Pat Jokes
57 pat jokes and hilarious pat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for laughs, look no further than Pat Jokes. Explore the hilarity of Postman Pat, cow pat, Mike and Pat, Pat and Mick, Pat McGroin, Patricia, Brian and more, all sure to bring you undaunted joy!
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Funniest Pat Short Jokes
Short pat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pat humour may include short mike jokes also.
- They're only called patriots if they come from the Pat region in France otherwise, they are just sparkling riots
- Why does the toyota Prius have more accidents on record than any other car? It's really hard to drive safe while patting yourself on the back.
- A joke I just invented (I think!) I think lying face down in the middle of a herd of cows deserves a pat on the back.
- There is an old Scottish proverb that says.... If you're smart enough to fall asleep in a field of cows, you're guaranteed to get a pat on the back.
- Just saw a man crying because he doesn't know what a homophone is To comfort him I sat next to him, patted his back and said, "They're, their, there..."
- My English is so bad it made my wife cry. So I pat her on the back and said, "their their"
- Wheel of Fortune Me: I'd like to buy a vowel
Pat: Aren't you a millennial?
Me: *sigh* I'd like to rent a vowel - Why is owning a Prius difficult? It's hard to drive when you're patting yourself on the back all the time.
- What do you call a leprechaun's prank? A St. Pat-trick! Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone!
- What's the difference between an NFL player and football player? When you pat an NFL player on the shoulder, they feel better. But the other gets hospitalized right away.
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Pat One Liners
Which pat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pat? I can suggest the ones about officer and paddy.
- I think the men who shorten their name to 'Pat'..... .....are missing a trick.
- What did they call Postman Pat after he retired? Pat
- A necrophilic man is trapped in a room with zombies. The genie pats himself on the back.
- what happens if you milk a cow from behind? You get patted on the head.
- What do you get when you pat a skeleton on the back? A spinal tap.
- What do you get when you sit underneath a cow? A pat on the head
- What do you call a gay Irishman? Pat McGroin.
- What did Pat Sajak say when he had his intestines removed? "I'd like to buy a bowel."
- Did you hear about the first Irish gay couple.... Phil macrackin and Pat magroin.
- Now we know the real reason the Pats cut Hernandez He was a choker.
- I'd pat my own back but my ego is too busy shaking my hand.
- What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak? I'd like to buy an owl
- Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control
- What do you call an epileptic giving someone a pat-down? A search and SEIZURE
- How do you encourage a Turkish person? Pat them on the back and say "Ataturk!"
Cow Pat Jokes
Here is a list of funny cow pat jokes and even better cow pat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Mr Palmer was given the cow farmer of the year award today. He said "this is the first time I've had a pat on the back"
- What do you get if you walk under a cow? A pat on the head.
- A friend of mine said he had found a 6 foot wide cow pat I told him it was b**....
- c**... are like cow pats - the older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
Postman Pat Jokes
Here is a list of funny postman pat jokes and even better postman pat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call postman Pat.
- What would Postman Pat be called if he wasn't a Postman?..... Pat :lol:
Pat Sajak Jokes
Here is a list of funny pat sajak jokes and even better pat sajak puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is Pat Sajak's favorite Christmas carol? No L
Hilarious Pat Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about pat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bob jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pat pranks.
3 Irish men in a pub…
… called m**..., Pat and Tat. The barman says "Are you all related?"
m**... said "Yeah we're triplets!"
Barman said "Triplets!, how come you and Pat are 6ft tall and Tat is only 4ft tall?",
"Well!" said m**... "Me and Pat were
breast fed so there was no t**... for Tat!
Steve and John are watching the football when Johns dog starts l**... its nuts. Steve says "i wish I could do that"
To which John replies "probably best to pat him first or he might bite ya"
Have you been drinking sir?
"Been drinking tonight sir?" The policeman asked.
"I had one earlier, but that was all," I replied.
"I think you've had a few more than that sir. Would you step out of the van please."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because the Postman Pat ride isn't really designed for adults and there's children waiting for their go."
I spent all day calling my mates to tell them about the 3 way I had last night with twins
o**... asked if I could tell them apart.
I said absolutely! Chris was a blonde with medium sized b**..., and Pat was a dude.
Three Irish men in a pub called says, "Are you all related?" m**... said, "Yeah we're triplets". Barman says, "Triplets, how Come you & Pat are six foot tall & Tat is only four foot tall?"
"Well", said m**..., "Me & Pat
were breast fed, so there was no t**... for tat".
Little Nancy, 8, was filling a hole in her garden when
the nosey neighbor peered over the fence, and asked "What are you doing?"
Nancy replied, "Well my goldfish dies so I just buried him"
The obnoxious neighbor laughed and said in a condescending tone, "That is an awful big hole for a tiny gold fish"
As Nancy used her shovel to pat down the last heap of earth she replied, "Well he's in your cat"
An Irishman is drinking at a pub when God Himself appears to him
"Pat McGinty! If you don't stop your drinking, I'll make you smaller and smaller until you become a mouse!"
Shocked, Pat rushes home to think. His wife notices his duress and asks him what's wrong. Somberly, Patrick looks up and says "God just appeared to me. He told me we had to get rid of the cat."
This is a good joke to play on others. Pretend you're trying to solve a crossword puzzle- and say aloud "Postman -blank-. Any ideas?"
They'll likely say something like "Postman Pat" to which you reply- "no that doesn't fit.".
Then- if they're not completely thick- they should ask "How many letters?" and you tell 'em "A SACKFUL!"
Then they'll leave in disgust.
What's the difference between a hard s**... and a gentle pat?
One's a tight slap, the other's a slight tap.
For the couple of people that haven't seen this one yet.
Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor's dog, who has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. Finally, Chris jumps up and says, 'I've had enough of this'
Rushing downstairs, Chris finally returns, and Pat says 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'
Chris says, 'I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.'
Meanie-Pie Girl
I was working on a large amount of math homework in a group today, and one of the female participants was being prissy and in general a nuisance. So I patted her on the head. She says, 'Did you just pat me on the head?' So I say, "Yes, you were being mean so I was de-meaning you."
Pat and m**... were walking down the street when Pat fell into a big hole filled with milk.
m**... runs over to the hole and asks:
Pat, is it pasteurised?
To which Pat replies:
Nah, it's only up to my knees!
A man throws up a cow pat and goes to the doctor
Doctor: "I can't seem to figure out the issue so I'll give you some shots just be on the safe side"
Man: "No! Those things make you sick and allow the government to insert tracking chips!"
Doctor: "Who told you this?"
Man: "My wife"
Doctor: "Tell me, does your wife make all your meals?"
Man: "Yeah, she does"
Doctor: "I've worked out your problem. Someones been feeding you b**..."
In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?
Pat MiGroin.
Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.
Two Irishmen are looking for a job.
They come across a sign, that reads, "Tree Fellers". Pat and Murphy look at each other and exclaim, "If only Seamus was here, we would've had the job!"
There's a man standing with his dog.
The dog is sitting there furiously l**... his b**....
Another man walks past and says jees I wish I could do that!
The first man says, yeah well I'd pat him first .
Welcome to the 2018 Golden Globes
Where Hollywood will pat itself on the back and several men will pat Hollywood on the front
Roger Federer, Pat Rafter and John McEnroe decide to go to a party dressed as stars.
"I'll be Betelgeuse," says Federer.
Rafter says, "OK, I'll be Sirius".
McEnroe says, "YOU CANNOT BE SIRIUS."
Hothead Pat, upset by how the Super Bowl is going, starts destroying things.
Police get on the megaphone trying to evacuate the area: "Go, Pat riots!"
My dog had a s**... yesterday.
He'd been a good boy so I gave him a pat and a rub.
Pat: "I was a fool when I married you"
Lou:" I know, but I was in love and didn't notice at the time."
