parrot Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious parrot puns

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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I won my first cage fight last night...

Fucking Parrot didn't know what hit it.

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Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?

Because he preferred a cock-er-two!

This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!

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My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.

Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

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A black man walks into a bar...

A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.

"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"

"Africa," replied the parrot.

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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.

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A Farmer buys a young Cock.......

A Farmer buys a young Cock.
As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.
At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens, Farmer gets tense now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.
Later, he finds the Cock lying Pale, half-dead & Vultures circling over it's head.
Farmer Says: U Horny bastard u deserve this!
The Cock opens 1 eye, says: Sshhh! Don't shout, let them land...!

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My parrot died today...

It's last words were: fuck I think my parrot is about to die

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot...

The bartender says, "Wow! That is really cool! Where did you get it?"

"Africa", says the parrot.

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During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.

"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"

Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.

"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."

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A black guy with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar.

The Bartender says, "Hey, that is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.

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A black man walks into the doctors with a fancy parrot in his shoulder

The doctor says "what a magnificent creature, where did you get that?"

The parrot replies "Africa there's millions of them"

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So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...

The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"

"Africa!", says the parrot.

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My mother in law bought a talking parrot, but returned it a week later.

"This parrot hasn't spoke a single word." She complained.

"I haven't had a fucking chance to!" Replied the parrot.

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F*ucking Cock

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.

Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock lying Pale, half-dead &
Vultures circling over it's head.

Farmer Says: You Horny bastard you deserve this!

The Cock opens one eye, says: Sshhh! Don't shout,
let them land...

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A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar...

The bar tender suprised says "Huh, where'd you get him?"

"Africa" said the parrot

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A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

"Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."

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A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"


The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."

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I'm really worried about my Parrot.

He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".

My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.

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what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his genitals?

He got a woodpecker.

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A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

That's pretty neat! The bartender says, Where'd you get him?

Africa. Says the parrot.

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder..

The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! Where'd you get it?"

The parrot replies, "In Africa, they're everywhere!"

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A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?" The parrot responded, saying, "there are millions of them running around in Africa."

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A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet

His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.
"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

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A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....

The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.

When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender asks him, "Where did you get that thing?"

Parrot says, "Africa."

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A black man enters a bar...

with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said;
- That's cool! Where did you get that?

- In Africa, replied the parrot.

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A woman wish to buy a Parrot. The prices are $50, $100, $400 and $15.Then she asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper.Then she pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When her husband gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"

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A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder

... approaching the bar, the bartender asks "What can I get for you?"

Immediatedly the parrot squaks and says "Two Budweisers please and a round of drinks for the ladies at the end of the bar".

Totally impressed, the bartender replies "Holy shit, thats amazing, where did you get it?"

Again the parrot squaks and says "Africa.... they got millions of 'em there."

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A black man walks into a bar...

And sits down with a parrot on his shoulder. When the bartender asks what he would like to drink, the parrot answers instead.
"Vodka!" it squawks.
Amazed by the trick, the bartender got him his drink and stood back in awe. A few minutes later, the curiosity became to strong for the bartender and he had to know.
" hey, where did u get that? It's so well trained!"
"Africa" answers the parrot.

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So there's this man with a parrot.

And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.

The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.

Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.

This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.

For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.

Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

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2 parrots

A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!

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I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine

A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".

"$500? Why is it so expensive?"

"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"

"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"

"$2000!"

"$2000?"

"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"

"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"

"The third one costs $200,000".

"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"

"absolute nothing."

"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"

"because the other two parrots call him boss".

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After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.

I also taught it to say, "Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"

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What are the most funny Parrot jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Parrot? Well, here are the best Parrot dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Parrot pick up lines to share with friends.

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