Pavement Jokes
41 pavement jokes and hilarious pavement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pavement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your driveway, potholes, and puddles the life of the party with these hilarious pavement jokes. From puddle puns to cracks in the street, we've got the best jokes about pavement fit for a pavement princess!
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Funniest Pavement Short Jokes
Short pavement jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pavement humour may include short sidewalk jokes also.
- My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike. The pavement.
- Once, when I visited America I saw a Crab walking along the Pavement
Sorry I meant to say Sidewalk
He was Sidewalking along the pavement - A man walks into a bar with a piece of pavement I'll have two beers. One for me, and one for the road.
- A rich guy dies and goes to the gates of heaven. He offers Peter gold, thinking he can buy his way in. Peter looks at it and says, "You brought me pavement?"
- Had the wierdest day first I found a hat full of change just sitting on the pavement... ...then I spent the rest of the morning being chased by an angry one-man-band.
- What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement? A bananosecond
- Nobody dies from falling out of a window. It's the pavement that gets you.
(thanks Seth Meyers) - Scientists recently discovered an interesting phenomenon: in a certain area, donkey farts are responsible for causing tremors that can crack pavement and concrete. You know...Assfault.
- Why is black ice more dangerous than white ice? Because it's harder to see against dark colored pavement and therefore causes more car wrecks.
- joke: A street youth... A street youth was cycling down the road, however his front wheel was not in contact with the pavement!
He ended up falling over and was wheelie sore.
Share These Pavement Jokes With Friends
Pavement One Liners
Which pavement one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pavement? I can suggest the ones about tarmac and cobblestones.
- My brother's daughter and I fell down on hard pavement My knees hurt
- A little pavement never killed a bunch of trees But a lot did
- What do you get when you put a duck in a cement mixer? Quacks in the pavement
- My friend told me that he ate pavement. I asked him if he has any concrete proof of this.
- What did the pavement smoother say after he lost his hands? "I literally can't even."
- There was a guy that jumped off a building, and lived Then he hit the pavement
- I've just fallen over on the pavement. I've left a review on Trip Advisor.
- Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . .
- What's the hardest part about riding a bike? The pavement.
- What was John Lennons final hit? The pavement
- What was John Lennon's last hit? The pavement.
- Yo mama so fat, her shadow broke the pavement.
- Walking on hot pavement may hurt your feet But it's even more damaging to the sole.
- What was XXXTentacion's last hit? The pavement.
- I like Rocky Road ice cream, but I hate the nuts. Therefore I buy Smooth Pavement.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Pavement Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about pavement you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean asphalt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pavement pranks.
Two pieces of Road walk into a bar
They order two large beers and talk loudly, they are the toughest pieces of road in the building.
15 minutes later, a small piece of pavement walks through and asks for a small orange juice. When the roads see him, they move into the corner and stay quiet.
The bartender notices this and goes over to them and says I thought you two were the toughest they come, why are you scared of that small, quiet guy? They respond with:
You should be careful with him, He's a Cycle Path
Still the best blonde joke to date..
A brunette, a redhead, and a blond escape a burning building by
climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below,
holding a blanket for them to jump into.
The firemen yell to the brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only
chance to survive!"
The brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen y**... the blanket
away. The brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!' say the firemen to the redhead.
"Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the redhead.
"No! It's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads!"
"OK" says the redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen y**... the
blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake.
Only the blonde remains on top of the building. Again, the
firemen yell "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away!"
"Look," the blonde says, "nothing you say is gonna convince me
that you're not gonna pull the blanket away! So what I want you
to do is put the blanket down, and back away from it..."
A pub's closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door
Then struggles to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
"You were really drunk last night weren't you?"
"Yeah, why? How do you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the pub."
It was a boring day in the tall office building…
o**... says, Hey, Boss, let's all go to roof. I'll show you a neat trick!
So, the boss and a bunch of other office workers file up to the very high roof. The guy says, Boss! Watch how strong the winds are in the city with all these skyscrapers! Then, business suit and all, he jumps from the ledge. Within seconds he comes back up, landing awkwardly on the roof.
The boss says, Let me try! He jumps off and plummets like a rock, splattering on the pavement dozens of floors below.
The group is stunned, but Lois thinks, Why did Clark hate Perry so much?
Another jewish gag
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and falls onto the pavement and lays there groaning in agony. A young man rushes up to help. He takes off his coat, folds it up into a pillow and as he gently places it under the old mans head he asks "Are you comfortable ?
The old man looks up into the guys kind eyes and says "Eh...I make a living"
I'm free! I'm free!
A prisoner is finally released, after many years in jail. He stands at the pavement, yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!" - A little kid walks up to him happily and joins, I'm four! I'm four!"
Irish fireman (slightly racist)
p**... was at a fire one day but he had forgot his ladder. He managed to persuade the first person, a middle aged white woman that he would catch her, and he did. Then her mother followed, again p**... caught her. Next a black man jumped out and fell straight to the pavement.
p**... shouted up "don't be throwing out the burned ones!"
Find a penny, pick it up,
And all day long you'll have good luck...
And good, cos you're really going to need a bit of luck now! You just picked up a filthy pavement penny during a pandemic and shoved it in your pocket!
