Following is our collection of funny Paws jokes. There are some paws pet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these paws cat puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Bartender greets him and happily takes his order.
Bartender: What can I get you for?
Bear: Ill have a jack and......... coke.
Bartender: Why the big pause?
Bear: (looks at paws) I've had them all my life.
the bartender asks him what he'd like to drink. the bear replies "i'll have a rum............................................................and coke"
the bartender asks, "why the big pause?"
the bear raises his paws to the bartender's face and yells "HELLO?! I'M A BEAR"
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
*Goes up to the bartender*
Bear: "Hi, I'd like a gin...................and tonic."
Bartender: "Sure, but what's with the big pause?"
*bear looks at own paws*
He paws it
- Do you have chicken paws?
- Yes
- Do you have chicken wings?
- Yes, I do
- Do you have pig's head?
- Sure
- You must look really funny then
Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'
'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'
'It's always the same innit dad'
'What's that son?'
'You try and help someone out, you end up getting fucked!'
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the doggie in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting screwed."
A man and his son come across two dogs humping. The son says, "Dad, what are those dogs doing?"
His father replies, "Well, the dog on top must have hurt his two front paws, and that dog on the bottom is helping him home."
The son says, "It just figures -- you try to help someone out, and they screw you."
This is known as many paws
You can explore paws eeyore reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean paws meow dad jokes. There are also paws puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
It was on paws
He tells the bartender, "I'll have a scotch and....................................................a coke, thank you."
"Sure thing," replied the bartender, "but why the big pause?"
"I was born with them," says the panda raising his paws.
On their...
Dramatic Paws
the bartender said
"What would you like?"
and the bear said
"I want...
a beer please"
then the bartender said
"Why the big paws??"
One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
What has 2 paws and bleeds a lot?
Half a dog.
A bear walked into a bar.
The bartender asked "What would you like?"
Bear says. "I'd like a beer... .... ...... and some peanuts"
Bartender asks "Why the big paws?"
A lynx walks into a bar and says "Hey Barkeep! Mix me up a...
...
...
Jackrabbit."
The bartender says, "you got it buddy, but what's with the big paws?"
A bear walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
Bartender: What can I get you?
Bear: Can I get a ......................................………………..........................................................................................................................................................beer.
Bartender: What's with the big paws?
He really wanted to go, but the upcoming full moon was giving him paws.
...and during the movie the dog howled with laughter at the jokes, wagged his tail merrily and at the end put his paws together and applauded. The movie staff saw this and were bewildered so after the movie one of the ushers approached the man and said to him, "We were all amazed, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie." And the man said, "I know, it's so weird! He hated the book."
She has mini paws
The paws button
A panda walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Can I get a
.
.
.
.
glass of water?"
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"
*ba-dum-tshh*
The bartender says:
"What can I do for you?"
To which the cat immediately replies:
"I'll have a gla-..."
"..."
"..."
"-ss of your finest milk please!"
And so the bartender places the glass of milk onto the bar table.
To which the cat, from all the way of the other end of the bar table, scoops it up and pulls it over without getting up from his seat.
And the bartender says:
"So I gotta ask"
"Why the long paws?"
My neighbor's pair of pet rabbits died unexpectedly within hours of each other. She was distraught. I suggested she go to my friend the taxidermist. When she arrived, my friend tried to console her and she asked him if he could create a memorial. "Of course", he replied. He explained that he could stuff them and they would almost look lifelike. He asked if she would like them mounted.
"No" she said, "holding paws would be fine."
Because he always has fou' paws!
And says Waiter................... I'd like a steak
The waiter says Sure, but why the big paws?
Bear asks deer...
(Time passes)
Can I have a drink?
Deer says, why the long paws?
It had two paws
He says to the bartender : "I'll have a gin... ... ... ... ... and tonic"
The confused bartender asks: "what's with the big pause"
"Oh these" *lifts up paws * "I was born with them"
They give me paws.
Because they keep pressing paws
A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause
And asks the bartender,
"I'll have a...
...
Whisky"
The bartender says, "why the big paws"
This is known as many paws.
It gave me paws.
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
This is known as the many paws.
A broken nose.
the bartender says why the long paws
The lion called out to the wolf:
-Hey wolf! Come on, let's talk.
-No way. You're going to eat me.
-I won't eat you. If you don't believe me, I'll tie my paws and my mouth.
When the lion tied his paws and mouth, the wolf approached with excitement.
-"Good but", said the lion... "Why are you so happy?"
Wolf replied:
-I'm going to eat a lion for the first time...
They keep pressing paws.
He's a Bordeaux Collie
And yes, he paws it himself...
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
Exhausted, he fell to his knees praying, "Good Lord! Deliver me from danger!" Looking back he saw the bear kneeling, paws together in prayer and exclaimed, "It's a Christian bear! Thank God I am saved!" Meanwhile the bear started praying, "For this food I am about to receive, Lord, I give you thanks."
B/c they're always hitting the paws button
The video was stuck on paws.
And just as I've always told my parents I have to tell the cat, I'm playing online, I can't paws it.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the paws pooch jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working paws feline piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.