Paws Jokes

98 paws jokes and hilarious paws puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about paws that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your pup howl with laughter with these funny Santa Paws jokes! From poodles to Eeyore, these canine themed jokes will have everyone rolling. Whether you’re a pup parent or just a dog lover, these pawsitively hilarious jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face!

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Funniest Paws Short Jokes

Short paws jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The paws humour may include short cat paw jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma? A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause
  2. (My 6 year old's first homemade joke) What kind of clothes do cats wear to bed? Answer: Paw-jamas
  3. A Three legged dog walks into the old wild west saloon He says to the bartender, "I'm lookin' fer the guy who shot my paw."
  4. Why did the popular kittens not want to hang out with the kitten with a prosthesis? It was an obvious faux paw.
  5. What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
  6. Scientist: We've successfully taught a dog morse code! Dog: [taps paw]
    Me: What did it say??
    Scientist: "Woof."
  7. A bear walks into a bar.. *Goes up to the bartender*
    Bear: "Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."
    Bartender: "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
    *bear looks at own paws*
  8. What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat? One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
  9. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the old west... and sits down. He looks around and then says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  10. I've finally taught my dog to fetch a glass of red wine. He's a Bordeaux Collie

    And yes, he paws it himself...

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Paws One Liners

Which paws one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with paws? I can suggest the ones about bear paw and claws.

  1. Where do theatrical cats wear their gloves? On their...
    Dramatic Paws
  2. When women reach a certain age they start accumulating cats This is known as many paws
  3. When women get to a certain age they begin to accumulate cats This is known as many paws.
  4. Why are cats and daughters equal in Alabama? They both lick their paw.
  5. Why can't bears watch tv? B/c they're always hitting the paws button
  6. Why'd it take so long for the two legged cat to cross the road? It had two paws
  7. I saw a vegan with a lucky rabbits foot the other day. I'm pretty sure that's a faux paw.
  8. How do you stop a dog? You hit paws.
  9. What’s a cat’s favorite button on a DVD remote? Paws.
  10. Never stare at a dog with a prosthetic foot...'s a faux paw.
  11. A three legged dog walked into a bar and said "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  12. Why couldn't the cat watch the movie? The video was stuck on paws.
  13. Dog paws smell like Fritos. What to horse hooves smell like? A broken nose.
  14. Why do dogs have a hard time listening to music? Because they keep pressing paws
  15. What's a bank robbing dogs favorite weapon? A pawed-off shotgun.

Front Paws Jokes

Here is a list of funny front paws jokes and even better front paws puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I just realized I've been missing all the front page posts about animal shelters. It must be this paw pup blocker I've installed
  • A dog goes in to a saloon. He's wearing a 6 gun and a black hat, and his front foot is bandaged. He limps up to the bartender and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
  • I once f**... in the woods Then i saw a grizzly walking with his paw in front of his nose.
    I think He couldn't bear the smell

Santa Paws Jokes

Here is a list of funny santa paws jokes and even better santa paws puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who delivers presents to good little kittens on Christmas day? Santa Paws
Paws joke, Who delivers presents to good little kittens on Christmas day?

Paws joke, Who delivers presents to good little kittens on Christmas day?

Uproarious Paws Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about paws you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dog tail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make paws pranks.

What does a cat use to talk?

His Meowth

A bear walks in to a bar.

Bartender greets him and happily takes his order.
Bartender: What can I get you for?
Bear: Ill have a jack and......... coke.
Bartender: Why the big pause?
Bear: (looks at paws) I've had them all my life.

So a bear walks into a bar...

the bartender asks him what he'd like to drink. the bear replies "i'll have a r**...............................................................and coke"
the bartender asks, "why the big pause?"
the bear raises his paws to the bartender's face and yells "HELLO?! I'M A BEAR"

An atheist in the forest...

stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"

How does a dog stop a TV show?

He paws it

A guy calls his local butchery...

- Do you have chicken paws?
- Yes
- Do you have chicken wings?
- Yes, I do
- Do you have pig's head?
- Sure
- You must look really funny then

Sore Paws

Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'
'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'
'It's always the same innit dad'
'What's that son?'
'You try and help someone out, you end up getting f**...!'

An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,

He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima

Little Johnny saw two dogs having s**... in the park...

... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the d**... in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting s**...."

helpful dog

A man and his son come across two dogs h**.... The son says, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"
His father replies, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."
The son says, "It just figures -- you try to help someone out, and they screw you."

A bear walks into a bar.

The bear says to the bartender "I would like a r**... and........................................................................................................................coke." The bartender says "hey why the large paws."

How did the group of 4 dogs win the golf tournament?

They combined for 16 paws.

Why wasn't the cat moving?

It was on paws

How are dogs and addicts similar?

They both have PAWS

A bear walks into a bar

A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman:
"Can I have a beer...................Please?"
The barman replies:
"Sure, but why the massive paws?"

A panda walks into a bar

He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."
"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.

I was pondering life with the cat wizard...

Then he said something that gave me paws.

I'm putting together an acting troupe of dogs.

It's called..........................................................................*Dramatic Paws*.

Why are cats so bad at video games?

Because they can only press paws.

A bear walks into a bar

the bartender said
"What would you like?"
and the bear said
"I want...
a beer please"
then the bartender said
"Why the big paws??"

I'm hesitant to go ahead with my new plastic surgeon since he said he could give me "the parts of an animal"

I was all gung-h**... before, but now he's given me paws

What has 2 paws and bleeds a lot?

What has 2 paws and bleeds a lot?
Half a dog.

(Best spoken) A bear walks into a bar

A bear walked into a bar.
The bartender asked "What would you like?"
Bear says. "I'd like a beer... .... ...... and some peanuts"
Bartender asks "Why the big paws?"

A lynx walks into a bar

A lynx walks into a bar and says "Hey Barkeep! Mix me up a...
The bartender says, "you got it buddy, but what's with the big paws?"

A bear walks into a bar

A bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
Bartender: What can I get you?
Bear: Can I get a ......................................………………
Bartender: What's with the big paws?

Did you hear about the werewolf who got invited to the dance?

He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.

A man took his dog to the movie with him...

...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."

The girls in Arkansas have a lot in common with bears...

They both lick their paws.

I've started calling the smallest of my three dogs 'grandma'

She has mini paws

What's a dogs favorite button on the remote?

The paws button

A panda walks into a bar...

A panda walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Can I get a
glass of water?"
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"

A deformed cat walks into a bar

The bartender says:
"What can I do for you?"
To which the cat immediately replies:
"I'll have a gla-..."
"-ss of your finest milk please!"
And so the bartender places the glass of milk onto the bar table.
To which the cat, from all the way of the other end of the bar table, scoops it up and pulls it over without getting up from his seat.
And the bartender says:
"So I gotta ask"
"Why the long paws?"

My cat loves Sky Plus.

He loves the PAWS feature.

Why are cats always able to land on their feet?

Because they can paws in mid-air

Rabbits died

My neighbor's pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. "Of course", he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
"No" she said, "holding paws would be fine."

Why is my cat constantly embarrassed?

Because he always has fou' paws!

I've been watching a cat documentary today

It's on paws

Why did the lion stop moving?

Because someone pressed paws.

A bear walks into a restaurant

And says Waiter................... I'd like a steak
The waiter says Sure, but why the big paws?

Bear walks into bar...

Bear asks deer...
(Time passes)
Can I have a drink?
Deer says, why the long paws?

I can't watch Netflix with my cat...

Because she paws it.

A bear walks into a bar

He says to the bartender : "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... ... and tonic"
The confused bartender asks: "what's with the big pause"
"Oh these" *lifts up paws * "I was born with them"

I don't know why, but I find it hard to trust people who sell lucky rabbit's feet.

They give me paws.

A polar bear walks into an Iqaluit bar

The bartender asks what he wants.
I'll have a...
Alright says the bartender But why the long paws?

A bear walks into a bar

And asks the bartender,
"I'll have a...
The bartender says, "why the big paws"

What does a girl from the south and a bear cub have in common?

They both like to s**... their paws

What do dogs do when they're watching a movie and have to go to the bathroom.

They paws it

Why the big paws?

A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "Can I get a ...... Martini?"
The bartender replies: "Why the big paws?"

Why can't two dogs ever finish a movie?

They keep hitting paws.

I went on a date last night and I knew the girl was a little k**... but then she showed me the furry outfit she wanted me to wear...

It gave me paws.

What does a room full of cats, and a woman of certain age have in common?

They both have many paws (say fast)

What did the dog say to the podiatrist after the diagnosis?

Nothing... there was an uncomfortable paws.

What happens when cats become philosophical?

They like to paws and reflect on life

I guess if your dog had prosthetic feet...

They'd be going through many paws

My computer mouse isn't working properly

It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.

What's the different between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause

When women get to a certain age, they start collecting cats.....

This is known as the many paws.

a bear walks into a bar and orders a burger then pauses for a while and says a large soda aswell

the bartender says why the long paws

Wolf and Lion

The lion called out to the wolf:
-Hey wolf! Come on, let's talk.
-No way. You're going to eat me.
-I won't eat you. If you don't believe me, I'll tie my paws and my mouth.
When the lion tied his paws and mouth, the wolf approached with excitement.
-"Good but", said the lion... "Why are you so happy?"
Wolf replied:
-I'm going to eat a lion for the first time...

I just adopted two puppies the other day. I love them so much but they're so distracting whenever I try to watch a movie.

They keep pressing paws.

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."

A preacher is being chased in the woods by a large grizzly bear.

Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."

The cat walks all over my keyboard while I'm gaming.

And just as I've always told my parents I have to tell the cat, I'm playing online, I can't paws it.

What's a cat's favorite part of a video game?

The PAWS button!

I understand now why my cat sleeps so much.

She's living life on paws.

Paws joke, I understand now why my cat sleeps so much.

jokes about paws