The Best 80 Parrot Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Parrot jokes. There are some parrot squawk jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these parrot the magician and the parrot puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Parrot Jokes and Puns
So there's this man with a parrot.
And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
A woman buys a talking parrot that belonged to a brothel house before.She takes the parrot home:
"Oh, new brothel, new dames...cooool ".After a while the daughters come home. The parrot:" Oh, new brothel, new hookers...cooool. "After a while husband comes home. The parrot: "oh, new brothel, new hookers, old friends...hello Bob."
Dirty old man
An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him star, the teenager said "What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?" The old man replied "Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering whether you were my son."
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar...
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey! That's pretty neat what you got there! Where'd you get it?" Then the parrot goes, "In Africa! Gah! There's millions of 'em!"
A burglar
While robbing a home a burglar hears someone say "Jesus is watching you."
To his relief he realizes it is just a parrot mimicking something he heard. The burglar asks the parrot "What is your name?"
The parrot says "Moses"
The burglar goes on to ask "What kind of person names their parrot Moses?"
The parrot replies "The same kind of man that names his rottweiler Jesus."
I saw your "a woman walks into a store joke" and this is mine
A woman walks into a pet store and sees three parrots. She asks the cashier how much is the first parrot and he says, "This parrot costs $500".
"$500? Why is it so expensive?"
"This parrot can dance, sing, say 300 words and can send emails over the web"
"really? wow! and how much for the second one?"
"$2000!"
"$2000?"
"Yes, that parrot can dance, sing, say 1500 words, send emails, browse the web, use twitter and type texts you dictate on a computer"
"Wow, fantastic and what about the third one?"
"The third one costs $200,000".
"$200,000 ???? What does he do to cost that much?"
"absolute nothing."
"Nothing? and why does it costs $200,000"
"because the other two parrots call him boss".
So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night...
NOTSONINJA
A black dude walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bar tender goes "Awesome, Where'd you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa, there's thousands of them there."
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder..
The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow, that's pretty cool! Where'd you get it?"
The parrot replies, "In Africa, they're everywhere!"
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
You can explore parrot budgie reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean parrot petshop dad jokes. There are also parrot puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks him, "Where did you get that thing?"
Parrot says, "Africa."
A preacher is buying a parrot
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
2 parrots
A woman tells her priest, Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots only say, 'Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?'
Don't worry, says the priest. I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible. We'll put them in the same cage—your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.
The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest's home. The male parrots are inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, Hi, cutie. Wanna have some fun?
One male says to the other, Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered!
The Parrot Says ...
A black guy walks into a bar with a magnificent looking parrot perched on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey, that's awesome, where'd ya' get that thing?"
And the parrot says: "Africa."
My parrots are stuck together...
Pet owner: Vet, vet, my parrots are stuck together!
Vet: I'm sorry, I don't understand - it's toucan fusing
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New whores in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
what did the pirate do after his parrot bit off his genitals?
He got a woodpecker.
A black man enters a bar...
with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender, all surprised and shocked, said;
- That's cool! Where did you get that?
- In Africa, replied the parrot.
Why didn't the gay pirate have a parrot?
Because he preferred a cock-er-two!
This is my first original pirate-themed joke. I have more on the way. Love it? Hate it? Let me know!
Is it racist if it's true? Read and answer.
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says "hey that's neat where'd you find him?"
The parrot replies "Africa, they're all over the place."
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender says, "wow where did you get that?" Parrot looks at him and says "Africa, there's millions of them."
A black man walks into a bar...
And sits down with a parrot on his shoulder. When the bartender asks what he would like to drink, the parrot answers instead.
"Vodka!" it squawks.
Amazed by the trick, the bartender got him his drink and stood back in awe. A few minutes later, the curiosity became to strong for the bartender and he had to know.
" hey, where did u get that? It's so well trained!"
"Africa" answers the parrot.
After my friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.
I also taught it to say, "Dave, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"
A black man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
"Cool, where'd you get that?" says the bartender. "Africa", replies the parrot. "They're all over the place."
A mom buys an old parrot from a whorehouse..
A mom buys an old parrot in a whorehouse and proceeds to bring it home for the family to enjoy their new pet.
As she brings the parrot inside the house the parrot says "ah, new house!" and she bursts in laughter.
Later that day, the daughters arrive from school and promptly the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes!" and they all burst in laughter.
Some time goes by, and after a long day of work the dad finally arrives home, and without wasting time, the parrot says "ah, new house, new prostitutes, same old customers. Good night Mr. Williams"
A black guy with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar...
The bartender asks, "Where'd ya get it?"
The parrot says, "Africa."
(I don't know if you know this one, but I just heard it today)
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot...
The bartender says, "Wow! That is really cool! Where did you get it?"
"Africa", says the parrot.
A black man walks into the doctors with a fancy parrot in his shoulder
The doctor says "what a magnificent creature, where did you get that?"
The parrot replies "Africa there's millions of them"
So a Black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder...
The bartender says "Wow, that's something real special you've got there! Where'd you get it?"
"Africa!", says the parrot.
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop
A seemingly normal man walks into a pet shop. He has a parrot on his head.
The cashier asks him, "Why is that on your head?"
The man replies, "it keeps the elephants away".
The cashier, bewildered, states, "But there are no elephants here!"
"Then clearly the parrot is working"
A black guy with a parrot walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "wow! That is beautiful! Where did you get it?" The parrot responded, saying, "there are millions of them running around in Africa."
What's smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee
A black man walks into a bar...
A black man walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
"That is really special," said the bartender. "Where did you get it?"
"Africa," replied the parrot.
It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be...
Too stoned with one bird.
Two parrots were sitting on a perch
One says to the other... Do you smell fish?
A pirate captain walks into a bar...
...with a peg leg, a steering wheel hanging from his pants, and a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender: "Excuse me Captain, but you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants!"
Pirate: "Arrrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."
I won my first cage match last night...
The parrot never knew what hit it...
I glued a picture of my deceased parrot onto my boomerang.
It brings back good memories.
I'm really worried about my Parrot.
He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".
My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.
If you have a parrot....
....and you don't teach it to say "Help, they've turned me into a parrot", your just wasting everybody's time.
During a quiet moment at a White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State, Tillerson.
"I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say more than two hundred words!"
Wow, that's impressive," said Tillerson, "but, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn't really understand what they all mean.
"Oh, I know", replied Melania, but neither does the parrot."
A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder...
He orders a beer.
Popping off the cap, the bartender says Wow! Where did you get that?
The parrot replies, Africa.
A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar...
The bar tender suprised says "Huh, where'd you get him?"
"Africa" said the parrot
Yesterday my obese parrot died
That was a weight off my shoulders.
My parrot was just diagnosed with an STD.
Vet says he has Chirpees. He said there's no need for concern, because it's a Canarial disease, and it's tweetable.
Soo... I'm night blind.
I've ran over a lot of animals. Opossums, squirrels, raccoons. Dogs and cats of course. There was this one animal I never could figure out what it was. It yelled "Stop". It must have been a parrot.
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.
Have you heard the one about the parrot?
Have you heard the one about the parrot that memorized the entire Bible?
Yeah, appearently the bird is the word.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder....
The man says to the bartender, "I bet you $100 bucks my parrot can recite the Gettysburg Address!" The parrot squawks a bit and flaps its wings. Furious, the man pays the bartender and returns home.
When they get home the man berates the parrot for failing to perform and the parrot responds, "You fool! Just think of the odds we can get next time!"
A teenager takes a seat on a bench next to a middle aged man reading a newspaper...
After a few minutes the man looks over and stares intently at the youth's multicolored mohawk. The teenager looks over at the man and says "What's the matter old man, never done anything interesting in your life?"
The man responded, "I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son."
My parrot got so fat that it died.
It's a huge weight off my shoulder.
My obese parrot died recently.
It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
I tried to translate my German grandfathers' favorite joke
A woman walks past a pet shop. In front of the store there is a cage with a parrot, that suddenly starts talking to the woman: "You're ugly"
The woman quickly walks away.
At the next day the woman again walks past the shop and the parrot again says "You're ugly".
This time the woman goes in the shop and complains to the salesman.
The salesman apologizes and tells the parrot to not say this ever again.
The next day the woman again walks past the pet shop and is happy to see the parrot turned completely silent. Provokingly she slows down. Suddenly the parrot starts screeching:
"I'm not saying anything but you know it!"
A burglar broke into a house. As he was opening the safe, he heard a voice
The voice was saying "Jesus and I are watching you". The burglar turns around and sees a parrot.
"Stupid bird, it was you that scared the hell out of me"
"Yes, it was me, Aristotle"
The burglar laughs and says "That's a stupid name for a parrot"
The parrot replied "Well, Jesus is a stupid name for a doberman"
I have bad news and good news. My obese parrot died yesterday. However, there is some good news.
It's a lot of weight off my shoulders.
Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.
Eeeeee....
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German
- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.
- Well, he...
Suddenly the parrot interrupts him:
- I will fall down, you idiot!
I once dated a girl, who owned a parrot. The thing would never shut up.
The parrot was cool though.
My obese parrot died.
It was a huge weight off my shoulders.
A robber decides to rob a house.
He comes in silently, doesn't turn on any lights, and starts to look for the valuables. In one room, he suddenly hears a voice say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber looks around frantically in the dark, when he hears the same voice, again say I can see you! And Jesus can see you too! The robber takes out his flashlight, and turns it on to see a parrot. He breathes a sigh of relief, and taunts by saying You're just a parrot. What are you going to do? The parrot responds I may be just a parrot, but Jesus is a Doberman.
Heard this ADhD joke a while back. A man walks into a bar with a penguin and a foul-mouthed parrot and somehow wins a bet or something.
Sorry, I guess I wasn't really paying attention.
A parrot accidentally swallowed a viagara tablet and went berserk
He started humping everything he could lay his wings on .
The owner called the vet who said that the overheating could damage his brain so asked him to put the parrot in a freezer.
The owner somehow caught the parrot and forced into the freezer and forced it shut.
After 10 mins, he slowly opened only to find the parrot sweating profusely.
The owner asked 'why are you sweating?'.
The parrot said ' Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?'
My obese parrot just died.
I am devastated, but at the same time it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?
I don't know, but if it wants a cracker you better give it one
After my best friend passed away I got his sibling a parrot to soften the blow.
Then I secretly taught it to say, "Daniel, it's your brother. Reincarnation is real!"
My aunt's parrot can say over 30 phrases, but each one is offensive and belittling.
I say parrot, it's actually more of a mockingbird.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot (this is genuinely one of my all time favourites of this genre of joke)
A frightened man came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared."
"That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police."
"Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."
Where do parrots go when they die?
The parrotise.
A man buys a parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
What did the mathematician say when when his geometric parrot flew away
Polygon
My obese parrot has been ill for some time and has now passed away.
To be honest, it's a big weight off my shoulders.
A pastor taught his parrot...
A pastor taught his parrot to recite the Lord's Prayer when he pulled a string on the parrot's right leg, and to recite the 23rd psalm when he pulls a string on his left leg. The pastor was showing this to a man in the church, he pulls the right string and the parrot recites the Lord's Prayer. He pulls the left string and the parrot recites the 23rd psalm. The man is surprised and says "Wow! That's incredible! What happens if you were to pull both strings?"
The bird replies with "I'd fall on my ass stupid!"
Burglar breaks into a house
Burglar breaks in. Immediately hears a voice say "Jesus sees you". He looks around to figure out who was talking to him. Frustrated he yells " Who is it? Who are you?" "I am moses", answers someone. Spotting the source of the voice, he finds Moses, a parrot. Burglar angrily asks "Which idiot named a parrot Moses?" Parrot answers "Same idiot who named the rottweiler Jesus, RIP".
A Russian citizen went into FSB headquarters and reported he'd lost his parrot.
The FSB agent says "what are you bothering us for... why don't you report it to the local police?"
The guy says "I just want YOU to know that I don't agree with A WORD of what my parrot has to say about Putin..."
A sailor walks into bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The parrot answers, "Down at the Naval Base - They're *everywhere*!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the parrot colorful parrot jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working parrot parrot talk piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.