Parliament Jokes

What are some Parliament jokes?

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.

The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.

This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here

The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...

As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"

Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.

"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"

As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.

"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.

The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"

A small boy parks his bicycle nearby the Parliament house and walks on...

A police constable stops him and asks: "Why did you park your bicycle here? Don't you know about this road? Many politicians pass from here".

The boy innocently replies, "Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle".

Only one man has ever entered parliament with honest intentions...

... Guy Fawkes

A Slovak oligarch, Japanese nationalist, communist and a pirate meet in a parliament...

This isn't a joke. It's Czech Republic.

A man walks up to Parliament Hall...

Man: I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper immediately!

Guard: I'm sorry sir, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

##The man leaves. The next day, the man comes back again.

Man: Please, I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper!

Guard: Like I told you yesterday sir, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

##The man once again leaves. On the third day, he's back again.

Man: I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper!

The guard says: Sir, why do you keep coming back? This is the third time I'm telling you, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

The man replies: I know, I just can't get tired of hearing you say that

Many ravens are called a congress...

Owls are a parliament, eagles are a convocation and crows are a murder.

Does this mean that a group of vultures are a corporation?

David Cameron.

What do you call David Cameron when he enters the houses of parliament? An inside joke.

What do you call David Cameron when he's late for the bus? A running joke.

What do you call David Cameron's leadership skills? A bad joke.

An American Tourist in London

An American man is on holiday in London and decides to get a cab from the airport to his hotel. On the way he passes Tower Bridge and says to the driver "Hey man, what's that?" The cab driver replies "That's Tower Bridge", and the American replies "In America we could build that in two weeks!"

Next they pass Buckingham Palace and again the American asks "Hey man, what's that?" To which the cab driver replies "That's Buckingham Palace", the American replies "In America we could build that in one week!"

Next they pass The Houses of Parliament and again the American asks "Hey man, what's that?" To which the cab driver replies "I dunno mate, it wasn't there this morning".

If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles?

The British Parliament

I'm hung like ..

.. parliament.

If nationalists got 100% of the seats in the Parliament...

...it would be all-right.

What does British parliament name as the #1 cause for pedophilia?

Sexy children

Parliament vote on Picasso painting:

Eyes to the left: 2
Nose to the right: 1

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes.

Mark Zuckerberg refuses formal appearance before Parliament

Couldn't find a tux with a hoodie

What did Obama say when he called the Russian Parliament?

"Are you Putin me on?"

Putin, Medvedev, and a few other members of the cabinet and parliament walk into a restaurant...

They get seated, and the waiter asks Putin:

– What would you like to eat, sir?

– I'll have some meat.

– And how about the vegetables, sir?

– The vegetables will also have some meat.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Welshman, and a Scotsman are all in a car, headed to Parliament.

When they arrive, they drive through the front gates and park up outside.

The Englishman says, "*I'm going to speak to the Prime Minister, to see what we can do about getting some national pride back.*"

The Scotsman says, "*Ah'm goin' tae speak wi' the Prime Minister, an' ask if they c'n do somethin' aboot givin' a wee bit more choice tae the Scottish Parliament.*"

The Welshman says, "*I'm going to speak to the Prime Minster, 'n' see if they'll do summat about givin' we Welsh some more recognition in the world.*"

The Irishman says nothing, pulls out his phone, and detonates the car.

What does a parliamentarian say when they're done masturbating?

"Beating adjourned."

How many European Parliament representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. You have to have a brain to change a lightbulb.

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

The horses failed to unite their government...

The parliament of horses could not pass a single bill.

The "Neighs" had it, every time.

I guess the United Kingdom really does have a patriarchy...

...because that is one hung Parliament.

Theresa May's Brexit deal just lost for a third time in parliament.

Didn't she ever learn that no means no ?

Too soon? For me too.

How could I forget, mate?

At an Australian parliament meeting, two guys were shouting back and forth and one said:

"I am a country member!" and the other said:

"Oh, I remember!"

What Do You Call The Opposite of a Libary

The Australia Parliament

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

Who keeps Canada's House of Parliament clean?

Dustin' Trudeau

For those wondering what a hung parliament means...

It means Mrs Parliament is a lucky lady.

Axel Voss walks into a bar.

Axel Voss walks into a bar.
"Bartender I am celebrating a victory in the European Parliament. Get me some very expensive drink."
"Sir, this is The Inventor's Bar - our drinks are named after inventions: the harder they are to invent, the more expensive the drink is. I would recommend Perpetuum Mobile Brandy, Squared Circle Vodka or Halting Problem Rum for you."
"Do you have something even more luxurious?"
"Yes sir, try our most expensive beverage: try the Content Filter Which Tells Parody From Plagiarism Cognac!"

I read that Theresa May delayed MPs' vote on Brexit again.

Parliament will now vote on March 12th instead. I hope they vote against it. I don't like Tuesdays.

American, English and Russian governments...

American, English and Russian governments passed laws about mandatory raping of every citizen on Saturdays.
Americans made a revolution, Brits reelected their parliament and Russians began queing on Fridays evening not to waste the whole weekend.

How to make Parliament jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Parliament to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Parliament? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Parliament pick up lines to share with friends.

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