passenger Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious passenger puns

A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...

She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.

"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"

The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."

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On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…

Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a sexual deviant!

The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.

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What are the options?

Air Hostess to passenger:
"Sir would you like to have dinner?"

Passenger: "What are the options?"

Air Hostess: "Yes and No."

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A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

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I can't get over how cruel some people are.

I had some Nickelback tickets on the passenger seat of my car, and I popped into the shop for just five minutes.

When I came back, someone had smashed the window and left two more.

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What do you call a gay black man on a bus ?

A passenger. You homophobic racist

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A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane.

"I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

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One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...

a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"

Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be funeral driver for 25 years.

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Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Henry Winkler on a plane

Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"

He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."

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2 Priests stop at a random police checkpoint in the middle of the road...

A police officer tells the driver "We're looking for 2 pedophiles."

The driver says "Just one minute", rolls his window up, and starts arguing intensely with the other priest in the passenger seat.

He rolls his window back down, looks up at the cop and says "Ya, we'd be up for it!"

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As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Einstein is on a train leaving New York.

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

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What do you call a muslim on an airplane?

A passenger you racist fuck.

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A taxi passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screams and nearly crashes the car into a tree.

"Holy shit! You scared me."

"Sorry"

"Oh no, it's not your fault. This is my first day at this job. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

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Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."

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(Hope its no re-post) So this pilot was talking to his co-pilot...

and he says, "man i could really use a blowjob and a coffee." Little did he know, he had his hand on the intercom, blasting his statement out to the whole plane. The flight attendants all exchanged looks before one of them started running up to the front of the plane to tell the pilot to let go of the button. On her way there a passenger shouts to her, "Don't forget the coffee!"

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A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.

'What's up?' says the driver.

'Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,' says the policeman.

'Thank goodness for that,' says the driver. 'I thought I'd gone deaf.'

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A husband calls a men's help line.

Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."

Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."

Host: "I see... so what's your question?"

Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"

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Two friends are driving along the road

When they see a goat with its head stuck in a fence. They pull over, and the driver gets out, goes over to goat pulls down his pants and fucks the goat. When he is done he gets back in the car and the passenger turns to him and says "you know, that actually looks like a lot of fun." The drive tells him to go give it a shot. So the passenger gets out, walks over to the goat and sticks his head in the fence.

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A guy is driving happily along in his car with

his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, Sir?"

"No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?"

"No," replies the officer, "You were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat broad in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."

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Passenger taps his taxi driver on the shoulder

The driver shits himself, swerves and narrowly misses a bus, stopping inches from a shop window.

"Fuck me, you're jumpy aren't you? I only tapped your shoulder."

"Sorry," said the cabbie, "It's my first day. I've been driving a fuckin hearse for the last 20 years"

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Impact of a job change.

A taxi passenger touched the driver on shoulder to ask something

Driver screamed, lost control of the car, went up on the footpath & Stopped few centimeters from a shop

The driver said: "Don't ever do that again man! You scared me!"

Passenger apologized and said: "I didn't realize a little touch would scare you so much"

Driver replied: "Sorry, it's not your fault
Its my 1st day as a Cab driver...I've been driving a van carrying dead bodies for last 25 yrs

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A priest is pulled over for speeding...

Smelling alcohol on the priest breath and noticing a wine bottle in the passenger seat of the car, the highway patrolman asks, "father, have you been drinking?"

"just water," the priest replies.

"Then why do I smell wine on your breath?" quipped​ the patrolman.

The priest looks down at the bottle and exclaims, "good Lord he's done it again".

Edited for u/littlekiing

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As an airplane is about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Human Trafficking

A flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!

There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, and the man she is with, is a fat old slob who looks like a sexual deviant, mean and dangerous!

The captain responds, You must be new here. This is Air Force One.

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Flight back home

Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.

As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"

The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"

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A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.

A passenger asks the captain:

- Who is he?

- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

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A plane is about to crash

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

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Human trafficking

The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!
The captain responds, Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One...

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Somewhere off Gilligan's Island...

On a Christmas cruise on a luxury ocean liner in the Pacific,
a passenger sees seven straggly people on a small island
jumping up and down and waving their hands and shouting.

"Who are they?" the passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. But each year when we pass, they go nuts."

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So this lady is getting on the bus with her baby...

And as she gets on, the bus driver glances at her child, does a double take and says "Gaaaaahhhh!!"
Well, this disturbs the lady, but she sits down.
The passenger next to her sees that she's disturbed, and asks what's wrong.
"The bus driver was VERY rude to me!"
The passenger says, "Well, you should go give him a piece of your mind! Let me hold your monkey for you."

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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

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Taxi ride (long-ish)

A passenger in a taxi leaned forward to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the taxi, nearly hit a bus, drove up the curb and stoped inches from a massive glass storefront.

For a few moments everything was silent in the taxi and then still shaking driver said,"I'm sorry, but you scared the crap out of me"

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver, saying that a mere tap on the shoulder would frighten him so much.

"No,no I'm sorry" the driver replied "I'ts my fault entirely , today is my first day driving a taxi, I have been driving a hearse for the last 35 years."

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May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have sex. Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have sex right then and there.

The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

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What are the best Passenger puns ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Passenger? Well, here are the best Passenger dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Passenger pick up lines to share with friends.

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