Party Jokes

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother.

It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I threw my girlfriend a surprise bukakke party.

Everyone came, you should have seen her face.

A 60 year old billionaire marries a hot 24 year old...

During the wedding party, his friends ask him, How'd you land someone that young?

It's simple, said the billionaire, I faked my age!

I mean, I'm 43, and there's no way I could land her! , a friend exclaims. What age did you tell her you were?

Smiling mischievously, the billionaire responds, 85 years old.

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.

I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party...

Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

I once threw an abstinence party...

And no one came.

Asian Keanu

Asian Keanu arrives at party.

Asian Keanu gets bored.

Asian Keanu Reeves.

One day the youngest son asks his mother, "Mom, why do I look so different from all my siblings?"....

The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".

I had a b**... party last night.

It was a disaster. Nobody came.

Nothing embarrasses a psychic more than a surprise party.

A doctor and a lawyer

During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.

I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was s**... assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to s**... assault a girl...not on my watch.

A black guy and a white girl are at a party

A black guy and a white girl are at a party. After a while they go together to a room, and she asks excited: "Show me if what they say about black men is true". He grabs her purse and runs

Facts of life

At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he thought that he'd be around for his 104th.

"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the ages of 103 and 104."

I lost my watch at a party.

After some intensive searching through the crowd, I spotted it lying on the floor. There was a guy standing on it. When I looked up, I saw the guy harassing a girl, touching her at all the wrong places. She obviously didn't approve. So I walked over there and punched this guy in the face. Nobody treats girls like that. Not on my watch.

Had a house party last night

...and there's always one left over! Laid on the floor in the corner, still that drunk? He couldn't even stand! Asked him where he lived, then dragged him down the driveway to my car, his legs all over the place, picked him up, threw him inside, & took him home. Dragged him up to his house & knocked on his front door, "I've brought your son home."
His mother replied, "Where is his wheel chair?"

A police officer accidentally arrested a judge who was dressed like a convict for a costume party.

He quickly learned to never book a judge by their cover

I was invited to a party...

'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.

I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.

Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

A kid asks, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"

The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."

Why was e^x so lonely at the party?

Because every time he tried to integrate, he ended up with himself.

Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited.

She asked if it was a search party :(

I did a suprise b**... party for my wife...

Everybody came. You should have seen her face!

My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party,

So I made her and all her friends clean the house.

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order.

A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered

The chicken

A guy goes to a halloween party with a g**... his back.

The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"

My Wife needed something to cheer her up...

That's why I surprised her with a b**... party. Everyone came. You should've seen her face.

In USSR we had this joke

An old Jew is on his deathbed. With weak voice he asks to call for a partorg because before his death he wants to join the Communist Party. A happy partorg rushes to him with filled out membership form to sign and a ready Party membership card. As the Jew signs the form he carefully takes the membership card and presses it against his heart.
In a peaceful and happy voice he whispers: "Today one more communist will die"

When I go to a costume party this year, I'm showing up wearing only a pair of jeans.

That way when I'm asked what my costume is, I'll say "I'm a p**... ejaculator. I just came in my pants."

How do you stop a m**... from drinking all the beer at your party?

Invite a second m**....

A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.

The answer is the chicken.

**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

007 recieves a new mission... to infiltrate a party and mingle.

His orders are to, "bond James, bond".

o**... wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

I saw a man walking down the road with a woman on his back

I said "where are you going?"

He replied "Fancy dress party"

"What as?" I asked

"Tortoise" the man shouted back

"Who's she?" I questioned

To which he responded "That's Michelle"

How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them. Never split the party.

A n**... man arrives at a costume party with a g**... his back.

"I'm a turtle", he says.

"Oh... who's on your back?"

"That's Michelle", he replies.

I invited my buddy to a costume party and he said he was going as his dad

He didn't show up

Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party.

Lady: Do you mean a choir?

Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?

So there's this one kid at a costume party and the host ask what he was dressed up as. The kid told him that he dressed up as a harp, and the host told him that his costume is too small to be a harp.

The kid then said, "Are you calling me a lyre?"

A 60 years old billionaire marries a hot 25 year old girl..

After hnoeymoon they throw a party celebrating their marriage...

After a few drinks, billionaire's friends want to know the secret of how he landed 25 yo hottie..

‟It is simple billionaire boasts....
‟I faked my age

‟Yes, but even for a 40/45 years old guy...she is sensational, what age btw did you tell you're? A friend asks.

With a smile on his lips billionaire responds
‟85 years old

When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.

Now I'm homeless.

I lost my watch at a party

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at the party. Infuriated I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

My 72-year-old mother just informed me that she's going to her first s**... party and doesn't know what to bring.

After some delicate questioning, gender reveal, mom. It's called gender reveal .

I was late to the cannibal party

So they gave me the cold shoulder

A proud father has six children.

He always calls his wife "Mother of Six," to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mother of six, we're leaving now."

She replies, "Be right with you, father of four."

A drunk man walks into a bar

After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, "You wanna hear a blonde joke?"


The person replies, "I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?"


The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

How can you tell who owns bitcoin at a party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago

A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.

The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!

The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.

24-year old Tai Jinhai came in first during the Beijing Marathon, but they gave the gold medal to the son of a prominent party official instead.

To this day, the Chinese government refuses to acknowledge Tai won.

From my 7yo Nephew, Why should you always bring toilet paper to gatherings?

For all the party poopers!

Why did the spoon come to the party dressed as a knife?

The invitation said to look sharp.

A n**... man was walking down the street with a woman on his back

A bloke on the other side of the road asked, "Where are you going?"

The n**... man replied, "To a fancy dress party."

"What as?" asked the bemused gentleman.

"A tortoise", said the n**... man.

"Well, who is the woman on your back?" said the intrigued gentleman.

"Oh, that's Michelle."

EDIT - I changed the first "gentleman" to "bloke." I hope it makes more sense that way.

When I moved into my igloo, my friends threw me a house warming party

Now I'm homeless

Where does Sir Lancelot go to party?

A knight club.

I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a r**... w**... and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.

So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs 'WHAT'S GOIN' ON?'

What did the cannibal get when he was late to the dinner party?

The cold shoulder.

LPT: If you are ever at a party or business meeting with Spanish speakers, make sure to stand up and say Mucho

It means a lot to them

Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail!

That's M'Shell on my back

A scrawny teenage boy asks his muscular friend how he gets so many girls to sleep with him.

The muscular friend says, "Here's what you do: next time there's a party, get a large potato and stick it down your pants and act normal. You'll see - that'll turn you into a chick magnet."

A minute later, all the girls at the party run away from the scrawny kid, screaming and laughing and pointing.

The muscular friend sees this and comes over to his scrawny friend. "Dude," he says. "You have to put the potato in the front."

Grandpa's 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he started tilting forward. This time his other son caught him and tied a pillow around his waist.

A few minutes later, his grandson arrived. He said, Hey, Grandpa! How's life treating you?

Terrible, he said. They won't let me f**....

How do you get a group of loud Canadians to leave a party?

You ask them.

A s**... Girl in a Party Asked a Retired Army Colonel:When did you last have s**... ?

Colonel:1955.

She Said: That Was So Long Ago ! Wanna Have Some Now ?

The Colonel Looked at His Watch: Sure, Why Not
Its Only 2130 !!!

Did you hear about Bruce Banner losing his temper at the Avengers' pool party?

He made a Hulk Splash

A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

How do you find a vegan at a crowded party?

Don't worry; she'll find YOU.

What does the cake say at the government printing office retirement party?

This cake intentionally left blank

Supermarkets are putting up the price of v**... by 1p to £20.00 from tomorrow.

So tonight I'm gonna party like it's £19.99...

My blonde wife was late to the party.

But, she explained that she had to wait for a train at the crossing. The sign said watch for trains and she said she had to wait 40 minutes before she saw one.

I hate when during a dinner party someone brings up how inhumane killing cows is.

They really know h**... the moo

Blowing up a Balloon.

My niece had a p**... baby that spent 2 weeks on a ventilator because her lungs were not fully developed yet. She continued to have breathing problems as a toddler and needed to you inhalers to get enough oxygen.
On her 3rd birthday, she insisted on helping her mom decorate for her party. And despite her chronic breathing issues, that little girl was able to blow up a balloon faster than the entire United States Air Force.