Parents Jokes
179 parents jokes and hilarious parents puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parents that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your next family gathering or parents weekend memorable with these hilarious "Parents Jokes"! Whether you're celebrating April Fools, a parents anniversary, or just need a laugh at a parents evening, these jokes are sure to make mom and dad chuckle. From cheesy dad jokes to funny parenting anecdotes, get ready to laugh at all the fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandpas, and grandmas in your life. There's something for every kind of parental relationship, from paternal puns to in-law jokes and beyond. Enjoy!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Parents Short Jokes
Short parents jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parents humour may include short daughter jokes also.
- Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney world and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
- My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
- I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
- I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
- When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
- What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
- Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes. - Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
- Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard" - My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable. It was an autobiography...
Share These Parents Jokes With Friends
Parents One Liners
Which parents one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parents? I can suggest the ones about parent teacher and parent child.
- What did the Indian kid say to his parents when he left for school Mum bai
- What are a trans parents pronouns Who/where
- My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
- My parents named me after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
- I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
- I googled "Rorschach Test" But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting
- My parents treat me like a god. They dont believe in me.
- When i was born I was so mad at my parents I didn't talk to them for two years
- My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed.
- How can you tell my parents are abusive? Beats me
- I just turned 18 and my parents tried to surprise me with a car They missed
- Hey baby are you my GPA? Because you look like you'd disappoint my parents.
- I'm an antivax parent, I want to keep my 3 children healthy
- I was going to make a depressed joke But my parents already did.
- Don't be ashamed of who you are That's your parents' job.
Parents Evening Jokes
Here is a list of funny parents evening jokes and even better parents evening puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister. Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
- My parents are so poor They can't even pay attention to me
- My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood. They didn't have real hardship.
- My parents are very unfair... they scolded me for something I didn't even do! My homework.
- Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him. That's why they aimed for his parents.
- I remember my parent's reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test It was something like Who's Lily and You aren't even in AP Biology
- A 16 year old blonde is dinning with her parents Blonde: Oh by the way I´m pregnant
Parents (simultaneously): You´re WHAT!?!
Blonde: Geez relax and eat a chill pill, I´m not even sure it´s mine - Me and my wife were contemplating abortion until we saw a commercial sealing the deal... "They'll do things their parents never even dreamed of, because these kids will grow up with Windows 10."
- Disappointment Parents: We are disappointed in you.
Son: Why?
Parents: Even the map from dora is better than you
Son: How?
Parents: Because he knows where he is going in life. - I was shocked by that story of the parents who kept even their adult children captive in the house. Personally, I couldn't wait for my kids to leave.
Meeting The Parents Jokes
Here is a list of funny meeting the parents jokes and even better meeting the parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents, Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents
- An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents Her mother says:
"You bring great Shamus to this family." - I'd really like to meet this Rorschach guy. And ask him why he has so many pictures of my parents fighting.
- I was at Walgreens this morning and I overheard an 80+ year old man tell a joke to the cashier. You know the thing about dating now is... I never get to meet their parents!
- My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment? I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."
- I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated me immediately, and I'm always extra polite, "nice to meet you, I'm Joe King."
- My girlfriend was nervous about meeting my parents. I told her that was normal. The first time I met them, I cried like a baby.
- What don't you have to do when dating an orphan? Meet their parents
- I found the perfect T-shirt to wear to meet my girlfriends' parents... ... it said "thousands of potential children died on your daughters' face last night"
- Parents: Never call people names, okay? Johnny: Got it
[later as an adult]
Her: Hi I'm Lisa
Johnny: Nice to meet you, human
Divorced Parents Jokes
Here is a list of funny divorced parents jokes and even better divorced parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents? They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
- What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced? His mom got soul custody.
- At thirteen years old, my parents were divorced. A bit young to get married if you ask me.
- They say divorce is ruining marriage, but my wife's parents are still married... ...and so are my girlfriend's.
- My parents always told me that teamwork makes the dream work! I mean they're divorced now but it worked for a while
- After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.
- I guess my parents were secret agents all along. I heard they're getting a divorce because my dad got blown by the mailman.
- Therapist: do u blame yourself for your parents divorce Me: not really
Therapist [quietly while reading through notes]: you probably should - My parents just got divorced and are fighting over custody of me. Neither of them want me.
- Parents: Kids we are getting divorced.. Kids: Yayyy! Two Christmases!
Adoptive Parents Jokes
Here is a list of funny adoptive parents jokes and even better adoptive parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm adopted and I'm glad my parents were at least honest enough to tell me. But why everyday?
- A lesbian couple asked me if I would like to make them parents. I never thought adoption could be so exciting.
- I saw an adopted kid on the street I walk up to him and ask him "Are you adopted?"
He replies "Yes, I am what gave me away"
I responded "Your parents" - On my birthday my parents gave me... up for adoption
- Did you hear the phrase one man's trash is another man's treasure? Was my favorite saying, until my parents said it to indicate I was adopted
- How did the window know he was adopted? He had trans parents.
- I asked my parents if I was adopted They said they tried, but they didn't have any takers.
- My parents didn't vaccinate their kids. Fortunately, I was adopted by them and it helped me to become their sole heir.
- When my parents told me i was adopted I asked mom dad why did you pick me was i special?
"Well yes honey out of all the children we had to choose from you where the only one that was white" - I adopted a goat the other day, but my mom said I'd have to get rid of it... I guess as long as I live with my parents, I'll have to make sacrifices.
Parents April Fools Jokes
Here is a list of funny parents april fools jokes and even better parents april fools puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "mom, dad, I have something important to tell you: I'm straight" Parents: "You do realize we just assume you're straight until you tell us otherwise, yes?"
Child: "HA! Got you! April fools!" - At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child. /u/ChodeologyPHD came up with this.
Great Parents Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about parents you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean siblings jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parents pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I couldn't join the k**... if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
Little Boy Prayer
A little boy was eating in a restaurant for his birthday, when he started eating without a prayer. His parents turn to him and say, we say a prayer before eating in our house! The little boy replies, yeah, that's in our house but here the chef knows how to cook!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to my girlfriend's house last night for a romantic night in...
It was amazing, we had a three course meal with champagne over candle light, we then snuggled up on the sofa, to watch a movie, then, when we went up stairs, I let her get changed, while I spread rose petals over the bed, then, we had the most amazing, mind blowing s**... that I've ever had, but just as I was about to finish, her parents walked in...
I am now banned from babysitting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
Who is this Rorschach guy???
And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb
I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."
My Girlfriend's Got A Puncture
My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
"How'd the session go with your new therapist?"
"It was a waste of time. He just kept showing me pictures of my parents fighting."
My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.
My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents found an s**... magazine under my brother's bed...
My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
I was wondering what my parents did without the internet
and none of my 7 siblings could tell me
A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.
The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in
"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.
My mom is such a bad actress.
A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids walks in on parents having s**...
A kid walks by his parents room and sees his parents having s**.... The dad notices his son standing there so he just winks and keeps on going. The next day the dad walks by his sons room and sees his son plowing into grandma. The kids turns to his dad and says " not so funny when it's your mom is it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do german parents send their ADD kids?
Concentration Camps
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
Two sisters
There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."
"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Christmas always s**... when I was a kid...
I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
My parents just said they want another child.
"I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied.
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today...
And that's just for the alcohol.
My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
Two boys argue over whose parents are better.
The first boy says, "My dad's better than your dad."
The other boy says, "Well, my mom is better than your mom."
The first boy pauses, "I guess you're right. My dad says the same thing."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
My girlfriends parents are very religious.
The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me
My parents can be real jerks sometimes.
Parents save more by not vaccinating their children
Baby coffins aren't that expensive compared to the costs of raising a child.
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
A wife comes home late one night
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...
She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up
Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.
My friend and I started replacing the word 'in' with 'inside'.
For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".
I wonder...
I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.
I'm not that into threesomes
If I wanted to disappoint 2 people at once, I'd just talk to my parents.
I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."
"Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside."
My parents treat me like a god
they forget I exist until they want me to do something for them
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once two girls asked me if I wanted a t**....
I told them that if I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I would just go home to my parents.
My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Parents have "the talk" with their 7 year old son.
Mom: 'Finn, your father and I have decided to have a talk about s**....'
Finn: 'Okay, what do you want to know?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Nervous about watching new Game of Thrones with my parents, due to all the s**....
Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.
I keep on taking kitchen utensils from my parents
My friends say I'll be in prison if I'm caught, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must s**... being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
I could tell that my parents hated me.
My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"
"Your parents when you move out."
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
What's the difference between a straight wedding and a gay wedding?
The reason the parents are crying.
I stole this off of Late Night w/Seth Meyers
I don't understand why people have threesomes
If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd just get lunch with my parents
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
I always used to lick the bowl clean.
Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.
Why does everyone assume that just because I'm a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent's basement?
My parents don't have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my Asian parents that i am Asexual
They were disappointed that i wasn't A+s**....
What's the hardest part about getting twenty one year olds drunk?
Slipping the booze into their baby bottles without the parents noticing
When I was young, my parents made me walk the plank..
We were too poor for a dog.
I had a tough conversation with my parents
Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight
I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.
My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed
He was going to tell his parents
My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
What's the difference between my parents and my girlfriend?
I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.
Also, my parents are real.
A boy calls 9-11.
"9-11 what is your emergency?"
The boy replied, "My parents are fighting and I'm scared.."
"Well who's your father?"
"Well that's what they're fighting about."
What's the toughest part about being Batman?
Knowing that you'll never make your parents proud.
My friend is a gay midget, who finally decided it was time to tell his parents
I was so proud of him for coming out of the cabinet!
My parents insisted that they never had a favorite child when I grew up
I'm an only child :(
Anti-Vaxx parents hate it when you call their toddler's outbursts a "temper tantrum."
They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
