Patient Leg Jokes
16 patient leg jokes and hilarious patient leg puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patient leg that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Patient Leg Short Jokes
Short patient leg jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The patient leg humour may include short patient jokes also.
- Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."
[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News'] - A patient is screaming 'I lost my leg' The doctor calmly points out 'no you haven't, see it's right there' and points to the other side of the room
- A patient tell the doctor "I can't stand the pain"... The doctor replies, "I know I amputated your legs."
- A patient wakes up after an accident He says, Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!
The Doctor replies, I know, I amputated your arms. - There's a new diabetes medication that may lead to amputation. Patients have also complained about the price of the medication. I guess it costs an arm and a leg.
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Patient Leg One Liners
Which patient leg one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with patient leg? I can suggest the ones about hospital patient and prosthetic leg.
- Why did the celiac patient have to skip leg-day? Because he's allergic to glutes
Hilarious Patient Leg Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about patient leg you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hind legs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make patient leg pranks.
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...
... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"
A guy goes to the doctor with a sore leg....
The doctor runs the normal tests and takes some x-rays. Unable to find the problem he finally decides to listen to the leg with his stethoscope, at the knee he hears "hey give me $5" at the calf he hears "hey give me $10" at the ankle he hears "hey give me$15". He takes off the stethoscope, looks up the patient and says " I have some bad news, your leg is broke in three places"
I have some good news....
Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.
Patient: Give me the bad.
Dr: We have to amputate both of your legs.
Patient: shock! The good?
Dr: The man in the other room wants to buy your shoes!
Doctor's news
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: I'll take the bad news first.
Doctor: I'm really sorry to have to tell you this but there was an error in your chart and I'm afraid we cut off the wrong leg.
Patient: WHAT THE HECK?!? That's not bad news. That's TERRIBLE news. What incompetent fools! You've ruined my life!!!
Doctor: Now hold on. You haven't heard the good news. I'm pleased to tell you that upon further study it turns out your other leg's going to be okay!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Why can't I feel my legs?" asked the patient
The doctor replied, "Because your arms have been blown off!"
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age."
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
A gynecologist is preparing to leave for the day...
when his nurse stops him.
"Doctor, we just had a walk-in, would you mind seeing her?"
The doctor steps into the exam room to find the most staggeringly gorgeous woman he has ever seen. After staring for several seconds he collects himself and asks her to please lie back, saying, "Before I begin, I need to numb the area."
The patient looks slightly puzzled, but nods and settles back onto the exam table.
The doctor lowers his face between the patient's legs.
NUM NUM NUM NUM NUM
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Helping The Doctor
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work to go fishing, so he approached his assistant.
"Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients".
"Yes, sir!" answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was your day?"
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him Paracetamol."
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?" asks the doctor.
"The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon," says Murphy.
"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in!
Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everything including her bra and her p**... and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man!'"
"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I put drops in her eyes."
A man visits his doctor, complaining of hearing voices in his leg.
The doctor asks if the man has seen his psychiatrist, but the man insisted, "You are the family doctor, you are the only one that I trust with this."
The doctor uses his stethoscope on his patient's knee. He hears "Hey, hey doc, can you lend me 5 dollars?"
The doctor is alarmed, but continues to check. He next listens to the ankle and hears, "Doctor, do you think you could spare me 10 dollars? I'm good for it!"
Finally, the doctor listens to the patient's shin and hears, "You look like the reliable type, do you think you could spot me 20 dollars?"
The doctor sighs, and tells his patient the bad news. "Well, it seems your leg is broke in three places."