad's swift reply: "No I'll keep it in the container, last time I put it in the bag it spilled everywhere."

First post hope you like it. :)

What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

Women are like parking lots.

The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.

A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink

A naked lady goes to a bar, asks for a drink.
Bartender stares at her. Lady said, "Never seen a nude woman?"
Bartender replied, "Nah, just wondering, how are you going to pay?"

I just found out sperm banks pay for your sample....

To think I've let all that money slip through my fingers.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pay afford jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pay salary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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