Passionate Jokes
74 passionate jokes and hilarious passionate puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passionate that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Passionate Short Jokes
Short passionate jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passionate humour may include short enthusiastic jokes also.
- I brought my dead girlfriend back to life by passionately kissing her neck ...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer
- My wife told me to kiss her like if we were in a soap opera I hugged her tight, kissed her with passion and then slapped her because how dare she?!
- "YOU'LL SEE! THEY'LL ALL SEE!" \- said by a very passionate eye doctor as they throw eye glasses into a crowd.
(credit goes to my mom) - If you watch godzilla backwards it's about a dinosaur that passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.
- Scott Pruitt has resigned to focus more on his true passion.. Throwing uncut plastic soda rings into the ocean.
- What are the worst three words you could hear when you're in the middle of some passionate love making? "Honey, I'm home!"
- Steal a man's wallet and he will be broke for a week Give a man a lego passion and he will be broke for a lifetime
- I hate the book Fahrenhiet 451 so much Some people would say I hate it with a burning passion
- I found a new passion yesterday pairing socks. I guess I just enjoy bringing sole mates together.
- My friend said he hated grapefruit with a passion. I asked him if he also hates passion fruit with a grape.
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Passionate One Liners
Which passionate one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with passionate? I can suggest the ones about intense and devoted.
- What's more memorable than a passionate kiss? A stab wound
- Passionate kiss is like spider web leads to undoing of fly.
- Why are dolphins so passionate? Because they have a sense of porpoise.
- What did Julius Caesar say towards the end of a passionate night with Cleopatra? "Veni."
- Do you think campers are passionate? Because I often find them in tents.
- Which insects are the most passionate? Rome-ants
- What do you call a deceitful painter that has a passion for vegetables? A corn artist
- Why was the nose jealous of the hand? He was more passionate about his *job*
- Back in my Day Terrorists put more effort into their life's passion.
- I had a passionate affair with a girl from the circus It was in tents.
- The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.
- Have you seen the Passion of the Christ? [Spoiler Alert] he dies in the end.
- I saw two tramps passionately making out in public. So I shouted, "Get a box."
- Im on the verge of starting my passion, a childrens sporting goods store Little d**...
- I finally saw Passion of the Christ Turns out his passion seems to be s**...
Cheerful Fun Passionate Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy
What funny jokes about passionate you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean furious jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passionate pranks.
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road
President Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
The driver replies, "I'm president Donald Trump's driver, and I just killed the pig."
A plane is about to c**....
(Don't know if this is a repost. If it is, I didn't know.)
The pilot of a plane tells the passengers that the plane is going down.
A woman frantically gets up from her chair and announces, "All my life, I've never made sweet passionate love with a man. Before I die, I want someone to really make me feel like a woman."
Just then, a handsome man gets up from his chair. He walks down the aisle to the woman, removes his shirt,
and asks her to iron it.
Mailman's last day on the job.
After 30 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a $50 gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate s**... he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea!"
A guy goes to his psychiatrist complaining about his s**... life...
Upon further discussion the psychiatrist suggests that the spark of excitement has gone out of his client's marriage.
"Perhaps," he suggests, "the next time you are feeling amorous, you should just take your wife, s**... and with abandon, right there and then, no matter the circumstance."
The man agrees that it seems a good idea. Two weeks later, he returns for his normal session with the psychiatrist.
"How did things go?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Absolutely amazing," says the man. "One night, as we sat down to dinner, I looked at my wife. She looked at me and we immediately made mad, passionate love right there on the table."
"So, things are good?" asks the psychiatrist.
"Couldn't be better," says the guy, "except we're can't eat at the Denny's next to our house anymore."
Love after wedding
A young lady asks her boyfriend: "My love, would you still love me and make this passionate love with me even after the wedding?"
The boyfriend: "well, it depends on your husband!!!!!"
Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."
s**...' and 'Love' ....;)
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....
Are you a v**...?
Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"
A couple of newlyweds on were on their honeymoon and moments before the passionate love making commenced, the wife says to the husband, "Please, be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
The husband was shocked and replied, "How's this possible? You've been married *three* times before!"
The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, *god*, I miss him!"
I couldn't take my eyes off her
I kissed her parted lips, our tongues touched. One hand passionately kneaded her breast, tweaking her hardened n**....
As the other hand delved deep between her thighs I couldn't help but think, "This'll probably be the last open casket f**... I get invited to".
Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.
Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"
Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
I was walking down the road..
I was walking down the road and saw a beautiful woman, A spark flew off between us. We had passionate, amazing s**....
Amazing what tasers can do these days.
I haven't had s**... since 1956!
A woman asked a General in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, taken back by this answer said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to s**... and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"
Shout out to u/mister_damage
My girlfriend invites me to her home, and she wasn't there, but her sister, who leaned in and said:
''We should have s**... right here, when my sister isn't here.'', I got up, and ran to my car, when my girlfriend stood there with a smile. ''I knew I could trust you!'' she said when she hugged me and kissed me passionate.
Moral of the story: Always keep condoms in the car.
An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman... [n**...]
An American man hooks up with a Japanese woman the night before a game of golf with a big Japanese client.
The woman is screaming with passion a specific word in Japanese that the man could tell was a great thing. He decides to try it out at golf.
Each time the big client sinks the ball, the man shouts his newly learned Japanese word. Finally, after the 9th hole, the big client asks the man:
"Why do you keep shouting wrong hole?'"
So God creates Adam...
...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"
At university, students had to come up with a sentence in which the words "love" and "s**..." both appeared
A female student's composition:
'When two people deeply and passionately love each other, and both reach a high level of mutual respect, then society morally and spiritually encourages that these two people should unite in the ecstasy of physical s**....'
A male student's composition:
'I love s**....'
I got chatting with a girl in a bar....
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that!" she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please.
A few drinks later, we kissed and cuddled and headed back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!"
I had no idea n**... were so passionate about animals.
Apparently after the war they all became veteranaryans.
A man is having loud, passionate s**... with his wife...
when all of a sudden he looks over and sees his son Johnny looking at them through the doorway. Horrified, Johnny runs away and his dad puts on some pants and starts running after him.
He gets to Johnny's room and sees him nailing his Grandma. The father goes 'oh goodness me!' and Johnny replies saying, 'not so funny when it's your mum, is it?'
The Cardiologist's f**...
A renowned cardiologist passed away, and all his friends from the same hospital attended his f**.... In order to pay tribute to his profession and his passion, he was buried in a coffin shaped like a heart.
After the service, it was noticed that one of the doctors was smiling. When asked why, he said "Oh, I'm just imagining my own f**.... I'm a gynecologist, you see."
A pastor was giving a sermon on the evils of alcohol.
After endless anecdotes about its evils and dozens of bible passages regarding its sinfulness he concludes quite passionately that if it were up to him he'd dump all the town's booze into the river.
Following this display the organist leads the congregation in a hymn. They sang Shall we gather at the river?
Two couples are getting bored with their s**... lives, so they decide to swap partners
After a night of wild passionate s**..., Mike wakes up, rolls over, kisses his new lover, and says, "Last night was absolutely mind-blowing! Come on. Let's go see how the ladies made out."
Women are discussing their s**... life.
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
Had my medical license revoked today.
Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.
Massaging the wife
Italian : Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.
French : Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 15 minutes.
American : Thats nothing! Last night I massaged my wife with cheese, then made love and made her scream for 2 hours.
Italian and French, astonished : 2 hours ! How !?
American : I wiped my hands on the curtains...
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
s**... with my wife is like the England World Cup squad
neither of us know why we're there or what we're doing, there's little passion or communication and we rarely even make it past the first stage.
It's often accompanied by lots of unnecessary noise, horrible dribbling and never a clean sheet.
It's always over far too quickly and when it does end we know it'll be at least another 4 years before it happens again.
Sean walks into his local pub in Ireland
His friends all say "Hi Sean", and Sean says "Lads, you wouldn't believe what happened to me while I was walking to the pub. I saw a very shapely lady tied to the railroad tracks. Well, I ran over and untied her and we made passionate love together." One of the guys says "Sean, did you get any head?" And Sean says, "No, I couldn't find it."
I didn't quite get my girlfriend's complaints about my passion for Grease songs...
So I asked her to tell me more, tell me more.
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
A man was sent to h**... after his death..
As he was being led into the pits for an eternity of torment, he saw a lawyer passionately kissing a beautiful woman.
What a joke! he said. I have to roast in flames for all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with that beautiful woman. Satan jabbed the man with his pitchfork and snarled, Who are you to question that woman's punishment?
I'll only watch a Passion of the Christ sequel under one condition.
Jesus has to say, you crossed the wrong guy!
Nailed it.
I haven't had s**... since 1956
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."
A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer.
A guy walks into a bar on Valentine's Day and orders a beer. "Last night my wife woke me up to tell me that she dreamed that I bought her a big, expensive diamond ring for Valentine's Day, and she wondered if that dream meant anything." "What did you tell her?" the bartender asks. "I gave her a passionate kiss and told her she would find out tonight," the guy laughs as he pulls out a small, exquisitely wrapped package. "I got her a book, 'The Meaning of Dreams.'"
Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...
After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I'm Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You're Thor? I'm tho thor I can't thpeak
Fishing Buddies
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
Jack got chatting with a girl in a bar last night,
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.
""No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," Jack assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While J was putting his clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
Jack said, "My wife found out."
My girlfriend has always been a bit on the heavy side
One morning, while standing in front of the mirror together she asked me if she should change anything in her life. I said, go workout and lose 20-30 pounds, it would change you for the better. At that moment, the sheer passion I saw in her eyes I will never forget.
After the first day, I didn't see anything. To be expected of course, these things take time. Three days later, nothing. A week later, nothing. Two weeks later, and I finally started to see something. Thank god for that, I thought she knocked the light out of my eyes for good.
In honor of Valentine's Day...
What does a passionate kiss and a spider have in common?
They both lead to the undoing of the fly.
There's 4 main rules when looking a good woman in a relationship:
1) Find a woman who's a good cook an an and keeps a clean home.
2) Find a woman who is fiscally responsible and appreciative of gifts you can afford.
3) Find a woman who is passionate and reallllllly good in the sack.
4) And The Most Important of All: Make sure they never find out about one another.
My dad's joke: You see an older couple holding hands.
The older couple are laughing and apparently very much in love.
Mom: Wow look at that, old but still passionate.
Dad: I know them. They've been married for 40 years.
Mom: Oh wow really?
Dad: Yeah, just not to each other!
A genie grants three wishes to an old lady.
She says, "I want to be young again."
\*p**...\*
She's young again.
"I want my little house to be turned into a beautiful mansion."
\*p**...\*
She's now living in a beautiful mansion.
"I want my cat to be turned into a handsome young man!"
\*p**...\*
Her cat is now a handsome young man.
"Oh cat, all my fantasies have come true! Take me in your arms, take me upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!"
The cat says, "Oh darlin', you should've thought about that a long time ago, before you had me fixed."
