Patrolman Jokes
7 patrolman jokes and hilarious patrolman puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patrolman that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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What is a good patrolman joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Excuse for speeding
This Middle aged man was going through his mid-life crisis so he went out and bought him a new bright red BMW. So he decided to take his new BMW on a test drive down the interstate one day.
He got up to about 85 mph and all of a sudden he saw this highway patrolman with his blue lights and siren blaring coming toward him. He decided he and his new BMW would outrun the officer. So the man sped up to 95 mph,and then to 105 mph, but the patrolman was still coming.
The man finally came to his senses and said to himself, "This is crazy, I could go to jail for this," so he pulled over.
The patrolman came to the car and told the man, "It has been a long day and I am tired. If you can give me an excuse no one else has ever given me I will let you go."
So the man told the officer, "Last night my wife ran off with a patrolman and when I seen you chasing me I thought you were trying to bring her back."
The officer looked at the man and said, "Have a nice day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wild little old ladies.
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car or were they trying to steal it?
'Heavens no, we bought it.'
'Then why don't you drive it away.'
We can't drive.'
Then why did you buy it?'
'We were told that if we bought a Used car here
we'd get s**... ....so we're just waiting.
A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.
"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."
"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"
"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old married couple were driving through Arizona
They were traveling from Texas to California when an Arizona highway patrolman pulled them over.
"Afternoon sir, license and registration please."
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady.
"HE NEEDS MY LICENSE!", replies the old man.
The patrolman chuckles and says, "I'll be right back."
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!"
"HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
After a moment, the patrolman returns- "I see you're from Texas. I used to date this obnoxious nag out there till she went batshit crazy!"
"WHAT'D HE SAY?!", screams the old lady.
"HE SAID HE KNOWS YA!!", replies the grinning old man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Definition of "c**..."......
What an Italian police sergeant says to a tardy patrolman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?" The woman turns to her husband and asked "What did he say?" The old man yelled "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said "May I see your license?" The woman turned to her husband and asked "What did he say?" The old man yelled "He wants to see your license!" The woman gave him her license.
The patrolman said "I see you are from Texas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen".
The woman turned to her husband and asked "What did he say?" The old man yelled "He thinks he knows you!"
An 80-year old man buys a Corvette
He gets it out on the open highway and takes it to 80, then 100, then 120 before he knows it.
He looks in his mirror to see flashing red lights so he pulls over.
The highway patrolman walks up and say, "You know how fast you were going and I know how fast you were going. I've heard every excuse in the book but if you give me one I haven't heard, I'll let you go."
The 80-year old looks the trooper up and down and says, "My wife left me thirty year ago for a highway patrolman and Inwas afraid you were bringing her back!"
Trooper closes his book and sends the Corvette driver on his way!
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