Following is our collection of funny Parents jokes. There are some parents dad jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these parents why parents get gray puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Tomorrow, I'll bring an MP5.
Turns out my parents weren't even related.
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
...I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.
I asked my 10 brothers and sisters, but they don't know either.
Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
A little boy was eating in a restaurant for his birthday, when he started eating without a prayer. His parents turn to him and say, we say a prayer before eating in our house! The little boy replies, yeah, that's in our house but here the chef knows how to cook!"
his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"
And why did he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
-Rob DenBleyker
I said, "Awww, are you an orphan"?
He said, "Yes, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents."
You can explore parents paternal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean parents custody dad jokes. There are also parents puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
..but then I came to the realization, if I wanted to disappoint two people I'd just have dinner with my parents.
My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
Beats me
If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents.
Ask your parents.
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would have dinner with my parents.
My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays.
I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
It has gotten to the point where he is five years old and has said not a word, so his parents take him to the doctor. Everything's fine, he's healthy, not messed in the head. So then one day the German baby is having some apfelstrudel when he says "mother, zis strudel is quite tepid." The parents are amazed! "Wolfgang, you've finally spoken after all these years! What's happened?"
"Up until now, everyzing has been satisfactory."
My dad said, "Well, spanking him is out of the question."
I said, "Your parents."
Cause they struggle to put food on the table
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
and none of my 7 siblings could tell me
My mom is such a bad actress.
His parents were not religious but after a friend's suggestion they felt a private Catholic school may be more effective. His grades began to rise dramatically after this switch. Asked what has helped him so much, he responded
"When I saw the guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B
## I say ofcourse he was Jewish
+ 30 years old, Single, Living at home with his parents
+ Working in his father's business
+ His mother thought he was God's gift
## He's Jewish. Give it up
****
_by Robin Williams_
Happy Birthday Robin!
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
There were once two sisters, one called Petal and one called Fridge. One day, Petal asks her parents, "Why did you call me Petal?" and they replied "Because just after you were born, a petal fell on you."
"Bllaaarrarararraraaarg", says Fridge from the corner.
"I'd love a sibling!" I said.
"That's not what we meant." they replied.
I said no thanks if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
And that's just for the alcohol.
When I went downstairs the debate was on.
But then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents
But somehow I'm in their wedding picture.
Fortunately they missed.
The first time I was at their house her father said we weren't allowed to sleep together. It was a bit of a shame, he was very attractive.
Parents named him Sudden Lee.
My parents can be real jerks sometimes.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job".
It was an autobiography...
Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.
The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together.
Which is a shame because he is very attractive.
* "Hey dad, why is my sister named rose?"
* "Because your other dad loves roses"
* "Thanks dad"
* "No problem, Richard"
They missed
For example, if we wanted to say, "it's in the fridge", we'd instead say "it's inside the fridge".
One day, my parents caught onto this. They asked me why I was saying "inside" instead of "in".
I responded,
"it's an inside joke".
"Okay, that's fine." they replied.
I added, "Your luggage is outside."
They dont believe in me.
What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.
Hopefully if I turn the volume up loud I won't hear them.
Ginger-bred
They were appalled by his leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos, and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," the mother said, "he doesn't seem very nice."
"Oh please, Mom," the daughter replied. "If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 200 hours of community service?"
I didn't talk to them for two years
"Your parents when you move out."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
Your parents in 2017: Freedom Eagle dot Facebook says Hillary invented AIDS.
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
My parents don't have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.
They were disappointed that i wasn't A+sexual.
Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.
But all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting
I didn't know it was a warning.
My parents did.
- Your boy was caught smoking marijuana !!!
The mother :
- Oh my God. I wonder where he found it from ??
- He said he got it from his best friend.
The father, wiping a happy tear :
- My boy really said that ... ?
He was going to tell his parents
Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.
I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.
Also, my parents are real.
Ask your parents.
They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
Parents: "arson?"
Police officer: "yes, your son"
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
Son: I knew it I want to meet my real parents
Father: We are your real parents your new ones are coming in 20 minutes
and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Either you are wearing a mask or your parents are dead.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the hell have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
Because you look like you'd disappoint my parents.
Luckily, his boyfriend talked him out of it
My parents are the worst.
And before my younger brother.
They care more about you hating the other person than they do about your well-being.
...so tonight I'm dropping her off at her parents.
Timmy notices Tommy has a new watch when he sees him in the playground. Where'd you get the watch? Asked Timmy. Tommy replied, I walked in on my parents having sex. When my dad saw me, he threw me his watch and told me to get out.
Timmy thought this was a great idea. So, that night when his parents were going at it, Timmy made his move and walked in on them mid-stroke. Timmy's dad sees him and yells what do you want!?! I wanna watch says Timmy. His dad sighed and said, Alright, go stand in the corner.
Teenaged son: dad I want to have a Batman party with my friends
Dad: aren't you a bit old for a theme party ?
Teenaged son: no. The theme is, No Parents.
i got frowned by my parents because i got B+ for my test
it was blood test
And I told her parents are required by the law to send kids to school and if they don't then they'll go to jail for breaking the law. My sweet child with a solemn look on her face looked me in the eye and said Mom I'll visit you.
What's so wrong with underage drinking anyways
What is that glowing ball in the sky and why does it hurt my eyes?
My homework.
The teacher asks the class to tell about something that happened in their family recently. When it is Johnny's turn. he walks to the board and draws two periods ". ." The teacher asks him to explain. He says"My sister missed these and my parents are real upset."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the parents boy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working parents grandparent piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.