Park Jokes
167 park jokes and hilarious park puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about park that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out some hilarious park jokes related to south park, Jurassic Park, trailer parks, national parks, amusement parks, water parks, car parks, Linkin Park, Jewrassic, monuments and Legoland. Whether you want to make your friends laugh, or simply need something to amuse yourself, these park jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone!
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Funniest Park Short Jokes
Short park jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The park humour may include short arena jokes also.
- Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.
- Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn't valid anymore. There's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
- A company owner was asked a question, How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking." - After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!" - I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
- Where would you park your camel? The Camelot.
PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment - What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.
- I did an ancestry.com family history today and found out that my great grandfather helped rosa Parks initiate the civil rights movement He was the guy who said, "Get up, that's my seat."
- I'm really tired of people complaining about the price of everything. $2 for coffee, $3 for coat check, $4 for an hour of parking..... ......I'm just going to stop inviting them to my house.
- Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.
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Park One Liners
Which park one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with park? I can suggest the ones about yard and pool.
- Hey girl, are you a parked car in July? Because I want to leave a baby in you.
- Being a dog walker is so easy It's a literal walk in the park.
- What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs
- A cat gives birth in a public park... ...and is fined $50 for littering.
- Saw two druggies having a '69' in the park earlier on. He was on crack, she was on blow.
- Fifty clowns got fired from the circus. Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.
- What I deal with as a parking attendant… It's a lot.
- Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket? No??
FINE. - What do you do when you see a space man? Park the car, man.
- My GF begged me to stop singing Linkin Park I tried so hard.
- How much does it cost Santa to park? Nothing. It's on the house
- I named my dog Stains You get weird looks when you yell "come stain!" at the park.
- Putting Your exam results on the window of your car So you can park in disabled spots.
- What happened to the frog who parked illegally? he got toad
- Why is Korea the greenest county in the world? It's full of Parks.
Car Park Jokes
Here is a list of funny car park jokes and even better car park puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- Elon Musk: Did you move my car? Team: Yeah.
Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?
Team: Parking!? - People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
- I put a bumper sticker on my car that says "honk if I'm pretty" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights
- I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was.
- At the spelling bee Judge: Your word is "there."
Me: In a sentence please.
Judge: They're parking their car over there. - Turned up five minutes late so missed the rules... ...but I had an amazing time at this fight club last week, you should definitely look into it and maybe join, we fight in a car park every weekend.
- Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york" So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.
- I was travelling on the West Coast when I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that said: "I miss Detroit" ...so I broke a window, stole the radio, and left a note that said, "Hope this helps."
- Missing South Africa In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."
So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."
Park Bench Jokes
Here is a list of funny park bench jokes and even better park bench puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread. - What's the difference between an art student and a park bench? A bench can support a family.
- Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench. Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer." - My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together. Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer. - What's the difference between an American and a park bench? Nothing, neither of them can support a family of four.
- What's the difference between a musician and a park bench? A park bench can support a family.
- Two old Jews were sitting on a park bench... ...one of them says, "Abie, I heard about the fire at your warehouse, I'm so sorry."
Abie says "Shhh...it's tomorrow." - Two old guys sitting on a park bench... Beautiful day, sitting there quietly when suddenly...
"It's nice out."
Other guy looks over...
"Yeah well, better put it away before we're arrested." - What's the difference between an English teacher and a park bench. A park bench can support a family of four.
- Two old men are sitting on a park bench in the summer... One turns to the other and says "it's nice out isn't it?"
The other replies "yes, I think I'll take mine out too"
Linkin Park Jokes
Here is a list of funny linkin park jokes and even better linkin park puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If Linkin Park plays in a forest, and no one is there to hear it, in the end, does it even matter?
- My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park But in the end it doesn't even matter
- Everyone says they are sick of my Linkin Park references... But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
- The band Linkin Park couldn't agree where to have dinner. They could have Chinese, Mexican.. ..Indian. It doesn't even matter.
- I asked Linkin Park why don't they perform in India. They said... Indian it doesn't even matter.
- I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again. I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!
- My friends think I'm a fanboy because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
- You can make all the Linkin Park jokes you want... But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
- I asked my friend to stop making Linkin Park references.. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
- What browser do Linkin Park use? Microsoft Edge
Trailer Park Jokes
Here is a list of funny trailer park jokes and even better trailer park puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When I was young, I grew up in a theme park.. The theme of the park was trailer.
- Did you hear that the Alabama governor's mansion burned down? Pretty much took the whole trailer park with it.
- What is a trailer park's favorite game? Twister
- My trailer park party went off without a hitch No one showed up
- What do you call a broken Bo Peep figurine in a trailer park? Little Po' Peep.
- Where do trailer park miscarriages go? Out of the trash and into the garbage
- I was trying to help my blonde neighbour park her trailered boat in her driveway. Go ahead, back up, I kept saying...it took over 2 hours.
- What do you call a trailer park in a tornado? Wind chimes.
- Q: What do tornadoes and Oregon Ducks grads have in common? A: They both always end up in trailer parks.
- Did you hear the Alabama Governor's house burned down? ...It took out the whole trailer park
South Park Jokes
Here is a list of funny south park jokes and even better south park puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There have been no major protests against former Park Geun-hye's imprisonment. No Free Park-ing in South Korea.
- Penn State Prefers to be losing at half time.. Because at Penn State they like when you are a little behind in the locker room. - South Park
- What is South Korea's most popular rock band? Lee Kim Park
- What do you get when the Pillsbury dough boys bend over? Dough-nuts (South Park reference again; just spreading it).
- If North Korea tries to pull anything, they say the international retaliation will turn it into free space for South Koreans to store their cars In other words, a Park-Kim lot
- You know what the 'Member Berries from South Park smelled like? They had a bit of a remni scent.
- What's one definite outcome from a Drumpf Presidency? Four more years of great South Park!
- South Park Originally Took Place in Ireland Kilkenny to be exact.
- Anyone remember the episode kenny died in south park? It was pretty sad tbh I wont ever forget it
- Do Canadians look like Terrence and Philip on South Park?
Playful Park Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about park you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean villa jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make park pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just after my wife had given birth, I asked the doctor, "How soon do you think we'll be able to have s**...?"
He winked at me and said, "I'm off duty in ten minutes - meet me in the car park."
An old man in tears
A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"
The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"
Confused, the young man replies, "I still don't understand why you're crying."
The elderly man sobs, "I forgot where I live."
So a man is walking a penguin down the street...
So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.
The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"
A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.
He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"
The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
Olympics, the new tower of Babel
The German Olympian
I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"
Taking the kids out
A husband and wife were discussing what to do with their two kids on the weekend. "They want to go to the zoo and the amusement park" said the wife.
"That's too expensive" said the husband. "It'll have to be one or the other."
"Well, which do you think?"
"Probably Mikey."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Czech and a Mexican
A Czechoslovakian and a Mexican go camping, while they were in the woods the Czech gets eaten by a bear. So the Mexican runs to find the park ranger and says "park ranger a bear ate my friend"
The park ranger and the Mexican find two bears, a male and a female. The park ranger asked the Mexican which ate his friend he points to the male and the ranger kills him and guts him there are no remains of the Czech man in the bear. Moral of the story never trust a Mexican when he says the Check is in the male
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory...
but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
[credit to Stephen Wright]
Snow wife.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men in a park.
A creepy guy walks up to another man in a park.
Creepy guy leans close to the man and whispers "do you have any n**... photos of your wife?"
The man angrily says "certainly not".
Creepy guy says "would you like to buy some?"
Does your dog bite?
A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."
My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.
Dogs vs Girlfriends
If you ever want to see who is more loyal, your dog or your girlfriend, just take both of them in their sleep and put them in the trunk of your car. Drive around for a couple of hours, park, open the trunk, and see which one will be happy to see you.
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
A prison guard asked three prisoners how they got in jail...
The first prisoner replies, "I was blowing bubbles in the park."
The second replies "I was also blowing bubbles in the park."
When the guard gets to the third prisoner he says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles in the park."
Then the third prisoner replies "no, im bubbles."
The Irishman's parking space
An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.
He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."
Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."
i was about to smoke a joint in the park
but then i saw a sign that said "keep off the grass" and felt judged.
So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day
...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."
Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."
And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"
And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
A billionaire goes for a drive
... and his Rolls Royce pulls up next to a stoplight, and he notices someone on the side of the road picking grass and eating it. He orders his driver to turn right, and park on the side of the road next to the man. He exits the vehicle and walks up to the man, and asks him, "sir, why are you eating grass?" The man says, "I am hungry, and have no money to eat with, so all I have to eat is grass." The billionaire says to the man, "well then, come with me to my mansion and I'll feed you." The man replies with, "I have children, and a wife." The billionaire replies with, "that's fine, bring them too." The man replies with, "we also live with my brother in law, his wife, and his kids." The billionaire replies, "Bring them all, I'll send to have them picked up." The man asks the billionaire, "why sir are you so kind to us?" The billionaire replies with, "my last lawn crew quit, and the grass in the front acre is nearly 2ft tall."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny saw two dogs having s**... in the park...
... so he asks his mother what's going on.
The mom isn't ready to have "that talk" yet, so she makes up a story. "Well, Johnny," she says, "the d**... in the back hurt its front paws, so the one in the front is helping him get home."
Johnny thinks about that for a moment and then says, "Wow, so dogs are just like people, aren't they?"
The mom is puzzled by that. "What do you mean, Johnny?"
"Well," says Johnnie, "you try to help someone and you just end up getting s**...."
The BBC are setting up a theme park and asked the public what BBC show concept they would most like to ride. The number one survey response was simply...
"Benedict Cumberbatch."
Multi-level Meta Joke
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says "A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says "I'll give you a free drink if you can tell me a good joke." So the guy says "What do you do when you see a spaceman? You park, man." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer." So the bartender gives him a free beer.
Three men are standing before a judge.
The judge asks the first man why he was arrested. " I blew bubbles in the park.", the man said.
"That is not a crime. You are free to go.", the judge replies. He then asks the second man why he was arrested.
"I also blew bubbles in the park.", he said. The judge said that he didn't break the law and was free to go. The judge then ask the third man why he was arrested.
"I'm Bubbles."
Met a girl in the park...
Met a girl in the park last night and there was an instant spark between us, a definite connection, she fell at my feet.
These taser guns are well worth the money.
A plane just landed...
Little Kid: "Were almost home now they just have to park the plane."
His Dad: "Better hope they dont forget to put the parking brake on so we dont go back up."
I heard this on my plane ride and the Dad's family looked like they wanted to spit on him for his magnificent Dad joke.
A kid in the park told me smoking was bad for me
So I popped his ballon with my cigarette and informed him so was talking to strangers.
So I saw that the new dinosaur in Jurassic Park is a hybrid
Guess that makes it Priustoric
Parking...
A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate.
He walked up to the driver's window and knocked.
The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?" the policeman asked.
"What does it look like?" answered the young man. "I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?"
The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting."
"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man.
"I'm nineteen," he replied.
"And how old is she?" asked the officer.
.
.
.
The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen."
Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park
They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.
Two men with Alzheimer's are sat in a park...
... when they hear an ice-cream van pull up nearby. Bob turns to Bill and asks 'do you want an ice-cream Bill?'
Bob says 'yes please, but don't forget the chocolate sauce.'
Bob says 'I won't forget, don't worry. Anything else?'
Bill says 'in that case, I'll have some chopped nuts on it too. Don't forget now.'
Bob says 'I won't, don't worry. Chocolate sauce and chopped nuts, coming right up' and
Bob wanders off in the direction of the ice-cream van.
After 40 minutes, Bob finally turns up with two hot-dogs. Bill says 'you fool Bob! I knew you'd forget! I wanted mustard on mine!'
Cop sees a blonde with a bunch of penguins in the back of her car
So he stops her and asks her what she is doing with a bunch of penguins. She says she just saw them on the road and opened the door and they got in.
"You've got to take those penguins to the zoo," he says. Next day he sees her again with the penguins still in the back of her car.
Cop: Lady I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.
Blonde: I did and we had such a good time, today we're going to the park.
Girl: What do you like to do in your free time?
Guy: I spy on people.
Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.
Guy: I know.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw two l**... kissing in the park.
"There's a time and a place for that," I told my wife.
She said, "Yeah..."
I said, "It's 9pm and my house."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Afterlife for IRS Cheaters
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a s**..., ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his s**..., hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing s**... to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have s**...."
A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.
She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"
1...
2...
2 and a half...
2 and three quarters...
2 and five sevenths...
Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gabe Newell, co-founder of Valve, and we're looking for a new Vice President. I think you're just what we're looking for. Call me on Monday and we'll talk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a s**..., the second lady had a s**..., but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.
I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....
He asked, "What do you do in your free time".
To which I responded, "I stalk people".
"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".
"I know"
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park...
Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"
He said "I am very hungry."
"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."
You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.
On a particularly beautiful day, I took my young son to the park. He was playing on the jungle gyms, and I was standing with the other parents, watching our kids play. I turned to one of the fathers and asked, "So which one's yours?"...
"Oh, I haven't decided yet," he said.
Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park...
but is better for boy to park meat in girl."
Two girls play in the park, one takes wood stick and says:
"my dad's is this big". The other one says: "My dad's is smaller, but it still hurts..."
Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally.
Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.
I saw a kidnapping in the park
Pretty soon a policeman was there, he told the kid he's not allowed to sleep there.
I made one little mistake 8 years ago and my wife still won't let it go.
She always forces me to go back to the park and pick him up.
A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." .....
...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"
My local park doesn't allow wheeled vehicles inside.
Today a group of people are protesting this rule by driving a huge cart through the park. At first I didn't like the idea but I changed my mind and jumped on the banned wagon.
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
Two blondes were walking through the park digging holes and filling them up again.
One of them would dig the holes, and the other would fill them up. One man couldn't control his curiosity and asked the blondes why they were digging and filling holes pointlessly, to which one replied:
"Well, there was supposed to be another one of us planting saplings before we fill the holes, but she couldn't come so we'll have to make do without her."
I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...
...and call it LinkedIn Park.
I'll show myself out now.
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
I was watching an old man feeding birds at the park when I thought to myself...
"i wonder how long he's been dead for..?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.
She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.
A man is smoking two cigarettes at a park
Another man walks up to him and asks, "Why are you smoking two cigarettes?"
He replies: "I'm smoking one for myself and one for my brother, he is in a no-smoking prison."
Satisfied with the answer, the man walks away.
A few days pass and he sees the same man at the park, but he's only smoking one cigarette.
Excited, he goes up to the man and asks, "Did your brother get out of prison? You are only smoking one cigarette."
He replies: "No, I quit smoking."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old guys are sitting in a park and talking
The first guy says: "You know, I went to a brothel the other day"
"Oh yeah? And what happened?"
"I banged for two hours!"
"Two hours?! At your age?!"
"Yeah, and those w**... still wouldn't let me in"
Why is it that your dogs have to be vaccinated to go to the park and daycare, but your kids don't have to be?
Because it's sad when a dog dies.
3 girls and thier mother were walking through a park...
Girl 1 turned to her mother and said...
Girl 1: Mommy, why is my name Lily?
Mom: Because when we took you out of the Hospital, a Lily petal fell on your head.
The second Daughter, now curious, asks the same question...
Girl 2: Why is my name Rose?
Mom: When we took you out of the Hospital, a rose petal landed onto your head
This is when the 3rd daughter pipes up and says...
Girl 3: AAAARRRGHFFFFJJJFSSSLLLHHH
Mom: Shhhhhhh, quiet down now Cinder Block
A young boy runs into the house and excited shows his mother a 50$ bill he found in the park.
Are you sure it was lost, his mother asked. Yes, the boy replied, I am positive, I even saw the guy looking for it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
(German Joke) Two American girl tourists are in Germany walking through a public park.
Both of the girls notice a Man peeing and scream g**...!
The German man responds, Groß? Danke!
Translation - Big? Thanks!
A pregnant woman and her husband are reviewing the results of her ultrasound
Doctor: I have good news and bad news.
Wife: Start with the good news!
Doctor: Well, your son is going to be able to park wherever he wants.
An employee sees his boss arrive at work one day in a brand new Lamborghini.
The employee goes out to the car park and says to his boss Wow that's an amazing car! I wish I had one just like it, that must have cost you a pretty penny!
The boss stands up, looks the employee in the face and says Yes, it did. And do you know something? Next year, if you work really hard, and you do your overtime, and you save your pennies, and you do your absolute best then maybe...
The employee, mystified and excited for what comes next, says yes...
The boss looks into the employees eyes and says then maybe... I'll have another one next year.
What happens when you park your car 6.28 feet over the lines?
It gets tau'd.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The c**... looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?
