Passport Jokes
47 passport jokes and hilarious passport puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passport that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ah, the passport – a symbol of international travel, an entry pass to see the world. If you're looking for a good laugh, check out these passport jokes! From passport photos to airline travel, Irish citizenship to Monsieur Passports, they'll get a smile outta ya. So don't delay, grab your passport and get ready to laugh!
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Funniest Passport Short Jokes
Short passport jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passport humour may include short visa jokes also.
- A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"Name?"
"Hans Kleiner"
"Age?"
"31"
"Occupation?"
"No no, just visiting" - classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.
"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.
"German," she replies.
"Occupation?"
"No, just here for a few days." - An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK... The immigration officer asks: Occupation? The Israeli says: No. I'm just visiting."
- A Russian man drives up to the border with Finland The Finnish border guard takes his passport and asks the man - "Occupation?"
"No. Only a holiday." - Last time I traveled abroad airport security made a hilarious joke about my passport I mean I had to hand it to them
- What's the difference between Donald Trump and my passport? The passport has more foreign policy experience.
- An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..
- Footballer Dwight Yorke just got denied entry to the US due to an Iranian stamp in his passport. Makes a change at least, most of his troubles are from briefly entering Jordan.
- As I handed him my passport, the immigration officer stared at me with cold, dead eyes and mumbled, "I might not always agree with you, but..." "I can see where you are coming from."
- People who process expired passports are so lazy they're always cutting corners.
(Joel Dommett)
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Passport One Liners
Which passport one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with passport? I can suggest the ones about ticket and travel.
- You know what was the biggest waste of money in 2020? I renewed my passport
- What do you call a Bohemian's passport? A Czechmark
- Where did the proctologist lose his passport? In Djibouti.
- What do you call someone who doesn't own a passport? An American
- The only thing written on Chuck Norris' passport is "It's me".
- In which nation to you need a passport just to travel within it? Ukraine.
- If you look like your passport picture... ...you probably need the trip.
- What's a Red, White and Blue Brexit? White people with Red faces wanting Blue passports.
- Yo mama so fat Her b**... need passports to visit each other
Humorous Passport Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about passport you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passport pranks.
A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I dont, Ive been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, Ive been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
So a man is at an airport.
He approaches the Customs officer, passport in hand.
The customs officer looks it over and says, "So is this trip business or pleasure?"
The man sighs. "Neither. Im meeting my wife."
Du Hast
German heavy metal band Rammstein travels to Poland for the next stop on their international tour. As the airport official goes through their passports and checks them in, she asks, "Occupation?"
The singer replies, "No, no. Were just here to perform a show. We'll be gone by tomorrow morning."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do people from Finland who lack passports never win?
...they can't cross the Finnish line!
An old American was visiting Paris and spend couple minutes at immigration control looking for his passport.
- "Monseigneur, have you ever been in Paris before?" asked officer impatiently.
- "Oh yes I have, but I didn't really have to show it" responded older gentleman.
- "Not possible, you always show passport to French officer"
-"Well the last time I landed in Normandy, I could not find a single
Frenchman to show my passport"
At the Airport
Customs: Where is your passport
Me: *hands credit card*
Customs: You can't bribe me
Me: It's my visa
How did the captain of the u-boat announce to his crew that there were no more passports to go around?
This sub has officially run out of IDs.
Buy passports,drivers licenses,ID cards,birth certificates,diplomas,Visas,SSN,Marriage certificates,divorce papers,US green cards
A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport
He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport
"Good morning, First time in Germany?"
"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"
"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"
"T-34, I was the gunner"
Why was The Joker's US Passport application denied?
Passports require proof of US citizenship and The Joker is a fictional character.
A Russian man is visiting Germany.
The lady at the passport control asks him his name and where he's from.
"Sergey Ivanov" the Russian says, "I from Russia."
"Occupation?"
"No, just visit this time." he answers.
Just a final check before I head off for my vacation
Passport? Check
Money? Check
Itinerary? Check
Luggage? Check
Hotel? Trivago
So ISIS have stockpiled over 10,000 brand new Syrian passports.
I'm seeing a lot of blank faces.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... goes to France
As he reaches the immigration desk, the clerk reviews his passport and asks, "Name?"
The fuhrer whispers, "Adolf h**..."
"Occupation?"
h**... shakes his head... "No, just visiting".
A German is traveling to France
A German is traveling to France and is going through passport control. The agent asks the German, Reason for travel?
For work, replies the German.
Occupation? asks the agent.
No, I'll just be here a few days.
So I'm at Customs and the boarder agent holds up my passport, squints their eyes and says ... Is-real
I said yes it is, now can I go?
I'd like to thank the person who made my Adidas jacket.
I think I'd need a passport though.
A lot has changed after my wife told me she was pregnant.
Like my bank account, selling my car, and getting a passport.
An Israeli lands in New Delhi Airport. Reaches the passport control
-Name?
-David Cohen
-Age?
-32
-Occupation?
-No, just sightseeing... For now
There was 5 Chinese immigrants. Their names were chu, lu, bu, fu, and su.
When they decided to go to America, they decided to change their names to something more western. They renamed themselves:
Chuck, luck, and buck. Fu and Su didn't get a passport because they committed tax fraud.
A old British man is waiting to get in to the Hamburg airport and his fumbling to get his passport when the custom agent says God sir have you ever been to Hamburg before
The man says yes it was the 40s it was dark we didn't land
In the 70s...
A Russian asks for a meeting with the President
\- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man
\- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- So, maybe you don't like your work there?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Maybe it is the life there that you don't like?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- Then it is socialism that doesn't satisfy you?
\- Hm, really, I can't complain
\- But now I'm confused. Excuse me but why do you want to go to Belgium? - asks the president
\- BECAUSE THERE I CAN FINALLY COMPLAIN!!!
