Patience Jokes
69 patience jokes and hilarious patience puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about patience that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Patience jokes are a great way to make someone laugh while also teaching them the value of patience. These jokes are perfect for anyone who needs a good laugh and a reminder to be patient.
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Funniest Patience Short Jokes
Short patience jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The patience humour may include short impatient jokes also.
- Man "I hate the world and everyone in it. I have no patience for it. It's starting to make me sick". Wife: "what do you think about me?" Man: "oh you mean the world to me, darling".
- What's the difference between an ER doctor and an editor? One has patients with comas, the other has patience with commas.
- Why do you need patience at the gym? Because there is a lot of weighting.
*sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head. - How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you're going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.
- One liners about professions ? Example, I would have been a doctor but I didn't have the patience. Or, trained as a chiropractor but I couldn't crack it.
Anyone got any more ? - What's the difference between an angry mother and a bad hospital? One is losing their patience. The other is losing their patients
- What's the definition of patience? Your mom saying goodbye at family parties and/or finding a friend at the mall
- What is the difference between a critic and a puppy? With time, training and patience, it is possible to make a puppy stop whining.
- What's the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher? One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of Job.
- A kid pokes his dad with a ruler several times. Angrily, the dad asks him what he is doing.
The boy says, "measuring your patience."
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Patience One Liners
Which patience one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with patience? I can suggest the ones about tolerance and courage.
- Dear Lord please give me patience... For if you give me strength, I'll kill that idiot...
- I wanted to be a doctor but..... I don't have any patience.
- Jesus was renowned for his patience He only got a little cross.
- Why did the clinic go out of business? Because the doctors had no patience.
- Why was the doctor Sued for malpractice? He lost his patience.
- Why did the doctor get angry? Because the doctor has no patience.
- Going to a seminar on patience Can't wait!
- Here comes a joke about patience Wait for it...
- What do you call it when a fat guys loses his patience? Losing wait :)
- Why was the doctor forced to leave work early? The hospital ran all out of patience
- I realized the reason why i don't have any patience. Because I am not a doctor.
- I have no patience But that's mostly because I'm not a doctor.
- The secret of living to 100 years old is ... Patience ...
- I can honestly say I've learned things from each one of my exes... Patience
- Patience is a virtue I'll see you on the morrow
Witty Patience Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about patience you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean long wait jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make patience pranks.
Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.
After months of patience and persistence I finally have a nice body.
It fits perfectly in my trunk.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
My ex-boyfriend told me giving head is like l**... a lollipop...
...but being a woman with little patience, I don't think he appreciated me getting bored and--'
My mom told me this, my dad yelled 'STOP' from the other room before she finished!
Conversation between two psychologists
"I've developed a way to study patience"
"What kind of patients?"
"All of them"
What is a doctor's most important quality?
Patience!
A graphic designer is working on a website...
...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"
My advice if you want to be a doctor...
...is to have patience
I'm laying in bed reading a book, when my dad walks in with a tape measure...
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me.
It gets closer and closer until it eventually pushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
Why are you prodding me with that ruler?
"Im measuring your patience"
You know those really annoying jokes that drag on for what seems like forever, with the person telling it going into far more detail than is ever necessary, you try to be polite and listen while loosing your patience - but then after a while you actually begin to highly anticipate the punchline?
They're punfull.
A frustrated doctor walks into a bar
The bar tender asks, why are you fuming
The doctor responds,"I DONT HAVE ENOUGH PATIENCE"
Patience
Is just what you have when there are too many witnesses
Pence warns North Korea that the "era of strategic patience is over."
He continued, "Now we enter the era of strategically sending North Korea to its room without the new WiFi password."
How do you convert a one car garage into a two car garage?
Time, patience, and lots of l**....
Maths is a skill
Half of it is understanding, the other half patience and the third half logic.
I'm like a doctor without a job.
I have no patience.
My patience was tested yesterday...
Turns out I'm negative.
The Interview
Interviewer : we need people with lots of patience.
Applicant : Sir, I use internet explorer, with a 2g connection.
Ignorance is bliss and patience is a virtue.
If you're dumb and don't mind waiting around.
Faithful dog for sale
Faithful dog for sale read the add, as such John called up the owner for details.
- Hey, I saw your offer for a good natured dog, I have a couple of questions.
- Shoot.
- He good with kids?
- Very. He's kind and gentle and has endless patience.
- yard dog or house dog?
- House trained but loves the yard as well.
- Cool. Last, is he really faithful?
- Oh yeah, very faithful. This is the fifth time I'm selling him.
What did the doctor say when all of his clientele started going to the clinic across the street?
I'm losing my patience.
My wife went to the argument center
She wanted to let off some steam so she paid £5 at the desk and went in. She was assigned with her arguer and he said,
'£5 please'
'I've already paid, so let's get this goi-'
'I'm really sorry, but to begin you're going to have to give me £5'
'I'm really sorry I don't have much patience today and you're the last thing I-'
And she walked out
Patience is waiting for your browser to scroll back
from the Tabocene, or mostly new tabs, to the Pretabrian era you started about a month ago.
What are two things every doctor needs to succeed?
Patients and patience.
A daughter asked her father
"Dad, what kind of man should I marry?"
Her father replied, "His wits come secondary. He must be a man who has a beard".
The daughter, bewildered, asked "What is the significance of the beard?"
The father, staring blankly, said "Well any man with the patience to grow a beard has the patience to deal with your b**...".
A man stands in line at an ATM in Moscow.
After an hour he loses his patience and yells 'Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and kill him!'
30 minutes later he's back in line at the ATM.
'Why are you here again?' 'The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one...'
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I wasn't suited to be a tailor.
The muffler factory was just exhausting.
I couldn't cut it as a barber.
I didn't have the patience to be a doctor.
I wasn't a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.
The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance was too draining.
I got fired from the cannon factory.
And I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
