Passing Gas Jokes
73 passing gas jokes and hilarious passing gas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passing gas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Passing Gas Short Jokes
Short passing gas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passing gas humour may include short passing wind jokes also.
- What is it called when too many people pass gas inside of a mine? An excess stench hole crisis.
- My dad taught me everything I know about passing gas. I've been under his tootelage my whole life.
- There was once an Egyptian Pharaoh rumored to have never passed gas... His name was Toot-Uncommon.
- What did the Egyptian say to his friend when they both passed gas at the same time? We just had a toot in common
- When you pass gas loudly in a crowded room, everyone should applaud... That takes some guts.
- What's the difference between an establishment where alcohol is served and an elephant passing gas? One is a Bar Room, the other is a BAROOOM!
- What is Metal Gear's Snake's secret? There's a Solid, Liquid, and Solidus Snake. It seems they all passed gas.
- Life lesson #297 Never pass gas while using a public bathroom hand air dryer... It tends to create a fartnado!
- Every time the Donald passes gas it smells like flowers. It's because they are his alt-farts.
- Why did h**... pass out? he saw the gas bill
Share These Passing Gas Jokes With Friends
Passing Gas One Liners
Which passing gas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with passing gas? I can suggest the ones about flatulence and gassy.
- I once passed gas in an elevator, Which was wrong on so many levels.
- What do you call someone who doesn't pass gas in public? A private tooter (tutor)
- Why did the man driving stop at every gas station? Cause it's impolite to pass gas
- I'm an anesthesiologist. I get to pass gas for a living.
- What name did they give the Egyptian pharaoh who rarely passed gas? Toot-uncommon
- What do you call a person who never passes gas in public? A *private tutor*
- What did a passing motorist say to the elderly SS Officer? Give it some gas grandpa!
- Wise man say... Man who passes gas in church sits in own pew.
- The Wind is a Force So when I pass gas i must be using the Force.
- What do you call it when a person farts while jogging? Passing Marathon Gas
- What did the Egyptian say when he was about to pass gas? Tutankhamun.
- What do you call a gay boxer who passes a lot gas? Gaseous Gay!
- Nein! Nein! I said, "Pass the juice!" Not "Gas the Jews!"
- I passed gas this morning on the subway but the other riders gave it back.
- why did the f**... lose the race? because everyone passes gas
Passing Gas Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about passing gas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taking a dump jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passing gas pranks.
A man was in a restaurant one day and then he suddenly realized he had to pass gas! And the music was really loud in the restaurant so he let it out! But, then he realized he was listening to his iPod music
This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."
The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."
"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his c**.
.. did not open.
As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"
The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...
..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will c**...."
So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"
The priest says "how did you know?"
And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"
...I'll show myself out
A man is driving through the desert with a penguin in the passenger seat
His gas light comes on and he pulls off at the next fuel station to fill up. He walks inside and the clerk looks at him, then the car with the penguin sitting inside and says
"It's entirely too hot out here for a penguin! You need to take that thing to the zoo right away!"
The man nods his head in agreement and replies "Yeah, that's probably a good idea."
A week passes and the man pulls into the same fuel station with the penguin sitting comfortably in the passenger seat again.
The man walks inside and the clerk angrily says "I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!" The man looks at the clerk and calmly replies "Yeah I did! We had a wonderful time!"
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
the ambulance and the toe
Last night I was coming home from work in the city, driving country roads to get home.
I looked in my rear view mirror and saw an ambulance with its lights on. I pulled over and as the ambulance passed by, I noticed the back door open up a little. The ambulance hit a small bump and out fell an ice chest.
I quickly pulled off the road and rushed over to the ice chest and opened it up. Inside was a human toe in the ice. I knew I wouldn't be able to catch the ambulance so I got in my car and rushed to the nearest gas station to call 911 (my cell phone was dead). They told me they'd send a car right away but all of their police cars were in use and told me just to wait 20 minutes.
So I waited 20 minutes for the tow truck to show up.
So I was brushing up on Egyptian history the other day...
and I was reading about King Tut. Apparently he suffered from IBS, which caused him to pass the most ungodly smelling gas (reminiscent of rotting animal carcasses seasoned with rotted potatoes). Due to this, it was hard to find servants willing to happily serve him, but one day, Tut's parents encountered a servant who suffered from the same condition and was used to the smell, so he was more than happy to serve the future Pharaoh. From that day forward, the Servant and Tut were always together, both excreting the foul stench from their derrieres. Most people agreed that they had a Tutankhamen.
h**..., after finishing breakfast, runs into his war room....
He grabs the General he was having breakfast with by the collar and screams "I asked you to pass the juice, not gas the Jews!"
An old married couple...
An old married couple were married for a really long time. The only friction in their marriage was that the man passed gas every night in bed. The wife often told her husband that one day he would "f**... his guts out" however the man would always dismiss these claims as false. One day after having chicken for dinner the wife decided to pull a prank on her husband, after he went to bed she took the intestines of the chicken they had and placed it between his legs, proving once and for all that he had f**... his guts out. After doing so she went to bed, anxious to see his reaction in the morning. When she woke up she found that her husband had already gotten up. She went to the kitchen and asked him how he slept. "Oh I slept wonderfully", he replied. "Except that your prediction finally came true, I finally f**... my guts out." Acting startled she asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital. "No I'm fine, after a couple of tries I managed to push them all back up in again".
Man Periods
I'd hate to meet the girl of my dreams right now, because I, am on my man-period! No, let me explain: a woman would HATE to meet a s**... guy while on her period, because she knows it would mess up the part of her act where she pretends NOT to be berserk.
A man-period, is that special 2 to 3 days a month, when your unstoppable Juggernaut farts register on a seismograph. My last f**... sounded like a tornado went through a bassoon factory. I passed so much gas – Exxon called me up with an extraction lease, and the Department of Defense charted up a contingency plan.
I teach High School Machine Tool and Die, and was quite impressed with a students response to another student passing gas.
I walked into the room and asked who passed gas. After a bit of blaming each other one student said "Who ever it was should apologize to Ben."
I asked "why is that".
He said "Because Ben's people have been gassed enough". And yes, Ben is Jewish...
A man visits his doctor...
and says "Doc, you gotta help me. I have a terrible case of flatulence. Fortunately it's completely silent and there's no smell, but I haven't stopped passing gas for two days ! Can you help me ? "
Doc says "Yes, but first we need to check your hearing and your sinuses."
[ok, I'm walking off, no need to throw stuff.]
An elderly couple was attending church services.
About halfway through, she leans over and says to him: "I just had silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?"
He leans over to her and replies:
" Put a new battery in your Hearing Aid."
Police Shooting
A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her
I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm
I desperately needed to pass gas!
and I was in the restaurant .......... when I suddenly realized The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
An elderly man goes to the doctor for help with terrible gas.
He tells her that he is passing wind constantly and it can be a bit uncomfortable but luckily when he passes wind it doesn't smell or make any noise so he is free to let it go whenever he needs to. In fact, he says, I'm doing it now and you'd never know!
She gives him some medication and sends him off and tells him to come back in 2 weeks.
When he returns he seems upset. He says that the level of gas is more or less the same but it smells so bad that it's choking him.
She says well, that's your sinuses sorted now let's work on your hearing.
The Whale Joke
Two whales are on a road trip, and they decide to stop at a gas station to get some snacks.
So they go into the candy aisle,
And they pass the snickers,
They pass the kitkats
The skittles,
The starburst,
The airheads,
The milky ways,
And finally they see the m&ms.
And one whale says to the other:
Waoaoaooaooaooaoaowwwoaoaw
And the other whale says:
Waoaoaoaoaoaoaaaaooaoaoaawwww
The limerick is a dying art
It's sad to see these things part
But all trends like gas
Must soon pass
See, I wrote one about a f**...
Why couldn't h**... pass his driver's test?
He kept stepping on the gas.
An elderly lady goes to see the doctor about her flatulence.
Doctor, can you please help? I pass wind all the time. They don't smell, they don't make a sound, but I've f**... three times already since coming in here.
The Doctor prescribes some tablets and asks the lady to return in a week.
Doctor, help! My gas has gotten worse! They still don't make a sound but now they stink, it's disgusting!
The Doctor replies, Good, we've fixed your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing.
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?
The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?
What's it called when a T-Rex passes gas?
A jarrasic f**...!
A parachutist is plummeting to Earth
Because her ripcord malfunctioned.
As she frantically pulls at the defective cord, she passes a man atop a stove traveling the opposite way.
She yells out to him, Hey, do you know how to fix a parachute!?
He replies back No! Do you know anything about repairing gas lines??
Two doctors are playing a game of spot diagnosis
They see a man and bet each other 10 pounds if they can guess his diagnosis correctly.
The first doctor says i bet he's got a slipped disc as he's shaking and obviously nervous,
The other doctor says it must be haemorrhoids as he's sweating and uncomfortable
The two doctors go up to the man and state they are playing spot diagnosis, they each tell him their guesses,
The man goes to the first doctor "You thought I had a slipped disc, well you were wrong",
Then the second "You thought I had haemorrhoids, well you were wrong"
Then he's says to both of them "I thought I was going to pass gas, and I was wrong"
A man goes to the doctor with a terrible problem
Doctor, I think I have a problem with my farts. I can pass really loud gas, but no smell would come out of them.
That sounds serious. Can you try letting one out now?
So the man farts, and true to his word, it's so loud that the exam room's windows even vibrate.
Just as I feared. We must operate immediately.
My b**...?
No, your nose, you idiot!
An old lady goes to the doctor.
"Doctor, i'm constantly passing gas. They're not loud and they don't smell. But I want it to stop."
The doctor gives the woman pills and says
"Take these and call me next week."
So a week later the old lady calls the doctor.
"Your pills didn't work, not only am I still f**..., but they're also extremely loud."
"Good," says the doctor. "We've fixed your hearing, now lets fix your sense of smell."
Coffee Shop
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my b**... trumpet to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with earbuds.
Timed Gas
Timed Gas
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me...Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to the music on my Samsung phone with an ear-piece.
An old lady is sitting with her doctor
I've been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can't stop passing gas. Luckily, they're silent and they don't smell at all. Why, you couldn't tell but I've f**... at least five or six times in the few minutes I've been here with you.
The doctor pulled out his prescription pad and began writing.
Are these pills to help with my stomach?
The doctor replied, no – your sense of smell.
An old woman at the doctor's
"Doc, I have incredible problems with gas. Really, I have to pass gas all the time, but fortunately, they don't smell and you can't hear them at all. You see, since I came in here, I had to pass gas four times already and still, no smell, no sound, nothing."
The doctor nods and writes some medication for her.
A week later she is back. "Doc! What medication did you give me? I'm still gassy as all h**..., but now they stink to high heavens!"
The doctor nods "Ok, the nose is working again, now on with the ears..."
I was in the bar yesterday...
when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.
The music was really really loud, so I timed my Farts with the beats. After a couple of songs I started to feel better.
I finished my beer and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered I was listening to my iPod.
Sister Ann Putting on Weight
"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging belly. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said Sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little f**...!"
A skydiver is unable to open their c**... and sees a guy passing them in the opposite direction holding a matchstick.
Skydiver says, "do you know anything about parachutes?"
Guy replies, "do you know anything about gas cookers?"
