Partner Jokes

119 partner jokes and hilarious partner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about partner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Everyone has had a partner in crime at one point in time, and it's common for them to make hurtful jokes now and then. This article offers valuable insight into partner jokes about cheating, breaking up, me cheating, everything and even my body. Find out more about how to handle partner jokes and standbi your ground in an assertive yet respectful way.

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Funniest Partner Short Jokes

Short partner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The partner humour may include short pair jokes also.

  1. My partner and I can never agree on vacations. I want to go to exotic island and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
  2. As a Lesbian, I feel like I wasted my time learning to cook. All my partner and I do is eat out.
  3. I hate it when guys call their girlfriends "partner in crime" Like we get it bro, she's under-age
  4. My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
  5. Elon Musk and bill gates have decided to partner in a joint venture to invent a medication to overcome erectile dysfunction. They have decided to name the new drug 'Elongates'.
  6. It's hard to find a good partner in most of the US But in Alabama, you can find a partner with relative ease
  7. A gay man was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner... "this year we should try Greece"
    his partner looks up n asks him "whats wrong with the Vaseline?
  8. My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams My partner keeps on having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Mordor!" and "Gandalf!"
    Always Tolkien in their sleep...
  9. "It's really difficult, my partner is constantly in and out of prison." "Babe, that's a terrible way to tell people I'm a Corrections Officer."
  10. I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, "I do." If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to.

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Partner One Liners

Which partner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with partner? I can suggest the ones about association and relations.

  1. My best friend was my partner in crime until homosexuality was made legal.
  2. A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says "Audi Partner"
  3. What do you call a gay couple in Iran? Partners in crime
  4. I recently signed on as a partner at this vampire hunting firm. I'm a stakeholder now.
  5. There's two things I don't like about my sons new partner. He's black
  6. a cowboy opens up a German car dealership Audi Partner
  7. James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014. But she was exposed for being a double agent.
  8. I was having trouble finding a singing partner, so I bought myself a duet yourself kit.
  9. I got a brand new Tesla for my partner Pretty decent trade, if you as me.
  10. What happens to a bisexual when they can't find a partner? They're on StandBi
  11. I asked my lab partner if he has the sodium hypobromite He said NaBrO.
  12. what's sea creature makes sure its partner knows they're loved? a cuddle-fish
  13. I finally told my partner that I'm a lesbian. You should have seen the look on her face
  14. Apple has partnered with the NSA to release the iCup. I-C-U-P
  15. I feel like cheating on my partner today. My left hand is looking real fine.

Romantic Partner Jokes

Here is a list of funny romantic partner jokes and even better romantic partner puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Playing bidge is a bit like being in a romantic relationship You either need a very good partner, or a very good hand.
  • Why do oranges make great romantic partners? Because they Cara Carabout you!
  • No matter how romantic of a mycologist you are Never tell your partner you're about to give them a tiny mushroom tip.
  • Recently, a bunch of people have developed a f**... for letting their romantic partner intentionally spike their drink with roofies. They call it Cos-play.

Partner In Crime Jokes

Here is a list of funny partner in crime jokes and even better partner in crime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Which detective investigates electrical crimes? Sherlock Ohms
    That's why his partner is called Wattson...
  • What do you call a gay couple before June 2015? Partners in crime
  • What did the frenchman say when his partner in crime asked if they should steal something? Oui oui, baguette.
  • What do Rick Astley and a loyal partner in crime have in common? Both of them would get r**... in prison.
  • What did one h**... addict tell his lover, his partner in crime? You're my heroine.

    Too easy?
Partner joke, What did one h**... addict tell his lover, his partner in crime?

Cheating Jokes

Here is a list of funny cheating jokes and even better cheating puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Trump tests positive for COVID-19. He finally passed a test without cheating, good for him.
  • Husband: I have cheated once Husband: I have cheated once
    Wife: me too.
    husband: 1st of Apriii....
    Wife: 18th of June
  • My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding... She got so mad and said she's never gonna play scrabble with me ever again
  • My ex-wife cheated on me with her deaf best friend! Honestly, I should have seen the signs.
  • I've been cheating on my girlfriend with her twin, but it's OK because I can tell them apart. Brian has a moustache.
  • Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
  • My girlfriend accused me of cheating I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
  • How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
  • A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
  • 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships. I'm left wondering... Is it my wife or my girlfriend that's cheating?
Partner joke, 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships. I'm left wondering...

Laughter Partner Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity

What funny jokes about partner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean member jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make partner pranks.

Why is s**... like bridge?

If you have a good hand, you won't need your partner.

After a hot night of s**... a guy asks his blonde partner:" Am I the first man you had s**... with?"

She looks at him long and says:" You might be the first one because you really look familiar!"

Engineering student show up to his lab partner's house with a new bike...

His partner says, "wow.. that's a pretty nice bike you got there."
Engineering student says, "yeah, I was outside my dorm last night when a co-ed rode up on it. She was really drunk. She threw the bike on the ground and took off all of her clothes and said 'you can have whatever you want.'"
Partner says, "it's a good thing you chose the bike... I don't think the clothes would have fit you."

Ethics done right

A father is explaining ethics to his son, who is about to go into business. "Suppose a woman comes in and orders a hundred dollars worth of material. You wrap it up, and you give it to her. She pays you with a $100 bill. But as she goes out the door you realize she's given you two $100 bills. Now, here's where the ethics come in: should you or should you not tell your partner?"

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden...

... and he says, "God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?" God pauses for a moment, and says "You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."
God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting work, he returns to Adam after a week has passed and reveals to him his creation.
Adam is speechless. After much gaping, he finally finds the words to say "God, she is beautiful, she is truly your most perfect creation. I must ask though, what will this cost me, for surely this cannot be free."
God says soberly "My son. I confess, to have a being of such beauty and grace, you must give me an arm and a leg. I can accept no other payment."
Adam weighs this for a moment, and then says, "How much can I get for a rib?"

The Mathematician and the Waiter

A mathematician and his partner go to a restaurant one Sunday lunchtime. The waiter comes over and takes the mathematician's order: -
'I'd like one chicken breast, 10 roast potatoes, 100 baby carrots and 1,000 peas, please' he requests.
'Why sir!' Exclaimed the waiter. 'That's an order of magnitude!'

So Adam was lonely.

God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"

Which whale makes the best s**... partner?

One that will humpback!

Cheating Partner

A woman was in bed having s**... with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers.
After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you."

Today I was asked, "What is something you prefer from a s**... partner, but could go without?"


s**... is like Poker...

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand!

May I have a piece of gum?

Two gay guys are in a large passenger plane flying across the Pacific. In the middle of the flight, one turns and tells his partner: "Let's have s**.... Right here and now." His partner says: "Are you crazy? In front of all these people?" The first gay guy says: "Don't worry. They're all asleep. Here, see for yourself." He leans out into the aisle and yells: "Excuse me, can anybody let me have a piece of gum?" There's no answer or any kind of interest. His partner is convinced and they have s**... right then and there.
The plane lands and as the passengers are disembarking there is a stewardess by the exit asking everyone if they had a good flight. One man says, "The flight was fine but I have a horrible headache". The stewardess says: "Oh you poor thing, why didn't you ask for some aspirin?" And the man says: "Are you kidding? I saw what happened to that poor guy who asked for a piece of gum."

A man with a wooden eye is at a dance..

During a slow dance, he can't find a partner to dance with him. He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose. Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking "Would you dance with me?"
Filled with excitement, she yells "Would I?!"
Without missing a beat, the man retorts: "BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!"

Do you know the difference between e**... and perverted?

An e**... person will use a feather on their partner.
A perverted person uses the whole chicken.

Mr. Smith is Dead

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client on the phone.
"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Smith passed away last night," the receptionist answered.
"Is Mr. Smith there?", repeated the client.
The receptionist was perplexed. "Perhaps you didn't understand me I'm afraid Mr. Smith passed away last night."
"Is Mr. Smith there?", asked the client again.
"Ma'am, do you understand what I'm saying?", said the exasperated receptionist. "Mr. Smith is DEAD!"
"I understand you perfectly," the client sighed. "I just can't hear it often enough."

s**... is like playing cards..

if you dont have a good partner you better have a good hand.

s**... is like playing a game of bridge...

If you don't have a good a partner, then you better have a good hand.

Poker is like s**...

If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand
Edit 1: when you cheat in poker you have a partner
Edit 2: this is getting more upvotes than I thought it would get but before someone calls me out on it. This was a Mae West quote about bridge and several Internet memes put poker instead of bridge because more people play poker than bridge and when you cheat in poker you have partners(the poker strategy is called collusion)

Single? Give your s**... partner a Valentine's Day treat by having a manicure.

What did the scientist who was conducting s**... experiments on dogs say to his partner?

"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."

On a bench, in the park, two lovers

are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.

Study shows 1 out of 3 people are unfaithful to their partner.

I wonder if it's my girlfriend or my wife...

A dying lawyer

Steve lies dying, as Jack, his law partner of 40 years, sits at his bedside.
"Jack, I've got to confess -- I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years, I'm the father of your daughter, and I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."
"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

A geneticist is having s**......

During foreplay, the geneticist's partner kept moaning "Aug, aug, AUG!"
The geneticist later proclaims, "I don't know where to start!"

The definition of Rodeo s**... - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....

Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"

How do you know your s**... partner works in IT?

They insist your safe word has an upper case letter, a lower case letter, and at least one number.

My mother and father separated last year

My mother and father separated last year and my father recently started seeing someone and it's been very hard for me. There are two major issues I have with his new partner.
He's black.

I would never cheat on my partner.

Because that would require two people to find me attractive.

A guy asks a girl to prom...

A guy asks a girl out to prom and she says yes. Excited, the guy goes to dress shop to get a tuxedo but there is a very long line. After buying the suit he goes to buy flowers for his partner. So he gets in another very long line in the flower shop. Finally after hours of waiting he goes to prom. After dancing for a while his partner asks him to get punch for her. When he gets there, their is no punch line.

Two back desk orchestral players go fishing

And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!"

Bisexual Son

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep.
Dad: Or a female partner.
Me: Yep.
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep.
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

A man was walking down a street in Moscow at night

A soviet soldier called out for the man to halt but the man started running, so the soldier shot him. The other soldier on duty asks the former, "Why'd you do that?"
"Why it's curfew," the soldier said.
"Well it's not curfew yet!" his partner said.
"I know- he's a friend of mine. I know where he lives and he couldn't have made it in time."

Tried to explain my sexuality to my dad..

Me: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Dad: And that means you would have a male partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: or a female partner.
Me: Yep
Dad: And that means you're bi.
Me: Yep
Dad: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Me: Did you just...

Omegle joke

Guy 1: Hey!
Guy 2: Hey.
Guy 1: I'm pretty sad, can you give me a joke?
Guy 2: Sure! Knock Knock.
Guy 1: Who's there?
Guy 2: Disco.
Guy 1: Disco who?
Guy 2: Disconnected.
'Your conversational partner has been disconnected.'
Guy 1: ...

Broken phone, need your help.

I got a text from my partner the other day saying "heybabymyspacebarisbrokenonmyphoneineedanalternative". - Any idea what a 'ternative' is?

I'm very naive s**.... My partner asked me to do m**......

... and I went off to Africa for six months.

My pan-s**... partner is upset with me...

They caught me with a p**... in the kitchen

The perfect shot.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," the partner says. "You'll never hit her from here."

What's the surest way to turn your partner off during s**...?

Close your browser.

Relationships are like the card game bridge...

If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

A survey has found

that majority of women assign a certain ringtone for their partner.
Men do that too. It's called silent.

So I found out today that my partner has a f**...

Which is unlucky for me because I'm only 6 inches

Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly s**... the life out of her partner over a period of decades.

This process is commonly called marriage.

Piece of Dating Advice

Do not date a car mechanic if you're looking for a long term partner. Typically, a mechanic just nuts and bolts.

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014

But he was exposed as a double agent.

If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I'd pick Bob Ross

He always knew how to beat the devil.

An old woman visits a lawyer to draw up a will. He completes the process and charges her $100. She hands him a crisp, brand new $100 bill and as she turns to leave the lawyer notices another $100 bill stuck to it. His moral dilemma is causing him great discomfort because...

He can't decide if he should tell his partner.

Two guys out playing golf. One is about to take his shot when he sees a f**... procession go by.

He stops, takes his hat off and bows his head until the procession passes. He puts his hat back on and gets ready to take his shot when his partner stops him and says, "Hang on. I just gotta say I've never seen anyone do that on the links before, that was really touching."
1st guy replies, "Well, you know. We were married for 20 years."

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer's, and all prison guards at Maxwell's detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

My partner was afraid that I was cheating, which I wasn't.

She came to me one evening, very serious. I knew something was going on. She asked, in that tone that instantly puts a lump in your t**..., I suspect you've been unfaithful. Do you have a sec to talk?
I wanted her to know she has my full attention, so I replied, I have a lot of secs!
I still can't figure out why she walked out.

What kind of behaviour could underline a serious problem in your relationship?

When you feel like your partner is always trying to Ctrl+U.

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you......

If your partner confesses that they cheated on you, I know the temptation is to ask, with who?
But that's inappropriate. Avoid it.
Instead ask, with whom? It is important to speak good English.

Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.

Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.

A 4'6 woman walks into a matchmaking service…

A 4'6 (137cm) woman walks into a matchmaking service.
She says to the man behind the counter, I'm really insecure about my height, so the only thing I'm looking for in a partner is that he's shorter than me.
The man replies, You've got really low standards.
[OC, I think]

I went to see my marriage counsellor.

He asked, "What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?"
"Recently, I've been checking that all the doors are locked. Then I look out of my window."
"It sounds like you still value the safety of your partner."
"No," I said, "I just like to make sure there's nobody around that might break into my car with me in it."

Joe is hiring a hitman from a well respected mafioso to kill his business partner.

The man asks, "How do I know you won't just let him pay you twice as much, and then kill me?"
The mob boss leans back and says, "Well Joe, you can always get the insurance policy."
"Insurance policy?"
"Yeah. For five times the fee I absolutely guarantee that the other guy can no longer afford to."

My partner is a diehard communist and loves China and Russia.

I saw red flags on day one but ignored them.

A lawyer gets paid

A client owed his lawyer $100. He handed him a crisp, new $100 bill. After the client left, the lawyer discovered that he actually received two $100 bills stuck together. This presented him with a dilemma. Should he tell his partner or not.

Told my friend to use multiple dating apps to find a partner because…

… she doesn't believe in love at first site

My preferred reddit username is like my preferred partner.

Both are already taken.

If you have promised your partner that you will love them 24/7.

Today is 24/7.
(Americans, It's OK if you don't get it.)

My partner asked me " What's 'burning man'? "

Apparently 'my u**...' was not a wise answer.

I love this time of year, the lead up to Christmas

When your partner walks into the room you can slam your laptop shut and you don't get any disgusted looks.

Partner joke, I love this time of year, the lead up to Christmas

jokes about partner