Park Jokes

What are some Park jokes?

Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have sex?"

He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."

I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park.

It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .

Where would you park your camel?

The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

Parking a single car doesn't require much space.

But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid

Guess that makes it Priustoric

Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally.

Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.

A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.

She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"

1...

2...

2 and a half...

2 and three quarters...

2 and five sevenths...

Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having sex right then and there!

Gosh I love my new taser

Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.

One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:

"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."

Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park...

but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

If Linkin Park plays in a forest, and no one is there to hear it,

in the end, does it even matter?

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...

A man wearing a long raincoat approaches, opens it and flashes them.

Two of the ladies immediately have a stroke. The third couldn't reach.

3 Old Women and a Flasher

Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man
comes by and flashes them.

Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't
reach.

So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day

...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."

Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."

And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"

And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."

I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty"

Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench

A man walks up in a trenchcoat and flashes them. The first lady has a stroke, the second lady couldn't quite reach.

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.

The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"

A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes.

I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

A cat gives birth in a public park...

...and is fined $50 for littering.

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park...

Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"




He said "I am very hungry."





"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."





You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on.

He was on crack, she was on blow.

Met a girl in the park...

Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.



These taser guns are well worth the money.

A boy was eating chocolate...

A boy was sitting in a park eating a bar of chocolate. After finishing it, he opened another one and started eating that too. Then the man sitting next to him said

"Do you know that you're damaging your teeth there son?"

"My grandfather lived for a 132 years" the boy replied.

"Was it because of eating chocolate?" the man asked curiously

"No. He knew how to mind his own business."

My wife gave birth this morning I said to the doctor How long will it be before we can have sex?

He winked at me and said Meet me in the car park in twenty minutes......

Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself...

"i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"

3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...

Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...

Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?

Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.

The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...

Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?

Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head

This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...

Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH

Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block

Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules...

...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.

A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." .....

...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"

Three old ladies

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher runs up and opens his trench coat in front of them.

The first old lady has a stroke.

The second old lady has a stroke.

The third old lady can't reach that far.

A kid in the park told me smoking was bad for me

So I popped his ballon with my cigarette and informed him so was talking to strangers.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park

But in the end it doesn't even matter

Three old women were sitting on a park bench...

...all of a sudden, a man ran in front of them wearing a long overcoat. He opened up his coat, and he was wearing nothing underneath. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third one couldn't reach.

Two old guys were chatting in the park.

"You know, my wife and I were happy for 40 years," said one guy.
"What happened?" asked the other guy.
"We met," sighed the first.

Here's one from Russia

A guy is late for an important meeting but can't find a place to park.
In desperation, he begins to pray.
"Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!"
A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all," the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself...

The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a stroke. The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a stroke. The third lady couldn't reach.

Two men in a park.

A creepy guy walks up to another man in a park.
Creepy guy leans close to the man and whispers "do you have any naked photos of your wife?"

The man angrily says "certainly not".

Creepy guy says "would you like to buy some?"

I like to play chess with old bald men in the park

But it's hard to find 32 of them

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:

Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.

We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."

Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.

P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.

Three Old Ladies Sitting on a park bench.

Three old ladies are sitting in the park. Just chatting it up on a park bench like old ladies will do.

Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and opens his coat and flashes them with all that god had given him to offer.

Well, the first old lady immediately has a stroke.

The second old lady has a stroke soon after.

The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that far.

A plane just landed...

Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."

His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."

I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench.

All of a sudden, a man jumps out of the nearby bushes and flashes them.

One old lady had a stroke, the other couldn't reach.

What do you do when you see a space man?

Park the car, man.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"

Man 2: "Yup."

Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."

Man 2: "Cool."

Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"

Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

I like playing chess with bald people in the park

The problem is, it's kinda hard to find 32 of them

Olympics, the new tower of Babel

The German Olympian

I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"

Two old guys are sitting in a park and talking

The first guy says: "You know, I went to a brothel the other day"

"Oh yeah? And what happened?"

"I banged for two hours!"

"Two hours?! At your age?!"

"Yeah, and those whores still wouldn't let me in"

Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be?

Because it's sad when a dog dies.

Cop sees a blonde with a bunch of penguins in the back of her car

So he stops her and asks her what she is doing with a bunch of penguins. She says she just saw them on the road and opened the door and they got in.

"You've got to take those penguins to the zoo," he says. Next day he sees her again with the penguins still in the back of her car.

Cop: Lady I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Blonde: I did and we had such a good time, today we're going to the park.

Two blondes were walking in a park

...when one of them said: "Look, a dead bird!" The other one looked up in the sky and asked "where?"

I was sitting at a park one day just watching the children play...

I was sitting at a park one day just watching the children play.

A mother came up to me and said, "So, which one is yours?"

I looked over the playground and said, "You know, I haven't decided yet."

Does your dog bite?

A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."

My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.

My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park

I tried so hard.

Two old ladies were sitting on a bench...

Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a flasher approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself.
One of the ladies immediately had a stroke.
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

An old man in tears

A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"

The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"

Confused, the young man replies, "I still don't understand why you're crying."

The elderly man sobs, "I forgot where I live."

I named my dog Stains

You get weird looks when you yell "come Stains!" at the park.

What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?

A bench can support a family.

Putting Your exam results on the window of your car

So you can park in disabled spots.

I made one little mistake 8 years ago and my wife still won't let it go.

She always forces me to go back to the park and pick him up.

Three men are standing before a judge.

The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.

"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.

"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.

"I'm Bubbles."

I met a beautiful girl in the park.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

A prison guard asked three prisoners how they got in jail...

The first prisoner replies, "I was blowing bubbles in the park."
The second replies "I was also blowing bubbles in the park."
When the guard gets to the third prisoner he says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles in the park."
Then the third prisoner replies "no, im bubbles."

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench...

Suddenly, a streaker runs past them! One of the nuns had a stroke! The other tried but she couldn't reach.

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.

I'll show myself out now.

How to make Park jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Park to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Park? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Park pick up lines to share with friends.

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