Patriots Jokes
97 patriots jokes and hilarious patriots puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patriots that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains funny Patriots jokes that NFL fans of all teams, especially those of the Patriots, will appreciate. From MVP Tom Brady's stats to their undefeated season, jokes and puns abound. Are you ready to laugh at the Broncos and other opponents? Read on to find out!
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Funniest Patriots Short Jokes
Short patriots jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The patriots humour may include short patriotic jokes also.
- I think the most patriotic part of the entire super bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
- I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight! Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.
- I wrote an essay about American Patriotism Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'
- What do the Patriots and Measles have in common? They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.
- I keep reading about all these patriots, draped in bright colors and repeating exactly what is said to them, though without any real understanding. Did they maybe mean to write "parrots?"
- Putin's propagandists on TV said nuclear war is fine because patriotic Russians will go to Heaven. Heaven heard it and immediately applied to join NATO!
- What do you call a room full of men watching the Super Bowl on a big screen TV? The Patriots
- The Patriots are true gentlemen. They let the Falcons finish their game before they started theirs.
- BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit tim tebow hired by mistake. After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.
- Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV? He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"
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Patriots One Liners
Which patriots one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with patriots? I can suggest the ones about patriotic american and new england.
- Super Bowl Halftime At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0
- Which of the American forces is the most patriotic? The air force, because its US AF.
- What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common? They only have one good ball.
- Big game today in D.C... Patriots vs The Stealers.
- Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night
- I only date Patriots fans Because they don't care if I cheat
- The Air Force is the most patriotic branch of the military Cuz they USAF
- The Patriots can still win... By Electoral College votes.
- What does patriots stand for Pay
All
The
Refs
In
Order
To
Succeed - Generally, when Communist countries get patriotic… it's a big red flag
- The Patriots had to re-sod their field. Even the grass wont root for them.
- What do you call a display of Australian patriotism? Stockholm Syndrome.
- What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots? Cheat-o's
- How will Tom Brady feel if the Patriots lose? Deflated.
- What does a patriotic cholo love the most? You, esse!
England Patriots Jokes
Here is a list of funny england patriots jokes and even better england patriots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Poor children in African nations are really excited... They're finally getting New England Patriot super bowl championship shirts!
- I don't really care for the New England Patriots, but Lance Armstrong used a deflated ball for years and no one said anything.
- New England Patriots' Robert Craft is charged with soliciting prostitution. He just wanted to show the masseuse where he wears his 6th super bowl ring.
- The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots. They must feel really deflated.
- What's the official electro-pop band of the New England Patriots? Kraftjerk
- New England Patriots list Aaron Hernandez out for week 1. Suspended.
- I heard the New England Patriots were going to be a little late to the Super Bowl Someone deflated all of the tires on the team bus.
- The New England Patriots are perfect. Perfect 5/7.
- Someone on the New England Patriots is getting fired Whoever forgot to deflate the 12th ball
- What a terrible day in Boston When New England lost to Patriots in the revolutionary war.
New England Patriots Jokes
Here is a list of funny new england patriots jokes and even better new england patriots puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Well at least a New England Patriots player that did not cheat... ...on death
- Aaron Hernandez cheated his prison sentence He is a true New England Patriot
- Why did the New England Patriots lose Super Bowl 46? Aaron Hernandez choked.
- Why don't the New England Patriots make good bakers? Their soufflés always come out deflated.
Patriots Fans Jokes
Here is a list of funny patriots fans jokes and even better patriots fans puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There is only one thing more annoying than the 877-kars-4-kids commercials.... Any Patriots fan this morning.
- Patriots fans are being charged more money for Super Bowl tickets. It's because of inflation.
- Why do people think it's best to marry a Patriots fan? They're ok with cheating.
- what's the difference between Patriots fans and cicadas? cicadas are only annoying every few years
- Why was the bed sheet a Patriots fan? It spent a lot of time hanging around Aaron Hernandez
- Patriot fans didn't have to pay as much for super bowl tickets this year.. Thats because of deflation.
- My heart goes out to Patriots fans.. Hang in there, guys!
- Roger Goodell must be drunk after last night from... all the boos from the Patriots' fans during the post game ceremonies.
- How do you win a superbowl without cheating? I don't know, I'm a Patriots fan
Patriots Football Jokes
Here is a list of funny patriots football jokes and even better patriots football puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a Patriot football player and a Patriot football have in common? They deflate under pressure.
Rib-Tickling Patriots Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about patriots you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nationalist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make patriots pranks.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Patriotism
A nurse was taking care of a soldier in the Army Hospital.
"How I wish I could kiss the American flag before I die," the soldier said.
The nurse was extremely touched by the soldier's patriotism and said, "I have a tattoo of the American flag on my bottom. You may kiss it if you don't mind."
"Of course I wouldn't mind. Thank you for fulfilling my last wish," the soldier said.
The nurse took off her p**... and the dying soldier kissed the flag.
"Thank you, nurse," he said "Now would you be so kind as to turn around so that I could kiss Bush too?"
With the situation in Ukraine...
Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and production!
- We will work three shifts!
- Such patriotism for country! By the way what's your occupation?
- I work at morgue...
I wanted to buy a patriotic decoration on my trip to China...
but I worried the US customs officer would see it as a red flag.
Did you hear about the patriotic zombie who wanted to serve his country?
He joined the Marine Corpse.
The Patriots asked the Seahawks: "Do you want to win the Super Bowl?"
The Seahawks replied: "Nah, we'll pass."
Patriotic Joke thread, Let's try Australia : - What do you call a Boomerang that does not come back?
A Stick.
Now give me your jokes from your country.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A liar, a m**..., and a cheater walk into a bar.
The New England Patriots must be in town.
Literary alcohol puns
I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.
An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.
He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.
Shouldn't the Patriots play the r**..., and then steal their stadium?
I tried to date this super-patriotic Chinese girl. She came to the first date wearing a custom cape.
It was a huge red flag.
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
It's cool how today everyone is applauding patriots for standing up for human rights...
...and by next Sunday everyone will be back to hating the Patriots again
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Patriots
The pats shoulda subbed Bush in, he got more yards on that wheelchair than Blount did all game. #riseup
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That Patriots player that just got tackled in the c**.......
Is he their new leading sacker?
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm relieved the Patriots lost...
No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.
It's a tie dad
My dad asked me to update him on the game, since he'd been in the kitchen for a long while and the patriots were down.
I responded with my epiphany that the entire thing, my entire existence, was just a tide ad.
I think he thought it was a tie, since he regained a bit hope. I'm sorry Dad, there was no tie. Fly eagles fly.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I never understand why people say that the United States is the most patriotic country in the world
In Russia they manage to get out and vote even after committing s**...!
My wife must be feeling patriotic today...
... because she just declared her independence.
As a true American Patriot I always put phone numbers I want to ignore under the contact "Freedom"
Because I always let Freedom Ring.
The Chiefs' defense isn't doing well against the Patriots' offense...
Reminds me of colonial times.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?
Put her in a Patriots jersey
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Patriots fans and horse flies have in common?
They're both annoying.
The date for Superbowl 2020 has been announced as Sunday, February 2 ...
They haven't yet announced who the Patriots will be playing.
Congrats to the Patriots on their 7th ring,
Super Bowls XXXVI (2001), XXXVIII (2003), XXXIX (2004), XLIX (2014), LI (2016), LIII (2018), Prostitution Ring (2019)!
Why have the Patriots won so many Super Bowls?
Because the owner really likes a happy ending.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all on a hot air balloon.
The conductor almost panicked says, there's too much weight! Someone needs to jump off, or we're going to c**...! The Welshman bravely steps up, For the glory of wales! And the Welshman throws himself off. The conductor still panicked says, okay, we're close but there is still too much weight! The Irishman, in a patriotic manner yells, For Ireland! And throws the Englishman off
Patriotism.
Being in the American military gives one the rare and distinctively American opportunity to live under a bridge that may one day be posthumously dedicated to you.
