Partner Jokes
112 partner jokes and hilarious partner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about partner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Everyone has had a partner in crime at one point in time, and it's common for them to make hurtful jokes now and then. This article offers valuable insight into partner jokes about cheating, breaking up, me cheating, everything and even my body. Find out more about how to handle partner jokes and standbi your ground in an assertive yet respectful way.
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Funniest Partner Short Jokes
Short partner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The partner humour may include short pair jokes also.
- My partner and I can never agree on vacations. I want to go to exotic island and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
- I hate it when guys call their girlfriends "partner in crime" Like we get it bro, she's under-age
- My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
- It's hard to find a good partner in most of the US But in Alabama, you can find a partner with relative ease
- A gay man was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner... "this year we should try Greece"
his partner looks up n asks him "whats wrong with the Vaseline? - "It's really difficult, my partner is constantly in and out of prison." "Babe, that's a terrible way to tell people I'm a Corrections Officer."
- I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, "I do." If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to.
- Broken phone, need your help. I got a text from my partner the other day saying "heybabymyspacebarisbrokenonmyphoneineedanalternative". - Any idea what a 'ternative' is?
- What did the flower say to the bee on the first day of spring? "Bee mine, pollen-tial partner!"
- Piece of Dating Advice Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.
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Partner One Liners
Which partner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with partner? I can suggest the ones about association and relations.
- A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
- I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm. I'm a stakeholder now.
- There's two things I don't like about my sons new partner. He's black
- James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But she was exposed for being a double agent.
- I was having trouble finding a singing partner, so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.
- what's sea creature makes sure its partner knows they're loved? a cuddle-fish
- I finally told my partner that I'm a lesbian. You should have seen the look on her face
- Apple has partnered with the NSA to release the iCup. I-C-U-P
- I feel like cheating on my partner today. My left hand is looking real fine.
- My preferred reddit username is like my preferred partner. Both are already taken.
- Excellent one from my partner this morning How did you sleep?
"Lying down" - I left my partner for a calculator I needed someone I could count on
- I just got a Cadillac for my partner Best trade ever
- I totally blew it with my new girlfriend That's how it goes with inflatable partners.
- What do gay Russian partners call each other? Cumrade
Romantic Partner Jokes
Here is a list of funny romantic partner jokes and even better romantic partner puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do oranges make great romantic partners? Because they Cara Carabout you!
- No matter how romantic of a mycologist you are Never tell your partner you're about to give them a tiny mushroom tip.
Partner In Crime Jokes
Here is a list of funny partner in crime jokes and even better partner in crime puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a gay couple before June 2015? Partners in crime
- What did the frenchman say when his partner in crime asked if they should steal something? Oui oui, baguette.
Cheating Jokes
Here is a list of funny cheating jokes and even better cheating puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
- Husband: I have cheated once Husband: I have cheated once
Wife: me too.
husband: 1st of Apriii....
Wife: 18th of June - My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
- My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
- I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
- Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
- My girlfriend accused me of cheating I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
- A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
- I think my wife's cheating on me with my best friend. He's been miserable lately. Poor guy.
- What did the Bulbasaur say when he found out his wife was cheating on him? Bulbasaur
Laughter Partner Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about partner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean member jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make partner pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After a hot night of s**... a guy asks his blonde partner:" Am I the first man you had s**... with?"
She looks at him long and says:" You might be the first one because you really look familiar!"
Ethics done right
A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"
So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...
... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"
The Mathematician and the Waiter
A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'
So Adam was lonely.
God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which whale makes the best s**... partner?
One that will humpback!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cheating Partner
A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I was asked, "What is something you prefer from a s**... partner, but could go without?"
"Consent"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
May I have a piece of gum?
Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."
A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..
During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"
Mr. Smith is Dead
A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Poker is like s**...
If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Single? Give your s**... partner a Valentine's Day treat by having a manicure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the scientist who was conducting s**... experiments on dogs say to his partner?
"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook.
All my partner and I do is eat out.
A dying lawyer
Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A geneticist is having s**......
During foreplay, the geneticist's partner kept moaning "Aug, aug, AUG!"
The geneticist later proclaims, "I don't know where to start!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The definition of rodeo s**... - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....
Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.
So God creates Adam...
...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you know your s**... partner works in IT?
They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to get my partner to embrace by f**......
...but they were lictose intolerant.
My mother and father separated last year
My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.
He's black.
Two back desk orchestral players go fishing
And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!"
A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night
A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."
Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..
Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Did you just...
Omegle joke
Guy 1: Hey!
Guy 2: Hey.
Guy 1: I'm pretty sad, can you give me a joke?
Guy 2: Sure! Knock Knock.
Guy 1: Who's there?
Guy 2: Disco.
Guy 1: Disco who?
Guy 2: Disconnected.
'Your conversational partner has been disconnected.'
Guy 1: ...
Three Pregnant Ladies
Three Pregnant Ladies are discussing their unborn babies.
The Brunette says "I am having a girl because I was on the bottom when my partner and I conceived"
The Redhead says "I am having a boy as I was on top with my partner"
The Blonde starts crying and the other two ask what is wrong "I am going to be having ten puppies!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm very naive s**.... My partner asked me to do m**......
... and I went off to Africa for six months.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My pan-s**... partner is upset with me...
They caught me with a p**... in the kitchen
Darkened Room
A young associate was romantically ambushed in a darkened room of the law firm. After months of the social isolation that comes from eighty hour work weeks, the associate was happy to reciprocate. However, when asked by a friend to identify the lover, the associate was puzzled. "All I know for sure is that it was a partner -- I had to do all the work."
The perfect shot.
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the surest way to turn your partner off during s**...?
Close your browser.
Two cowboys
were riding along when one of them sees something in the distance. He looks through his binoculars and says to his travelling partner:
"Hey, Jim! Two indians are riding towards us!"
"Hmmm, are they friends? Or...enemies?
"Well, Jim...I think they are friends. They are riding together..."
Relationships are like the card game bridge...
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
A survey has found
that majority of women assign a certain ringtone for their partner.
Men do that too. It's called silent.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I found out today that my partner has a f**...
Which is unlucky for me because I'm only 6 inches
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly s**... the life out of her partner over a period of decades.
This process is commonly called marriage.
I'm not saying me and my partner are freaky in bed......
....But our memory foam mattress has PTSD.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three bottoms sit in a bar...
The first says, "I'm so loose, my partner can put their fist in me."
The second laughs and says, "That's nothing. I'm so loose that my partner can put their arm in me."
The third laughs and the barstool disappears.
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.
"I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer.
Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.
The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... wants to buy a German car.
Audi partner!
If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I'd pick Bob Ross
He always knew how to beat the devil.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel......
When they get there, one girl suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid s**... by the fireside, a girl turned to her new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best s**... I've had in years! I wonder how the guys are doing?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman goes to s**...-counselling
Woman: "Doctor, My partner and I have been in a relationship for some time now, but recently he's been thinking about children."
Doctor: "That's a natural thing to do for both men and women when they are in a serious relationship, what exactly is the problem?"
Woman: "He's doing it during s**...."
BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.
In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
I walked into the biology lab and saw my lab partner dissecting an insect.
I told him, "I think your fly is open."
Lily went to a nearby pharmacy to buy her partner some deodorant.
A salesclerk comes up to her and asks what she's looking for.
"I'm looking for some deodorant for my boyfriend, but I don't know what kind he uses."
"Is it the ball type?"
"No," she replied. "It's for his armpits."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.
She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman placed an ad in a news paper...
'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements. He shouldn't beat me. He shouldn't leave me. He should be great in bed.'
Three days later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Tim. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then. Didn't you read the third requirement?"
Tim replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
What kind of behaviour could underline a serious problem in your relationship?
When you feel like your partner is always trying to Ctrl+U.
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......
If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, with who?
But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.
Instead ask, with whom? It is important to speak good English.
Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.
Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.
My partner suggested getting married to make our relationship more secure...
I suggested we called it our rElaT10nsh!p.
A 4'6 woman walks into a matchmaking service…
A 4'6 (137cm) woman walks into a matchmaking service.
She says to the man behind the counter, I'm really insecure about my height, so the only thing I'm looking for in a partner is that he's shorter than me.
The man replies, You've got really low standards.
.
[OC, I think]
I went to see my marriage counsellor.
He asked, "What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?"
"Recently, I've been checking that all the doors are locked. Then I look out of my window."
"It sounds like you still value the safety of your partner."
"No," I said, "I just like to make sure there's nobody around that might break into my car with me in it."
Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.
The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."
"Insurance policy?"
"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."
My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia.
I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.
Homecomeback
It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on the dance floor but a few young men and women lined the sides of the gym, hoping for a dance partner to ask them out onto the dance floor. After waiting anxiously for quite a while, a rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
I asked my partner what sort of engagement ring she'd like.
"One that's a bit like you," she said.
"Full of sparkle?"
"Cheap and round," she replied.
My uncle Elijah was part of a little person comic duo that worked the Catskills. His partner was 4'11, while he stood only 4'2.
Uncle Elijah got the short end of the schtick.
My partner got the boys with this one.
She calls, Come on downstairs, it's time for dinner! And you may want to put on a sweater for dinner.
My 10 year old son: Why would I need a sweater for dinner?
Her: We're having brrrr-itos!
A lawyer gets paid
A client owed his lawyer $100. He handed him a crisp, new $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that he actually received two $100 bills stuck together. This presented him with a dilemma. Should he tell his partner or not.
Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…
… she doesn't believe in love at first site
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My partner asked me " What's 'burning man'? "
Apparently 'my u**...' was not a wise answer.
I love this time of year, the lead up to Christmas
When your partner walks into the room you can slam your laptop shut and you don't get any disgusted looks.
