Patronizing Jokes
28 patronizing jokes and hilarious patronizing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patronizing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Patronizing Short Jokes
Short patronizing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The patronizing humour may include short condescending jokes also.
- Pavlov is sitting at a bar... ...when another patron walks in and a bell on the door rings. Pavlov stands up, says, "I forgot to feed the dogs," and leaves.
- Restaurant patron: Waiter, I'd like a bottle of wine. Waiter: What year, sir?
Patron: Well, I'd like it right now. - What do AMC and Robinhood have in common? Like AMC, Robinhood is asking their patrons to please turn their cell phones off as they are disturbing its customers.
- Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business? She told people to stop patronizing her.
- A pub near my house has a calculus trivia night They want their patrons to drink and derive
- So a rhino walks into a bar... and several patrons pay their tabs and leave because they see the danger in this situation.
- Since passing my art exam, I've become very patronizing. If you don't know what that means, I'll draw you a picture.
- Today we honor a patron saint by drinking ourselves into an unintelligible rabble. Or as the Irish call it... breakfast.
- Starbucks makes a drastic move to their menu to improve community relations Patrons may no longer order black coffee.
- The letter K walks into a bar... Bartender: We don't allow any noisy patrons in here.
K: No problem, I'm mostly silent anyway.
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Patronizing One Liners
Which patronizing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with patronizing? I can suggest the ones about mocking and patrons.
- Why did the accordionist cross the road? To escape from the angry mob of bar patrons.
- Who the patron saint of surveillance? St Francis of a CCTV.
- Who is the patron saint of 'reply all'? St. Francis of a CC
- Two bears walk into a bar. All the patrons ran out of the back screaming.
- Nigel Farage walks into a bar Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves.
- Who is the patron saint of copying people into emails? St. Francis of a CC
- Today I found out who the patron saint of silence is. It's St.Fu
- ELI5 Why do I always feel like i'm being patronized?
- Do you even know what patronizing means?
- What did Harry Potter order when he went to the bar? Expecto-Patron-On-Ice
- A Rabbi and the Pope walk in a bar... A bar patron says, "Hey, what is this, a joke?"
- you can always vote with your pocketbook... just stop patronizing all google products
- What do you do when a priest patronize you ? You mess up with him
- The word you're trying to think of is "Patronizing".
- A patron kicked out of a bar. Who is a drunk and belligerent Alex Trebek?
Heartwarming Patronizing Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about patronizing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean self deprecating jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make patronizing pranks.
A Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into a bar...
They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The patrons at the bar are amazed and even the Jedi has to admit it's a nice ride. They both end up saying it's a Good Car. The Mandalorian walks around the corner and after a few minutes comes screaming back on his jet pack and blows up the other cars. He has the Beskar.
A Native American walks into an Old West saloon followed shortly by a bear
The patrons freeze in fear, and the saloonkeeper points to the native American man and whispers "There's a bear right behind you!"
The Native American man holds up a calm hand and says, "I can explain. Bear with me."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a bar and sees that there are dozens of cuts of meat hanging from the ceiling.
Confused, he asks the bartender why this is.
Well, it's a promotion we are running. If you can jump up and grab one, you get a free New York s**... dinner, on us! But, if you attempt to do so and miss, you gotta buy one for every person here instead.
The guy takes a moment to scan the bar, counting up the number of patrons in his head, before turning to the bartender and replying
Ah, no thanks. The steaks are too high.
———
Shout out to my dad for telling me this joke dozens of times throughout my life. It never fails to get a laugh outta a new crowd. Thanks Joe, you da best.
A duck walks into a bar...
And orders a hundred bottles of scotch.
The bartender says, "That's gonna be pretty expensive. How are you gonna pay for all that liquor?"
The duck replies, "Just put it on my tab."
A nearby bar patron cheekily says, "Don't you mean 'put it on my bill'?"
The duck says to the bartender, "Okay, put it on his bill."
An armed masked man bursts into a bank yelling "EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS UP, THIS IS A ROBBERY!"
The patrons and staff, terrified, comply.
He's loading up his sack with cash when his mask slips off. He quickly pulls it back up and sees two guys who may have seen his face. He points his gun at the first.
"Did you see my face?"
"Yes"
BANG, he shoots him.
He then points it at the second guy.
"Did you see my face?"
The second guy points at a woman sitting far off in the reception area.
"No, but my mother in law did!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For some reason, all my friends think I'm too patronizing
That means they think I talk to people like they're s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Good Polish Joke
A man walks into a bar and orders a glass of Polish v**.... As the bartender slides the drink to the patron, a man sitting next to him remarks, "That's a coincidence, I, too, am enjoying a Polish v**.... Since
I arrived from the old country, this is the only bar in which I have found it."
To which the first replies, "Old country, I'm from the old country. Let me buy you another!"
As the drinks are being poured, one of the men asks, "What part of the old country are you from?"
"Krakow," replies the other. "This is weird," says the first, "I, too, am from Krakow! Let's get another shot."
After the new round arrives, the first asks, "So, pal, what did you do back in Krakow?'
"Not much, really, I came here right out of high school. I graduated from l**... Walesa Technical Academy in '81."
"This is eerie," replies the other, "I'm Welesa Tech, '81. Let's get another shot." But the bartender says, "Slow down fellas, I gotta make a call."
The bartender calls his wife and tells her that he'll be late getting home. When she inquires as to the cause, he replies, "Oh, the friggin' Liszjewski twins are here again."
Thought up this one in class today. (OC) "What did the one gravedigger say to the other as they lowered the body of a patronizing embezzler into his grave?"
"It's always nice to see a condescending con descending".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a w**......
A guy walks into a w**... with $2 in his pocket. The man in charge says well for two dollars there's a dead h**... upstairs, you can have your way with her for ten minutes.
Ten minutes later, the patron comes back downstairs and the man in charge asks him how it was.
"It was okay, but the only thing is her nose kept running."
"Ahhh," said the man in charge, "she must be full."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My career's in ruins!
A man walks into a bar and finds its patrons raucously celebrating with a young man standing on the bar shouting for more drinks, on him.
He walks up to the bar and shouts to the young man, What's the occasion?
My career's in ruins! the lad cackles.
The man, shocked, replies, Then why the h**... are you celebrating?
I've just completed my PhD in archaeology!
Ole and Sven
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"why sure," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "where ya from?"
"Norway," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway."
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?"
"Bergen," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old Bergen."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, where did you live?"
"On a boat, at the fishin' docks," replies the second man.
"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at the fishin' docks, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."
