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Parked Jokes

124 parked jokes and hilarious parked puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parked that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for some good parked car jokes? Look no further! Read our article to find out why a tow truck was speeding and why an SUV was getting towed. Laugh along to the classic one-liners that follow these scenarios. Enjoy!

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Funniest Parked Short Jokes

Short parked jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parked humour may include short parking jokes also.

  1. Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
  2. Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
  3. Why are women so bad at parking cars? Because for the last 200 years they've been told that three inches are actually six.
  4. A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
    He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."
  5. After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
    I said "Why not?"
    He said "You have to cremate him first!"
  6. I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
  7. Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
  8. Yesterday I saw two teenagers making out in the park, reminds me of my teenage days…. reminds me of my teenage days when I used to see other teenagers make out in the park
  9. Where would you park your camel? The Camelot.
    PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment
  10. What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

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Parked One Liners

Which parked one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parked? I can suggest the ones about parking car and car park.

  1. Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
  2. Being a dog walker is so easy It's a literal walk in the park.
  3. What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
  4. A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
  5. How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
  6. Got a parking ticket yesterday. Not sure why. The sign said fine for parking.
  7. Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on. He was on crack, she was on blow.
  8. i got complimented on my driving earlier they left a note on the car saying parking fine
  9. Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
  10. What I deal with as a parking attendant… It's a lot.
  11. Someone complimented my parking today! They left a little note that said "parking fine".
  12. I like to play chess with old bald men in the park But it's hard to find 32 of them
  13. Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket? No??
    FINE.
  14. What do you do when you see a space man? Park the car, man.
  15. My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park I tried so hard.

Parked Car Jokes

Here is a list of funny parked car jokes and even better parked car puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
  • Elon Musk: Did you move my car? Team: Yeah.
    Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?
    Team: Parking!?
  • People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
  • I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
  • I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.
  • At the spelling bee Judge: Your word is "there."
    Me: In a sentence please.
    Judge: They're parking their car over there.
  • Women are like car parking spaces... Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
    So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one
  • Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
  • Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york" So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
  • I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."

Illegally Parked Jokes

Here is a list of funny illegally parked jokes and even better illegally parked puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
  • What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad
  • What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
  • What do you call a frog that is illegally parked? Toad.
  • Sir, your frog is illegally parked, move it imediately or it will be toad.
  • A frog was parked illegally So he got toad
  • Did you hear about the mushroom who parked illegally? He was Toad.
  • What happens to illegally parked frogs? They get toad away.
  • What happens when a frog illegally parks? It gets toad!
  • What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
Parked joke, What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Parked joke, What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Uproarious Parked Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about parked you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean parking spot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parked pranks.

rural upbringin'

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?
Prom night.

Lover's Lane

A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.
The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"
"I'm reading a book sir."
"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.
"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."
With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"
"I'm 20."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."

Missing South Africa

In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."
So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."

Dearest John

John receives a phone call.
"Hello," he answers.
The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport."
John: "Oh, yeah, of course! Susan! How are you?"
Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
John: "Say, you ARE a good sport.

I was in Florida recently to visit a good friend...

and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...
"I hope this helps."

Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.
After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.
He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the matter, mate?"
The grumpy guy scowls at the drunk and says, "Argh - piston broke!"
"Yeah - so am I!" replies the drunk and lurches off...

A cop is out on patrol, and sees a car parked in the local lover's lane, with the windows all steamed up.

He knocks on the drivers window, and the guy inside rolls it down. The cop sees that there is a guy sitting in the front seat, fully clothed, and a girl in the back seat, also fully clothed.
"What are you up to here, son?"
"Well, officer, I'm reading a magazine, as you can see."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's playing a game on her phone."
"Have you been drinking tonight?"
"No, sir. I'm only twenty."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Sir, in eleven minutes she'll be eighteen."

A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.

He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".
The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".
The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"

LPT: If you c**... into a parked car and don't have a paper and pen..

simply use a key to scratch your insurance details on to the bonnet.

So, I went out and had a few drinks..

I decided to take a bus home. So this morning I awoke and I don't know what to do with the bus parked in my driveway.

What do you call a 5'10" fortune teller parked in the middle of a divided highway?

A medium medium on the median.

Did you hear about the frog that was parked incorrectly?

He was toad.
Ba dum tsss.

So a frog parked his car in a "no parking" zone.....

His ride got toad away.

My boss bought an new car...

My boss bought a new sports car and parked it on his space while I was walking by him. I congratulated him to his newest purchase.
He said: "Well, if you work hard, set yourself goals, do overtime and work with determination, I will be able to buy an even better one next year."

I own a Driver-less car.

Yup, it's sitting parked on my driveway right now.

Why did Nobelium's car got towed away?

He parked at a *No* parking!

There's a minivan parked across the street from my house since Monday...

Either the feds are watching me, or my neighbor has a minivan

what is worse than locking your keys in your car parked at planned parent hood?

going inside to borrow a coat hanger

A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot.

It got toad.

BLOND DOG

Q: Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head?
A: He's been chasing parked cars.

5 minutes

A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!"

That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

Prom

What happens to a desert-dwellers main transportation when it has been parked in one spot for too long?

It gets Camel-Towed.

I once illegally parked my vechile at a Foot Fetishists Convention to grab some good next door

My vehicle got toed.

What happened to the frog parked in a handicap spot?

He go toad.

What happened to the frog when he parked in the wrong parking spot?

He got toad

Some guy parked in my spot again at work....

I'm gonna have United re-accommodate him!

My dad tried to kill himself

He parked the car in the garage and left it running for hours with the garage doors closed. He came inside the house after 4 hours when he realized we had a hybrid car.

What happened to the frog who parked after hours?

He got toad away

Two Alabama State Troopers

Two Alabama state troopers were chasing a Mustang on I-20 East towards Georgia. When the suspect crossed the state line, the first trooper pulled over quickly.
The rookie trooper parked behind him and asked, "Hey, Sarge, why'd you stop?"
The sergeant replied, "Ah, he's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we ain't ever gonna catch him."

Parked my car in Mexico City last night. Came out in the morning to find a gang of kids had come and stolen all the parts off it.

Jesus took the wheel.

I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks.

Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.

Yesterday I saw someone left a baby in a parked car so i threw a rock through the window.

Ruined that baby's whole weekend.

My date arrived at my front door and I let her in.

She said, "I've parked outside. Is that OK?"
He said, "Yes, I didn't expect you to park inside."

I once called the cops on an a**... who parked in a handicap spot...

They came to check it out, found he had priors and warrants. They took him off to jail right after they figured out what to do with his wheelchair.

What happened to the frog that double parked?

It got toad!

I took a wrong turn during a driving experience at Silverstone.

There's now an Aston Martin parked in my driveway.

Why did the man fall asleep in his running car parked in the garage?

He was exhausted.

I have a real, honest to God, time machine.

Unfortunately, I forgot when I parked it.

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay today...

**I thought to myself, 'I wonder what his handicap is?'**

Roger decided he was in no shape to drive as he walked out of the bar

So he sensibly left his car parked and walked home. As he was staggering along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at three o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time of night?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Roger grimly.

Politics is like a car

D to go forward
R to go back
But it doesn't matter because you're parked with trucks on both ends

Walking home drunk

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.

Do you ever look at the way someone has parked in a disabled spot and think...

Yep.

My wife appears to have had her identity stolen.

Some woman at the mall just parked really badly and had a go at me like it was my fault.

A young man on his first date.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s**... when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**.... The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…

I felt like there was something i forgot when i parked my car

Then it struck me

I was the queens hairdresser

I was the queen's hairdresser, I parked outside Buckingham palace and a policeman said "have you got a permit" I said " no just take a bit off the back"

A blind guy walks into a bar

... a light pole, a bench and a parked car

A frog illegally parked his car.

He was toad.

Have you ever heard your car hotn from like a mile away and been all

" I'm parked in that direction."?

How do you know if two l**... are on a date?

The u-haul that's parked out back.

My mom is picking me up.. she's parked by some hairy bulletin board, is this the right place?

I'm just looking for car, ma, furry posting

What happened to the frog when he parked?

He got toad!
Give me an upvote :)

What happened to the frog who parked his car on the yellow lines?

It got toad

Murphy's Car Is Stolen

Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park. Just as she came out laden with shopping, she saw a young lad break into the car, hot wire it and drive off.  Naturally she reported the matter to the police.' What did he look like?, the sergeant asked.  'I don't know she replied, but I got the licence plate'.

Why wasn't the T. rex at fault for getting into an accident with a parked car?

Because it didn't move

You get what you deserve

Sarah, the self-appointed arbiter of the town's morals, stuck her nose into everyone's business. She made a mistake, however, when she accused her neighbour George of being an alcoholic after spotting his pickup parked in front of a bar one afternoon.
George, everyone who sees it there will know what you're doing, she told him in front of their church group.
George ignored her and walked away. Later that evening, he parked his pickup in front of Sarah's house and left it there all night.

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.

As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

I told my doctor, I think I have ADHD because I keep forgetting where I parked my Ford.

Doctor: That's not how ADHD works.
Me: But I keep losing my Focus.

A man forgot to zip his trousers...

so a lady told him politely...
Sir your garage is open.
The man gave her a naughty smile and zipped his trousers and asked..
Did you see my Range Rover parked inside?
The lady smiled back and said..
No, just one small Toyota with two flat tires.

Doctor, I think I have ADHD. I can never remember where I parked my Ford.

Doctor: That's not how ADHD works.
Man: But I keep losing my Focus.

Rough part of the hood.

I once parked my car with my accordion in the back seat in a rough part of town. I was only gone a few minutes, but when I came back, somebody had smashed my rear windshield and thrown in two more accordions.

My mum's favourite piece of advice to give me when I was growing up was, "Whenever life puts an obstacle in your way, the best way to deal with it is to tackle it head on".

I used to think she was wise but now I'm nursing a concussion and being sued for damages, since my neighbor parked in front of my driveway last week.

A cop sees a car parked in the local Lover's Lane with the windows all steamed up.

He goes over and taps on the window. The guy inside rolls it down.
The cop looks inside and sees the fellow sitting behind the wheel, fully dressed. There's a young lady sitting in the back seat, also fully dressed.
The cop says, "What are you doing out here?"
Guy says, "I'm watching a video on my phone."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I think she's on Facebook."
"What's going on here? How old are you, son?"
"I'm twenty."
"And how old is she?"
"In...thirteen minutes she'll be eighteen."

Just In Time

A cop was on night patrol driving up near lover's lookout when he noticed a parked car with a young man reading on the front seat and a young woman knitting on the back seat. He pulled over and walked up to their car. "What are you doing, Son?" the cop asked. "Reading," the young man answered. The cop shone his flashlight on the back seat. "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting," the young man answered. "How old are you?" the cop asked suspiciously. "I'm twenty one," the man answered. "And how old is she?" the cop asked. The young man looked at his watch, "In forty five minutes she'll be eighteen."

Empty Cart

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**...." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.

On reaching there, he meets a friend and starts talking, his car parked nearby. A car suddenly comes crashing into his BMW, nearly taking a door off. The lawyer, howls at the top of his lungs, "LOOK WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MY BEAMER!!" His friend remarks, "You lawyers are so pathetically materialistic, you didn't even notice that he ripped your wrist off!" The lawyer looks at his bloodied hand, and nearly fainting, exclaims "WHERE'S MY ROLEX?!"

Parked joke, A lawyer goes to attend a function in his BMW.

jokes about parked