Path Jokes
130 path jokes and hilarious path puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about path that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud at these hilarious path jokes! From garden and cycle paths to paths of exile and oncoming routes, these cobble-related puns will put a smile on your face. Find out which one tickles your funny bone!
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Funniest Path Short Jokes
Short path jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The path humour may include short route jokes also.
- Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
- Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
- HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.
- Two newfies are walking down a path... They see a sheep tangled up in a fence. The one says "man, I wish that was a pretty lady" to which his friend replys "i just wish it was dark"
- I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children, it's their responsibility to choose whatever medical school they'll graduate from.
- Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump. Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.
- What's the opposite of an empath? A W-path.
*edit* Thanks for the upvotes. My ten year old stepson made this one up, and he's very proud that his joke got so many upvotes. - A FtM trans man gets asked what career path he wants to pursue. He laughs and replies: a mailman
(A trans man made this) - I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows but it received tons of backslash from the community.
--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter. - Socialism or Communism are the only path to evolution, and Capitalism is the root of all evil. > Sent from my iPhone 7
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Path One Liners
Which path one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with path? I can suggest the ones about direction and trail.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Why did Moses part his hair? To make a path for the Israelice.
- Why don't the Jedi have a navy? Because sailing is a path to the dockside.
- The path to inner peace begins with just 3 words Not my problem
- What do you call the path of a truck turning 180 degrees? A semi-circle.
- Why does lightning always strike trees? They are the path of leaf resistance.
- What do you get if a clock and a chicken cross paths? A cluck
- How often did the architect have to put long narrow paths in his blueprints? Hallways
- What is the scariest way to get through the woods? The psycho path
- Drugs may be that path to nowhere... but at least it's the scenic route.
- Where Did The Crazy Distance Runner Go To Run? The Psycho-Path.
- Why was the road afraid of the bike lane? Because it was a cycle path!
- What's the scariest path? The psychopath
- So I was hiking up my favorite path the other day to watch the sunset...
- I once knew a girl who was always on the road to bad health. I called her Path-o-Jen.
Cycle Path Jokes
Here is a list of funny cycle path jokes and even better cycle path puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I kept having these crazy dreams where I woke up covered in tyre tracks... My Psychiatrist is convinced I'm a 'cycle-path'
- Did you hear about the CRAZY paved trail?... It's a "Cycle-Path"
- There was this one bike trail I took and I swear, at every turn it tried to kill me. I hope I never see that crazy cycle path ever again.
- Did you hear about the red tarmac that went around murdering people? It was a cycle-path.
Garden Path Jokes
Here is a list of funny garden path jokes and even better garden path puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I realized today that I really only have two options when it comes to a career path. I'm going to end up in jail or working at Olive Garden. Either way endless salads are getting tossed.
Path Of Exile Jokes
Here is a list of funny path of exile jokes and even better path of exile puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats a mile long and has a thousand arms? The train to Auschwitz.
Some German guy i used to play Path of Exile with told it to me.
Cheeky Path Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about path you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean destination jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make path pranks.
So a policeman is in pursuit of a drunk driver...
...and this drunk is barreling at high speeds, nearly destroying everything in it's path. Finally the car hits a telephone pole and the car stops. The policeman jumps out of his car, runs up to the trashed car and pulls out the driver screaming, "YOU'RE DRUNK!"
The driver responds "Thank God. I thought my brakes and steering went out!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head...
The landlord says to the rest of the customers:
"Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"
Ba Dum Tss!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American woman is hiking through Germany...
She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, g**...!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schön"
They were still arguing when..
There were three men in a forest. Walking down a path, they saw some tracks. The first man said "these are definitely deer tracks". But the second one said "No, I am pretty sure they are bear tracks". The third one said "come on guys, you can clearly see that these are dog tracks.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two kids are walking down a dirt path...
a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.
"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.
"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.
The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"
My Chinese friend's jokes about Socialism and Capitalism
* A Russian, an American, and a Chinese person are walking down a path. Suddenly, they come to a fork in the road. One path has the sign "Capitalism," and it's brightly lit and beautiful. The other is labeled "Socialism," and it's dark and frightening. The American chooses first, marching confidently down the brightly lit path. The Russian is next. Determined, he starts to go down the dark path, but then turns back halfway and runs toward the bright path. The Chinese person is last. After thinking a moment, he chooses the bright path - but first he changes the signs.
* Stalin, on his deathbed, is talking with his successor-to-be, Khrushchev. Stalin, with his dying breath, says "But what if the people won't go with you, comrade?" Khrushchev replies, "Don't worry! If they don't go with *me*, I'll make sure that they're going with *you*."
* An American and a Russian are waiting for their friend, a Chinese guy. The Chinese guy finally arrives twenty minutes late. "Sorry," he says, "I was standing in line to buy some sausage." The American says, "What's a line?" and the Russian says, "What's a sausage?"
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"
God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...
...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.
The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*
*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.
*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*
I saw a guy cut a curvy path through a corn field...
It was a-ma(i)zing.
Two nuns were riding though the streets
and realised they were late for church, one said to the other "I know a short cut" they zip through back streets and down a cobble stone path, the other Nun says "I've never come this way before!" The fist Nun replies "yeah, it's the cobble stones"
What's the quickest path to becoming a general?
Working hard, and having a good pair of knee pads.
I came across a turtle in the forest...
The turtle was making its way slowly down a forest path with something clinging to its back. Curious, I crept closer. Astride the turtle was a snail. And as I listened, the snail gripped the turtle's armored back and yelled, "Whee!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After WWII, a German soldier...
After WWII, a German soldier left the tenets of n**... behind and decided to change his path in life. He went to school, got a medical degree, and went to work doctoring sick animals. He was a veterinarian.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance
If lightning always takes the path of least resistance...
why doesn't it always strike France?
My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight
When I asked her why she said:
So whenever someone says "I can't see" I can be like "here, let Jesus light the path"
Hi there, I'm a pathological liar. AMA!
... and I'll give you any answer.
What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?
A bearl roll.
Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?
Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A group of priests stand by the road...
... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious b**...! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
iphone designer seeks help from god
* *iphone7 designer*:your highness show us the path to create the most unique and powerful phone the world will ever see
* *God*:arrg,why don't you just **j**...!!!**
* designer:wow,that could really work
How does Norman Bates get to the Bates Motel?
He takes the psycho path! (I'll see myself out...)
What did the Pope say when a cougar crossed his path?
Oh my gosh I almost Puma pants.
What was the head hunter's complaint about his career path?
He couldn't get ahead.
what type of cane
Made in USA is always late and destroys everything in its path?
The Hurry-cane
As promised, Trump is on path to Make America Great Again!
we just have to wait for the next US President..
pathan vs friend
friend:what is your father age?
pathan : the age same as mine.
friend : how?
pathan replayed :when i born that day he become father
:-D
In 2017 will Trump impersonations be banned?
Because I based my career path on this line of work. And thought it was going to be.. Huge.
You're playing poker like a Buddhist...
...you're working on the eight fold path
A group of scientists run an experiment on a frog
They teach it to jump on command by using flies as treats. Now when they say "Jump" the frog jumps.
Then they chop off one leg. They say "Jump" and the frog jumps in a crooked path. So far so good.
Finally, they chop off the other leg. They say "Jump" and the frog does not jump.
It has been concluded that frogs cannot hear without their legs.
Bros, friends, amigos... If she gives you this for her address, just go ahead and move on. Toss that cocktail napkin away. Move on. THere's other fish in the sea. (feel free to add to the list)
• Drinkand Dr.
• Vicious Circle
• West 943,185th Street
• Psycho Path
• Peoples Ct.
• Nofriggin Way
What is the road to madness called by medical specialists?
A psycho path.
eeny, meeny, kanye, flo
you come to a fork in the road. the path to the left sports a sign guaranteeing a gruesome end to all trespassers. the one to the right looks clear, except for a skinny guy with a hat who freestyles rhyming insults at you. do you risk certain doom… or chance the rapper?
United are doing things in their own special way
They are so off the beaten path
Two indians are walking down a path
All of the sudden they see smoke
What does the message say?
Nothing important, it's just commercials.
Who had the easiest path to the presidency of the United States?
Mike Pence
Back is progress!
When you are in the wrong path
A tourist group
A tourist group is lead over a mountain path.
One of the tourists gets extremely nervous and says to their native guide:
"You really could have put a handrail on the side"
The guide answers:
"There was a handrail, but it became too expensive, the tourists always took it down with them when they fell"
How did the crazy person find their way through the woods?
They took the psycho path.
Whamo!
How are dogs able to estimate the flight path of a ball?
They ballbark it
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
In Humanistic Physics, there's a term for the nicest possible path a person can take.
The Mean-Free Path.
...^I^apologize^for^nothing...!
Did you hear about the Elvis museum that got caught in the path of the California fires?
Now it's just a Hunka Hunk of Burning Love.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm so pathetic with women that when I called one of the s**... lines ..
I got a reply Sorry honey, I got an ear ache today
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a Pathway, an Alleyway and a Driveway all have in common.
Your mom can't fit through any of them.
What do you call a cat in the path of a swarm of bees?
A feline in a bee line!
The pathway next to my apartment building has never been cleaned, it's made out of garbage
Litteralley.
When a storm trooper wants to avoid conflict, he travels like electric current...
Down the path of least resistance.
I used a N.W.A song for my jazz assessment
My teacher said it was a straight path to an eazy e
UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.
This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!
My wife has a path of hair above her lip.
It's tuft to look at.
How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?
None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Cyclist Friend Was A Decent Guy
Until he turned into a cycle path.
What's more pathetic than collecting Pokemon cards as an adult?
Missing out on that hot pokemon action.
My dad just got his first pair of readers.
He's 48. When my uncle said, Welcome to fifty, my dad responded with, First time in my life I'm on the accelerated path.
If I travel to the Australia now, I would be in 2019
So that means if I circuit from same path around world, I would be in 2020 right?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Kinsey Institute studies suggest that frequent s**... is linked to better memory.
May the year 2013 bring you warmth, love and light to guide your path to a positive destination.
I tried to be a sociopath, but I'm not too good in manipulating people.
I'm more of a so-so path.
Two pieces of Black Tarmac are chatting in the pub.
One says to the other "I'm the hardest piece of tarmac in here I could take anyone on".
Just as he's saying this a Red piece of tarmac enters the pub.
The Black piece shuts up and hides under the table.
The other black piece of tarmac says "what's up with you" and he replies "I might be hard, but he's a cycle path"
If you encounter enemies, you're on the right path
Unless when you're walking in a morgue, that is.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a f**... for bikes riding on top of me
I guess I'm a cycle path
