Parlor Jokes

What are some Parlor jokes?

went to a temporary tatoo parlor

it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone.

A soccer mom walked into a tattoo parlor and asked for a Christmas tree on her left thigh and a turkey on the right thigh.

When they were done the artist asked why she wanted these tattoos.


She replied, "My husband always complains that there's nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas."

I'm going to make an all male massage parlor.

I'll call it The Massagynist

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

A penguin was driving along...

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said "It'll be about an hour" so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream parlor and ordered a cone. The penguin tried eating the ice cream, but made a mess because of his flippers. He went back to the mechanic who had just got under his car. The mechanic rolled out from underneath and said "looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replied "no, it's ice cream".

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

johnny in the math class

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

One more Little Johnny joke

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A teacher was teaching....

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

An albino guy walks into a tattoo parlor...

...the tattooist looks him over, and asks "So... what do you want?"

The albino guy replies, "BEIGE. EVERYWHERE."

one sucking her ice cream

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

It was Christmas Eve and my wife came home after a busy day of shopping...

As we were getting undressed for bed, I noticed a mark on the inside of her leg.

"What's that?" I asked.

"I went to a tattoo parlor today and on the inside of one leg, I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas' and on the inside of the other one, they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'"

Perplexed, I asked, "Why did you do that?"

"Well..." she replied. "Now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years."

Penguin experiencing car trouble

Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.

To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.

"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."

"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."

How do you clear out a Japanese bingo parlor?

B-29

An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...

He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"

I asked the owner of a bondage parlor if I can have a tour of the place...

...He said he was tied up at the moment. He had to show the new girl the ropes.

A penguin is having some car trouble

So he takes his car to a local mechanic for repairs. The mechanic tells the penguin that it will take about an hour to check and find out what is wrong with his vehicle.


The penguin goes to the waiting room and becomes very bored and antsy. He looks out the front window of the mechanic's shop and sees and ice cream parlor across the street and decides that will be a good way to kill some time.


The penguin goes into the ice cream parlor and orders a three scoop cone of vanilla ice cream. Seeing that the penguin doesn't have opposable thumbs it is very hard to keep a hold of the cone and the penguin makes a huge mess. He gets ice cream all over himself.


The penguin looks at the time and realizes he needs to get back to the mechanic's and doesn't have enough time to clean up.


He goes to the mechanic and asks if he found out what was wrong.


The mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal."


The penguin responds "No, that's ice cream."

Teacher Joke

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Little Johnny

In class the teacher notices little Johnny staring out the window. The teacher asked, "Johnny, if there are 3 birds sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Little Johnny replies "None, because the shot scared them all away." "No" says the teacher "there will only be two, but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny asks the teacher "Three women walk out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and the last is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" "The one sucking her ice cream" says the teacher. "Wrong" Johnny says "the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you are thinking"

What did Mike Wazowski call his tattoo parlor?

Monster's Ink.

Wedding ring

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Little Johnny isn't paying attention in class...

So the teacher asks him, "If there are three birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny replies "None." The teacher asks why and Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them off." The teacher says, "The answer is two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny then asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher replies, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny replies, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

A lady goes to a tattoo parlor

A lady goes to a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a turkey on her left thigh. A week later she gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on her right thigh. The artist asked what's the significance. she replies turkey is for Thanksgiving, Santa is for Christmas. My husband complains there is nothing to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, now he can't complain

A grasshopper walks into an ice cream parlor

The clerk says "Hey Grasshopper, we have an ice cream flavor named after you!" The Grasshopper says "What? You have a flavor named Kenneth?"

What do you call a happy ending at a Jewish massage parlor?

Free.

Joke I read a while back, found it again

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking

I got kicked out of a massage parlor the other day.

Apparently the prostate isn't considered "deep tissue."

Teacher and Students

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

A Chinese funeral parlor opened in my town.

It's called "Can you Bereave It"

So a penguin and a seal are in a car...

The penguin is driving. It's 105 degrees outside, and, being from the arctic, they want to get something to cool off. The seal suggests they get ice cream, so they find a nearby ice cream parlor. They're getting out of the car and the seal says, "Hey, something's wrong with the engine!" the penguin looks underneath the car, and sure enough there is a puddle of oil forming under the hot engine. Fortunately, they see a service station across the street. So, fighting the heat, they push the car to the shop and ask the mechanic to look at it while they go eat. By this time, the penguin and the seal are about ready to melt, so the penguin orders a huge bowl of ice cream. Unfortunately, he realizes that he cannot use a spoon. Abandoning all composure, the penguin buries his face in the ice cream, getting it all over himself. Meanwhile, the seal enjoys a shrimp basket. Finally, the two finish and go back to the mechanic. "Well," he says from under the hood, "it looks like you just blew a seal."
"Nope," replied the penguin, still wiping his face. "Just ice cream."

Teacher to Johnny!

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Little Johnny Strikes Again

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

Why was Disney's massage parlor so successful?

All of their customers got happy endings.

An Eskimo brings his SUV into the shop for repairs.

Mechanic says, "Let me take a look. I'll be with you in a few min." The Eskimo notices they have an ice cream parlor next door, so he heads over while he waits. When he returns to the auto shop, the mechanic stops him and says, "Well... You need a fan belt and it looks like you blew a seal." The Eskimo replies, "Nope. It's just ice cream."

How to make Parlor puns?

We have collected gags and puns about Parlor to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Parlor? If Yes here are a lot more one liners and funny Parlor pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes