Passport Jokes
55 passport jokes and hilarious passport puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passport that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ah, the passport – a symbol of international travel, an entry pass to see the world. If you're looking for a good laugh, check out these passport jokes! From passport photos to airline travel, Irish citizenship to Monsieur Passports, they'll get a smile outta ya. So don't delay, grab your passport and get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Passport Short Jokes
Short passport jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passport humour may include short visa jokes also.
- A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting" - classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK... The immigration officer asks: Occupation? The Israeli says: No. I'm just visiting."
- A Russian man drives up to the border with Finland The Finnish border guard takes his passport and asks the man - "Occupation?"
"No. Only a holiday." - Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport I mean I had to hand it to them
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and my passport? The passport has more foreign policy experience.
- An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
- Putin lands in a foreign country and approaches the immigration desk The border official reads through his passport and asks: "Occupation?"
Putin: "No, just visiting." - A German lands in Paris... Upon having his passport verified, the French officer asks him:
-Occupation?
-Oh, no no, just visiting! - Putin lands with airplane in kiev airport The immigration officer looks at his passport and asks:
Occupation?
Putin says:
No, this time just visit
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Passport One Liners
Which passport one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with passport? I can suggest the ones about ticket and travel.
- Your mama is so fat….. On one edge of her passport photo, it says continued on next page.
- You know what was the biggest waste of money in 2020? I renewed my passport
- Yo mamma's so fat They had to take her passport photo with Google earth.
- Yo momma so fat Her passport photo is a panoramic one
- Your mama is so ugly…. Her passport photo says This Page Left Intentionaly Blank.
- What do you call a Bohemian's passport? A Czechmark
- If you look like your passport photo You probably aren't well enough to travel.
- Where did the proctologist lose his passport? In Djibouti.
- If you look like your passport picture... ...you probably need the trip.
- What do you call someone who doesn't own a passport? An American
- Yo mama is so short you can see
her feet on her passport picture. - What's a Red, White and Blue Brexit? White people with Red faces wanting Blue passports.
- The only thing written on Chuck Norris' passport is "It's me".
- In which nation to you need a passport just to travel within it? Ukraine.
- Yo mama so fat Her b**... need passports to visit each other
Passport Office Jokes
Here is a list of funny passport office jokes and even better passport office puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A german stands in the passcontrol in an airport in Paris Passport officer: Occupation?
German: No, no, only vacation. - As I handed him my passport, the immigration officer stared at me with cold, dead eyes and mumbled, "I might not always agree with you, but..." "I can see where you are coming from."
Humorous Passport Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about passport you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passport pranks.
So a man is at an airport.
He approaches the Customs officer, passport in hand.
The customs officer looks it over and says, "So is this trip business or pleasure?"
The man sighs. "Neither. Im meeting my wife."
Du Hast
German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"
The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."
An old American was visiting Paris and spend couple minutes at immigration control looking for his passport.
- "Monseigneur, have you ever been in Paris before?" asked officer impatiently.
- "Oh yes I have, but I didn't really have to show it" responded older gentleman.
- "Not possible, you always show passport to French officer"
-"Well the last time I landed in Normandy, I could not find a single
Frenchman to show my passport"
A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport
He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"
Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport.
Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.
A British man is visiting Australia for vacation.
The passport lady at Australian customs asks him, "Have you been convicted of any crimes in the past?"
The Brit replies by asking, "Is it still a requirement?"
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
A German is traveling to France
A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German, Reason for travel?
For work, replies the German.
Occupation? asks the agent.
No, I'll just be here a few days.
A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport.
The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:
"Have you ever been sentenced?"
"Wait, is this still a requirement?"
A Brit lands in Sydney, and is awaiting passport control
His turn comes and he steps to the agent.
The agent asks his name, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks his occupation, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks, Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"
The Brit responds, Right, so that's still a requirement?"
Passport control at the airport
- Nationality?
- Russian.
- Occupation?
- No, no, just visiting.
A German in France
A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German "reason for travel ?"
"For work", replies the German.
Occupation ? Asks the agent.
"Not this time"
There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.
When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn't get a passport because they committed tax fraud.
Everyone gets what they want out of brexit
The Brits get their blue passports and the average iq of the European Union goes up by 10 points.
A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.
The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."
A old British man is waiting to get in to the Hamburg airport and his fumbling to get his passport when the custom agent says God sir have you ever been to Hamburg before
The man says yes it was the 40s it was dark we didn't land
Vladimir Putin is called to New York to answer before the United Nations for his invasion of Ukraine
Putin gets to the customs officer and presents his passport.
Customs agent: And what's the purpose of your visit, Mr. Putin? Business or pleasure?
Putin: Business, of course.
Customs agent: Occupation?
Putin: No, not this time. Just visiting.
In the 70s...
A Russian asks for a meeting with the President
\- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man
\- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- So, maybe you don't like your work there?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Maybe it is the life there that you don't like?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Then it is socialism that doesn't satisfy you?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- But now I'm confused. Excuse me but why do you want to go to Belgium? - asks the president
\- BECAUSE THERE I CAN FINALLY COMPLAIN!!!
With the World Cup just days away I've finally prepared my house to get into the spirit
I locked up some immigrants in my basement and took their passports away until it's fully refurbished to watch the games.
