Passing The Bar Jokes
107 passing the bar jokes and hilarious passing the bar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passing the bar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Passing The Bar Short Jokes
Short passing the bar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passing the bar humour may include short passing jokes also.
- I think a gay guy hit on me in a bar... He was passing behind me and asked "Do you mind if I push in your stool?"
- Why can't Irish people become lawyers? Because of their inability to pass the bar!
Credit to my dad for this one - A new lawyer walks into a diner. Where's the bar? she asks. A waiter responds, You passed it before you got here.
- A Spaniard & a Russian were chatting up a woman at a bar The Spaniard made many passes but it was the Russian who scored.
- My unemployed alcoholic father has a brilliant legal mind. Unfortunately he's never passed a bar.
- What do you call a priest who passes the bar exam? father in law
- So a neutrino walks into a bar... Bartender: "Can I get you a drink?"
Neutrino: "No thanks, just passing through." - Why didn't the lawyer get drunk? >!Because he passed the bar.!<
- Lawyer Why couldn't the lawyer drink? - Because he passed the bar.
- 2 football players are in a bar One walks up to the other and says hey, wanna shot?
The other says: Il pass
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Passing The Bar One Liners
Which passing the bar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with passing the bar? I can suggest the ones about passing exam and passing driving test.
- Why are there no irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.
- Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer? He just couldn't pass the bar.
- 100 Law Students walk into a bar... ...About 50 of them pass.
- Why is the alcoholic law student sad? Because he couldn't pass the bar.
- My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer. But he could never pass the bar.
- What's the hardest thing for an alcoholic law student to do? Pass the bar
- What's the hardest thing about becoming a lawyer in Ireland? Passing the bar.
- Why are there no Irish attorneys? None of them can pass the Bar.
- Why do Irishmen make horrible lawyers? They can never pass the bar.
- Why couldn't the drunk make it as a lawyer? He couldn't pass the bar.
- Why is it difficult for alcoholics to become lawyers? It's hard for them to pass the bar.
- Why aren't there a lot of Irish lawyers? Because they have trouble passing the bar.
- Why are failed lawyers usually alcoholics? They couldn't pass the bar
- What does a lawyer and a recovering alcoholic both do? Pass the bar
- Four lawyers walk into a bar Two pass and two have to try again next year.
Passing The Bar Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about passing the bar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean enter a bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passing the bar pranks.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...
And says," Bartender! Get me a beer and one for my Giraffe as well!" so the two stand around drinking for hours until the Giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays for him and the Giraffe and starts to leave when the bartender says," Hey! You can't leave that lyin' on the floor!" The man replies," That's not a lion, it's a Giraffe."
A drunk stumbles out of the bar at 7am....
As he walks home, he sees a nun walking towards him. He stares her down the entire time as they get closer and closer. Right as they are about to pass, he punches her right in the face, knocking her out cold, then stands over her body and yells, "Not so tough today, are ya, Batman?".
So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar...
and drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
So a guy walls into a bar
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The guy had a few beers, but the giraffe ends up getting totally wasted and passes out on the floor. The man pays and just add he is about to walk out the door the bartender shouts "hey! Don't leave that lyin' there!" And the man says back "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."
The big bed...
Three salesmen are travelling together when their car breaks down. They walk to the nearest town and go into the bar. Over a couple of rounds of drinks, they explain their situation to the bartender who tells them,
"I have a bed in the back room. It's just one bed, but it should be big enough for all three of you to stay for tonight."
The three salesmen agree and continue drinking. At closing time, the bartender kicks all the other customers out and shows the salesmen to the room where the bed is. The three of them immediately pass out for the night.
The next morning, the man who slept on the left side of the bed says,
"Man, I had this incredible dream that I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman!"
The man who slept on the right side of the bed says,
"Hey, I had a dream that I was getting a h**... from a beautiful woman as well!"
The man who slept in the middle says,
"I had a dream that I was skiing!"
Guy walks passed a bar with a sign "$5 sandwiches, $20 h**..."
..and then walks inside. He walks up to the bar and see's a smoking female hot bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
"Yes"
"Okay good, wash your hands and make me a sandwich".
Book of Dad Jokes [X-Post with DadJokes]
A father and his son are having drinks at a bar to celebrate the birth of the son's first child.
The dad hands his son a thick, leather bound book and says, "son, this book is a collection of the world's greatest dad jokes. Now that you're a father, it's time that I passed it on to you."
The son gets a little teary and says, "oh, Dad, I'm touched." The father responds, "Nice to meet you Touched, I'm Dad."
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...
The man and the giraffe drink shots back and forth and eventually the giraffe passes out from alcohol. The man puts some money on the table and starts to walk out. The bartender yells out "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Read it out loud if you don't get it at first.
Obama walks into a bar.....
Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. God agrees.
Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. He asks the barkeep "How's the country? How are foreign affairs? Any problems currently being faced?"
"Oh, nothing at all, sir. We're an empire now. We're successful."
"But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Those were t**... hotspots not too long ago?"
"We control it now. We're an empire. Everything is good."
"But what about Europe, Asia, and their financial crises?"
"That too has been taken care of. We are now finally an empire."
Pleased at the outlook of the country he once led, Obama asks the bartender for the bill:
"65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender.
$1 Beers $3 PB&J's $4 h**...
A man leaves work one Friday and passes a bar with a sign outside that reads "$1 Beers $3 PB&J's $4 h**...
He walks in and sits at the bar. A beautiful woman in her mid 20's comes over and asks what he would like. The man orders a beer. She asks if he'd like anything else. The man replies yes, "are you the one who gives the h**...?" The woman says "yes" the man says "Then go wash your hands I want a PB&J
Man walks into a bar and orders 4 beers.
Drinks them, and leaves.
Next week same time does the same thing: orders 4 beers, drinks them, and leaves.
The third week; same thing. The bartender is curious so he asks. "well, I moved here few weeks ago. Back home my 3 brothers and I met every Thursday after work for a beer. Since I was feeling homesick I figured I would keep up the tradition even if I had to do it alone."
This goes on for several weeks until one week the man comes in and orders three beers and a coke. Bartender says, "I hate to pry but what happened? Did one of your brothers pass away?"
The man chuckles and says, "No nothing like that. I decided to quit drinking."
A guy walks into a bar...
.... with a giraffe.
They sit down at the bar and start drinking beer after beer and shot after shot.
Finally, the giraffe passes out and falls to the floor. The guy pays the tab and is just about to leave when the bartender says: "Hey! You gonna leave that lyin' there?" - "Not a lion, a giraffe!"
A man walks into a bar
He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"
Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."
Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"
Man:"The steaks are too high"
Man walks into a tavern.
Man walks into a tavern and passed the bar. Bartender turns to him and says, "You can't be back here." Man says, "It's OK. I'm a lawyer now."
A man and his giraffe
A man and his giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe has a bit too much to drink and passes out on the bar. The man gets up and begins to walk to the door when the bartender says "you can't leave that lying there!". The man replies, "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
I decided to hand out free Twix bars to people passing by on the street.
I did this for about 10 minutes, then someone noticed I had no more in my hand.
"Aww, was that your last one?" they asked.
I replied "Don't worry, I have more Twix up my sleeve."
Two condoms are walking down the street...
They pass a gay bar and one c**... says to the other "hey, do you wanna get s**...-faced?"
A law student walks into the bar...
...and passes with flying colors.
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar
So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man replys:
"That's not a Lion it's a Giraffe"
A neutron walks into a bar
He orders a drink and the bartender passes him one.
The neutron goes to reach for his wallet, but the bartender stops him.
"For you, no charge"
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
- When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
- We will do that for you, said one of the younger men. But do you mind if it passes through our kidneys first?
A man walks into a bar, and noticed a couple T-bones nailed to the ceiling.
He asks the bartender what they're for.
Bartender tells him it's a challenge. If you can jump and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the night. If you miss, you buy everyone's drinks for an hour.
The man shakes his head and says. "I'm gonna pass. The steaks are too high."
A lawyer walks into a bar.
Says "Hey can I get two beers. One for me one for my colleague who is right behind me. He must have gotten lost."
A minute later the other lawyer walks in and says "Sorry, I passed the bar!"
Two Aliens meet at a Bar in Deep Space
Two Aliens meet in a bar in deep space.
**First Alien:** On my way here I passed a beautiful blue world, 2/3 covered by water, The dominant race have discovered Satellite technology and Harnessed the power of nuclear weapons for defense.
**Second Alien:** Interesting, so it looks like we have an emerging intelligence in the Galaxy.
**First Alien:** That is what i thought but then I realized they pointed them at themselves.
As a law school drop out, I struggle with alcoholism...
I just can't pass a bar
A man walks into a bar...
...wearing a hospital gown and attached to an IV drip.
He asks the barman to give him a double v**... on the rocks.
Barman passes him one and he necks it back.
He asks the barman for another double v**... on the rocks.
Barman passes him another and he necks it back.
'I really shouldn't be drinking this with what I have,' the man says.
'What do you have?' the barman says.
'50 cents,' the man says.
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar and sits down at the counter.
'What would you like to drink sir?' asked the barmaid.
'I dunno', said the man.
'Okay. How about whisky?' she asked.
'Nah', replied the man.
'Gin?'
'No'
v**...?'
'Don't make me laugh'
'Rum?'
'Nope'
'Tequila?'
'Pass'
'Brandy?'
'Now that's the spirit!'
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, he gets the giraffe drunk and the giraffe passes out, as the man walks towards the exit to leave, the bartender says
"Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there"
The man replies "that's not a lion that's a giraffe"
And he walks out the door.
A man returns home from a night out at the bar and is quite inebriated
He is trying to get into his house but can't seem to get the keys into the keyhole.
Meanwhile, a stranger passes by and asks the man if he can help him unlock his door.
The man replies, "No, you just hold the house steady and I'll insert the keys."
Bear walks into bar...
Bear asks deer...
(Time passes)
Can I have a drink?
Deer says, why the long paws?
So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......
They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he's not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says sharply you can't leave that lyin' here .
The guy turns slightly and slurs over his shoulder it's not a lion, it's a giraffe .
A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.
He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"
Two condoms are walking down a street one night
Two condoms are waking down a street one night when they pass a gay bar. One turns to the other and says Hey, wanna get s**...-faced?
Why did the lawyer back up?
Because he passed the bar
Three guys go to a bar
They get really, really, really drunk.
They meet up the next day. Guy #1 says, "I got so drunk last night that I passed out right in the bar."
Guy #2 says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night that I went home and blew chunks."
Guy #3 says, "That's nothing. I got so drunk last night that on the way home I got pulled over by a cop and got arrested for DWI."
Guy #2 says, "That's nothing. Chunks is my dog."
Three aspiring lawyers walk into a bar.
Just kidding, they passed it.
how did the lawyer become sober?
He passed the bar.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into the bar....
They both pass and use their legal credentials to better help their congregations.
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar
An Australian man and his kangaroo walk into a bar, and spend the night drinking shot after shot. After a few hours, the kangaroo passes out and slumps to the floor. The man goes to pay his tab and starts to leave. The bartender shouts Hey! Are you just going to leave that lying there? The man turns back, glances at his drinking companion, and says to the bartender, That's not a lion. That's a kangaroo.
A man is walking into a bar.
He passes an old, homeless man fishing in a puddle in the parking lot. He says, "you look like you could use a drink, come on in."
They sit down to a beer and shot of whiskey each. The man tries to make smalltalk with the homeless fisherman.
"catch anything yet?"
"you're the eighth."
A joke from an old timer at a dive bar
How did the female deer get back at her cheating husband?
She went downtown and blew a few bucks.
*I used to work next to a dive bar and would pop in there for a beer after my shift. One of the old timers was a guy named Doc and he told me this joke almost every day. He passed away a few years ago, but I thought y'all might appreciate it. RIP, Doc ♥️
a woman walks into a bar and takes a seat across from the female bartender
"I'll take a shot of anything, I'm celebrating taking the Bechdel test."
The bartender pours her a whiskey and says, "think you'll pass?"
"I just did!" she says as she downs the shot.
Two guys chatting at the bar....
One says, "I committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning. Went to the travel agency to buy some plane tickets. The young girl had the most spectacular b**... and I accidentally asked for two plane-t**..." His mate replies, "Oh yes. I did the exact same thing this morning. Went to ask my wife to pass the corn-flakes and accidentally said, "You fat cow, you've totally ruined my life"'
2 guys in a bar chatting. The first says have you ever said something wrong by mistake , Guy 2 says like what?
Guy 1 says well, this one time I was at the airline desk and the woman behind the counter had HUGE b**.... I was supposed to ask for 2 tickets to Pittsburgh but I asked for 2 tickets to Titsburgh
Guy 2 says Oh yeah, I see what you mean. The other day I was having breakfast with my wife. I was supposed to ask her to pass the salt, but I said you've ruined my life b**...
Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe
They take a seat at the bar and start taking shots.
The giraffe gets b**... drunk and passes out on the floor.
Guy gets up and goes to leave the bar.
Bartender says hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!
Guy says it's not a lion, it's a giraffe
I was in the bar yesterday...
when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really really loud, so I timed my Farts with the beats. After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod.
2 guys sitting in a bar watching the news.
A news story comes on about someone threatening to jump off a building. o**... turns to the other and says, " I'll bet you $500.00 he will jump". The other guy says, "You're on"!
A few minutes pass and the guy on TV jumps.
The loser of the bet says, " Well, here is your $500.00. I lost fair and square". The winner says, " Thanks, but I can't take your money. I saw this on the news earlier today".
The loser says, " I saw it too. But I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to do it again".
Two condoms are walking down the street.
And they pass a gay bar
One of them turns to the other and says.
Do you want to go in and get s**... faced
A drunk is passed out in a local park, face down in the freshly cut grass. He finally comes to, staggers to the bar accross the street and goes in.
The bartender looks up and says, "Why the lawn face?"
A man walks into a bar. As he sits down
he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender, What's with the meat?
The bartender says, If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?
The man takes another look at the meat and says, I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high.
I passed the bar!
I almost stopped and went in but I thought, nah I have plenty of beer at home.
Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.
3 years passed. One of the snail friends said he still hasn't returned, we might as well drink his beer . Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, if you touch my beer, I won't be buying you guys any chewing gum! .
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe
Sits down at a table and orders a round, whiskey for him and a double for the giraffe
This goes on for a few more rounds until the giraffe is all but passed out, laying across the table
Man stands up and starts to stagger to the exit.
Barman looks over and says "Hey - you can't leave that lying there"
Man says, "it's not a Lion, its a Giraffe"
I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home.
I went to a bar for a New Year's celebration and took a cab home. Came upon a DUI checkpoint, and when they saw the cab, they just waved us pass. After a while I made it home safely, which is surprising because I've never driven a cab.
A man walks into a bar...
As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what's with the meat?
The bartender says, If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else's drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?
The man takes another look at the meat, then says, I think I'll pass. The steaks are too high.
Two turtles walk into a bar.
As soon as they enter inside, it starts to rain. The big turtle turns to the smaller one and says - Go home and get the umbrella.
Small Turtle - I will, if you promise not to touch my soda.
Two hours pass.......
Big Turtle - Well. I guess he's not coming back. May as well drink his soda.
As he's about to reach for it, a voice from outside the bar says - If you touch the soda, I won't go home and get the umbrella.
Super Bowl tickets!
Last minute I realize but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl in Inglewood, CA at SOFI stadium Tomorrow.
They are box seats that he spent $8,500 a piece for which includes a ride from the airport, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's church at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about a 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.