Pass Jokes

124 pass jokes and hilarious pass puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pass that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a great way to pass the time? Try out these hilarious pass jokes! From driving tests and hall passes to Donner Pass and the Seahawks, we have something for everyone. Reluctant to laugh? No worries, these jokes will have you in stitches!

Funniest Pass Short Jokes

Short pass jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pass humour may include short pare jokes also.

  1. Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
  2. Dude 1: Hey, bro? Dude 2: Yeah bro?
    Dude 1: Can you pass me that pamphlet?
    Dude 2: Brochure
  3. My Hawaiian HOA passed a noise ordinance so strict that I can't even laugh out loud. All i can do is a low ha.
  4. In honor of his passing, my dad's favorite joke to tell waiters Waiter: "And to drink, sir?"
    Dad: "I'll have a blind coke."
    Waiter: "I'm sorry?"
    Dad: "You know, a blind coke. No ice."
  5. I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes and try to pass them off as my own. I still do, but I used to too.
  6. The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake She still isn't talking to me
  7. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick. I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
    She still isn't talking to me.
  8. I still remember my Grandfather's last ever joke... He said to me, before he passed- 'Quick! Get my medicine!'
    But, I didn't get it :/
  9. Over 99.99% of people that took the vaccine for the 1918 Spanish flu have passed away. This seems very suspicious to me!
  10. I passed all my courses except for greek mythology. It has always been my Achilles' elbow.

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Pass One Liners

Which pass one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pass? I can suggest the ones about pong and permit.

  1. Why do Mexicans always cross the border in twos? Because the sign says No Tres passing
  2. Hey, you wanna win? Nah, we'll pass.
  3. Why are there no irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.
  4. Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40.
  5. I just passed my drug test My dealer has some serious explaining to do
  6. I just passed by Canadian citizenship test! I got an eh +
  7. Why doesn't Magneto wear his old costume anymore? Because days of fuchsia passed
  8. TIL: rope can pass through themselves Ohh wait they can knot.
  9. How did the terminal cancer patient do in school? He passed.
  10. Why don't Mexicans cross the border in 3's? No tres passing
  11. A cannibal passed his brother in the woods.
  12. I found out some sad news today. My German teacher passed away. Au revoir, amigo.
  13. Bro, can you pass me that pamphlet? Brochure.
  14. My Korean friend passed away... So Yung...
  15. When beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard.

Time Pass Jokes

Here is a list of funny time pass jokes and even better time pass puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The internet is an amazing thing. One minute I'm at work looking up
    random pages, passing the time, the
    next minute I'm at home looking for a new job.
  • I wonder... I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
    I asked my 26 siblings for advice.
  • My son just became a father for the first time today… And in passing on the paternal torch, when he asked me where I kept all my dad jokes, I told him…they were stored in my dadabase.…
  • How is Valve like Uranium-238? By the time they get to the third Half Life 13.5 Billion years will have passed.
  • I wondered what my parents did to pass time when they were younger. I asked my 19 brothers and sisters but they didn't know either.
  • I passed by a roadside stand that said "lobster tails: $2" So I stopped, paid my $2 and the man said,
    "Once upon a time, there was a lobster..."
  • I swallowed a watch.. And now I'm just looking for a way to pass the time
  • Would now be a good time to make a joke about the Mars rover dying? Or has the Opportunity passed?
  • One positive of Arnold Palmer's passing... He's six under for the first time in years...
  • So apparently the Senate just passed a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent Most people are excited about the change, but I think if it passes the House it'll be hour loss.

Bus Pass Jokes

Here is a list of funny bus pass jokes and even better bus pass puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My grandad the bus driver passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday unlike his passengers
  • Yo Momma is so old that her bus pass is in hieroglyphics!
  • A woman gets a lifetime bus pass for her 103rd birthday Estimated value: $30
  • How do you see every black person ever? Get a bus pass to the city of atlanta
Pass joke, How do you see every black person ever?

Driving Test Pass Jokes

Here is a list of funny driving test pass jokes and even better driving test pass puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why were the Asian brothers never able to pass their driving test? Because two Wongs will never make a right.
  • Driving test... Friend: I just gave my driving test.
    I: Did u pass it?
    Friend: I don't know... I'm waiting for the instructor to return from the trauma center.
  • Apparently, even if you hit kids during your driving test, you'll still pass. They're only considered to be minors.
  • I passed my driving test yesterday and have received two complements on my window screen saying my parking is fine.
  • Grandma passed... Her driving test :(
  • So I went to do my driving test high on l**... I passed with flying colors!

Forward Pass Jokes

Here is a list of funny forward pass jokes and even better forward pass puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My Russian doll passed away. I'm not looking forward to the funerals.
Pass joke, My Russian doll passed away.

Silly & Ridiculous Pass Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about pass you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pass pranks.

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

fishing by the river

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.
He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"
"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.
"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."
"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"
Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.
"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.
"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".


An American, an Englishman and an Irishman were having breakfast together with their wives.
The American suddenly smiled and turned to his wife saying: "Would you please pass me the honey, Honey."
The Englishman, not to be outdone, turned to his wife and said: "Please pass me the sugar, Sugar."
The Irishman paused a while, then turned to his wife and said: "Pass me the tea, Bag."

A gorgeous student walks into her professor's office...

She says "Professor I'm really struggling in your class."
He say's "Ok it's good you're here then, what can I help you with?"
"Well I don't quite understand the material but honestly, I would do anything to pass."
"Anything?" He asks.
She leans in close and softly says "Anything."
He leans in closer, almost whispering as he asks:
"Would you, study?"

Password reset

A man was was unable to log into his online banking account and he pulled up the online chat support.
"I put in my password and I cannot access my account"
"Sorry that password has expired- you must register a new one."
"Did anyone discover that password and hack my computer?"

"No, but your password has expired- you must get a new one."

"Why then do I need a new one as that one seems to be working pretty well?"

"Well, you must get a new one as they automatically expire every 90 days."

"Can I use the old one and just re-register it?"

"No, you must get a new one."

"I don't want a new one as that is one more thing for me to remember."

"Sorry, you must get a new one."

"OK, roses."

"Sorry you must use more letters."

"OK, pretty roses"

"No good, you must use at least one numerical character."

"OK, 1 pretty rose"
"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces."

"OK, 1prettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use additional characters."

"OK, 1fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you must use at least one capital letter."


"Sorry, you cannot use more than one capital letter in a row."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyrose"

"Sorry, you cannot use that password as you must use additional letters."

"OK, 1Fuckingprettyroseshovedupyourassifyoudon'tgivemeaccessrightfuckingnow"
"Sorry, you cannot use that password as it is already being used"

I was having dinner ..

.. .. with Garry Kasporov
and on the table was a checkered tablecloth.

It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt.

Why couldn't the alcoholic become a lawyer?

He just couldn't pass the bar.

Why can't Irish people become lawyers?

Because of their inability to pass the bar!
Credit to my dad for this one

A wife sits with her husband, who is on his deathbed...

The husband says, "Darling, I think it's time... I have one last wish before I pass."
"What is it, dear?"
"About six months after I'm gone, I want you to marry Joey, ok?"
She sat dumbfounded for a second. "But, I thought you *hated* that man?"
The husband grabbed her hand and with his last breath whispered "I do."

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

How do two l**... pass their time when on their period?

Finger painting.

What do the Patriots and Measles have in common?

They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something.

They're giving away Marshawn l**... jerseys at my local sports shop.

But I think I'll pass

A man walks into a bar

He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. He goes up to the bartender and asks "What's with the meat on the ceiling?"
Bartender:"It's a challenge. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night."

Man:"Nah, pass".
Bartender: "What? Why not?"
Man:"The steaks are too high"

There once was a boy named "Odd."

People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

I have an archaeology exam tomorrow

And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way...
My future's in ruins.

Two condoms are walking down the street...

They pass a gay bar and one c**... says to the other "hey, do you wanna get s**...-faced?"

Two psychics pass each other in the street..

One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

A ship is sailing through the sea...

passing by a small island and watches a man screaming and shouting.
A passenger asks the captain:
- Who is he?
- We don't know, he gets crazy every year we pass here.

My wife asked me

My wife asked me to pass her lipbalm & I gave her superglue by mistake.
She's still not talking to me

There were two guys playing golf, and a f**... passed

so o**... stopped, and waited for the f**... to pass before continuing with his game.
His companion complimented him on his respect for the f**..., to which the guy replied, 'Well, its the least I could do, we were married for forty years!'


Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."
"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"
"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"
"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

In law school...

Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.

I'm not passive aggressive.

Unlike *some* people.

Why you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password..

Because is not stroganoff

I passed by the prison today and they were playing soccer on the field

I shouted "Pass the ball, I'm free!!"

A Mexican attempts to pass the border

A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."
The Mexican replied, "Scissors."
The border control officer replied,"d**...! Well, you're free to go!"

A son asked his dad

"Can you pass me my sunglasses?"
"Sure." Replied the dad. "Then can you pass me my dadglasses?"

It's obviously worse to pass a kidney stone than giving birth to a baby.

Because people always say they want another baby but no ones ever said they want another kidney stone.

Gunpowder therapy

A boy goes to his grandfather and says "Grandpa, how did you ever get so old?"
"Well," replies the grandfather, "every morning, I pour a teaspoon of gunpowder into my coffee, and I guess that's the reason." So the boy begins drinking coffee and doing the same.
90 years pass, and the boy dies having reached the age of 95. He left behind 3 kids, 5 grandkids, 4 great grandkids, several million dollars, and a 60 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey"

Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

I like my passwords like my girlfriends:

change them every 6 months, never share them and make sure my wife doesn't know any of them

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier.

I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

A baby is born

And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking.
"I was born to live 3 days" he says
"my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days"
After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away. The father becomes histerical. He knows he is next. He sells all his possessions, spends all his money.
14 days later his neighbour dies.

Son, will you pass me the Dop Ted?

"What's a dop ted?"
"You are! You're adopted."
"Very funny Dad."
"I'm not your dad."

I want my password to be beef stew

but google says it's not stroganoff.

Why did the EA executive cross the road?

Buy the DLC to find out!
Alternate ending available if you purchase the season pass!

Two condoms are walking down a street one night

Two condoms are waking down a street one night when they pass a gay bar. One turns to the other and says Hey, wanna get s**...-faced?

I tried to use the password "beefstew" for my iTunes account.

But Siri said it wasn't stroganoff.

Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things...

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

The blonde's password

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students...

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing
out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and
the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking
this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will
cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
How much for a season pass?


\- said by a very passionate eye doctor as they throw eye glasses into a crowd.

(credit goes to my mom)

Walking home after a girls' night out, two rather drunk women pass a graveyard and stop to pee.

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

'What time is it?'

'Dunno. Pass me that t**... and I'll find out.'
*plays t**... loudly*
Someone shouts: 'WHO'S THAT PLAYING THE t**... AT 2AM?'

Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee...

The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it.
Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that.
The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her p**...!"
"That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Recently a new supermarket opened nearby

It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…

A nun is walking to church.

As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"
Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"
The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"

My password is snowwhiteandsevendwarves.

They said I need 8 characters

This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said "I need to pass through the cemetery but I'm scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?"

I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."

Professor: April, you are failing my class.

April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?

Marital Argument

A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."

A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.

It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "

An Austrian travels to France where he has to pass security.

Airport security:"Nationality?"
Austrian: "Austria"
Airport security: "Occupation?"
Austrian: "Nein, nein, only vacation"

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

Sure passive income is great, but do you know how much you can make with passive aggressive income?

You know what, never mind. Forget I even mentioned it…

Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians

Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as Russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have b**... of steel. Even women.

100 Law Students walk into a bar...

...About 50 of them pass.

The whole family are having breakfast together when…

The young Grandson looks over at his 18 year old newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "Your still a charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"

A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.

They walk up to God and ask to be married.
God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.
Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.
A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.
God responds, "It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"

An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman are eating breakfast with their wives

The American says to his wife: "Please pass me the honey, honey"
Then the Englishman requests: "Please pass me the sugar, sugar," to his wife.
The Scotsman thinks for a second, then bickers "Pass me the milk, ya cow!"

I was going to quit my passtime as a public f**......

But I decided to stick it out a little longer.

Super Bowl tickets

Short notice, but a friend of mine has two tickets for the Super Bowl. They are box seats that he spent $5,700 a piece for which includes transportation to and from the stadium, open bar, and a pass to the winners locker room.
What he did not realize was last year when he purchased them that this is the same day as his wedding.
If you're interested, he is looking for someone to take his place.
It's at St. Paul's Church on North Avenue at 3 pm. Her name is Ashley and she is 5'5 and about 110 pounds. She is a good cook and enjoys the outdoors.

Pass joke, Super Bowl tickets

jokes about pass