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Parking Jokes

158 parking jokes and hilarious parking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Spice up your day with some funny jokes about parking. From parking tickets, to parking meters, to carpools and tailpipes, we have all the best jokes about the pains and quirks of parking your car. Laugh away any parking woes with these hilarious jokes about parking signs, parking wardens and parking inspectors.

Best Short Parking Jokes

Short parking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parking humour may include short parked jokes also.

  1. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
  2. Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  3. Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
  4. A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
    He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
  5. After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
    I said "Why not?"
    He said "You have to cremate him first!"
  6. I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
  7. Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
  8. Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days…. reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park
  9. Where would you park your camel? The Camelot.
    PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment
  10. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

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Parking joke, What's big, black and loaded with aids?


Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about parking can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of parking puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Parking One Liners

Which parking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parking? I can suggest the ones about car park and parked car.

  1. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  2. Being a dog walker is so easy It's a literal walk in the park.
  3. What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
  4. A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
  5. How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
  6. Got a parking ticket yesterday. Not sure why. The sign said fine for parking.
  7. Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on. He was on crack, she was on blow.
  8. i got complimented on my driving earlier they left a note on the car saying parking fine
  9. Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
  10. What I deal with as a parking attendant… It's a lot.
  11. Someone complimented my parking today! They left a little note that said "parking fine".
  12. I like to play chess with old bald men in the park But it's hard to find 32 of them
  13. Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket? No??
    FINE.
  14. What do you do when you see a space man? Park the car, man.
  15. My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park I tried so hard.

Parking Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking car jokes and even better parking car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
  • Elon Musk: Did you move my car? Team: Yeah.
    Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?
    Team: Parking!?
  • People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
  • I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
  • I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.
  • At the spelling bee Judge: Your word is "there."
    Me: In a sentence please.
    Judge: They're parking their car over there.
  • Women are like car parking spaces... Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
    So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one
  • Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
  • Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york" So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
  • I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

Parking Lot Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking lot jokes and even better parking lot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Saw a man in a parking lot throwing Stephen King novels at people I couldn't figure out why. Then It hit me.
  • Women are like parking lots. The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.
  • How many cars does it take to fill up a parking garage? A lot.
  • Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot. Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.
  • What did the mexican do when he lost his car in the parking lot? He pressed hispanic button
  • An old guy with a horrible toupee stopped me in the parking lot to tell me this random joke...made me crack up. How do you get down from an elephant??
    YOU DON'T! You get down from a goose!!
  • Dating is a lot like parking All the good ones are taken. The rest take a bunch of effort or are handicapped.
  • What's black with white stripes and can't fly? A parking lot.
  • I found $20 in the parking lot and thought to myself, what Jesus would do? So, I turned it in to wine.
  • Did you hear about the two gay guys that got into a fight at the bar? They went out to the parking lot to exchange blows.

Parking Spot Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking spot jokes and even better parking spot puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.
  • Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
  • Why do University of Alabama graduates place their diplomas on their rear-view mirrors? So they can park in handicap spots.
  • A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot. It got toad.
  • I'm bored Think I will go to the mall, find a great parking spot and sit in my car with my reverse lights on.
  • what do parking spots and girls have incommon? sometimes when all the good ones are taken, you have to put it in disabled one
  • Women are like parking spots they are either taken or handicapped.
  • I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks. Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.
  • I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the c section. I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
  • What do women and parking spots have in common? All the good ones are already taken, and the available ones are either pay or handicapped.

Parking Fine Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking fine jokes and even better parking fine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
  • Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.
  • Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus!! Judge: Repeat infractions?
    Man: Fine. 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!!
  • The wardens at my University were always so nice. They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".
  • The police recently complimented me on my driving They left a note on my windscreen which stated Parking Fine
  • "I got a compliment on my driving today," said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield that said "parking fine".
  • It's not often people compliment my parking.... but the other day, I came back from work and saw a piece of paper on may car that said "Parking Fine". That was nice of them!
  • I was recently complimented on my driving skills Someone left a note on my car that said "Parking Fine"
  • Somebody finally complimented me on my parking today! I got a note on my windshield that said "Parking Fine".
  • Did you hear about the nun who's obsessed with Lincoln Park? She's fine, she's going to be breaking the habit tonight

Parking Ticket Jokes

Here is a list of funny parking ticket jokes and even better parking ticket puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Hey girl, are you a parking ticket? Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.
  • Be careful parking around the AT&T Stadium I left my car for about 15 minutes with my Cowboys tickets in the front seat.
    Someone broke in and left two more
  • When the Mexican guy forgot his ticket to the water park, the employee let him in anyway Typically I'm a stickler about this sort of thing, he remarked But I'm gonna let this Juan slide.
  • I got ripped off at the amusement park. A guy sold me tickets to the ferrous wheel.
    Turns out it's made of aluminium.
  • Man: Judge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets. Judge: Repeat infractions?
    Man: Ok. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets.
  • Hey girl, are you a parking ticket? Because NO ONE LIKES YOU
  • I left my car between the numerator and denominator. I got a ticket for parking in fraction.
  • What happens to a frog who does not pay his parking tickets? His car gets Toad!
  • My dad came to visit for the weekend. Today he awoke and found a parking ticket on his car. He said, "Looks like today is turning out to be a fine day."
  • Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped? Demeter wasn't working.
Parking joke, Why did parking tickets increase after Persephone was kidnapped?

Ridiculous Parking Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about parking you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean illegally parked jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make parking prank.

Irishman looking for a parking place

p**... was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
p**... looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Women are like parking spaces...

Sometimes all the good ones are taken, so you have to stick it in a disabled one.

Itchipussy

A cougar had just finished purchasing groceries. The clerk asks if she would like any help out. The woman, seeing the bag boy was an attractive young man, she says she would. In the parking lot she sees her chance to make a move, and does:
Woman: (whispers) Hey cutie, I've got an itchipussy.
Bag boy: Look lady, all these Japanese cars look alike to me, you'll have to point it out.

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

I was driving one day and I rear ended a car.

We pulled into a nearby parking lot and out of the car I had hit stepped a little person, a dwarf if you will. He said "I'm not happy",so I asked "Then which one are you?"

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the synagogue!" Suddenly, a car left exactly in front of him. Relieved, the guy looked again at the sky and said: "It's okay, forget it, I got one."

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

It's so cold outside...

I brushed against a car in the parking lot and accidently keyed it with my n**....

Women are like parking spaces....

All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

People don't usually compliment me on my driving...

But today I saw a note on my car that said "PARKING FINE". That was nice of them.
...
I'll e**... myself out.

A plane just landed...

Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.

Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking?

Because it's on the house.

A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date

The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."

Parking...

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."

Gay guys know everything...

A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says
"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."
the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that."
"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.
Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.
"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."
About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that?"
the gay guy says yet again.
"Gay guys know everything."
*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*
"Gay guys know everything..."

Why are women bad at parking?

Because they're consistently lied to about what 6 inches looks like.

Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink v**... again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

My s**... life is like finding a parking spot

My s**... life is like finding a parking spot in town.
All the good ones are taken, so sometimes when no one is looking I have to stick it into disabled one.

Punctuality....

A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

My dad was trembling when I told him me and my brother had gotten hired as valets.

I guess he really didn't like the idea of having parking sons.

What do you call a frog in the no parking zone?

Toad

I'm not gonna make fun of my grandfather's driving skills anymore.

Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.

My s**... life is like looking for a parking spot...

The best ones are always taken and when nobody looks I'll just take the disabled one.

Doctor: Ok let's start with the good news

Doctor: Your son will always find an available parking slot.

Why are most women bad at parking?

Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are

A man is looking for a parking space

Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.
"Never mind. I found one."

Women are like parking spaces

The good ones are taken and the available ones are disabled

Women are like parking spaces...

Normally, the good ones are taken so occasionally, when nobody is looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

What do you call it when one gene parks in line with another?

Par*allele* parking

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door you'll never get in there."

You can tell Monopoly is an old game...

...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

Women see s**... like buying a car

Can I see myself in this long term?
Is it safe?
Is it reliable?
Can it kill me?
Guys look at s**... like parking a car.
There's a spot.
There's another spot.
Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.
Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."

Monopoly is amazing but it has some pretty old stuff that one can't relate to anymore

I mean there is free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

An atheist comes into a mall

And there is no parking spot, so he says "God, if you give me parking spot, I will convert myself and become Christian".
Two minutes later he says "Nevermind I found one"

An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space

Lord , he prays, I cannot stand this, please open a parking space for me and I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.
The clouds part and the sun shines on an empty space in the car park. Without hesitation the Irishman says, Actually never mind, I've found one.

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.

There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "

A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday."

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!

I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking.....

......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.

Parking joke, Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

jokes about parking

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these parking jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.