path Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious path puns

Why does France have so many rivers?

Water follows the path of least resistance.

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A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

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Why are there so many rivers in France?

Water flows the path of least resistance.

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Why are there so many rivers in France?

Water takes the path of least resistance

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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

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Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle?

Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*

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Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

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If electricity always follows the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

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HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE

Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

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Two motorways are talking in a bar

Arguing about who's the biggest and most important of the motorways, when a tiny little scrawny looking track walks in, looking really angry.
One of the motorways sees him walk in and starts freaking out, clearly terrified.
The other motorway is confused by this, and looks over at the little track, but the scared motorway says ' don't look at him, he'll kill you! He's a fucking cycle path!

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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs

"give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"

In that case," replied the mugger,


"give me my money."

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Why is their always lightning in France?

Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.

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Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path...

...when one nun says to the other, "I've never come this way before."
The other nun replies, "Must be the cobblestones."

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A mugger

Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

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If electricity always flows in the path of least resistance

Why doesn't lightning always strike in France?

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Jesus and Moses are hanging in Heaven, talking about the good ole days

"You think we still got it, Jesus?"
"Oh, sure. I don't think our ability to perform miracles just goes away, do you?"
"Let's find out!"

Jesus and Moses head down to Earth and are at the edge of the Red Sea. Sure enough, Moses lifts his hands and the water parts, leaving a clear path across. He smirks at Jesus, and Jesus steps up for his turn.

He stepped out into the water and immediately sank. Moses looked at him confused and said "I guess the ability does go away!"

Jesus smiled and said "Last time I did this, I didn't have these fuckin holes in my feet!"

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The pathology lab was robbed last night. The stool samples were gone!

The supervisor couldn't believe it. He lost his shit.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...

Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your genitals?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."

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Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest.

Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest, on her way to Grandmother's house.
She skips down the path for a while, and as she turns down a bend she sees the Big Bad Wolf sitting by a tree.

"What big ears you have, Mr. Wolf!" Little Red Riding Hood exclaims.
The wolf gets up and runs away.

She continues down the path for a while and again sees the Big Bad Wolf, this time sitting next to a large rock.

"What big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf!" She says.
Again, the wolf gets up and runs away.

Red Riding Hood shrugs it off and continues on her merry way. A bit further down the path, once more she sees the Big Bad Wolf. This time he's sitting next to a fallen log.

"What big teeth you have, Mr. Wolf!" says Little Red.

The Big Bad Wolf howls in frustration and shouts "FUCK OFF KID, I'M TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT!!!!"

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Two kids are walking down a dirt path...

a boy and a girl. Suddenly the boy stops and proclaims, "look at what I have!"
He pulls down his pants and allows the girl to observe.

"Do you have one?" he asks.
The girl is confused and upset that she does seem to be lacking what the boy has. Distraught she runs home to her mother who see her daughter crying.

"What's wrong?" asks the mother. The daughter tells her mother about the situation and when she is done her mother only smiles.

The next day the boy and girl are walking along the same path. The boy notices the girl is smiling even more than he is and demands to know why. The girl, turns to him, pulls up her skirt and says "my mom says as long as I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want!"

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An American woman is hiking through Germany...

She's enjoying taking in the sights and immersing herself in the culture. But one day, while hiking through a wooded area, she comes across an elderly German man taking a leak on the side of the path. He's hardly subtle about it; letting his sausage hang out for the world to see. Immediately the woman averts her eyes! "Oh, gross!" she exclaims. The Old German man, just finishing up, winks suggestively at the woman before zipping up his fly and walking away. "Danke schΓΆn"

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A wife is at home watching the news.

On the TV she sees footage of a crazy man driving the wrong way on the freeway. She realizes her husband takes the same path home from work. She immediately calls him and warns him of the danger. She says, "Be careful! There's a crazy man driving on the wrong side of the freeway!"


The husband replies, "One!? There's hundreds of them!"

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Why does lightning only strike the French?

Because it follows the path of least resistance

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A biker is travelling on the highway...

...suddenly, a sparrow crosses his path, and he has no time to avoid it. He sees in his mirror the poor little creature bounce on the pavement, then fall on its back.

Feeling guilty, he stops and picks up the unconscious bird. He gets home and put it in a cage with some bread and water.

The next day, the bird wakes up, sees the bars of the cage, the bread and water... He puts his head between the wings : "Damn I killed the biker!"

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Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

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THE AGING EXPLORER

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

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Fun fact: 99% of voters who live in the "path of totality" for the upcoming solar eclipse voted for trump.

Which is ironic, because the *last* thing they wanted to do is make the country darker.

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If electricity takes the path of least resistance...

why doesn't lightning only strike the country of France?

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A man and his wife were riding to town on a horse driven carriage....(old one i heard from my grandpa)

they come upon a snake in the road. The horse refuses to move any further so the man gets down, throws the snake in the woods and gets the horse moving "that's one" he says. They continue down the path until they come upon a fallen tree, and the horse won't go around. So the man pushes and pushes on the tree to clear the path, climbs back on the carriage and says "that's two" he says and they go on their way. Then they come upon a river, shallow enough for them to cross but the horse simply won't go. So, the man climbs down, and attempts to make the horse go, but it just will not cross the water. The man says"that's three" and shoots the horse there on the spot. His wife, looking on in disgust says to him "that's the terrible! You didn't have to kill the horse! The man looks at her and says"that's one"

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An old man has spent 30 years working for the railroad, punching tickets and being mean to everyone who crossed his path.

Finally it's discovered that he's responsible for a string of dozens of murders up and down the railroad line, at almost every stop, going back almost the whole 30 years of his career. He confesses to all of them and is quickly convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.

The day finally comes, they strap him into the chair and the guard throws the switch. Sparks fly and smoke curls upward from the straps and skullcap, but the old man is unhurt. The switch is thrown again and again, but always with the same result. Finally he is released from the chair, and the next day the governor commutes his sentence to life in prison.

When a reporter asks him about the incident and why he thought he survived, the man replies, "Well, I've always been a poor conductor."

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Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.

The first one prays to God and says "Lord give me the strength to cross this river." There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.

The second one says "Lord give me the endurance to cross this river." Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim.

The third one says "Lord, remove this obstacle from my path." There is a flash of light and the young lieutenant turns into a woman. Crossing a Water Obstacle is no longer part of her test and she is applauded by the media for being so strong and independent. She has a loyal group of male followers who dote on her every day and she lives happily ever after.

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This joke requires you to .

is walking along a country path and comes upon Mark Wahlberg enjoying some coitus with an unfortunate sheep whose head has become stuck in a fence. says, "Hey Marky-Mark, what are you doing to that sheep?" Mark replies, "I was just walking along this path and I saw this sheep with its head stuck in the fence, so I thought I'd have a bit a fun. Care to have a go yourself?" says, "I'd love to" and sticks his head in the fence.

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Famine in the forest

There was a huge famine in the forest, the animals were starving and they were desperate. One day, as the Bunny was walking down a path, he found a big basket of beautiful, large eggs right in the middle of the road. He counted the eggs: there were 20 of them! He was so happy! But there was no way he could have cooked more than one egg in his tiny bunny pan. So he headed towards the Bears' house to borrow his pan.

As he went down the road, he thought: "with this famine going on, the Bear will certainly want some of the eggs in exchange for his pan. Oh that's fair, even if he wants 5 eggs I'll still have 15!"

"But what If he will want 10?" he thought. "That's alright, 10 eggs will be enough for me."

As he was getting closer to the Bears' house he kept worrying: "what if he wants 15? But what if he wants all of them!?!?"

He knocked on the Bear's door. The Bear opened the door and the Bunny yelled:

"Hey, Bear, you know what!?! Fuck you and your damned pan!!!"

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A sack full of chickens

Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack. The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight." The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."

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UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

(Credits to /u/canalavity and /u/chrisjd)

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What are the most funny Path jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Path? Well, here are the best Path dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Path pick up lines to share with friends.

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