Passenger Train Jokes
25 passenger train jokes and hilarious passenger train puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about passenger train that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Passenger Train Short Jokes
Short passenger train jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The passenger train humour may include short passenger plane jokes also.
- Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"
- Why did the Mexican train driver kill all of his passengers? I'm not sure, but he must have had a loco motive.
- What don't they name train stations after astrology signs? No passenger would ever make it past the terminal Cancer!
- What did the Muslim train conductor say to the passengers as they were getting on? Allah-board
- so a train station noticed that alot of the passengers where either musicians or gardeners. so they decided that in order to cater to these people, they would decorate the station with metrognomes
- My wife told me she was a hour late home today cause she took the train. I don't understand why it took a hour however, based on the amount of passengers on, the ride should have finished real quick
- a train conductor, notorious for being mean and despised, makes his daily call for passengers, all of which hate him all abhorred! he shouts
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Passenger Train Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about passenger train you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean railroad train jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make passenger train pranks.
Stalin, Kruschev, and Brezhnev are riding a train when it suddenly grinds to a halt.
Stalin says, "I know what to do. We shoot the conductor, the ticket collector, and ten passengers at random. Then the train will run again."
"No, I have a better idea," says Kruchev. "We tell everyone on the train that true communism is just around the corner! Then the train will run again."
"Tovarishi, you're trying too hard," Brezhnev cuts in. "We simply close the curtains, lean back and have a v**..., and *pretend* the train is running!"
An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...
The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"
The American replies, "We have too much of these."
---
Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.
The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"
The Chinese replies, "We got lay too much of that lice."
---
The Russian then flicks dashcams and v**... out his window.
The German asks, "Vat's the matter vith those?"
The Russian replies, "They're too common where I'm from, comrade."
---
The German looks at the Syrian guy.
#The Syrian guy, nervous, exclaims, "Don't you fooking dare!"
A blind and elderly German man is on a train.
When the train approaches the station of his destination, he gets up from his seat, tries to make for the door, but almost walks into a pole.
Another passenger yells," Careful, there's a pole in front of you!"
The old man breathes in, stands tall with all the vitality of his youth, and swings with all his might at the pole.
"Untermensch!" He yells. "When did those t**... become so hard?"
A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.
In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.
A conversation in the train compartment of a speedtrain
"What are you chewing on all the time?"
"Apple cores."
"And what's that good for?"
"It promotes intelligence."
"I see, can you give me four of those, too?"
"Gladly. Four pieces cost eight Dollars."
The passenger pays and gets the kernels.
After chewing for a while, he says:
"But for eight Dollar I could have bought lots of apples!"
"You see, the cores are already working!"
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
Tipsy Passenger
John had a few drinks and was traveling on a train. The ticket checker stopped and asked John to show his ticket. John was searching his pockets and wallet.
The ticket checker said "it's alright, you seem to be a respectable gentleman. No need to show your ticket."
John insisted "I need the ticket for real, to find out where I am going"
Train passes a flock of sheep
Passenger says to his friend, wonder how many sheep there are.
His friend takes a quick gander, shrugs, and remarks, Looks like 82.
What? How do you know that??
Easy. I counted their legs and divided by 4.
Why did the Mexican . . .
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
- For Hispanic attacks
Why did the Mexican Army invade the Alamo with only 5,000 troops?
- Because they only had two vans
Why did the Mexican train driver kill all his passengers?
- No one knows! He must have had a locomotive
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
- Tequila
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
Why didn't the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?
If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.
I apologize, it's a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.
A guy in a train lets a loud f**...
He puts his two hands together, crossing his fingers and claps the palm of his hands to imitate the sound of a f**....
Another passenger asks: "How do you do the smell?"
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly.
Finally it creaks to a halt.
A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
I was travelling in a train when I heard an announcement on PA.
The announcement was "If you observe anything or anyone looking suspicious or dangerous, please report to us at 555-5555."
At that time I looked over at the female passenger seating besides me. Then I remove my phone and dialed the number 555-5555. She started looking at me suspiciously.
As soon as the line connected, I said,"Hello, I want report a suspicious looking female who is seating next to me. She seems to be dangerous as well."
At that point, the suspicious and dangerous looking female snatched my phone and shouts ,"Stop doing that John. I am your wife!".
Sheesh calm down.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, This is you captain speaking. Thank you for choosing our avia company, And thank you for being my first passengers, I just finished my training, hope everything will go smooth...
There are some worried whispers started and eventually people start shouting to get out from the plane. A flight attendant running to cockpit and after that pilot speaking again.
- Ladies and Gentlemen, This is you captain speaking. Please calm down, I was joking about training, Actually my twin got sick, I am covering him today.
A German joke
An old man was travelling by train from his hometown of Offenburg to visit family in Frankfurt am Main. It was quite a journey for him, since he never got around much.
At one time the conductor walks by yelling "HEIDELBERG, GET OFF!" The man thinks, "That's my name!" and gets off the train marvelling at the wonders of modern technology that allow the railway companies to remind passengers by name where they have to change.
While on the platform he hears "HEIDELBERG, COME IN!" and hastily boards the other train. He sits down and since he's in an unusually good mood, he begins to chat up another passenger. "Where are you going?," he asks. "To Regensburg," sounded the reply.
The old man slaps his knees, and says excitedly "What a time to be alive! I'm going to Frankfurt, you're going to Regensburg, and we're both on the one same train!"
Larry comes home to find a gorilla on his roof.
After calling several animal control numbers in the phone book, he finally calls a man who thinks he can handle this gorilla.
The man arrives at the house in a white pickup truck with his dog in the passenger seat and a rifle in the back.
He hands the rifle to Larry and says "So here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to climb up onto your roof and scare the gorilla off. Once he hits the ground, I've trained my dog to go bite his nuts and shake them until the gorilla passes out. After that I'll load him up and go release him in the hills."
Larry thinks about it and decides the plan isn't half bad and may actually work.
"But why'd you give me the rifle?"
"If I fall off the roof, shoot the dog."
Perceptions vary
Following World War II, a general and his lieutenant boarded a British train. They sat across from an attractive young lady and her grandmother. As the train departed, it entered a long tunnel. Total darkness encompassed the train for approximately thirty seconds. In the darkness of those moments, the passengers heard two things - a kiss and a slap. Everyone on board had his or her own outlook of what happened. For example . . .
The young lady assumed to herself, "While I'm flattered that the handsome lieutenant kissed me, I'm embarrassed that my grandmother slapped him."
The grandmother supposed, "I'm disappointed with the lieutenant, but I'm proud that my granddaughter had the courage to hit him."
The general thought, "What in the world . . . why did my lieutenant kiss that civilian young lady and why did she slap me by mistake?"
The lieutenant was the only person on that train who really knew what happened. In that brief period of total darkness, he had the opportunity to kiss an attractive young lady, as well as slap a general.