Giggle-Inducing Part Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
Im surprised that Roy Moore wants a recount; a large gap in numbers had never bothered him before.
Get it?
What's the most sensitive part of a man's body during m**...?
His ears.
Why is everyone criticising EA?
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
So my girlfriend got a new tattoo......
Of a seashell located on her inner thigh, and the best part is if you place your ear next to it you can smell the ocean.
What's the best part about having a h**... die on you?
The second hour is free.
What's the worst part of an NFL wedding?
Getting hit by Rice
What's the hardest part breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend?
You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it.
What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?
Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.
The worst part about online dating
is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding
Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".
A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...
"Maybe I shouldn't have been m**... on a bus..."
What is the most sensitive part of a mans anatomy while he's m**...?
His ears.
Oooo! I get to say it! "Front page?! Wow! Thanks y'all!" Oh yea, and "RIP my inbox"
Good times!
You can explore part partake reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean part entire dad jokes. There are also part puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was at a party...
I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was s**... assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to s**... assault a girl...not on my watch.
I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.
As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.
A man goes into a job interview
A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"
The worst part about spring...
Getting sued by the Fine Brothers for having an allergic reaction.
Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?
They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.
I recently watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the part where I take the ring off her finger, leave the church and go drinking with my friends.
I got a call from my ex crying and telling me she was h**...+
The hardest part is always having to act surprised.
What's the best part about dating a black girl?
You don't have to meet her father.
My wife told me that she isn't very happy with our s**... life.
A small part of me disagrees.
What's the worst part about being gay?
You cant think straight.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.
The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.
What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?
"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"
-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)
I voted for Jill Stein
Finally I'm part of the 1%
I went to a party last night...
..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.
I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.
Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.
a guy got an Interview for a job with EA
Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board
What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is h**... positive
Trying to act surprised.
United States
Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"
What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?
Skinning the vegan.
You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke.
What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?
Don't spell part backwards
It's a trap
What is the worst part about locking your keys inside your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go inside and asking for a coat hanger.
I got frostbite and had part of my foot amputated. Then my girlfriend left me.
She was lack-toes intolerant.
What is the most sensitive part of your body while pleasuring yourself?
Your ear listening for foot steps.
is my wife ashamed of my body?
a tiny part of me says yes.
A muslim man came into my shop and bought six smoke machines, so I phoned the police..
He's probably part of an extreme mist group
The worst part about being a giraffe
is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you're sinking into quicksand.
Credit. The Joke Cafe
A girl realizes that she has grown hair between her legs
She gets worried and asks her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly says, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she tells her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiles and says, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
I just fell victim to a dad joke
Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.
Me: I don't know?
Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
Me: What about the glue?
Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.
I went for a job interview at EA Games today.
The interviewer said to me, The second part of your resume is missing.
I said, For the second part, you have to pay $20.
What's my dog's favourite part of the tree?
The bark.
What's my bank's favourite part of the tree?
The branches.
What's my elephant's favourite part of the tree?
The trunk.
What's my father's favourite part of the tree?
The leaves :(
What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What's the good part about Naming your child?
That you don't have to add six numbers to make sure the name is available.
Is my girlfriend disappointed in my body?
A tiny part of me says 'yes'.
I have to ask myself, is my wife unsatisfied?
a tiny part of me says yes
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he is m**...?
His ears
A school teacher in Hyderabad was once asked, "Can you make a sentence without using 'E'?"
"I doubt I can. It's a major part of many many words. Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour. It's as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap. And, anyway, what would I gain? An award? A cash bonus? Bragging rights? Why should I strain my brain? It's not worth it."
The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.
So wake me up when it's all over
I'm a fruit. If you take away my first letter, I'm a body part. If you take away my first and last letter, I s**.... What am I?
pear
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor
Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
What's the best part about summer in the U.S.?
3 months of no school shootings.
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."...
...The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now, the whole country is looking for a job!"
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils; they dilate.
My partner and I can never agree on vacations.
I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me.
When you die what body part dies last?
The pupils, they dilate
What's the cheapest part of a house?
The roof tiles, because they're on the house.
My wife asked me whether I experimented with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.
I said, Yes, but I was part of the control group.
My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.
It's part of her minstrel cycle.
My grandfather was part of Antifa back in the 1940s.
Back then they called it the US Army.
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.
I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you s**... it up.
Who would have thought that one day we'd be smoking w**... at a family gathering....
.....but the i**... part would be the gathering.
A mathematician And an engineer decided to take part in an experiment.
They were both put in a room and at the other end was a n**... woman on a bed. The experimenter said that every 30 seconds they could travel half the distance between themselves and the woman. The mathematician stormed off, calling it pointless. The engineer was still in. The mathematician said Don't you see? You'll never get close enough to actually reach her. The engineer replied, So? I'll be close enough for all practical purposes.
Not to brag, but I did a lot of experiments with s**... and drugs when I was in high school.
Unfortunately I was part of the control group.
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space
Lord , he prays, I cannot stand this, please open a parking space for me and I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.
The clouds part and the sun shines on an empty space in the car park. Without hesitation the Irishman says, Actually never mind, I've found one.
A deer enters a bar...
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a Boris is doing his best t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she's been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her!
I'm curious to see what happens when she goes outside.
After you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because...
...they dilate!
My son told my husband he got a part in his school play & he'll be playing a man who has been married for 25 years.
My husband replied, maybe next time you'll get a speaking part.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, obviously. How they got inside the lightbulb is the part I don't understand...
The most ironic part about working at the unemployment office is...
If you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
Made some Indian food for dinner the other night. While telling my wife what was in it, I said I'd used butter in one part, but wished I'd had some ghee instead. She looked at me quizzically, and I continued "Because it's more traditionally Indian."
"Ah," she replied. "Thanks for clarifying."
Note: this actually happened! She's a gem and I'm keeping her.
I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a t-shirt saying "GO VEGAN" for 2 weeks and see how people react.
So far, he has been punched, spit on and a bottle thrown at him!
I'm curious to see what happens when he goes outside.
My 9 year old just told me this one and I had to share. What's the hardest part about learning to ride a bike.
The pavement.
Frog DNA...
A frog got his DNA test back.
He's part Scottish, part Irish and a tad Pole.
Did my wife leave me because I was bad in bed?
A tiny part of me says yes.
A dog and a cat were having an argument on who is the favorite of humans
The dog says, Humans like us more. They even named a tooth (canine) after us. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more.
The cat smiles and says, You're not really going to win this one you know.
The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part documentary! Parts A through D are freely available to download, but
You have to fight for your right to Part E!
Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?
A small part of me says Yes
The worst part about an apple addiction…
Is that you can't go and see a doctor about it
After a 2000 year absence, the v**... Mary takes a trip down to earth.
After a couple of days, she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I met a man." Peter says to her, "That's not bad. This is how it is down on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is the v**... Mary. I kissed the man. Is that bad?" Peter says to her, "No, that's part of life on earth."
The next day she calls back to heaven. "Hi Peter, this is Mary."
Wife asks: Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?
— I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.
I think the most patriotic part of the entire Super Bowl was Rihanna's halftime performance
Because there's nothing more American than for a woman to work while she's pregnant.
I got to a party and the host said, Make yourself at home , so I got comfortable.
Turns out English was not his first language, and he was asking me to leave.
I have a friend who works as security at a well-known lingerie store.
He prefers to say he's part of the Victoria Secret Service.
I started dating a blind girl.
The hardest part was imitating her husband's voice.
Paul: "So, anybody have any ideas for the last part of 'Hey,Jude'?"
John: "Nah."
George: "Nah."
Ringo: "Nah."
I've just done my part to help the environment.
I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.
My son is rehearsing for a part as a dictionary
It's going to be a play on words
What's the worst part about being an atheist?
No one will know you were right.
(I'd like to remind you this is simply a joke)
Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...
Part of their war on woke.
I am bald, but I kept my comb for 20 years.
I just can't part with it.
