Patrick Irish Jokes
51 patrick irish jokes and hilarious patrick irish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patrick irish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Patrick Irish Short Jokes
Short patrick irish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The patrick irish humour may include short paddy irish jokes also.
- What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
- What are the names of the first two men to get married under the new Irish gay marriage law? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
- What's Irish and lays out on your lawn all night after your St. Patrick's Day party? Patty O'furniture
- Irish Jokes Megathread Post all of your Irish, St. Patrick's Day, or good ol' Emerald Isle jokes for the day here! I'd like to share some with coworkers.
- In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name? Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen. - Remember it's St Patrick's day today, try and stand out from the crowd... ... wear all orange, it's also an Irish color
- I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha? He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together
- On St. Patrick's Day I like to make believe I'm Irish. Just like at Christmas when I make believe I'm good.
- What does Irish techno music sound like? Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick
(Say it fast.)
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Patrick Irish One Liners
Which patrick irish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with patrick irish? I can suggest the ones about paddy irishman and patrick name.
- Ever hear of the gay irish couple? Patrick fitzgerald and gerald fitzpatrick
- What do you call a gay Irish couple? John Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzjohn
- What do you call two contented gay Irish men? Henry Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzhenry
- St. Patrick's Day... It's the closest Irish will ever get to Christmas.
- An Irish gay wedding Brian Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzbrian
- Why did the two gay Irish like each other? William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitz. Willams
- What do you call a chicken on St. Patrick's Day? Cluck o' the Irish!
- I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick Days I will be 100% drunk.
- What do you call two gay irish men? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick
- Have you heard about the 2 gay Irish men... Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael
- I met a gay Irish couple today Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald
- 2 Irish q**... Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzmichael.
Patrick Irish Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about patrick irish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean paddy the irishman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make patrick irish pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irish man.
o**... said he was going to bug him.
He walked over to the Irish man and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a s**...."
"Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that."
Puzzled, the English man walked back to his buddies. "I told him St. Patrick was a s**... and he didn’t care!"
"You just don’t know how to set him off, watch and learn."
The second English man walked over and tapped the Irish man on the shoulder. "I hear your St. Patrick was a t**...!"
"Oh, wow, I didn’t know that, thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the English man went back to his buddies. "You are right, he is unshakable!"
The third English man said: "No, no, no, I will really big him, you just watch."
The English man walked over to the Irish man, tapped him on the shoulder and said: "I hear your St. Patrick was an English man!"
"Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me."
A Jewish joke my Jewish grandfather sent me.
One day at kindergarten the teacher said she would give anyone 10 dollars if they could tell her who the most famous man who ever lived.
A little Irish boy said, "It was St. Patrick!"
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry Sean, but no."
A young Scottish boy said, "It was St. Andrew!"
The teacher replied, "Sorry Hamish, but that is not correct."
Finally, a young Jewish boy named Marvin raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher replied, "Yes Marvin, that is correct! Come up here and I will give you your 10 dollars!"
As Marvin was being paid, the teacher said, 'You know, you being Jewish and all, I never thought you would say 'Jesus Christ.'"
Marvin replied, "Well, I know in my heart i knew it was Moses, but business is business."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the gay Irish couple...
...names were Michael Fitzpatrick, and Patrick Fitzmichael.
Sunday in an Irish church
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing the hymn number 369, 'Shall We Gather at the River?'"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
Two Irish brothers are applying for working Visas to Australia.
The first brother enters his interview, and quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother I'm in!
The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.
So Mr... Patrick O'Malley , the interviewer begins. What can you bring to Australia's economy . Patrick explains: Well, I'm a turf cutter. The best there is! My father was a turf cutter. His father was a turf cutter...
That's a shame , interrupts the interviewer. They don't really need turf cutters in Australia. There's just not that much turf.
But you let me brother in!
That's because your brother is a pilot. Pilots are in high demand.
Patrick cries: But if I don't cut it, he can't pile it!
Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia.
The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother I'm in!"
The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview.
So Mr... Patrick O'Malley , the interviewer begins. What skills can you bring to Australia?
Patrick explains: Well, I'm a turf cutter. The best there is! My father was a turf cutter. His father was a turf cutter...
That's a shame , interrupts the interviewer. They don't really need turf cutters in Australia. There's just not that much turf.
But you let me brother in!
That's because your brother is a pilot. Pilots are high in demand.
Patrick cries: But if I don't *cut it*, he can't *pile it*!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In light of all the LGBT groups participating in St Patrick's Day.....
I'm going to open a new Irish themed gay bar. It will be called *s**... and Begorrah*
the most famous person in the history of the world
The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick."
"Sorry Seamus, that's not correct."
Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon."
The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ."
"That's right, David! You win the five dollars. Congratulations!" As the teacher was handing over the cash he said,"You know David, I'm surprised you said Jesus Christ."
"Yeah, in my heart I knew it was Moses. But business is business."
My grandpa told me this one!
One day at kindergarten, the teacher says to the class of five-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was."
An Irish boy raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "Please, Miss, it was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy, Adam, raised his hand and said, "Please, Miss, it was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Adam. Come up here, and I'll give you your $2."
As the teacher was giving Adam his money, she said, "You know, Adam, you being Jewish, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ." "I know, Miss," Adam replied, "in my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business.
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once knew a gay Irish couple.
Their names were Patrick Fitzmichael and Michael Fitzpatrick
Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.
"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear the one about the two gay Irish dudes?
Patrick Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzpatrick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call 2 gay Irish men. Heard this at an 3dgy comedy show
Patrick FitsGerald and Gerald FitPatrick
Jimmy lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Jimmy went to the parish priest and asked,
"Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' say a mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied,
"I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Protestants down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."
Jimmy said,
"I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"
Father Patrick exclaimed,
"Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
An Irish Proposal
An Irishman proposed to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick's Day and gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
On learning it wasn't real she protested vehemently about his cheapness.
He explained that in honor of Saint Patrick's Day, he picked her a sham-rock.
Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke....
What's Irish and sits on the porch?
Patty O'Furniture
That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick's Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm in Ireland for St. Patrick's day and asked for an Irish Car Bomb.
The bartender began berating me about how much of an uncultured American I am, how I shouldn't even be allowed to drink with the Irish, and really ripping into me because I got the name wrong. Apparently in Ireland the drink is called a 9/11.