Pasture Jokes
35 pasture jokes and hilarious pasture puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pasture that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Pasture Short Jokes
Short pasture jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pasture humour may include short barn jokes also.
- I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..." "It's pasture bedtime!
- I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake. I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"
- I drove past a farm late at night and I saw a young cow walking around, all alone. I pulled over and asked, Isn't it pasture bed time?
- Wanna see my impression of a German shepherd? "*ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!* YOU SHEEPS *VILL* GO INTO ZE PASTURE, UND YOU *VILL* HAVE A GOOD TIME!"
- "Did you hear about the farmer who lost control of his tractor in the cow pasture?"
"No."
"Did he hurt the cows?"
"No, he just grazed them."
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Pasture One Liners
Which pasture one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pasture? I can suggest the ones about pasto and backyard.
- What did the momma cow say to her baby cows? It's pasture bedtime
- If you notice cows sleeping in a field... does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)
- Why is a field of grass always older than you? Because it's pasture age
- Why did the cow miss the bus? It drove right pasture.
- my 9 year old - What did the momma cow say to the calf when it was up too late? It's pasture bedtime.
- What do you get when there's an earthquake at a cow pasture? Milk shakes
- A farmer counted 196 cows in the pasture. But he rounded them up and had 200.
- What kind of bed does a shepard sleep on? A Pasture-pedic Sheep-number.
- I once crashed into a cow pasture. I was in for a beef of trouble.
- When is a farmer like a magician?
When he turns his cow into pasture. - Why didn't the cow go on to greener pastures? She couldn't find any mooovers.
- What do you call a h**... in a cow pasture? A beef jerky.
Share Hilarious Pasture Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about pasture you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grazing jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pasture pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who Hasn't Read The Grapes of Wrath?
Farm boy John takes the cow to the neighboring farm which has a bull to have her inseminated. The neighboring farm also has neighbor farmer's daughter Sally. John and Sally put the bull and the cow in the same pasture and sit on the back porch and watch as nature takes its course. This gives John ideas so he turns to Sally and says, "I sure wish I was doing that". And Sally says, "Why don't you, John? It's your cow".
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
A blonde is walking past a pasture
Being curious about various farm animals and seeing a farmer nearby she asks him "How come those cows don't have horns? I thought cows have horns." Farmer, happy to explain the situation to polite woman nods and says "You see miss, we often remove horns from cows. That way they don't get into accidents, don't hurt each other, don't get tangled into branches or fences or simialr. We do that by either sawing them off of putting a drop of acid on the horns when they are still young so they don't grow. But those particular cows don't have horns because they are horses."
A couple is driving up to the mountains...
.. and they are in a huge fight. The man and woman are arguing loudly for so long they are tired out. The woman then feels that she should get the last word in, and so as they pass a pasture of cows she turns to her husband and asks "Relatives of yours?" The man replies "Yes, in-laws."
Two cows are standing...
in the pasture. One turns to the other and says, "Although pi is usually abbreviated to five numbers, it actually goes on to infinity."
The second cow turns to the first and says: "Moo."
(stolen from Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar...)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft.
He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie.
Standing still, he cried out in t**..., "Please someone help me, I'm melting!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about s**....
He sort of smiled and said,
"Maybe instead of telling you what s**... is,
why don't we go out to the horse pasture and I'll show you."
So we did, and there on the ground were my parents having s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On a pasture there are cows, a mom cow and 3 calfs
The 1st calf asks it's mom, "Why is my name Petunia?". The mom cow replied "Because a petunia fell on your head when you were born". The 2nd calf asked it's mom, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom replied with, "Because a Daisy fell on your head when you were born". The 3rd cow said, "REEEEEEEEEEE" and the mom said "Shut up cinderblock"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young sheep, out to pasture, is suddenly cornered by a farmer and t**....
The young sheep faints of fright, and when he awakens immediately runs back to his flock.
Bleating wildly, he exclaims how could the farmer do this to me!
A wise elder sheep says, calm down, son. What happened?
The young sheep, still hysterical, cries i was the most beautiful ram in the whole flock! Then the farmer trapped me, put a yellow tag on my ear, cut off my tail, and the worst part is there's a rubber band around my t**...! How could this get any worse?!
The elder sheep looked at the frightened ram and sighed, you might want to sit down, I've got some bad news for ewe.
Horse problems
A classic I first heard from my grandpa.
Rufus and Ludgate, a couple of rather rural neighbors, each decided to buy a horse one summer. Since they were neighbors, they decided it made sense to pasture the horses together in the same field. Before turning them loose, they talked about how to tell them apart. After endless ideas, Rufus finally said to Ludgate, "Well, why don't I cut the mane short on mine, and you cut the tail short on yours?" This seemed like the perfect solution to the problem, so the horses were trimmed in no time.
The fall came along, and the winter, and come spring, Ludgate wanted to sell his horse. He quickly realized he had a problem: time had run its course, and both horses had long manes and tails. He called up Rufus to deliver the shocking news. The two pondered the situation for a while, and finally Rufus had the answer: "Ludgate, why don't you just sell the brown one and I'll keep the white one?"
The Watermelon Farmer
A watermelon farmer had a thief that would steal a few of his watermelons each year. Year after year it was the same thing, during harvest season a few of his watermelons would constantly be stolen. No matter what he tried to do, he was not able to catch the thief. So one year he finally got tired of it and tried something new, so he put a sign up in his pasture, "One of these watermelons are poisoned." Thinking he finally deterred the thief, he went to bed.
The next morning when he woke up to harvest, there was a new sign under his that read, "Now two of these watermelon are poisoned".
