Parents Jokes

179 parents jokes and hilarious parents puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about parents that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your next family gathering or parents weekend memorable with these hilarious "Parents Jokes"! Whether you're celebrating April Fools, a parents anniversary, or just need a laugh at a parents evening, these jokes are sure to make mom and dad chuckle. From cheesy dad jokes to funny parenting anecdotes, get ready to laugh at all the fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, grandpas, and grandmas in your life. There's something for every kind of parental relationship, from paternal puns to in-law jokes and beyond. Enjoy!

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Short Parents Jokes
Parents One Liners
Parents Evening Jokes
Meeting The Parents Jokes
Divorce Parents Jokes
Divorced Parents Jokes
Parents April Fools Jokes
More Parents Jokes

Funniest Parents Short Jokes

Short parents jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The parents humour may include short mom and dad jokes also.

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney world and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
My bullies broke my MP3-Player at school. Luckily, my parents bought me an MP4 for my birthday, but these idiots destroyed it again. Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
I saw a girl crying, so I asked her Where are your parents? and she started crying even more. Man, I love working at the orphanage.
I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
Having homosexual parents must be terrible Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word... ...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
Father: Son, you were adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
Remember crying as a kid and your parents told you 'I'll give you something to cry about!' and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
Gay parents are awesome! * "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"

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Parents One Liners

Which parents one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with parents? I can suggest the ones about daughter and parent teacher.

What did the Indian kid say to his parents when he left for school Mum bai
What are a trans parents pronouns Who/where
My parents told me ANYONE could become president. I didn't know it was a warning.
I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
My parents named me after my older brother. And before my younger brother.
I've decided to marry a pencil I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
I googled "Rorschach Test" But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting
My parents treat me like a god. They dont believe in me.
Raising children is hard as a trans parent They see right through me
Chinese kid was born before the due date Parents named him Sudden Lee.
Why do midgets make bad parents? Cause they struggle to put food on the table
When i was born I was so mad at my parents I didn't talk to them for two years
My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed.
How can you tell my parents are abusive? Beats me
I just turned 18 and my parents tried to surprise me with a car They missed

Parents Evening Jokes

Here is a list of funny parents evening jokes and even better parents evening puns that will make you laugh with friends.

One of my friends told me that ever since they changed genders, their kids won't even look at them anymore.. It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister. Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
My parents are so poor They can't even pay attention to me
My parents made a decent living as fisherman even though they could only afford a boat made of balsa wood. They didn't have real hardship.
My parents are very unfair... they scolded me for something I didn't even do! My homework.
My grandparents, parents, and even my siblings have chronic diarrhea... runs in the family
Even though I was born visible... I identify as trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where.
Batman is so scary, even bullets are afraid to hit him. That's why they aimed for his parents.
I remember my parent's reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test It was something like Who's Lily and You aren't even in AP Biology
I saw a kid crying in the corner once. I asked it where are your parents, it cried even more. Man I love working at an orphanage.

Meeting The Parents Jokes

Here is a list of funny meeting the parents jokes and even better meeting the parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Son, you're adopted "I Knew it! I want to meet my biological parents."
"We are your biological parents, your adoptive parents will come for you tomorrow."
Father: Son you were adopted Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents, Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents
Son, you are adopted. Son: What?! I knew it! Where are my real parents, I want to meet my real parents!
Dad: Oh, no no. We are your real parents! The new ones will arrive in 20 minutes.
An Asian woman brings her large Irish boyfriend to meet her traditional parents Her mother says:
"You bring great Shamus to this family."
A father tells his son that he is adopted The boy starts crying and screams, "I wanna meet my real parents"
Father says, "We are your real parents. Now pack your bags, they are waiting outside."
I'd really like to meet this Rorschach guy. And ask him why he has so many pictures of my parents fighting.
I was at Walgreens this morning and I overheard an 80+ year old man tell a joke to the cashier. You know the thing about dating now is... I never get to meet their parents!
My parents called a meeting just to tell me I'm really well-suited to my environment? I don't remember exactly what they said, but it was something like, "son, you're adapted."
I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated me immediately, and I'm always extra polite, "nice to meet you, I'm Joe King."

Parents joke, I've finally decided to never get married. The minute I met any of my girlfriends parents they hated

Divorce Parents Jokes

Here is a list of funny divorce parents jokes and even better divorce parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.

How are republicans and democrats like divorced parents? They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
What happened to Casper the friendly ghost after his parents got divorced? His mom got soul custody.
At thirteen years old, my parents were divorced. A bit young to get married if you ask me.
They say divorce is ruining marriage, but my wife's parents are still married... ...and so are my girlfriend's.
My parents always told me that teamwork makes the dream work! I mean they're divorced now but it worked for a while
After my parents got divorced my little sister gained a lot of weight I hope they don't make fun of her at school... She has enough on her plate.
I guess my parents were secret agents all along. I heard they're getting a divorce because my dad got blown by the mailman.
Therapist: do u blame yourself for your parents divorce Me: not really
Therapist [quietly while reading through notes]: you probably should
My parents just got divorced and are fighting over custody of me. Neither of them want me.
Parents: Kids we are getting divorced.. Kids: Yayyy! Two Christmases!

Divorced Parents Jokes

Here is a list of funny divorced parents jokes and even better divorced parents puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Your parents' divorce was so bad you had 3 Christmases.
Republicans & Democrats are like divorced parents who care more about getting the kids to hate the other one than they are their well-being.
Why do some parents divorce after playing Overwatch? Because it makes a widow out of them.
Are your parents divorced? - No
- Oh, it's odd how that seems like a 50/50 nowadays, just like my parents custody
What does a child get when their parents get divorced a choice
Parallel lines have so much in common... Just like my parents, but they're still divorced.
Parents Get Divorced.. Nobody wants custody.
Your parents divorced And it was your fault.
I caught Momma kissing Santa Claus Now my parents are divorced.
Parents Get Divorced... No one wants him.

Parents April Fools Jokes

Here is a list of funny parents april fools jokes and even better parents april fools puns that will make you laugh with friends.

"mom, dad, I have something important to tell you: I'm straight" Parents: "You do realize we just assume you're straight until you tell us otherwise, yes?"
Child: "HA! Got you! April fools!"
At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child. /u/ChodeologyPHD came up with this.

Parents joke, At least my parents April fools joke wasn't a child.

Great Parents Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends

What funny jokes about parents you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mates jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make parents pranks.

I couldn't join the k**... if I wanted to, my bloodline isn't pure enough.

Turns out my parents weren't even related.

Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, I'll give you a reason to cry!?"

I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

Little Boy Prayer

A little boy was eating in a restaurant for his birthday, when he started eating without a prayer. His parents turn to him and say, we say a prayer before eating in our house! The little boy replies, yeah, that's in our house but here the chef knows how to cook!"

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having s**........

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"

Who is this Rorschach guy???

And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

I wanted to have a t**.....

..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.

My Girlfriend's Got A Puncture

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."

I never want to have a t**...,

If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents.

Which s**... position produces the ugliest kids?

Ask your parents.

t**...? No thanks

If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.

My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week.

My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.

My parents always tell me that their world doesn't revolve around me

I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(

A German baby's parents are concerned that he never speaks...

It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"
"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."

My parents found an s**... magazine under my brother's bed...

My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."

I saw a raggedy little boy on the street and asked him if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

Watching a s**... scene with my parents is so awkward.

My mom is such a bad actress.

A 13 year old boy has difficulty with mathematics, failing in public school.

His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"

People say to me Jesus was not Jewish

## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either

I used to be a telemarketer

I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."

Two sisters

There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."
"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.

My parents just said they want another child.

"I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied.

Person asked me If I wanted to have a t**...

I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.

It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today...

And that's just for the alcohol.

My parents asked me if I wanted to watch Dumb and Dumber with them tonight..

When I went downstairs the debate was on.

I thought of having a t**...

But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents

My parents always warned me about having s**... before marriage...

But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.

My girlfriends parents are very religious.

The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.

I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I can take a look around, but they said "no" and slammed the door on me

My parents can be real jerks sometimes.

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

I thought me and my girlfriend had something. She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Now suddenly...

She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography...

I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up

Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.

My girlfriend's parents are very religious

The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame because he is very attractive.

My friend and I started replacing the word 'in' with 'inside'.

For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside."

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

Nervous about watching new Game of Thrones with my parents, due to all the s**....

Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.

What do you call a child with redheaded parents?

Ginger-bred

I passed a kid sat on the side of the road dressed in rags earlier.

I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He replied, "Yes. What gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."

A teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents.

They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."

Your parents in 1996: Don't trust ANYONE on the Internet.

Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.

Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.

After 10 years, the wife thinks their kid looks kind of strange

She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."

Why does everyone assume that just because I'm a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent's basement?

My parents don't have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

I told my Asian parents that i am Asexual

They were disappointed that i wasn't A+s**....

I had a tough conversation with my parents

Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight

I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is r**........this should be an interesting night.

Teacher at parents meeting :

- Your boy was caught smoking m**... !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?

My new puppy just bit the neighbors kid so we had to have it killed

He was going to tell his parents

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

What's the difference between my parents and my girlfriend?

I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.
Also, my parents are real.

What s**... position creates the ugliest children?