Parking Spot Jokes
112 parking spot jokes and hilarious parking spot puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parking spot that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Parking Spot Short Jokes
Short parking spot jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parking spot humour may include short parking jokes also.
- Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
- Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
- Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
- I'm bored Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
- Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot. Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
- what do parking spots and girls have incommon? sometimes when all the good ones are taken, you have to put it in disabled one
- I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
- I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the c section. I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
- What do women and parking spots have in common? All the good ones are already taken, and the available ones are either pay or handicapped.
- The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted... Only two-door cars were allowed.
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Parking Spot One Liners
Which parking spot one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parking spot? I can suggest the ones about parking lot and parking car.
- What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
- Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
- Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
- A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.
- Women are like parking spots they are either taken or handicapped.
- If a parking spot says Reserved can I park there if I don't talk much?
- Where does Stevie Wonder park his car? In blind spots.
- Do you ever look at the way someone has parked in a disabled spot and think... Yep.
- Chicks are like parking spots The good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
- What happened to the frog when he parked in the wrong parking spot? He got toad
- What does the ice-cream van man do to save his parking spot? Puts cones out.
- What happened to the frog parked in a handicap spot? He go toad.
- Some guy parked in my spot again at work.... I'm gonna have United re-accommodate him!
- I didn't think I'd make it into that parking spot... ...But I pulled through
- What is grey and cannot fly? A parking spot.
Parking Spot Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about parking spot you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parked car jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parking spot pranks.
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
Every day after work two blondes would look for their cars together.
Since they could never remember where they parked, they would sit around until all the cars were gone and they could spot their vehicles.
One blonde says "We need to find a faster way to get home."
The next day, they come to work on a donkey.
After work they come out and see a donkey tied to the fence.
"I think we're going to have to wait again, " says the one blonde.
"I'm not convinced that's our donkey."
"Why not?" asks the second blonde.
The first blonde says, "Well, this donkey only has one a**hole, and this morning when we rode in, I distinctly overhead someone say, "Hey look at those two a**holes on that donkey."
I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.
Before marriage, men would wander parking lots aimlessly because they had no one to point out the open spots.
Irish guy in a parking lo
theres an Irish guy driving through a packed parking lot. Upset, he shouts "dear lord, if ya help me find a parkin spot I swear on me moothers grave that I will give up mah whiskey." Just then a car backed out of a spot in front of him. Suprised, he then shouts "Nevermind lord, I found one!"
An Irishman has a drinking problem...
..that causes him to almost never arrive to work on time. His boss, frustrated by the man's lack of punctuality, warns him that if he is late to work one more day, he'll be fired.
The next day, the man makes sure to arrive to work on time, but is surprised to find that he can't find a space to park his car in. After ten minutes of circling the parking lot, and his job nearing termination, the man desperately looks up and says, "Oh, Jesus, I promise, if you give me a spot and I get to work on time, I'll give up drinking forever."
Lo and behold, he turns the next corner to find a parking space right in front of him, and the man quickly looks up and says, "Nevermind! I found one."
Four musicians and a drummer walk into a bar. (Drummer jokes!)
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
*The knocking speeds up and he doesn't know where to come in.*
How do you get the drummer away from your door?
*Pay for the pizza.*
What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
*Gifted.*
Why did the bassist keep drumsticks on his dashboard?
*So he could park in the handicap spot.*
What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?
*A pizza can feed a family of four.*
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
*Ten: one to change it, and nine to say how Neil Peart would have done it better*.
The Penguin Joke
So a police officer is parked by the side of the road. He sees a pickup truck drive by and it's full of penguins. The officer flips his siren on and pulls the truck over.
He approaches the window and asks the man, "Sir, what are you doing with these penguins?"
"Well they're my pets, officer," the man replies.
"I'm afraid you'll have to take these animals to the zoo," the officer says, and leaves.
The next day, the police officer is parked in the same spot. He sees the same truck drive by. Now all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He flips the siren on and pulls the truck over.
Upon reaching the window he says, "Sir, I told you to take these animals to the zoo."
"Yes officer, I did," replies the man. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."
A man has to pee...
But he is in the middle of Central Park. He finds what he believes is an out of the way spot, unzips, and does his thing.
To his surprise, the spot he chose was not very secluded, and before he can do anything about it, a woman walks right in front of him.
She shrieks and says, "g**...!"
"Danke schoen," he replies.
So p**... was driving down the street
And he was in a sweat. He was late for an important business meeting and he couldn't find a place to park. In desperation he looked up to god and prayed, "if you find me a parking space, I will go to mass every Sunday from now on and give up drinking whiskey." Miraculously a spot appeared. p**... looked up again and said, "nevermind, I found on."
There was a Jewish businessman
There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."
A black man and a Czechoslovakian man are walking in the woods...
A black man and a Czechoslovakian man are walking in the woods when they are attacked by a bear. They take off running, and naturally the black man outruns the Czechoslovakian man. The bear tears the Czechoslovakian man apart and devours him.
The black man frantically sprints all the way to the nearest ranger station for help. He and the ranger head back out with a rifle to the exact spot where the Czechoslovakian was eaten and find not one, but two bears--a male and a female. The black man tells the park ranger that the male bear ate his friend, so the ranger shoots it and cuts open it's stomach, but finds nothing.
Lesson learned. Never trust a black man who says the Czech is in the male.
Patty O'Mally
So Patty O'Mally is running late to an extremely important meeting in downtown Dublin. He has been driving around and around for blocks and can not find a parking space. He is feeling panicky and anxious. Finally in desperation, he cries out to the Lord in Heaven, "Dear God! Please help me find a parking space so I can getto this meeting on time, please please help me! If you help me, I will do anything, in fact I promise to always go to church every Sunday and I swear to quit drinking Irish whiskey for the rest of me days." As he finished his devout prayer, lo and behold, a parking space opens up. Patty quickly takes the spot and shouts to Heaven, "Never mind Lord, I found a space!"
A mother is walking through the park with her daughter...
when the mother spots two people having s**... on a nearby bench. she tries to hide it from her daughter, but still she notices.
"mommy, what are those people doing?"
the mother thinks for a second.
"they're baking a cake, sweetheart."
the next day, the mother and daughter go to the zoo, where they happen to see two monkeys similarly going at it.
"mommy, are they baking a cake too?"
"yes sweetheart. let' go look at the crocodiles instead!"
the next morning, the little girl comes downstairs and sits next to her mother.
"mommy, did you and daddy bake a cake last night?"
"well, why do you ask?"
"I licked the frosting off the couch."
Watch out, Catholics and Jews, this joke is gonna sting...
A priest and a Rabbi were walking through a park debating religion one day. As they walked by a playground, the priest spots a 10 year old boy running around and under his breath mutters "I wanna screw that boy..." The rabbi, having heard the priest, responds "Out of what?"
Endangered meal
One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle. He killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly, a couple of park rangers happen to find him at that moment, and arrested him for killing an endangered species. In court, he pleads innocent to the charges against him, claiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he would have died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor. In the judge's closing statement he asked the man, "I would like you to tell me something before I let you go. I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it, but what did it taste like?" The man answered, "Well, it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl!"
A man is late for work...
A man is late for work. He's been late before and he knows that if he's late again he could be in serious trouble. He's driving around the parking lot and it's full. He can't find a spot anywhere. So the man begins to pray.
"Please God, if you let me find a parking spot I'll start going to church every Sunday. I won't miss Christmas or Easter. And I'll start praying every night. I just really need to find a parking spot."
Just as he finishes the two taken spots in front of him separate allowing a vacant parking spot to appear.
"Nevermind. I found one."
Credit goes to my coworker who usually has great jokes for me.
Irony is when
you see someone circle around the parking lot 5 times to get the spot closest to the gym
One night a fellow drove his secretary home...
... after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.
With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
Women are like parking spots...
All of the good ones are taken, the others are too far, and the rest are handicapped.
So a crow sits alone in a park...
A single crow sits alone on one of the many benches in the park. Suddenly a second crow comes along and lands next to the one crow. The two crows exchange a mild conversation until they spot a third crow flying overhead. Suddenly they begin to yell at the other crow until it too lands on the bench, and once again they begin to talk for a while. The three crows would chat back and forth until another crow would fly by, where they would turn their focus on getting the other crows to land on the bench. Occasionally one would land only to fly away a couple minutes later. This would continue on and off for a few hours before multiple police suddenly arrive and arrest the crows for attempted m**....
A man is in town for the weekend...
He's driving through the city looking for a place to park. Unable to find one he looks up and says, "God, if you find me a parking spot, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life." Just after he finishes saying this, a spot appears. The man turns to God and says, "Nevermind, I found one"
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
I took my grandfather to the mall the other day
While circling the lot trying to find a place to park, he said out of nowhere "These spots are like the women my age"
I looked at him blankly.
"They're all taken or handicapped!"
Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car.
Finding a good date is like looking for a parking spot...
all the good ones are taking and the rest are handicapped.
Here's one from Russia
A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"
Finding a girlfriend when broke is like trying to find a parking spot...
the only ones left are handicapped.
The police station installed "Safe Spots" for Craigslist sales...
Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.
What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?
It gets Camel-Towed.
My s**... life is like finding a parking spot
My s**... life is like finding a parking spot in town.
All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
A man parks in a handicapped spot
One day a man parks in a handicapped spot. An elderly woman woman drives up from behind, beeps the man and says "young man your not disabled, you should not be parking here".
The man replies "did you just assume my gender".
"Oh my mistake" says the woman
A man driving to the store finds no place to park...
He sees an empty parking spot and eagerly drives his car into the slot, paying no attention to the "Customer Only" sign. When he comes back, his car has disappeared. He storms into the bank, where he demands to know where his car went. The banker looks straight into his eyes and whispers "I towed you so."
My s**... life is like looking for a parking spot...
The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.
Lincoln Navigator
I watched a guy in a Lincoln Navigator attempt to park in a busy restaurant parking lot. It took a friend to get out and direct him in order to wiggle into a spot. Afterwards he said to me, "now I know why they call it a navigator. It fu@*ing takes one to park it".
What is positive about beeing blonde?
You are allowed to park your car in the disabled spot
(Dont know if it have been done before, no energy to scroll through the endless thread)
An Irishman is parking
An Irishman is driving around the parking lot but can't seem to find a spot. Eventually, he looks up to the sky and says, "Lord, if you'll only find me a spot, I'll never drink again." Sure enough, he turns the corner and sees a spot. He looks back up to the sky and says, "Never mind, Lord, I found one."
I'm incredibly stressed.
I woke up aching all over.
Couldn't even find a spot in my usual parking area.
I've been through a lot.
Musk has the solution for people parking in handicapped spots
Just put their car on a Falcon Heavy.
I met this beautiful girl in the park yesterday. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet. We ended up having s**... right there on the spot.
God, I love my new taser!
A joke from Israel
o**... is driving his car in Tel-Aviv, looking for a parking spot. It's a busy day, and there's absolutely nothing available. So he starts praying to God. "Please, God, I need a parking space. Help me. I promise to go to the temple every Saturday, I promise to fast on Yom-Kippur, I will give money to charity, anything. Please help me find parking!". And indeed, in a few seconds he sees a car pull out, vacating a great spot. So he says "Okay forget it, I'm all set".
Guys d**... are like parking spots
Nobody likes the small ones.
A man is caught feasting on a Bald Eagle by a park ranger.
He is taken to court and the judge asks him why he committed this crime.
The man replies I had no other choice and this was my only way of survival.
Given the circumstances, the judge decides that this man is telling the truth and let's him off the case. But being curious, the judge asks Well, how did it taste like?
The man replied Have you ever had Spotted Owl?
I once called the cops on an a**... who parked in a handicap spot...
They came to check it out, found he had priors and warrants. They took him off to jail right after they figured out what to do with his wheelchair.
I hate people who take up two parking spots.
I mean, why only two when they can take up four?
In life, you never have to worry about parking...
you always have the visitor spot.
This is my joke. Don't hurt me. We're all mortal here.
My friend pointed to a parking spot and said there was an invisible car
But I saw straight through it.
Excuse me sir, you have to be handicapped to park in that spot.
Vaccines cause autism. I responded.
Nevermind, you may park there.
What's the advantage of having a blonde with you in a car?
You can park in a handicap spot.
I got the best parking spot today, right in front of the bank. I couldn't believe my luck
I don't actually need to go to the bank, but the opportunity was to good to give up.
A man was looking for a space to park his car in the parking lot of a mall...
After a lot of effort of going round and round he couldn't find an empty space so he started praying, please God help me find a parking space, I will go to church everyday for the rest of my life and would even give half of my life savings to charity..
Suddenly he sees a car pulling out of a spot..
Man : OKAY, Nevermind I found one..!!
A lawyer parks his brand new BMW on the curb and opens the door as a car drives by and smashes through the door.
The lawyer quickly spots a police officer across the street and shouts: «Officer, officer, did you see what just happened? That car smashed off the door on my brand new BMW!» «Oh, my god,» replies the officer. «You lawyers are so materialistic. You stand there whining about your car and you haven't even noticed your left arm has been ripped off!». The lawyer goes: «What!? Where's my Rolex!?»
God in a parking lot
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!
As a handicapped person, I'll always defend my parking spot
The time I've let other people run over me is past
A man parks his car in a 'disabled parking' spot when a traffic policeman shows up.
'Well well well sir,' says the policeman while getting his coupon book 'what is your handicap that allows you to park here?'
After a brief moment of thinking the man awnsers: 'Tourette's sydrome, c**...!'
an american tourist visits dublin.....
An American tourist was in Dublin for the first time. He was driving his rent-a-car through the north inner-city and wanting to walk into town to see some sites, he pulled up at the side of a kerb.
Being a tourist, he wasn't 100% sure if he was allowed to park there, so he got out of the car to see if he could spot any no-parking signs.
As he got out, a local man was walking by, so the American tourist caught his attention and asked "Hey man, I'm just wondering, if I park my car here for the day, will it still be here when I get back?"
To which the local man chuckled and responded, "listen bud, if you park your car anywhere in the city it will be here when you get back".
You get what you deserve
Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town's morals, stuck her nose into everyone's business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.
George, everyone who sees it there will know what you're doing, she told him in front of their church group.
George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.