Pats Jokes
34 pats jokes and hilarious pats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out this collection of hilarious St. Pats jokes and NFL puns that will lean towards the Steelers' fans. Perfect for any green-clad Irish fan on game day!
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Funniest Pats Short Jokes
Short pats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pats humour may include short patted jokes also.
- They're only called patriots if they come from the Pat region in France otherwise, they are just sparkling riots
- Why does the toyota Prius have more accidents on record than any other car? It's really hard to drive safe while patting yourself on the back.
- A joke I just invented (I think!) I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
- There is an old Scottish proverb that says.... If you're smart enough to fall asleep in a field of cows, you're guaranteed to get a pat on the back.
- Just saw a man crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."
- My English is so bad it made my wife cry. So I pat her on the back and said, "their their"
- Wheel of Fortune Me: I'd like to buy a vowel
Pat: Aren't you a millennial?
Me: *sigh* I'd like to rent a vowel - Why is owning a Prius difficult? It's hard to drive when you're patting yourself on the back all the time.
- What do you call a leprechaun's prank? A St. Pat-trick! Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
- What's the difference between an NFL player and football player? When you pat an NFL player on the shoulder, they feel better. But the other gets hospitalized right away.
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Pats One Liners
Which pats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pats? I can suggest the ones about patriots and paws.
- I think the men who shorten their name to 'Pat'..... .....are missing a trick.
- What did they call Postman Pat after he retired? Pat
- A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies. The genie pats himself on the back.
- what happens if you milk a cow from behind? You get patted on the head.
- What do you get when you pat a skeleton on the back? A spinal tap.
- What do you get when you sit underneath a cow? A pat on the head
- What do you call a gay Irishman? Pat McGroin.
- What did Pat Sajak say when he had his intestines removed? "I'd like to buy a bowel."
- Did you hear about the first Irish gay couple.... Phil macrackin and Pat magroin.
- Now we know the real reason the Pats cut Hernandez He was a choker.
- I'd pat my own back but my ego is too busy shaking my hand.
- What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak? I'd like to buy an owl
- Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control
- What do you call an epileptic giving someone a pat-down? A search and SEIZURE
- How do you encourage a Turkish person? Pat them on the back and say "Ataturk!"
St Pats Jokes
Here is a list of funny st pats jokes and even better st pats puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name? Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen. - My Fav St Pat's Day joke, "What is green and sits on your back porch?" Patio (p**...'O) Furnitue
Happy St Patrick's Day my internet friends!
Uproarious Pats Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about pats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean patriots fans jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pats pranks.
Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.
He asks one boy, "What is your name, boy?"
"My name is Vovochka Karpov, Comrade Stalin" says the boy.
"So tell me, Vovochka," Stalin says, "who is your mother?"
"My mother is the Great Soviet Country!"
"Very good," says Stalin, "and your father?"
"My father is the wise and kind Josef Vissarionovich Stalin!"
Stalin pats Vovochka's cheek: "Marvelous! And what is your greatest desire?"
"To become an orphan."
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
A very drunk man walks in to a pub
He tells the bartender "bartender, I want a drink. In fact, give everyone in here a drink on me. You have a drink with us, too." The bartender serves everyone a drink of their choosing and himself then hands the drunk man the bill. The drunk man pats himself down looking for his wallet and says "it appears I've misplaced my wallet." The bartender gets upset, grabs the drunk man by his neck, drags him out back and kicks the ever-lovin-s**... out of the drunk man. A few minutes later the drunk man walks in and says "Bartender, I'm buying another drink for everyone in here. But not you. You get mean when you drink."
911 What's your emergency?
**Kangaroo:** I CAN'T FIND MY KIDS!
**911:** Did you check your pockets?
**Kangaroo *[pats pocket]*:** Oh... nevermind.
A man is crying nervously at the doctor's.
The doctor asks "what's wrong?"
The man replies "I'm really scared doctor, this is my first surgery."
The doctor pats him on the shoulder and say "dont worry, son. This is my first surgery too."
A Russian boy walks up to his grandfather...
"Grandpa, is it true that there was a nuclear disaster at the Chernobyl Power Plant?" he says. "Yes, there was." replied the Grandfather, patting the boy's head.
The boy then says "And is it true that there were absolutely no consequences of it whatsoever?". The Grandpa says "Yep. None at all." and pats the boy's second head
f**... procession
Jim and Bob are playing golf when Jim notices the f**... procession go by on the highway. He kneels on one knee and takes off his golf cap as it goes by. After the procession is gone, Bob helps Jim up and pats him on the back, all while saying, That was so nice and thoughtful of you! Jim lines up his next shot and comments, I felt it was the right thing to do, after all we were married for 43 years.
A man asks his neighbour if it's ok to pet his dog
Yea he's a sweetheart, never bit a soul in his life, of course you can! Says the neighbour
The man pats the dog and the dog bites his hand
I thought you said your dog is a sweetheart and doesn't bite! Exclaims the man
The neighbour looks at him shrugging and says
Yes, but that's not my dog
The Patriots
The pats shoulda subbed Bush in, he got more yards on that wheelchair than Blount did all game. #riseup
What's the difference between Here and There?
When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."
A Muslim s**... bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.
He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The s**... bomber is crestfallen.
"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virgins?"
If the shortened nickname for the Buccaneers is the Bucs, the Jaguars are the Jags, and the Patriots are the Pats...
Then what do we call the Titans?
Super Bowl LI
Friend A: Hey you think the Pats can still win the Super Bowl?
Friend B: Well Brady better be lookin for his s**... bank receipt cause he's looking for that cumback!
Two young r**... were looking at a Sears catalogue and admiring the models.
Earl says to the Bubba, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
Bubba replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Earl says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."
Bubba smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I'll get one too."
Three weeks later, Bubba asks his friend Earl, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalogue?"
Earl replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
A woman goes into a coma...
A woman goes into a coma while pregnant with twins. Her husband dies in the car accident. A few months into the coma, she successfully gives birth to a boy and a girl. Shortly afterward, she wakes up.
"Where are my children? Are they alright?"
The doctor pats her shoulder reassuringly. "Yes, you delivered fine. You gave birth to a healthy boy and girl."
The woman sighs in relief. "Oh thank God. Who named them?"
The doctor frowns. "Your... brother, ma'am."
She lunged from the bed, grabbing him by the collar. "Oh no. He's an idiot. Tell me, WHAT DID HE NAME THEM?!"
"Deniece, he named the girl Deniece," he gasped.
She released her grip. "Oh... that's not too bad. And the boy?"
The doctor shamefully looked at the ground. "Denephew."
*Credit goes to my friend
